Monthly Archives: July 2010

July 30, 2010 · 12:36 am

THE WORLD SERIES OF FRONTIERADO POKER?

 

"You're not goin' nowhere, ya bottom-dealin' Hombre," the gambler-gunfighter exclaimed, "We've got us a few apparent paradoxes and their effect upon contemporary religious thought to discuss!"

 

As promised here are the rules for Frontierado Poker, the game that is strictly my own invention to go along with my made-up Holiday Frontierado.

1. Remove all face cards from the deck. The game is played with a 40-card deck.

2. Every player antes up. (I’m not advocating gambling. You can decide for yourselves what you play for.)

3. Each player is dealt 4 cards (the deal rotates like in Continue reading →

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July 29, 2010 · 1:28 am

VIKINGS INVADE INDIAN FOOTHILLS PARK IN MARSHALL, MO

 

"We're tired of waiting for Brett Favre to make up his mind about joining us! We're cleaning up this park NOW!" (Oops! Wrong team of Vikings!)

 

Everyone remembers the Vikings…plundering, pillaging, picking up litter…wait, picking up litter?

Yes, picking up litter. The Missouri Valley College Vikings football team proved that doing good work in the community is every bit as manly as sacking and burning a village, and with only half the calories. (I don’t even know what that means.) The Vikings football players and their coaching staff volunteered at Continue reading →

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July 28, 2010 · 10:27 pm

JUST 9 MORE SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL FRONTIERADO!

What is Frontierado?  Frontierado is a holiday my family and I celebrate  each year. It’s a holiday I simply made up to fill the down time between The 4th of July and Labor Day. Frontierado celebrates the romantic myth of the Old West, as opposed to the gritty reality.

What does Frontierado mean? I named the Holiday this because I think it sounds cool and the “frontier” part of the name captures the old west feel I’m going for. 

 How do you pronounce Frontierado?  I pronounce it frawn-teer-AW-do and since I invented the Holiday I can pronounce it however I like. 

 When is Frontierado?  Frontierado is the First Friday of August every year. Isn’t it a nice change of pace to have a three-day weekend that doesn’t have the holiday on a Monday?

How is Frontierado celebrated? Frontierado is celebrated with a get-together with family and friends involving a meal (cooked outdoors or indoors, whatever you prefer) , Sagas, Frontierado Poker, Cactus Jacks and a viewing of the official Frontierado western, Silverado.  

 What are “Sagas” in the context of Frontierado? Christmas has Christmas Carol singing, Frontierado has Sagas. Sagas are fictional biographies of a Western character I invent for somebody after I familiarize myself with their personality and favorite subjects. You could do one yourself of course, or if you like I could Continue reading →

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July 27, 2010 · 12:25 am

BAD MOVIE PAGE: THE BABY (1973)

The Baby 1973THE BABY (1973) – Category: The 70′s version of camp, with a premise and plot elements that would have been banned in previous decades.      

It’s hard to believe Ted Post was involved with this strange movie. It was considered very weird and kinky even in the 1970′s when it came out, and that was long before the internet made the entire world aware of the infantilism fetish that this film reeks of!

“Baby” himself redefines the expression “arrested development”, since he’s a full-grown adult who crawls around in a diaper (which needs changing occassionally – EEEWWWW), sleeps in a big crib, eats baby food and doesn’t speak. And by the way, it’s a horror film! 

His creepy mother and Continue reading →

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July 26, 2010 · 12:26 am

TODAY’S COOL-NAMED SPORTS TEAM – SOUTHERN NAZARENE UNIVERSITY

SOUTHERN NAZARENE UNIVERSITY CRIMSON STORM

 

Location: Bethany, OK

Conference Affiliation: Sooner Athletic Conference

Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer

Site: http://sports.snu.edu/

Comment: With all due respect to the Alabama Crimson Tide and the IUP Crimson Hawks I think Crimson Storm is one of the coolest names for a team! It would also make a great name for a band. You can just picture cd’s titled “The Greatest Hits Of Crimson Storm” or “Crimson Storm: Live In Concert” or “Crimson Storm: Feel The Scarlet Rain”etc.

 
Balladeer’s Blog is not affiliated with or operated by the NAIA or any member institutions. 
© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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July 23, 2010 · 7:53 pm

MULTIPLE CHOICE QUIZ ON SIOUX FALLS VOLLEYBALL PROGRAM’S RECENT HONOR

Q: What prestigious organization recently honored the University Of Sioux Falls‘ volleyball program with inclusion on its latest list?

 1. The National Egg Council

2. The League of Women Voters

3. Balladeer’s Blog with one of those lame Top 20 lists

4. American Volleyball Coaches Association  

The correct answer is “4”

Q: On what list did this prestigious organization include USF’s volleyball program?

