Category Archives: humor

January 24, 2017 · 1:03 am

MARK ZUCKERBERG, WHITE MALE OPPRESSOR, SUES NATIVE HAWAIIANS TO GET THEIR LAND

mark zuckerberg

*** * ONE PERCENTER MARK “SKIPPY” ZUCKERBERG *** *

One percenter and bloated rich pig Mark “Skippy” Zuckerberg, CEO of Fakebook and prime example of NeoColonialism, is suing HUNDREDS of kamaaina Hawaiians to force them to sale him their land. The suit is supposedly being filed because Zuckerberg wants more privacy. Privacy that he feels isn’t enough as long as those Hawaiians retain their perfectly legal rights to that land.

Zuckerberg spoke to a non-existent reporter for Balladeer’s Blog and said “Hey, when you have a lot of money you can pull strings so that the corporate media doesn’t lay a glove on you when you oppress people of color like this.”

Skippy Zuckerberg then admitted it was in bad taste to be using native Hawaiian children as human footrests like he was doing while talking to this non-existent reporter. After kicking the unfortunate children and telling them to “Get lost, punks” Zuckerberg offered further insight regarding his unconscionable behavior.

george-soros-alone

MM… . … …  GEORGE “WHAT NAZIS?” SOROS … …

“People like me, George Soros, Carlos Slim and a few others, we can do things like this whenever and wherever we want, then five minutes later we’ll be lecturing the poor and the working class for opposing illegal immigration. We can kill negative stories about ourselves virtually at will … Hell, look how Soros has REAL Nazi connections yet it seems like he’s the ONLY guy who never gets called Hitler.” Continue reading →

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January 20, 2017 · 9:05 pm

MARIKAS (421 B.C.) – ANCIENT GREEK COMEDY

EupolisBalladeer’s Blog presents another look at an ancient Greek Comedy. This time around it’s one written by Eupolis who – along with Aristophanes and Cratinus – was one of the Big Three of Attic Old Comedy.

MARIKAS (c 421 B.C.) – This was the second comedy to emerge in the new subgenre of Attic Old Comedy called “the Demagogue Comedy”. Aristophanes led the way a few years earlier with The Knights, his comedy attacking the politician Cleon. The play Marikas finds Eupolis attacking the demagogue Hyperbolus, whose reputation for character assassination by way of overstatement lives on in our language by way of the word “hyperbole”.  

As with most ancient Greek comedies Marikas has survived only in fragmentary form. Those fragments, along with contemporary references in surviving works, provide what is known about the play. Marikas, the title character, was used by Eupolis to represent the politician Hyperbolus the same way Aristophanes had used the Paphlagonian to represent Cleon in The Knights.

The ancient Greek comedies made a point of breaking the fourth wall on a regular basis (despite the way so many people have convinced themselves that that is a “postmodern” development) and Marikas opened up with a character assuring the audience that the play they were about to see was NOT just a rehashing of The Knights. Continue reading →

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January 19, 2017 · 9:00 pm

PRESIDENTIAL ACTION AND HORROR FILMS

George WashingtonGEORGE WASHINGTON BATTLES THE BERSERKERS – During the brutal winter at Valley Forge General George Washington must contend with more than just the elements and the distant British army. The Hessian troops the Redcoats have imported from the German- speaking world have unleashed a master plan to overrun the Continental Army once and for all.

Their ranks boast a dabbler in Nordic magic and he’s concocted a mushroom-heavy formula to transform all the Hessians into furious berserkers like those of the Viking age! George is having none of it of course, and plans to turn the Pennsylvania snow red with the blood of these latter-day berserkers of the ancient Germanic god Woden.

All this plus a gay love affair between Washington and Alexander Hamilton just to guarantee lots of free publicity! 

John AdamsJOHN ADAMS: WITCHSLAYER – Remember the tale of young John Adams defending a 1700s Wiccan priestess when he was a lawyer? This movie would proceed from the notion that the young witch went on to involve Adams in a battle royal with an evil coven of dark witches who were giving paganism a bad name!

