Monthly Archives: October 2014

October 31, 2014 · 12:02 am

FIVE ZOMBIE FILMS THAT ARE ACTUALLY UNIQUE

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! If you’re like me you’re bored with all of the zombie and pseudo-zombie films that seem to come out every few months. The 21st Century is as mired in tiresome, cookie-cutter zombie flicks as the 1980’s were in tiresome, cookie-cutter slasher flicks.

Here is a look at five films which, while technically classified as zombie films at least adopt unique perspectives and don’t follow established formulas.

Maleficia

Maleficia

MALEFICIA (1998) – This offbeat item from France was directed by Antoine Pellissier, who was an actual practicing physician at the time so viewers can rest assured that the looks they get at the insides of slaughtered human beings are reasonably accurate (I’m kidding.)

The 1860 setting should appeal to Goths but the ENORMOUS amounts of blood and gore will satisfy even fans of the most graphically violent zombie films. A few vampires eventually show up, too, in addition to the zombies if you’re looking for a little variety.

A family is on their way by carriage to a castle they’ve inherited from a relative involved in secret occult activities. Enroute they come across a Satanic ritual with naked humans being sacrificed by way of crucifixions intentionally staged as blasphemous parodies of the crucifixion of Christ.   Continue reading →

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October 30, 2014 · 10:50 pm

THE WEREWOLF (1896) AND THE OCTAVE OF CLAUDIUS (1897)

WerewolfTHE WEREWOLF (1896) – By Clemence Annie Housman. Halloween month continues at Balladeer’s Blog! Here are two more neglected works of Gothic Horror, this first one features a female author writing about a FEMALE WEREWOLF so that makes it a bit special right there.

The Werewolf is set in 1890’s Denmark. Amidst werewolf attacks plaguing the countryside a Danish family finds itself being charmed by a sultry, seductive woman who calls herself White Fell. The woman travels alone by night so is obviously the werewolf at large. Unfortunately her potent beauty allays suspicion and even pits brothers Sweyn and Christian against each other.   Continue reading →

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October 30, 2014 · 7:41 pm

SON OF SVENGOOLIE: SOME HALLOWEEN SONGS

Rich Koz

Rich Koz

It’s Halloween month at Balladeer’s Blog! Rich Koz, the Babe Ruth of Movie Hosts, portrayed his comedic vampire character as Son of Svengoolie from 1979 to 1986, then again on his new show The Koz Zone in 1989 and 1990 before returning in 1995 as just plain Svengoolie. Along with The Texas 27 Film Vault, Koz’s original run was the closest in spirit to the later program MST3K than any of the other early Movie Host shows when it came to the “so bad it’s good” aesthetic.

Here are some of Sven’s fun song parodies adjusted to fit various psychotronic films presented on his show.  

HIT THE ROAD, DRAC (To the tune of Hit the Road, Jack)

BOOGIE WOOGIE BOOGEYMAN OF BERWYN (To the tune of Boogie Woogie Bugle Man) Continue reading →

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October 30, 2014 · 5:45 pm

GUESS WHO CONSIDERS THE KILLER OF A THREE-MONTH OLD CHILD A MARTYR

I guess Islam is Islam

I guess Islam is Islam

Okay, Palestinians, you’ve convinced me. I had always been a big supporter of the Two- State Solution but you have convinced me I’m wrong for thinking of you as civilized human beings who can operate a state that would not just be another Muslim theocracy advocating non-stop bloodshed toward non-Muslims. I was wrong. You don’t deserve your own state and you would be just another ISIS or Al Qaeda or any of the other organizations that go under the umbrella of I.S.L.A.M. (Intolerant Savages Loathing All Modernity).

The Palestinian Authority under Chairman Mahmoud Abbas and his Fatah movement praised the Muslim terrorist who killed three-month old Chaya Braun and injured eight others last week calling him a “martyr” and considering his suicidal attack “his wedding”. The wedding remark is, of course, further proof that even THE OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIVES of the Palestinians buy into the superstitious gibberish about slain Muslim fanatics being rewarded in a mythical afterlife with 72 Virgins (unless they’re killed by a woman – further evidence of Islam’s UNAVOIDABLE misogyny.)  Continue reading →

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October 29, 2014 · 10:36 pm

GOTHIC HORROR: CARL BLUVEN AND THE STRANGE MARINER (1833)

KahlbrannerCARL BLUVEN AND THE STRANGE MARINER (1833) – By Henry David Inglis. Halloween month continues! This story from Norway would likely appeal to fans of the recent Pirates of the Caribbean movies with its combination of marine lore and supernatural doings.

One evening Carl Bluven, a poor fisherman, is given a gift for his upcoming wedding. That gift is a cask of butter washed back up from a merchant ship that was sucked into the legendary Maelstrom off the coast near Bergen and Stavenger. The gift is from Kahlbranner, the undead and supernaturally-powered mariner who rules the whirlpool called the Maelstrom and owns all the booty from the ships sucked into it.