1. The FBI’s Most Wanted

2. The Ten Commandments

3. AVCA Team Academic Award

4. 12 Dangerous Organizations And How They Threaten World Peace

The Correct answer is “3”

Q: How do you earn your way on to this exclusive list? 

1. By doing real well in the swimsuit and evening gown competition

2. Playing by your own set of rules but getting results

3. By whacking Paul Castellano outside Sparks’ Steak House

4. Maintaining a minimum grade point average of 3.30 

The correct answer is “4”. John Gotti never played volleyball.

Q: How often has USF made this list?

1. Two years in a row

2. Once every Whitsuntide

3. As often as Lindsay Lohan gets arrested

4. Whenever a new Pope is elected

The correct answer is “1”

Q: USF volleyball starts their 2010 season on Sept 3rd against the Dakota State Trojans in what event? 

1. Woodstock 2010

2. Niagara Falls Splash Tournament

3. Lady Ga Ga‘s Christmas At Seaworld Special

4. The Latin Grammies 

The correct answer is “2”.

Your score: It doesn’t matter how many answers you got right. Everyone is a winner when USF volleyball takes the floor.

Which of the following is the USF athletics site:

1. Cougarscanplayvolleyball?.com

2. TheATeammovie.com

3. JustinBieberscholarshipfund.org

4.http://www.usfcougars.com/ 

Balladeer’s Blog is not affiliated with or operated by the NAIA or any member institutions. 
© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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July 22, 2010 · 2:33 pm

SAINT XAVIER COUGARS QUARTERBACK ANTHONY KROPP JOINS NEW SUPERHERO TEAM

Saint Xavier (IL) University senior quarterback Anthony Kropp will be appearing in the summer blockbuster The Super Six. More specifically the College Fanz Sports Network’s NAIA Super Six. In the tradition of the Squadron Supreme, the Teen Titans and the Fantastic Four this new alliterative superhero team assembles various super-powered individuals to perform various amazing feats. The unique twist with this super-team is that they are all NAIA college football players. Neat gimmick, eh?

It’s easy to see why Kropp was included. Last season he completed 62 percent of his passes for 4,425 yards and 43 touchdowns. He also rushed for 6 touchdowns and led the Cougars to a 13-1 record before losing in the playoffs to eventual national champion Sioux Falls.

Kropp’s character in the film is Crop-Man, who has all the powers and abilities of a harvested crop. (I’m no expert but shouldn’t your superhero name be at least a little more different from your real name? Not since Super President has an alias been more transparent.) This sure-fire hit premiers Thursday August 26th, the same night the SXU Cougars kick off their season at the Bethel (TN) Wildcats. 

Clearly the people behind The Super Six are already thinking sequel since the film includes some teasers implying that Anthony Kropp’s SXU teammate, senior wide receiver Mike Maher, will have a larger role in the second film. 

For highlights of Crop-Man’s superheroics in this film click here: http://www.sxu.edu/Administrative/Athletics/ 

Balladeer’s Blog is not affiliated with or operated by the NAIA or any member institutions. 
© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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July 21, 2010 · 11:32 pm

ON THE HUNT FOR THIS YEAR’S RAWLINGS-NAIA COACH OF THE YEAR? LOOK NO FURTHER!

Woody Hunt, coach of the Cumberland University Bulldogs baseball team (the reigning NAIA national champs by the way), has been named the Rawlings-NAIA Coach of the Year. This is the second time Coach Hunt has won the award. (I know, you’re dying for a Woody Woodpecker reference but I’ve got way too much class for that.)

Hunt is one of only six coaches in history to register 1,000 career victories in the NAIA and owns a career record of 1,284-523-3. The Bulldogs have appeared in 11 NAIA World Series, including five in the last seven seasons, claiming national championships in 2004 and 2010 as well as runner-up finishes in 1995 and 2006. 

“This is a very prestigious honor, but it’s really a team accomplishment,” said Hunt. “Everything we get as coaches reflects on our team. We were such a singular unit as a team this season and I’m more proud of our team than any individual accomplishments.” 

When I called Coach Hunt to congratulate him I asked him the one question all the rest of the gutless sports media was too timid to ask: How did he feel now about his role in the Watergate break-in? Coach Hunt patiently explained that I was confusing him with E. Howard Hunt, but I can’t find any evidence that E. Howard Hunt ever coached a collegiate baseball team, NAIA or otherwise.

The award will be presented at the 2011 Rawlings-NAIA Awards Luncheon in Nashville, Tenn., on January 7th.   

