Category Archives: humor

AND TWENTY MORE FAILED PREDICTIONS BY PSYCHICS

Balladeer’s Blog once again shamelessly panders gives readers what they want with yet ANOTHER list of Twenty Failed Predictions By Psychics.

Post ApocalypseBERKELEY PSYCHIC INSTITUTE (For 1975-1981)

*** In 1978 a war would break out between the Soviet Union and Germany. Several smaller countries would be drawn into the conflict and ultimately a new government would rise in the Soviet Union.

*** In 1976 the President of Mexico along with members of his family and two of his ministers would be assassinated, ending in the overthrow of the government.

*** Around 1978 or 1979 a Slovakian avatar would appear. This figure would operate on a psychic level and some time later would manifest himself as God. (Remember when that happened? Good times.) 

Mascot new look*** On May 26th, 1977 a war over fishing rights would break out between the Soviet Union and Greenland with nuclear torpedoes being used.

*** In 1980 several icebergs near the North Pole would break apart, revealing the remains of an advanced ancient civilization. Among the items that the submarine explorers would find would be machines, a time capsule and possibly materials from another planet revealing that they kicked off life on Earth. A giant glowing ball radiating tremendous energy would drive away the explorers. Continue reading

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LEAP DAY MILESTONES

Charles “The Bearded Badass” Darwin

Some things happen only once every four years – things like Democrat Joe Biden having a coherent thought and Republican Mitt Romney prying his head out of his ass. Another one of those things would be February 29th: Leap Day. Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at some of the milestone events that got cheated out of a yearly anniversary by happening on this date.

1704 – French provocateurs and Native Americans attack Deerfield, MA and kill roughly 50 inhabitants while abducting 100. Ronald Reagan’s ancestor recommends selling arms to Persia to secure the release of the abductees. Elizabeth Warren’s ancestor recommends killing all the Native Americans and then claiming to BE part Native American when it’s monetarily or politically convenient.

1712 – In Sweden February 29th is followed by February 30th to help usher in the new calendar system … and because Al Sharpton’s ancestor demanded an extra day in February to make Black History Month a little bit longer.  

1720 – Back to Sweden, where Queen Ulrica Eleonora resigns following general public ridicule of her name “Ulrica”. I’m kidding! But she did resign.

1784 – In France, the Marquis de Sade is transferred from the fortress of Vincennes to the Bastille in exchange for 3 other sadists and a masochist to be named later.

1832 – Charles Darwin explores the Brazilian jungle and gets a great idea for how he can screw with religious nuts even long after he’s dead.

1836 – In Paris, Meyerbeers’ opera Les Huguenots premieres. Nobody cared back then either. Continue reading

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ANOTHER TWENTY FAILED PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

masc graveyard newAmong the most popular posts here at Balladeer’s Blog are this series of items regarding comical – sometimes hilarious – failed predictions from psychics. In the spirit of shameless pandering, here’s another!

ETHEL JOHNSON MEYERS

*** In the late 1970s or early 1980s Communist China will use atomic bombs in the United States.

*** Mao Tse-tung will die by 1973.

Nuclear Explosion With Orange Mushroom CloudDOCTOR N (This was the actual alias of a supposed physician and/or psychiatrist who did not want their identity known when they gave predictions.)

*** The Communist Chinese will bomb San Francisco on December 29th, 1970.

*** The United States and China will be at war by 1972 at the latest. America’s west coast states will become uninhabitable by radioactive fallout from something called “water blasts.” By the war’s end most of the U.S. will be destroyed and 190 million Chinese people would be dead.

*** By 1972 a Dr Martin will discover a cure for cancer. Continue reading

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AMERICAN PRESIDENTS: EISENHOWER TO TRUMP

It’s Presidents Day Weekend! Here are some of Balladeer’s Blog’s takes on the more recent presidents.  

EisenhowerDWIGHT EISENHOWER

Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.

Military Service: World War One and World War Two

Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember,  the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)

Nickname: Uncle Milty

Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pasttime. 

Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”. Continue reading

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VICE PRESIDENTS – JOKES ABOUT THESE ULTIMATE SECOND BANANAS

John Adams

John Adams

Since it’s Presidents Day Weekend here’s another seasonal post.

John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.”

In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc. 

aaron-burrAARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to start his own country than any other Vice President. (So far, anyway.)

Best Burr Quote: “I’m still searching for the real killers of Alexander Hamilton.” 

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: P-Funk and Funkadelic Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of his loyalist cousin Sir Henry Clinton during the Revolutionary War. Continue reading

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CASH GRAB AND DOWNCAST 2: A PAIR OF GRAPHIC NOVEL SENSATIONS

Cash GrabBalladeer’s Blog is telling you this: From now on, instead of BC and AD, years will be recorded in terms of BCG and ACG, as in Before Cash Grab and After Cash Grab. Well, maybe not. But you will always remember where you were and what the weather was like and what you were wearing when you first heard about Cash Grab: The Graphic Novel by Cecil

Cash Grab, by internet cult figure Cecil of Cecil Says fame, has launched on Indiegogo. Reserve your copy now! If you miss the kind of gloriously irreverent – some might say sickening – humor of Mad Magazine or Marvel’s Teen Hulk from Crazy, you can find it in this graphic novel. Continue reading

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TWENTY LOSING PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES

mascot new look donkey and elephant headsBalladeer’s Blog will be featuring plenty of Top 20 lists in honor of the year 2020. Here’s one featuring 10 Democrats and 10 Republicans yet you know partisans will accuse me of favoring one or the other party in this list. What can ya do? Anyway, in no particular order:

James M CoxJAMES M COX (Lost to Harding)

Gang Affiliation: Democrat 

Motto: “But Harding said ‘NORMALCY’ for God’s sake!”

Nickname: The Man Who Ran With Franklin Roosevelt As His Vice Presidential Candidate. 

Pro: Was so manly even his last name was phallic. 

Con: Founded Cox Communications, vowing that someday his company’s unsympathetic and unprofessional Cable Company employees would make the country pay for not electing him.

No man is good three timesWENDELL WILKIE (Lost to FDR in 1940)

Gang Affiliation: Republican

Motto: “No man is good three times.” For once I’m using the REAL motto that the person ran under for president. Wilkie’s campaign was referring to the way FDR was running for President for the third time in a row, hence the “three times.” Given the cultural taboos of the time it was apparently NOT intended as a dirty double-entendre but these days we can’t think of it any other way.

Nickname: The Guy Who Wasn’t Good Once, Let Alone Three Times

Pro: Was open-minded enough to plan with FDR the possible formation of a third major Political Party once World War Two was over.

Con: Died even before Roosevelt did, tragically depriving America of that Third Party that might have forever changed history with two such prominent men pushing it. 

Continue reading

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