Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

B-MOVIE HOSTS FRANK & DRAC (1987-1988)

FRANK & DRAC (1987-1988) – Frank & Drac was this Movie Host show’s title, and Frank & Drac were the stars. Frankenstein’s Monster was played by Allen Christopher while Dracula was played by Robert Kokai. This show aired on WOIO in Cleveland, Ohio from October 1987 to June 1988. Kokai and Allen had the potential to be among the biggest Movie Hosts ever but clashes with station management over budget issues ended with their show getting shut down.

Elvira’s syndicated show Movie Macabre had technically aired its final episode in November of 1986 but several channels across the U.S. continued airing reruns for years. During 1987 the ratings for the Elvira reruns were bottoming out in Cleveland, so WOIO decided to give its own home-grown Movie Host show a try in Movie Macabre’s former time slot on Saturday nights.

A pair of Cleveland natives – Allen Christopher and Robert Kokai (using the alias Basil Grimsby) – had crossed paths out on the West Coast trying to make it big and had recently returned to Cleveland to try local broadcasting. They beat out all the other applicants by having several pages of comedy material prepared and ready when they auditioned.

And comedy was one of the strong suits of Frank & Drac. The other was the show’s conceit that the hosts were the actual Frankenstein Monster and Dracula, airing “biographical” movies about themselves and other Universal Studios monsters.

Kokai and Christopher presented the Universal Monster cycle in order of their original releases from Dracula onward, while still finding slots for more recent schlockers like The Fog, Willard, Hatchet for the Honeymoon and Return of the Living Dead Continue reading

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COLLISION COURSE (1989) – PAT MORITA AND JAY LENO IN A BUDDY COP MOVIE?

COLLISION COURSE (1989) – Yes, it’s Pat Morita and Jay Leno as reluctant investigative partners. For starters, I owe an apology to Chinatown Connection (1990), which I previously called the worst Two-Race Buddy Cop film I’d ever seen. In that flick Lee Majors the Second and Bruce Ly play the mismatched cops who have to work together to bring down some bad guys.

Collision Course and Chinatown Connection may have the same initials, but the former is actually a worse movie, as hard as that is to believe. Collision Course went through three different directors on its way to cinematic infamy.

Despite this Pat Morita-Jay Leno joint having a bigger budget and a supporting cast made up of real actors (Chris Sarandon, Al Waxman, Soon-Tek Oh and others), this production sucks like a Hoover vacuum. Not even some 80s street cred in the form of Randall “Tex” Cobb could save Collision Course, which was recognized as such a bomb that it didn’t get released – on video, at that – until 1992. And even then it was done solely to exploit Leno taking over The Tonight Show from Johnny Carson.

Mr. Miyagi and Pelican Head’s attempt to make the next 48 Hours or Lethal Weapon or Running Scared is set in Detroit, where an engineer from Japan named Oshima has come to sell a newly developed turbo charger to a struggling new car company run by Derek Jarryd (Dennis Holahan). Continue reading

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SATEENA: BAD MOVIE HOSTESS (1958)

SATEENA, THE DEVIL’S DAUGHTER hosted horror and sci-fi movies on Shock Show, which aired on Atlanta’s WSB-TV from January 2nd to December 18th, 1958. This devilishly mischievous hostess was played by Joanne Good aka Joanne Goode aka Joanne Gould. Unlike the usual Movie Hostesses whose characters were vampires or witches, Sateena was the impish daughter of Satan himself.

Joanne Good had started out at WSB in the promotions department in 1957, then created her Sateena character for Shock Show. Joanne co-wrote the character’s Host Segments with the program’s producer Gy Waldron, who later moved on to movies before creating the mammoth hit television show The Dukes of Hazzard in 1979.

In addition to her acerbic wit, Sateena wielded a regular arsenal of props like large spiders, bubbling substances in chemical beakers, oversized “Brimstone Cocktails” spewing smoke from dry ice, and her omnipresent syringe filled with God or the Devil knows what. Another gag centered around shrinking heads with a Voodoo-it-Yourself Kit. Continue reading

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MOVIE HOSTESS MACABRA (1982-1985)

MACABRA – This hostess of Omaha’s Theatre of the Macabre (1982-1985) has accomplished the seemingly impossible – she has managed to keep her real name a secret all these decades! She was an Omaha businesswoman who beat out over 150 other applicants for the position of WOWT’s Movie Hostess for their new Friday night at 10:30pm Bad Movie show.

WOWT was one of the many television stations across America which were trying to launch their own hometown phenomenon after Elvira’s Movie Macabre had become a syndicated hit in 1981. Ironically, Macabra may have won her market, but she was pretty much the antithesis of Elvira.

This mystery woman redefined “leggy” but her outfits were comparatively modest by Movie Hostess standards. As she pointed out in a 1984 interview “After all, I knew my mother would be watching.”

On top of that, Macabra rejected the over-the-top humor that characterized Elvira and her cash-in imitators in favor of a wry, understated approach that put me in mind of a combination of Movie Host legends like Moona Lisa and Fritz the Nite Owl. For an airing of Attack of the Mushroom People (1963) this hostess munched on mushrooms completely deadpan rather than hit the viewers over the head with the joke. 

Occasionally, Macabra would share the screen with guest figures like the cat hand-puppet she used for her showing of The Black Cat (1934) starring Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi. That flick is one of the LEAST faithful – yet most Psychotronic – Poe adaptations ever.    Continue reading

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B-MOVIE HOST DR. LUCIFER (1957-1959)

DR. LUCIFER (1957-1959) – The actor playing this Movie Host was named Richard Dix, but to be clear he’s NOT the same Richard Dix who starred in old westerns and was jokingly mentioned in Blazing Saddles. This Richard Dix was a legend in Baltimore, MD for his stage and television work with a few movies thrown in.