To read the late Mike Kuchwara’s rave review of my One-Man Show in which I played Woody Hunt, Woody Hayes and Woody Paige, click here: http://www.cumberland.edu/athletics 

So I lied. Big deal.

 

Balladeer’s Blog is not affiliated with or operated by the NAIA or any member institutions. 
© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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July 20, 2010 · 12:11 am

THE 20 COOLEST COLLEGE SPORTS LOGOS

After the phenomenal reaction to my list of The 20 Coolest-Named College Sports Teams You May Never Have Heard Of I’ve put together another Top 20 list. (NOTE: THIS LIST WAS DONE BACK WHEN MY BLOG WAS ONLY COVERING NAIA TEAMS)

To be fair no schools listed in the initial Top 20 list are included, no matter how cool their logo is. Nor are any schools featured if they have been a Cool-Named Sports Team Of The Day. As before this list of 20 is in no particular order and I’ll record votes for the next 20 days for which school has THE coolest logo. You can cast your vote by contacting me at Thtcom15@aol.com .

20. WAYLAND BAPTIST PIONEERS/FLYING QUEENS

Location: Plainview, TX
Conference Affiliation: Sooner Athletic Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: Pioneers is a pretty spiffy name for your sports teams but when I first saw that logo I thought their teams might be called “The Flying W’s” as in a cattle brand. It would be a unique nickname and still have a connection to their Texas heritage.
19. LANGSTON LIONS
Location: Langston, OK
Conference Affiliation: Red River Athletic Conference
Major sports: football, basketball
Comment: I swear to you I have never before seen a lion this angry at the letters “L” and “U”! I thought lions were carnivores, not alphabetivores.
18. SIOUX FALLS COUGARS
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Conference Affiliation: Great Plains Athletic Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: No matter how many times I see it, there’s just something about this logo that reminds me of my local Lincoln Mercury Dealer. You know what I mean?
17.  WESTMINSTER GRIFFINS
Conference Affiliation: Frontier Conference
Major sports: basketball, soccer
Comment: No doubt about it! This Griffin looks like he could tear the more sedate Griffin in the Merv Griffin Productions logo limb from limb!
16. PARK (MO) PIRATES
Location: Parkville, MO
Conference Affiliation: American Midwest Conference
Major sports: basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: Now THIS is a swashbuckling logo that puts all other Pirates teams to shame! I always throw in the MO because if you run the words “Park” and “Pirates” together it sounds like they’re people who raid recreational areas. “They’re marauders of the monkey bars…plunderers of the playground…They’re PARK PIRATES, coming this fall on CBS!”   (This is the favorite of my good friend Rachel Laird, a big supporter of Balladeer’s Blog!)
15. CAL BAPTIST LANCERS
Location: Riverside, CA
Conference Affiliation: Golden State Athletic Conference
Major sports: basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: I really like this logo. It’s got kind of a Knights Of The Round Table In The 25th Century look. And that gives me a title for my next screenplay!
14. LSU-SHREVEPORT PILOTS
Location: Shreveport, LA
Conference Affiliation: Gulf Coast Athletic Conference
Major sports: basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: This institution’s teams are called pilots as in riverboat pilots. I’m sure we all remember a riverboat pilot who went on to become one of the most popular and beloved authors in American history. That author’s name, of course, is Tom Clancy, “and now you know the rest of the story.”
13. WALSH CAVALIERS
Location: North Canton, OH
Conference Affiliation: American Mideast Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: I don’t care which side of the English Civil War your sympathies are with, the Walsh University Roundheads just wouldn’t have the same pizzaz that Cavaliers does. (And Dan McCallion, Head Track Coach and Cross Country Coach at Walsh has informed me that the Walsh Cavaliers were around long before the Cleveland Cavaliers came along. And let me add that Walsh has never been jilted by a guy who wears short pants for a living.)
12. PERU STATE BOBCATS
Location: Peru, NE
Conference Affiliation: Midlands Collegiate Athletic Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball
Comment: The lesser-know Peruvian toothless breed of Bobcat seen in this picture is every bit as deadly as the regular kind!

