Tag Archives: movies

SON OF INDIANA JONES

Chris PrattWith the news that Steven Spielberg will no longer be directing the bizarre film project Indiana Jones 5, a few readers asked me for Balladeer’s Blog’s take.

In the past I’ve mentioned how foolish it is to think that Harrison Ford MUST play Indy in all the movies. James Bond and Tarzan are just two recurring heroes that have survived multiple casting changes over the years.

The obvious move long ago would have been to cast a younger actor – say, Chris Pratt – as Indiana Jones and detail some of his earlier adventures. I love the Roaring Twenties so I think it would have been great to see Dr Jones’ activities in that decade.

Since it would be before Raiders of the Lost Ark even Belloq (maybe Gary Oldman) could appear in a few installments. I can’t possibly be alone in wanting to see some of those “many stimulating encounters” that Belloq referred to having with Indy in Raiders.

Belloq was French, so do a story with Dr Jones searching for a lost relic in 1920s Vietnam. Belloq’s hoity-toity family could be among the French plantation owners there, helping to set up a clash with our hero. Or have the two vying with each other to recover ancient Russian artifacts from violent factions of Red and White Russians in the years after the Russian Civil War. Any number of things.

Mascot sword and pistolOne of the main things I hate about keeping Harrison Ford as Indy is the fact that Ford’s age requires the setting to be the 1950s or 1960s. Those decades are far too late for the “homage to 1930s pulp and serial heroes” charm of the original Indiana Jones trilogy.

Back in 2008, instead of the awful Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls, they could have made Son of Indiana Jones. Chris Pratt – or anyone else NOT named Shia Lebouf, who is shia venny talent – could have been the son of Indy and Marion, named Gemini Jones or Mercury Jones or something similar. Continue reading

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Filed under opinion, Pulp Heroes

STAR WARS: EPISODE TEN OPENING CRAWL

Balladeer’s Blog’s sources in the industry – and by the industry I mean the business – have leaked to me the wording of the opening crawl for the next Star Wars movie.

Dark Rey“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away … 

EPISODE X: SUBVERT THIS!

DEJA VU! Rey Skywalker has fallen to the Dark Side! Rechristening herself Empress Palpatine she single-handedly conquered every inhabited world in dozens of galaxies. On the second day she conquered even more!

Using heretofore unknown Force abilities, Empress Palpatine altered the fabric of reality itself to the point where no one alive even remembers a time when she was not the unquestioned ruler of thousands of planets. Continue reading

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RISE OF SKYWALKER RUMOR: REY WAS CLONED FROM LUKE’S SEVERED HAND

Luke and ReyEven people who hate the way the soulless Disney Corporation has damaged the Star Wars franchise have been letting me know how excited they are about this particular rumor. Word has it that J.J. Abrams and possibly George Lucas have come up with a way of rising from the ruins of Rian “Man-Baby” Johnson’s ineptly directed and poorly written Last Jedi AND make Rey less of a Mary Sue.

How will they do all that? Supposedly by showing that Rey was cloned from Luke’s severed hand from The Empire Strikes Back. (See link below) Though it sounds ludicrous, this would actually undo Rian Johnson’s mangling of many story elements Abrams tried to set him up with in The Force Awakens.

I’m at the most only a casual Star Wars fan, so I’m not that invested in the fate of the franchise or any of its mishandled characters but even I can see how this rumor – if true – could successfully retcon the wreckage left behind by Rian Johnson.

masc graveyard new*** Maz, the collector of Force Relics, had Luke’s light saber that fell with his severed hand in Empire. Remember her saying in The Force Awakens that how she got it is “a story for another time?” Whoever she got it from may have used tissue samples from Luke’s hand to create the Rey clone.

*** This would also explain Rey’s bizarrely unlikely familiarity with the Millenium Falcon, the way Luke’s old light saber “called to her” in TFA, and the shadowy memories she experienced when touching the saber in that movie.

*** That theory would also go a long way toward pleasing fans and non-fans alike regarding the way Rey needed no training to do Jedi Mind Tricks or to expertly wield a light saber in her first appearance. If she was cloned from Luke’s genetic material she’d have built-in Force talents. Continue reading

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Filed under Bad and weird movies

100 YEARS OF TIME TRAVEL IN MOVIES

Balladeer’s Blog once again presents a new infographic from Enlightened Digital. The previous one examined AI in movies. This time around it’s a look at 100 Years of Time Travel in Movies. Enjoy!Enlightened digital time travel

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Filed under Neglected History

JIMMY BUFFETT: I DON’T KNOW

Give Them A Shoutout Before They’re Dead strikes again here at Balladeer’s Blog. This time it’s Jimmy Buffett with I Don’t Know (Spicoli’s Theme). Say it with me: “Why am I failing History, Mr Hand? I – DON’T – KNOW, Mr Spicoli.”