Using an aresenal of mystic weapons provided by the priestess he defended John goes on to lay the thirteen witches and warlocks of the dark coven in their graves! Throw in an Continue reading →

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January 19, 2017 · 1:48 am

TITLES FOR A HILLARY CLINTON BIOPIC

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. … … “Hey, big SPEN-DERRRRRR!” … … .

You have got to love the HILARIOUS news about the way bribes funneled to career criminal Hillary Clinton via her fake charity are drying up completely now that she was defeated in her attempt to steal the presidency.

What better time to ponder possible titles for the inevitable exercise in hagiography that Hillary’s clueless and uninformed Hollywood worshippers will no doubt concoct?

SHOW ME THE MONEY!

NO WAYS HONEST: THE LIFE OF HILLARY CLINTON

HAVE PANTSUIT, WILL PANDER

HILLARY CLINTON: THE PRESIDENT OF CALIFORNIA (… WELL, AT LEAST THE PRESIDENT OF CALIFORNIA’S ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT VOTERS)

WEALTHY WHITE WOMAN: HILLARY CLINTON’S STRUGGLE TO OVERCOME OPPRESSION
Continue reading →

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January 12, 2017 · 11:22 pm

CASABLANCA CAPTIONING

FINALLY, ON THE 87TH TAKE, EVERYTHING SEEMED PERFECT ... UNTIL HENRI SUFFERED AN UNFORTUNATE ERUPTION OF FLATULENCE.FINALLY, ON THE 87TH TAKE, EVERYTHING SEEMED PERFECT … UNTIL HENRI SUFFERED AN UNFORTUNATE ERUPTION OF FLATULENCE.

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January 11, 2017 · 7:29 pm

CNN REPORTS OBAMA WAS THE ONE PAYING TO BE URINATED ON

obama-defeated-by-putin-again-and-againIn keeping with the standards set by America’s corporate media here’s the latest word regarding their obsession with politicians who pay to be urinated upon by sex workers. Once again the hatred that bloated rich pigs feel toward President-Elect Donald Trump has backfired.

CNN reports that BARACK OBAMA IS REALLY THE ONE WHO PAYS TO BE URINATED ON! Michelle Obama confirmed all this, stating that this disgusting fetish of Obama’s was one of the many reasons she stopped having sex with Barack years ago. That and his insistence that she dress him up as a baby complete with a diaper. 

obama-is-a-urophiliacBarack now calls himself “An out and proud urophiliac.”

He added with a smile: Continue reading →

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January 8, 2017 · 9:13 pm

ELVIS PRESLEY: ROCK’N’ROLL VS THE REDCOATS

Elvis IS General Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans

Elvis IS General Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans

January 8th of each year always represents the general rift that separates American pop culture from alleged “high culture”. On the one hand it’s Elvis Presley’s birthday. On the other hand it’s also the anniversary of the Battle of New Orleans, in which General (and future President) Andrew Jackson teamed up with French pirate Jean Lafitte to hand the British their worst defeat in the War of 1812.

It’s not tough to guess which event gets more attention year in and year out, but cult director Eddie Wozniak took a break from the film world to write, produce and direct this musical comedy.

General Jackson as a one-man USO show for his battle-hardened troops

General Jackson as a one-man USO show for his battle-hardened troops

Rock’N’Roll vs the Redcoats is Wozniak’s hilarious but educational fusion of Elvis’ birthday with the martial anniversary. The musical comedy depicts the events of 1815 as they might have been depicted in an Elvis Presley movie with an actual Elvis impersonator in the lead role. So basically the star of Rock’N’Roll vs the Redcoats is a man playing Elvis Presley playing General Andrew Jackson. Continue reading →

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January 8, 2017 · 1:30 am

CHANGE OF HABIT (1969)

Change of Habit bCHANGE OF HABIT (1969) – This review is in honor of Elvis Presley’s birthday. Change of Habit is a movie that was practically MADE to be ridiculed. You’ve got Elvis Presley, never exactly a master thespian, his sideburns, which out-perform him in this flick and Mary Tyler Moore as a nun torn between her vows and her growing attraction to The King.

