Category Archives: humor

KATY PERRY TELLS HER FANS TO EMBRACE TRUMP FANS AND SAY “I LOVE YOU”

Katy PerryWow! What kind of fool thinks you can actually address the problems of the real world with brainless, sugar-coated nonsense like this! Doesn’t she realize there are some people who won’t care what feelings you express toward them?

Doesn’t Krazy Katy understand that sometimes you are dealing with irredeemably destructive people who have no intention of reciprocating any civilized gestures made toward them? When dealing with such hatred and savagery does Katy seriously think this kind of warmed-over mush can accomplish anything?

I can’t even … OMG and LOL, dude! BLOCKED! Continue reading

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HILLARY CLINTON: TEN DRINK MINIMUM

hillary-drink-in-handCalifornia President Hillary Clinton has become a caricature of herself! Her frantic “Blame Everybody Else For Me Losing” Tour continues! I attended Crooked Hillary’s performance last night. Her one-woman show is titled The Hatred That Seethes Within Me Will Animate My Crooked, Rotted Carcass Long Enough To Run Again in 2020.

Hillary confusedWow! And you thought The Effect of Gamma Rays On Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds was a mouthful! Anyway, Hillary was on her game, which of course means that she drank constantly, slurred her words, fell down a lot, had long coughing jags, then lied and lied and lied over and over again.

It’s rare for real life to feature a vile figure like Hillary getting her comeuppance so enjoy it! The whole world should be grateful that United States President Donald Trump kept both Hillary Clinton AND Jeb Bush out of the Oval Office!

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HEROIC IRAQI FAISAL SAEED AL-MUTAR SATIRIZES LEFT-WING RELUCTANCE TO TAKE ON MUSLIM TERRORISM

Faisal defeating ISISMy fellow atheists Richard Dawkins and Iraqi-born Faisal Saeed Al Mutar are often quoted here at Balladeer’s Blog because of their outspoken treatment of Islam as another irrational religion that needs criticized.

The following is Faisal’s hilarious and TIMELESS take on the way Left-Wing Archie Bunkers and Faculty Lounge Fascists hypocritically avoid linking terrorist attacks to Islam even when the attackers themselves openly make the connection:  

Perfectly put! Faisal is also noteworthy for: Continue reading

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ALIEN: COVENANT – YOU’LL LAUGH TIL YOU CRY

alien covenantALIEN: COVENANT (2017) – Balladeer’s Blog’s sources in the industry – and by the industry I mean the business – have assured me that when the very first public showing of Alien: Covenant was over Ridley Scott stood up, faced the preview audience and defiantly said “Now you tell me that’s not funny!”

Turns out there’s a little Mel Brooks lurking inside Ridley Scott, who decided to do to his own Alien and Prometheus films what Brooks did to Star Wars with his Space Balls movie. Looked at in that light Alien: Covenant is pure comedy gold!

Remember how in Alien an interstellar crew gets detoured to a deadly site by a coded distress signal that’s really a warning? Well, in Alien: Covenant an interstellar crew gets detoured to a deadly site by a broadcast of THE JOHN DENVER SONG COUNTRY ROADS, TAKE ME HOME! Hilarious, right? Sure, it’s a little derivative of the aliens in Mars Attacks getting killed by Slim Whitman songs but c’mon, cut Ridley some slack!

alien covenant 2Director Scott even takes a not-so-subtle poke at the whole “Newt and Hicks die right off the bat in Alien 3″ debacle. He has reasonably famous actor James Franco play the ship’s captain and – get this – Franco’s character dies after about a minute and a half when his cryo-sleep coffin catches fire! Too funny! (But I feel the merchandising tie-in with James Franco Briquettes is a little tasteless!)

And remember how we all laughed during Prometheus when the crew all took their helmets off on an alien body as if it was perfectly okay? Well this time around Ridley Scott has the crew NOT EVEN BOTHER TO WEAR HELMETS IN THE FIRST PLACE! They just traipse blithely about as if they’d never even HEARD of Security Protocols.