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HEMISPHERE HORRORS: FILIPINO HORROR FILM BOX SET

-“They Came From the Philippines” you could say. ORDER BELOW. It’s a Five-Movie “Hemisphere Box of Horrors” featuring:

Blood DrinkersTHE BLOOD DRINKERS (1964) Also released as The Vampire People and Kulay Dugo Ang Gabi, this was the very first COLOR horror film made in the Philippines.  

Special Features for The Blood Drinkers:

  • Manong of the Philippines: Interview With Script Supervisor and Gerry De Leon’s AD Dik Trofeo
  • Hemisphere Appreciation by Filmmaker David Decoteau
  • Audio Commentary With Film Historians Nathaniel Thompson and Howard S. Berger
  • Partial Audio Commentary With Hemisphere Marketing Consultant Samuel M. Sherman
  • Deleted Scenes
  • Blood Drinkers Trailer
  • Vampire People Trailer
  • Radio Spot Continue reading

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Filed under Bad and weird movies, Halloween Season

BOSTON’S 44th ANNUAL SCI-FI MARATHON: THE MOVIE LINE-UP

boston sci fi festivalFebruary 16th to 17th is when the 2019 Boston Sci-Fi Marathon will happen.

More info is below, but first a list of this year’s eleven movies:

SOURCE CODE (2011)

SUNSHINE (2007)

DR CYCLOPS (1940)

DESTINATION MOON (1950)

INNERSPACE (1987) Continue reading

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Filed under Bad and weird movies, opinion

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IN MOVIES: AN INFOGRAPHIC

Brian Thomas, a contributing author over at Enlightened-Digital kindly provided this entertaining look at A Century of AI in films. Thank you, Brian! Have a look:

ai full graphic

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3 LABOR DAY MOVIES

The Labor Day Holiday is taking on greater significance the more that the white collar criminals called Democrats and Republicans sell out the working class. Bought and paid for office-holders from BOTH political parties are content to screw over the working class.

MatewanMATEWAN (1987) – This John Sayles film examines the 1920 Matewan Massacre in the West Virginia coal fields. The workers were attempting to form a union and the owners – the kind of people that the one percenters’ beloved New York Times has proclaimed to be “the conscience of the country” used hired thugs to harass – and even kill – the laborers.

On top of that the owners planned to bring in replacement workers who would work for less money and would not expect “luxuries” like worker safety measures and the like.

It’s like today as DemCorp and RepubCorp embrace Corporate Fascism by helping bloated rich pigs usher unlimited numbers of illegal immigrants into countries around the world in order to bring in people who will work for lower wages and without “luxuries” like sick leave and such.    

PaydayToday’s rich pigs have added a new wrinkle: pretending to be showing “compassion” and lecturing the working class and the poor about the glories of a borderless society. Ultimately this will even overload Social Programs to the point where they all collapse from lack of funding.

AN IMPORTANT REASON FOR HAVING BORDERS IS PRECISELY BECAUSE OF THE LONG-HELD PRINCIPLE THAT A COUNTRY CAN HAVE SOCIAL PROGRAMS OR OPEN BORDERS BUT NOT BOTH. Borders also help in disease control and crime control, but the one percenters and bloated rich pigs never have to worry about either. Continue reading

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Filed under Neglected History

HELLRAISER: ORIGINS TRAILER

Hellbound HeartRegular readers of Balladeer’s Blog may recall how fond I am of Clive Barker’s novel The Hellbound Heart and the subsequent Hellraiser horror film franchise. Mike LeHan and Paul Gerrard directed and produced a 2013 spec trailer hoping to get a reboot of the series greenlit.

Unfortunately that did not happen, but their trailer shows a lot of work went into it. The depiction of Hell is in keeping with the spirit of the first two Hellraiser movies and the re-imagining of Pinhead is intriguing but not entirely appealing. Anyway, the spec trailer is worth a look if you’ve already read Barker’s The Scarlet Gospels and are starved for more Cenobite material. 

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Filed under Halloween Season