After his honeymoon Bluven is settling into married life with his bride Uldewallas and one evening the tide, commanded by Kahlbranner, withdraws prematurely, grounding Carl’s fishing boat amid rocks. The strange mariner rises up from his home at the bottom of the Maelstrom in a sailboat that moves with no wind in its sails. Pointing to a ship on the horizon Kahlbranner informs Bluven that the whirlpool he controls will suck that ship down to the bottom of the sea and he will send along another gift.   Continue reading →

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October 29, 2014 · 7:45 pm

COLLEGE FOOTBALL RANKINGS: BALLADEER’S BLOG

Morningside MustangsNAIA   –   1. MORNINGSIDE COLLEGE MUSTANGS      ###      2. GRAND VIEW UNIVERSITY VIKINGS (Defending Champions)      ###      3. CARROLL COLLEGE FIGHTING SAINTS      ###      4. NORTHWESTERN (IA) COLLEGE RED RAIDERS      ###      5. FAULKNER UNIVERSITY EAGLES      ###      

Kentucky Christian Knights helmet NEWNCCAA   –   1. KENTUCKY CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS      ###      2. GREENVILLE COLLEGE PANTHERS      ###      3. UNIVERSITY OF NORTHWESTERN (MN) EAGLES      ###      4. WARNER UNIVERSITY ROYALS      ###      5. NORTH GREENVILLE UNIVERSITY CRUSADERS      ###       Continue reading →

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October 28, 2014 · 11:08 pm

TWENTY-FOUR CLASSIC SILENT HORROR FILMS

Crimson Stain Mystery

Crimson Stain Mystery

Halloween month continues at Balladeer’s Blog with this look at two dozen of my favorite silent horror films.

THE CRIMSON STAIN MYSTERY (1916) – This was a 16 chapter silent serial that contained multiple horrific elements. The fact that it is so little remembered these days makes it perfect for this list, given Balladeer’s Blog’s overall theme. A mad scientist calling himself the Crimson Stain experiments on human guinea pigs in an attempt to create an intellectually superior race. His experiments all fail, producing hideous, mutated monsters. The Crimson Stain organizes his misbegotten menagerie into a villainous organization and wages a campaign of terror on the world at large. A heroic detective leads the opposition against them and tries to learn the identity of the Crimson Stain. Chapters in this serial boasted wonderfully campy titles like The Brand of Satan, The Devil’s Symphony, Despoiling Brutes and The Human Tiger.  

THE MAN WITHOUT A SOUL (1916) – A man returns from the dead bereft of any trace of morality or humanity. He now views the people around him as victims and prey. 

THE GOLEM AND THE DANCER (1917) – In the very first known horror movie sequel Paul Wegener starred and directed himself once again as the clay monster called the Golem. In this enjoyably “meta” production decades before Scream or The Human Caterpillar II, Wegener played himself. In an innovative storyline the Continue reading →

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October 28, 2014 · 7:56 pm

LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES AND THE WORD “TERRORIST”

A REMINDER OF WHAT IS AT STAKE IN THE CLASH BETWEEN THE CIVILIZED WORLD WITH ALL ITS FLAWS AND THE SUPERSTITIOUS SAVAGERY OF ISLAM

A REMINDER OF WHAT IS AT STAKE IN THE CLASH BETWEEN THE CIVILIZED WORLD WITH ALL ITS FLAWS AND THE SUPERSTITIOUS SAVAGERY OF ISLAM

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the only site on the web that equally criticizes Liberals and Conservatives. As I’ve often stated I feel hostility toward Conservatives but for Liberals I feel absolute contempt. The predictable Liberal reaction to the Muslim terrorist attacks in Canada last week provided more examples for me to cite.  

“It’s been a tough week for Canadian Muslims.” – That was the actual line used by a Canadian Liberal who, typically for western Liberals, is a spineless, groveling enabler of Muslim violence. They used the line in Canada’s National Post to start a story dealing with the two separate attacks by Muslim terrorists last week. Do an online search if you’re skeptical.  

Glenn Greenwald, another typical coward who crawls for Islam every chance he gets was chiding his own country for the outpouring of grief over the incidents. Like all western Liberals Greenwald apparently feels that if you’re killed by a Muslim you had it coming to you. Huffy little Glenn was especially indignant that news reports were calling the attackers “terrorists.” Continue reading →

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October 28, 2014 · 5:06 pm

POPE FRANCIS CAPTIONING FUN

Pope Francis, after carefully consulting with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, announced that the Big Bang could not have happened without a god.

Pope Francis, after carefully consulting with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, announced that the Big Bang could not have happened without a god.

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October 27, 2014 · 8:53 pm

THREE MORE BAD MOVIE CLASSICS FOR HALLOWEEN

Blood SongHalloween month continues here at Balladeer’s Blog! In previous years I’ve run my list of The Top Eleven Neglected Bad Movie Classics for Halloween and even a followup list of eleven more. The links to those lists are below. Right now here’s a look at three more classically bad horror flicks for the season.

BLOOD SONG (1982) – Singer Frankie Avalon as a 1980’s- style slasher villain! The godfather’s Luca Brasi (Lenny Montana) as a co-star and co-producer! Who could possibly resist that? Frankie plays a homicidal maniac who escapes from an insane asylum with his beloved flute/recorder type thingee.

Turns out years earlier a girl played by Donna Wilkes – soon to star as Angel herself – got a blood transfusion from Psycho Frankie. In this movie’s logic-free universe that means that she has a mental link with our mad slasher. This link is causing him to track her down to kill her with the single-minded fury that Mike Myers showed toward Jaime Lee Curtis in the Halloween movies. Continue reading →

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