Monthly Archives: September 2013

September 29, 2013 · 3:02 pm

COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS FROM SEPTEMBER 28TH, 2013

Union Bulldogs helmetUNION (KY) RULES THE WORLD – The tradition of NAIA teams upsetting upper division teams from the NCAA continues! Yesterday the NAIA’s UNION (KY) BULLDOGS were on the road against Division TWO’s UVA-WISE HIGHLAND CAVALIERS. The game was a hard-fought back-and-forth affair with the Bulldogs upsetting the Highland Cavs by a final score of 24-17. For newbies to these divisions it’s like when a 1AA (FCS) team upsets a 1A (FBS) team.

Edward Waters Tigers helmetNEAR MISSES – Two other teams came dangerously close to pulling off similar upsets in yesterday’s action. The NAIA’s EDWARD WATERS COLLEGE TIGERS came within a few points of upsetting NCAA Division TWO’s MOREHOUSE MAROON TIGERS. EWC wound up losing by a very tight score of 28-26.   ###   And Division Two’s EASTERN NEW MEXICO UNIVERSITY GREYHOUNDS nearly brought down Division ONE’s Incarnate Word Cardinals but fell 33-26.

HELMETGrand_View_IANUMBER TWO TAKES A FALL – The 7th ranked GRAND VIEW UNIVERSITY VIKINGS welcomed the number 2 team in the nation, the UNIVERSITY OF SAINT FRANCIS (IN) COUGARS. Any casual viewer would have thought the rankings were reversed judging by the way the Vikings outperformed the Cougars on both sides of the ball. The final score in this upset was Grand View 23  St Francis 7.

Eastern Oregon helmetNUMBER THREE TAKES A FALL, TOO – Not only that but yesterday also saw the unranked EASTERN OREGON UNIVERSITY MOUNTAINEERS playing host to the nation’s 3rd ranked CARROLL COLLEGE FIGHTING SAINTS. The Mountaineers put together 4 solid Quarters of football and proved that the Continue reading →

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September 28, 2013 · 11:48 pm

GIRLS ON PROBATION (1938) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: MARCH 2ND, 1985

Girls on Probation

Girls on Probation

In the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault! Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the 1980’s with another review of an episode where an original air date can be determined. My interview with Randy Clower, my research through VERY old newspapers and emailed memories from my fellow Vaulties are helping in this attempt to reconstruct elements of the show’s history.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday March 2nd, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am.

FILM VAULT LORE: This is the 2nd oldest episode I’ve reviewed. The oldest episode was the February 9th, 1985 airing of Trunk to Cairo with Audie Murphy. Special thanks to my fellow T27FV fan Jessica for the serial episode and a comedy sketch from the episode.

One of the comedy sketches in the show was a mock commercial for Blue Arrow Bus Lines, the fictional bus line in the movie. The phony ad hyped the bus line as the Official Bus Line of female fugitives on the run.

Lost CitySERIAL: Before showing and mocking the movie machine-gun toting Randy Clower and Richard Malmos of the fictional Film Vault Corps (“The few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed and mocked a chapter of the notoriously campy sci-fi serial The Lost City (1935). That serial featured a super-scientific city lost in the middle of the African jungle plus zombified “giant” African tribesmen, ray-guns, a slinky femme fatale and a tribe of pygmies. There’s also a Great White Hunter as the hero and a mad scientist whose inventions include a machine that turns black people into white people! And the “colorization” is considered a REWARD for tribesmen who serve the mad scientist well! All this plus BOTH William Boyds in one serial! 

THE MOVIE: GIRLS ON PROBATION (1938) was one of the countless Warner Brothers B-movies that future president Ronald Reagan starred in before his career in politics. Reagan had just been inaugurated  for his second term less than two months earlier so the Reagan jokes from our Film Vault Technicans First Class no doubt flew hard and fast. The Texas 27 Film Vault also showed Bedtime for Bonzo, another infamous Reagan pic, but I have yet to narrow down the exact date of that episode.  

