Tag Archives: movies

SON OF INDIANA JONES

Chris PrattWith the news that Steven Spielberg will no longer be directing the bizarre film project Indiana Jones 5, a few readers asked me for Balladeer’s Blog’s take.

In the past I’ve mentioned how foolish it is to think that Harrison Ford MUST play Indy in all the movies. James Bond and Tarzan are just two recurring heroes that have survived multiple casting changes over the years.

The obvious move long ago would have been to cast a younger actor – say, Chris Pratt – as Indiana Jones and detail some of his earlier adventures. I love the Roaring Twenties so I think it would have been great to see Dr Jones’ activities in that decade.

Since it would be before Raiders of the Lost Ark even Belloq (maybe Gary Oldman) could appear in a few installments. I can’t possibly be alone in wanting to see some of those “many stimulating encounters” that Belloq referred to having with Indy in Raiders.

Belloq was French, so do a story with Dr Jones searching for a lost relic in 1920s Vietnam. Belloq’s hoity-toity family could be among the French plantation owners there, helping to set up a clash with our hero. Or have the two vying with each other to recover ancient Russian artifacts from violent factions of Red and White Russians in the years after the Russian Civil War. Any number of things.

Mascot sword and pistolOne of the main things I hate about keeping Harrison Ford as Indy is the fact that Ford’s age requires the setting to be the 1950s or 1960s. Those decades are far too late for the “homage to 1930s pulp and serial heroes” charm of the original Indiana Jones trilogy.

Back in 2008, instead of the awful Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls, they could have made Son of Indiana Jones. Chris Pratt – or anyone else NOT named Shia Lebouf, who is shia venny talent – could have been the son of Indy and Marion, named Gemini Jones or Mercury Jones or something similar. Continue reading

14 Comments

Filed under opinion, Pulp Heroes

STAR WARS: EPISODE TEN OPENING CRAWL

Balladeer’s Blog’s sources in the industry – and by the industry I mean the business – have leaked to me the wording of the opening crawl for the next Star Wars movie.

Dark Rey“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away … 

EPISODE X: SUBVERT THIS!

DEJA VU! Rey Skywalker has fallen to the Dark Side! Rechristening herself Empress Palpatine she single-handedly conquered every inhabited world in dozens of galaxies. On the second day she conquered even more!

Using heretofore unknown Force abilities, Empress Palpatine altered the fabric of reality itself to the point where no one alive even remembers a time when she was not the unquestioned ruler of thousands of planets. Continue reading

14 Comments

Filed under humor

RISE OF SKYWALKER RUMOR: REY WAS CLONED FROM LUKE’S SEVERED HAND

Luke and ReyEven people who hate the way the soulless Disney Corporation has damaged the Star Wars franchise have been letting me know how excited they are about this particular rumor. Word has it that J.J. Abrams and possibly George Lucas have come up with a way of rising from the ruins of Rian “Man-Baby” Johnson’s ineptly directed and poorly written Last Jedi AND make Rey less of a Mary Sue.

How will they do all that? Supposedly by showing that Rey was cloned from Luke’s severed hand from The Empire Strikes Back. (See link below) Though it sounds ludicrous, this would actually undo Rian Johnson’s mangling of many story elements Abrams tried to set him up with in The Force Awakens.

I’m at the most only a casual Star Wars fan, so I’m not that invested in the fate of the franchise or any of its mishandled characters but even I can see how this rumor – if true – could successfully retcon the wreckage left behind by Rian Johnson.

masc graveyard new*** Maz, the collector of Force Relics, had Luke’s light saber that fell with his severed hand in Empire. Remember her saying in The Force Awakens that how she got it is “a story for another time?” Whoever she got it from may have used tissue samples from Luke’s hand to create the Rey clone.

*** This would also explain Rey’s bizarrely unlikely familiarity with the Millenium Falcon, the way Luke’s old light saber “called to her” in TFA, and the shadowy memories she experienced when touching the saber in that movie.

*** That theory would also go a long way toward pleasing fans and non-fans alike regarding the way Rey needed no training to do Jedi Mind Tricks or to expertly wield a light saber in her first appearance. If she was cloned from Luke’s genetic material she’d have built-in Force talents. Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies

100 YEARS OF TIME TRAVEL IN MOVIES

Balladeer’s Blog once again presents a new infographic from Enlightened Digital. The previous one examined AI in movies. This time around it’s a look at 100 Years of Time Travel in Movies. Enjoy!Enlightened digital time travel

Leave a comment

Filed under Neglected History

JIMMY BUFFETT: I DON’T KNOW

Give Them A Shoutout Before They’re Dead strikes again here at Balladeer’s Blog. This time it’s Jimmy Buffett with I Don’t Know (Spicoli’s Theme). Say it with me: “Why am I failing History, Mr Hand? I – DON’T – KNOW, Mr Spicoli.”

2 Comments

Filed under opinion

HEMISPHERE HORRORS: FILIPINO HORROR FILM BOX SET

-“They Came From the Philippines” you could say. ORDER BELOW. It’s a Five-Movie “Hemisphere Box of Horrors” featuring:

Blood DrinkersTHE BLOOD DRINKERS (1964) Also released as The Vampire People and Kulay Dugo Ang Gabi, this was the very first COLOR horror film made in the Philippines.  

Special Features for The Blood Drinkers:

  • Manong of the Philippines: Interview With Script Supervisor and Gerry De Leon’s AD Dik Trofeo
  • Hemisphere Appreciation by Filmmaker David Decoteau
  • Audio Commentary With Film Historians Nathaniel Thompson and Howard S. Berger
  • Partial Audio Commentary With Hemisphere Marketing Consultant Samuel M. Sherman
  • Deleted Scenes
  • Blood Drinkers Trailer
  • Vampire People Trailer
  • Radio Spot Continue reading

8 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies, Halloween Season

BOSTON’S 44th ANNUAL SCI-FI MARATHON: THE MOVIE LINE-UP

boston sci fi festivalFebruary 16th to 17th is when the 2019 Boston Sci-Fi Marathon will happen.

More info is below, but first a list of this year’s eleven movies:

SOURCE CODE (2011)

SUNSHINE (2007)

DR CYCLOPS (1940)

DESTINATION MOON (1950)

INNERSPACE (1987) Continue reading

12 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies, opinion