From November 9th, 1957 to March 21st, 1959 Dix as Dr. Lucifer would emerge from a coffin to host B-Movies on Shock on Friday nights at 11:15PM. The program was broadcast on Baltimore’s WBAL-TV. This eccentric Mad Scientist had a very disorganized laboratory and was noted for carrying out bizarre experiments that often went awry, earning him the nickname “the bumbling bogeyman of Baltimore.”

The doctor hated bill collectors and a memorable booby trap for one involved dropping a marble slab on top of him. An attempt to bring a supposedly beautiful ancient Egyptian princess back to life actually succeeded, but in reality she weighed 350 pounds. An experiment to prove the existence of Santa Claus by catching him in a bear trap ended with Dr. Lucifer’s leg getting caught instead.    Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. 

Happy Mother’s Day Love, George  (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the low-key, almost made-for-tv mildness of the rest of the movie.

This was a theatrical release but is so subdued and slow-paced it seems like a telefilm. You and your friends can keep yourselves entertained making jokes about the recognizable cast members to kill time since the first murder doesn’t happen until we’re more than an hour into this flick.

Mascot FOUR original pics

Balladeer’s Blog

Ron Howard IS Johnny, a teenager who has come to town to discover who his birth parents are but who mostly just stands around staring at people and ESPECIALLY at houses. He seems completely taken aback that the townspeople find this somewhat creepy. Johnny is intrigued by the rash of missing persons plaguing the small town and feels they are connected to the secret of his past. Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: THE BRAIN (1962)

brainTHE BRAIN (1962) – Freddie Francis directed this black & white film, which was the third movie adaptation of Curt Siodmak’s science fiction novel Donovan’s Brain. The characters’ names were changed and the sci fi elements were mixed with detective story elements this time around.

Max Holt, a callous, bloated rich pig of the George Soros/ Koch Family type, is one of the passengers on an airplane which crashes near the laboratory of Dr Peter Corrie (Peter van Eyck). That reclusive doctor and his colleague Dr Frank Shears (played by Bernard Lee himself) have been conducting experiments to see how long they can keep monkey brains alive once removing them from their host body.

masc graveyard smallerCorrie and Shears discover that Max Holt is the only one of the airplane passengers still clinging to life, but just barely, and has no hope of survival. Corrie browbeats Shears into helping him get Holt’s body back to their lab, where they remove his brain to see how long they can keep it alive in one of their fish aquarium containers filled with life-preserving fluids and equipment.

The pair of unethical physicians turn over the rest of Holt’s body for burial while continuing to monitor the preserved brain of Max Holt. Instrument readings indicate there is still thought wave activity in the disembodied organ. Continue reading

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THE VAMPIRA SHOW (1954-1955) TOP MOVIES SHOWN

Vampira

Vampira and her Movie Host show are still remembered fondly here in the present day. For something a little different in a Bad Movie Host item this time around, I’ll follow up my original post about her from long ago with a look at my favorites from the films shown on The Vampira Show.

Like almost all hosts and hostesses, Vampira (Maila Nurmi) had no control over the movies shown and the station saddled her with a bunch of lame detective and mystery films mixed in with the old horror flicks that the program is remembered for.

Here are what I consider to be the most fitting films from the short run of The Vampira Show.

PREVIEW: DIG ME LATER, VAMPIRA (Apr 30th, 1954) – A special devoted to hyping Vampira’s movie show which would start the next night.

THE FACE OF MARBLE (1946) – John “He’s probably even in the Zapruder Film if you look hard enough” Carradine stars as a mad scientist who is trying to use electrical and chemical treatments to revive the recently deceased. Human and animal test subjects come back to life able to walk through solid objects and are controlled by John’s voodoo-practicing maid. William “One-Shot” Beaudine directed and Willie Best was on hand as the butler. Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: ATTACK OF THE BEAST CREATURES (1983)

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attack-of-the-beast-creaturesATTACK OF THE BEAST CREATURES (1983)- Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following.      

Some passengers from a Transatlantic liner get shipwrecked and marooned on an uncharted island filled with acidic ponds and streams plus a whole tribe of the titular creatures who all look even sillier than the doll that attacked Karen Black in Trilogy of Terror.

And it’s the 1920s for no reason whatsoever! Nothing in the story has Continue reading

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DR. DEATH: TED KNIGHT PLAYED A MOVIE HOST IN THE 1950s

DR. DEATH (1953?-1955) – Ted Knight, famous for his roles on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Too Close for Comfort is among the surprising names who worked in the American folk art of Movie Hosting. Yes, just as Tim Conway played Ghoulardi’s sidekick and Gary Busey was Mazeppa’s sidekick; just as Pat Sajak wrote for Nashville’s Phantom of the Opry, Bill O’Reilly for Uncle Ted and Tom Snyder for Bob Hersh’s Movie Host the Advisor, Ted Knight is in the mix as well.

Though the other figures mentioned above were in the supporting staff, Knight was the host himself as Dr. Death, a Mad Scientist who was also some form of revenant back from the dead. Most sources describe Ted’s Dr. Death character as a combination of Dr. Phibes and the 1930s Mummy.

I often wonder if it was more a case of Knight basing the concept partially on Humphrey Bogart’s “back from the dead Mad Scientist” in The Return of Dr. X from 1939 rather than on Boris Karloff’s Mummy. Whatever the thought process was, as Dr. Death the future Ted Baxter hosted Milkman Movies (one source says Milkman’s Movies), which aired so late at night/ early in the morning that it ended before the crack of dawn, when milkmen of the past did their rounds. Continue reading

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