Reagan is the Continue reading →

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September 27, 2013 · 10:54 pm

COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS FROM SEPTEMBER 26TH AND 27TH

Cumberlands_KYMASSACRE IN RED, WHITE AND BLUE!  – The undefeated 4th ranked team in the nation, the NAIA’s UNIVERSITY OF THE CUMBERLANDS PATRIOTS, were on the road against the 3-1 UNIVERSITY OF PIKEVILLE BEARS last night. The Patriots dominated this game on both sides of the ball in what was one of the most embarrassing losses ever endured by Pikeville. When all the dust had settled the Patriots won by a final score of FIFTY-NINE to THREE!  

West Alabama TigersA TALE OF TWO DIFFERENT TIGER TEAMS – The number 14 team in the nation, the UNIVERSITY OF WEST ALABAMA TIGERS devoured and digested the visiting CONCORDIA (AL) HORNETS. The final score in this one-sided affair was 71-14.   ###   On the other hand, the NORTHEAST MISSISSIPPI COLLEGE TIGERS were fighting in a losing cause last night. These Tigers wound up losing to the visiting MISSISSIPPI GULF COAST COLLEGE BULLDOGS by a score of 28-14.

Vermilion College Ironmen helmetIRONMEN NOTCH THIRD WIN IN A ROW – The VERMILION COLLEGE IRONMEN have been putting together a very memorable season for their fans! The past few weeks have seen the Ironmen playing tight, polished football on both sides of the pigskin. Last night  Vermilion traveled to take on the Continue reading →

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September 26, 2013 · 11:55 pm

DUCK AND COVER (1951): THE 1950’s VERSION OF OBAMACARE COMMERCIALS

The government would NEVER steer us wrong, right?

The government would NEVER steer us wrong, right?

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the only site on the web that offers truly non-partisan criticism of those fanatics called Liberals and Conservatives.

Remember the 1951 short Duck and Cover? It was U.S. government propoganda trying to allay fears about the truly catastrophic consequences of a nuclear war. The title came from the inane pretense that if “the bomb” went off the populace could survive it by ducking under desks or other furniture. Uh. Yeah. Makes that “nuking the fridge” scene in the last Indiana Jones movie look credible by comparison.

Here we are decades later and the government STILL shoves idiotic propoganda down our throats. This time around we’re being sold on the unpopular, unwanted, unhelpful mess called Obamacare. NONE of Little Barry Obama’s promises about it has Continue reading →

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September 25, 2013 · 9:05 pm

M*E*T*A*L, THAT ENIGMATIC BEAUTY, COMING SOON AS EDWARD WOZNIAK’S SUPERHEROINE THE MATRIARCH

M*E*T*A*L - Coming soon as Edward Wozniak's superheroine The Matriarch

M*E*T*A*L – Coming soon as Edward Wozniak’s superheroine The Matriarch

The sultry supermodel known only as M*E*T*A*L (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) will be appearing soon as Edward Wozniak’s Neo-Pulp heroine called The Matriarch! Stay tuned to Balladeer’s Blog to see this notorious beauty fighting crime, turning heads and breaking hearts in Las Vegas itself! The Matriarch will Continue reading →

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September 24, 2013 · 8:48 pm

COOL FOOTBALL HELMET: WARNER UNIVERSITY ROYALS

Warner Memorial U Royals helmetWARNER UNIVERSITY ROYALS

Location: Lake Wales, FL

Division: NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) 

Comment: This is the VERY FIRST season for intercollegiate football for the Warner University Royals! Balladeer’s Blog loves a Continue reading →

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September 23, 2013 · 10:34 pm

ISLAM: THE MUSLIM SHOPPING MALL MASSACRE IN KENYA

A symbol of hatred and slavery.

A symbol of hatred and slavery.

It’s your old buddy Balladeer, but you can just call me “the puppet of Jews” like the Muslim fanatics who threaten me do. That blood-soaked beast among the world’s religions, Islam, is in the news once again for the usual reason: the ongoing war between Muslim fanatics and the modern world.