Elvis himself plays a doctor named John Carpenter (yes, like the horror film director), making his initials J.C., just like another famous Jewish carpenter … Jacob Cohen. Dr Elvis runs a practice in the ghetto, which should probably be rendered THE GHETTO instead, given the ham-fisted and stereotypical depiction of the neighborhood and its inhabitants.

Elvis’ character  – if you can make it out behind his usual one-note performance – is supposed to be the perfect made-for-film physician: good looking, compassionate and willing to buck the system in order to help his patients. … And, of course, he sings.

Mary Tyler Moore’s Sister Michelle is accompanied by her sister nuns Sister Barbara, played by Jane Elliott in the years before she was a Soap Opera queen, and Sister Irene, played by African-American actress and singer Barbara McNair.

The Catholic Action Committee sends the trio of nuns to help out at Dr Elvis’ clinic so they go “undercover” by hiding the fact that they’re nuns and instead dressing and acting like “regular people”. They do this because they’re convinced the patients will trust them more if they don’t know that the three are nuns. Continue reading →

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January 6, 2017 · 11:35 pm

STAR WARS EPISODE EIGHT SPOILERS II

harrison-ford

… … The elderly hobo who gave me this scoop. … …

Balladeer’s Blog has plenty of top sources in the industry, and of course by the industry I mean the business. Last January one of those sources leaked some spoilers to me about Star Wars Episode Eight: Attack of the Twelve Death Stars.

Strangely enough, a shabby old homeless guy was the source of this second set of spoilers. One of my other highly-placed sources assured me they knew a guy who had a lot of inside information about the new Star Wars films and arranged a secret meeting on a street corner.

Frankly the elderly hobo who showed up at the assigned place made me skeptical at first but maybe he was just in disguise because his info turned out to be rock solid and verifiable. I gave the guy a dollar to help him maintain his cover as a confused beggar and went on my way.

SPOILERS: THE SENSES-SHATTERING ORIGIN OF THE JEDI KNIGHTS – Luke Skywalker really HAS discovered the very first Jedi Temple on that island where Rey found him at the end of Episode Seven.

From the relics Luke examined he learned that the Jedi Knights were originally formed as a performance dance troupe. Their planet of origin was the site of that temple and, like all planets in the Star Wars universe every square inch of it is the same. This planet is composed of endless seas broken up here and there by islands with stone staircases on them.

The Jedi Knights were renowned for their dance moves, especially their back-flips and display of the “one-armed man’s jazz hands” stance. As time went on the pack of appealing, androgynous dancers wanted to spice up their act, so they invented batons that had lasers coming out both ends.

These “light batons” looked dazzling as the Jedi Knights twirled them around while dancing. The only down side was that if you weren’t careful the lasers could cut off one of your own limbs or the limbs of one of your co-dancers. Eons before those light batons began to be used as weapons there was already a tradition of Jedi Knights cutting each other’s hands, arms and legs off. Continue reading →

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January 4, 2017 · 12:17 am

MORE HILARIOUSLY WRONG PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

nuke-the-moonThe readers of Balladeer’s Blog have spoken! You enjoyed the first go-round of these nuggets so much I’m posting this second helping right now!

IRENE HUGHES – In 1978 she predicted:

— In 1980 Russia would land Cosmonauts on the moon to conduct nuclear weapons tests and international outrage over the incident would result in bloodshed.

— Specifically in January of 1980 San Francisco would suffer an earthquake even more severe than the 1906 earthquake that devastated the city.

jimmy-carter-and-michael-jackson— Jimmy Carter would get reelected with a black Vice Presidential candidate replacing Walter Mondale on the ticket.

— The next passing of Halley’s Comet in the 1980s would result in massive upheavals on Earth such as earthquakes, tsunamis and the outbreak of multiple wars.

— The U.S. President would die of natural causes in or near Russia in 1981. Continue reading →

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