11. Lindsey Wilson College Blue Raiders

Location: Columbia, KY
Conference Affiliation: Mid-South Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: Not to be confused with the Orange Ravagers or the Maroon Invaders, this Kentucky school is launching football this fall.
10. VANGUARD LIONS
Location: Costa Mesa, CA
Conference Affiliation: Golden State Athletic Conference
Major sports: basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: Do the mascots of other schools who use the name Lions for their sports teams ever say to the V.U. mascot, “Get a haircut, ya hippy!”
9. NORTHWESTERN OKLAHOMA RANGERS
Location: Alva, OK
Conference Affiliation: Sooner Athletic Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer, rodeo
Comment: That’s right, this school is one of the last few who still offer Rodeo as an intercollegiate sport. And that is one butt-kicking, bucking-bronco riding logo!
8. MidAmerica Nazarene Pioneers
Location: Olathe, KS
Conference Affiliation: Heart of America Athletic Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: You have to love how the logo makes their mascot look like a superhero. “It’s Pioneer Man and his sidekick Scout Boy, blazing a trail toward Truth, Justice and The American Way!”
7. SAINT FRANCIS (IN) COUGARS
Location: Fort Wayne, IN
Conference Affiliation: Mid-Central Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: I looked it up and Saint Francis is indeed the Patron Saint of cougars. Also of ocelots and jaguars. Who knew?
6. SPRING HILL COLLEGE BADGERS
Location: Mobile, AL
Conference Affiliation: Gulf Coast Athletic Conference
Major sports: basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: This logo manages to be cool and menacing all at the same time. Do the fans of opposing teams hold up signs that say “Badgers? We don’t need no stinking Badgers!”
5. SOUTHERN POLYTECHNIC RUNNING HORNETS
Location: Marietta, GA
Conference Affiliation: Southern States Athletic Conference
Major sports: basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: Not only is this logo perfect for any sports team but it would also make a great calling card for the fictional hero The Green Hornet.
4. TABOR COLLEGE BLUEJAYS
Location: Hillsboro, KS
Conference Affiliation: Kansas Collegiate Athletic Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: A version of this cool logo used to be on the Tabor College football helmets but recently they’ve changed their helmet decal to a less eye-catching “TC”. Bring back the bird! (I’ve been advised that the Bluejays may indeed return to the previous helmets! And they say you can’t fight city hall!)
3. OKLAHOMA BAPTIST BISON
Location: Shawnee, OK
Conference Affiliation: Sooner Athletic Conference
Major sports: basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: Love that logo! And rumor has it this team’s biggest in-state rival is that Oklahoma Presbyterian Pumas team you’ve heard so much about.
2. TEXAS COLLEGE STEERS
Location: Tyler, TX
Conference Affiliation: Red River Athletic Conference
Major sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer
Comment: T.C. can stand for Top Cat, Tim Cowlishaw, Tin Croissants but especially for Texas College. And that logo kicks tail plus those horns on the “T” would let you know where this school is from even without it being spelled out.
1. WARNER PACIFIC KNIGHTS
Location: Portland, OR
Conference Affiliation: Cascade Collegiate Conference
Major sports: basketball, soccer
Comment: From Merrye Olde Portlande comes this team of Knights.Given the team’s American Northwest location I’m wondering if their coat of arms has a Starbucks logo and a cloud with rain pouring out of it.
MORE COOL STUFF
For the 20 Coolest-Named JUCO Sports Teams click here: https://glitternight.com/2010/10/18/the-20-coolest-named-juco-sports-teams/

For more cool named teams that weren’t on the Top 20 List click here: https://glitternight.com/category/cool-names-and-cool-logos/

For the NCAA Division 2 Coolest-Named College Sports Teams click here: https://glitternight.com/d2-20-coolest/

For The 20 Coolest Football Helmets In NCAA Division 3 click here: https://glitternight.com/2010/08/23/the-20-coolest-football-helmets-in-ncaa-division-3/

Balladeer’s Blog is not affiliated with or operated by the NAIA or any member institutions.

© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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July 19, 2010 · 11:28 pm

RUNNING EAGLES HEADED FOR SAN FRANCISCO

Life University (not affiliated with The School Of Hard Knocks) has a very unique commitment to Rugby and their Rugby Sevens team has advanced to the USA Rugby National Sevens Championship on August 14th in San Francisco, CA. Life University’s sports teams are called the Running Eagles. Maybe you don’t immediately associate “eagles” with “running” so let me point out that an adult eagle can outrun a cheetah for the first quarter-mile. I looked that up in The Ron Burgundy Book Of Ornithology so it must be true!

Rugby Sevens is a variant of rugby in which teams are made up of 7 players instead of the usual 15 and the matches are shorter. The Running Eagles went 5-1 at the South Sevens Qualifier Tournament, with the one loss being to the Atlanta Old White 12-5. Life University had beaten that same team the previous weekend in the Hotlanta Sevens Tournament. 

For the shocking reason why all the members of the Running Eagles Rugby Sevens team have decided they will name a child after me click here: http://www.liferunningeagles.com/ 

Balladeer’s Blog is not affiliated with or operated by the NAIA or any member institutions.

© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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