The homophobes, misogynists and xenophobes of a terrorist group linked to Al Qaeda stormed a shopping mall in Kenya, where I guess Muslims were somehow being “oppressed” by acts of commerce, and gunned down non-Muslims. The body count continues to climb amid horrific tales told by witnesses about the Muslim terrorists asking shoppers random questions like the name of Muhammad’s mother or certain verses from the Koran, etc. If you couldn’t answer they Continue reading →

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September 22, 2013 · 2:29 pm

COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS FROM SEPTEMBER 21ST, 2013

Taylor TrojansTHE TAYLOR TROJANS RULE THE WORLD – As usual during college football season each weekend brings at least one NAIA team upsetting an upper division team – in this case NCAA Division TWO. For newbies to these levels of college football it’s like when a 1AA (FCS) team upsets a 1A (FBS) team. The NAIA’s TAYLOR TROJANS defeated the visiting D2 LANE COLLEGE DRAGONS in a 27-21 Instant Classic.

Lindenwood at BellevilleLU-BELLEVILLE: CO-RULERS OF THE WORLD – Another NAIA team – the LINDENWOOD UNIVERSITY- BELLEVILLE LYNX notched yet another upset of an NCAA Division TWO team. LU-Belleville played host to the KENTUCKY WESLEYAN COLLEGE PANTHERS yesterday. Even though the Lynx are in just their second year of playing intercollegiate football they have embraced the NAIA tradition of upsetting upper division foes, thrashing the Panthers 49-29.

Johnson_C_Smith_OLD8JOHNSON C SMITH RULES THE WORLD, TOO! – NCAA Division Two’s JOHNSON C SMITH UNIVERSITY GOLDEN BULLS did some world-conquering of their own yesterday. The Golden Bulls welcomed NCAA Division ONE’s Davidson University Wildcats and proceeded to kick them around the field. When all the dust had settled Johnson C Smith University had won this upset by a Continue reading →

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September 22, 2013 · 1:47 am

BLOOD BEACH (1980) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: FEBRUARY 22ND, 1986

Blood Beach

Blood Beach

In the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the 1980’s. This is the latest review in a series where original broadcast dates can be determined thanks to my research through VERY old newspapers, my interviews with series co-star and co-creator Randy Clower and emails from my fellow fans of this program.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday February 22nd, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Radar Men from the MoonSERIAL: Before showing and mocking the movie machine-gun toting Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, as members of the fictional Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed and mocked Chapter Two of the Republic Serial Radar Men from the Moon (1952).

FILM VAULT LORE: Our Film Vault Technicians First Class would pull the usual Movie Host duties like providing background info on the films and serials, and would also do comedy sketches centered around their fictional Film Vault Corps before and after commercials. They protected their duty station from menaces like giant rats, cellumites and other threats.

That duty station – Level 31 Core 27 of the Film Vault System was accessed via an industrial park behind KDFI Channel 27’s headquarters off Highway 183 near Dallas. The show was directed by Karl Newman, who often good-naturedly bemoaned Randy and Richard’s tendency to ad-lib. Sometimes in print interviews Newman would joke that if they used a script they would need far too many takes for Clower and Malmos to read their lines right, hence the ad-libbing.

THE MOVIE: Blood Beach (1980) was one of Continue reading →

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September 21, 2013 · 11:50 pm

AMERICAN LIBERAL MYTHOLOGY: BARACK OBAMA

Callous murderer of 4 human beings at Benghazi just to spare himself embarrassment and inconvenience during his reelection campaign.

Callous murderer of 4 human beings at Benghazi just to spare himself embarrassment and inconvenience during his reelection campaign.

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the only site on the internet that provides non-partisan criticism of the shrill children called Liberals and Conservatives. At this particular point in history American Liberals are more pompous and hubristic than American Conservatives so I’m “deconstructing” their mythological figures first.

2. BARACK OBAMA  – This weak, inept and crooked little man reached the Presidency because he was pretty much a tabula rasa on which the 60s generation of Liberals in the Democratic Party wrote their presidential fantasies. Even though Bill Clinton was an actual member of their generation he proved to be too competent an administrator and too much of a practical politician for them. He also lacked that disdain for the United States that the 60s generation loves so much and which the talentless and loathsome Barack Obama loves to flaunt. 

Barack Obama was a dream come true for 1960s American Liberals. He had no opinions except the ones they taught him, had never had ANY real-world experience that might have Continue reading →

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