(We know that they have heard of them because sly ol’ funny man Ridley has these dweebs refer to them at one point in the ultimate example of irony. I mean it, dude, not even Leslie Nielsen could have delivered the reference to Security Protocols any more straight-faced than these folks! )  Continue reading

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MOCK NEWS STORIES: SOME EXCERPTS

truth is the new hate speechBalladeer’s Blog takes a break from mock headlines to do random lines from mock news stories.

*** “You’re making us feel unsafe,” the howling mob of Democrats screamed as they  savagely beat the elderly, handicapped Trump supporter.  

*** “And, in what the UK government is calling Operation: Watership Down, the authorities will be clamping down on anyone caught expressing anger against the perpetrators of the latest terrorist attack. ‘Masochistic self-flagellation and empty bromides about coexistence are the ONLY permissible responses,’ Theresa May warned.

*** “George Will and Bill Kristol praised Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan for his ongoing efforts to – as Will put it ‘Thwart the will of the voters and return the GOP to its proper role as the party of stuffy, clueless white men in suits.’ This was followed by Kristol jumping in with ‘Damn Trump for attracting more African-American and Latino voters than just about any other Republican has in nearly a century.”

*** “Mrs Clinton nodded and agreed that she has to publicly perpetuate the possibility of running again in 2020 in order to keep bribes flowing her way.”

*** “In general the decision itself was considered bad enough but the 4th Circuit Judges went further and said ‘We considered literally urinating on the graves of all the dead victims of Muslim terror attacks, especially from phony refugees, but decided that doing so might push you sheep to the point where you finally realize how thoroughly we laugh at you each and every day … Don’t be late paying your taxes now, you hear!”

“And, they added with glee, ‘DON’T YOU PEASANTS EVER FORGET THAT THE CONSTITUTION PROTECTS THE MUSLIM FASCISTS WHO WANT TO KILL YOU, BUT NEVER YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES!”   Continue reading

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THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING!

Russians are comingCOMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU

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PYTINE aka THE WINE FLASK (423 B.C.)

CRATINUS

Cratinus

Welcome to another Balladeer’s Blog post on ancient Greek comedies. If Pytine was an episode of Friends it would be titled The One Where Cratinus Fires Back At Aristophanes. This play is also known under English language titles like Wine Flask, Flagon, The Bottle, and others along those lines.

Cratinus, seen at left posing for the Attic Old Disco soundtrack album for Saturday Night Fever (Travolta stole all his moves from Cratinus, by the way) and galvanized by the tongue-in- cheek caricature that Aristophanes presented of a drunken, washed- up Cratinus in his previous year’s comedy The Knights, turned that caricature into the premise of his final comedy.

THE PLAY

From the fragments of Pytine that remain it seems Cratinus had an actor portraying himself (Cratinus) as the booze-soaked Grand Old Man of Attic comedy at the time. I always picture the character as a cross between Dudley Moore in Arthur and Tom Conti in Reuben, Reuben. Anyway, in the play Cratinus is  married either to Thalia, the Muse of Comedy or to simply a female personification of Comedy.  

Comedy complains to Cratinus’ friends, who make up the chorus, that she wants to take her husband to court for abandonment. She states that he is neglecting their marital bed because he has been spending too much time sleeping around with Methe, in this comedy a personification of  Drunkenness.

Academic opinion varies on whether or not Methe is supposed to be a hot young woman or a hot young man, and since this is an ancient Greek comedy it definitely could go either way. Not enough of the comedy survives to make it clear so Methe’s gender will remain a controversy.

Cratinus’ friends plot to save their buddy’s marriage by stopping him from drinking. They enact their “intervention” by smashing every last one of his containers of wine, and some of the comedy came from how many different types of vessels Cratinus had been hiding his booze in.

Cratinus counters the destruction of all his drinking vessels by purchasing a pytine, a very durable wine flask reinforced with wicker. The pytine is so strong it will withstand all the friends’ attempts to destroy it, thus foiling their plan to save Cratinus’ marriage to Comedy or the muse Thalia. 

Cratinus defends his drinking by saying wine is the source of all his poetic inspiration (the comedies were all in verse). This line of reasoning sets up the most famous line from Pytine when Cratinus says “You’ll never write great poetry if all you drink is water.”   Continue reading

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