ZERO TO SIXTY (1978) – Want to see Darren McGavin of all people bare his butt for the camera in two separate scenes? Want to see Darren McGavin getting his bare butt spanked by the Hudson Brothers in one of those scenes? Want to see Darren McGavin in sex scenes with Joan Collins at her smoking hot best?
Usually, you’d have me at the words “Want to see Darren McGavin” because I’m a huge fan of the guy. And not just as Carl Kolchak in The Night Stalker but most of his big-screen work and small-screen work from the 1950s onward. Well, I finally met a Darren McGavin movie I wasn’t ready for.
Zero to Sixty was produced by McGavin’s wife Kathie Browne and directed by Psychotronic Hall of Famer Don Weis. As I watched Darren in screwball car chases and in scenes full of “comedy” that wouldn’t have made the cut in one of Burt Reynolds’ Cannonball Run movies I was having trouble getting my head around what I was seeing.
During a scene in which McGavin pretends to be wetting himself I think I began babbling “But … but … that’s Darren McGavin.” Believe it or not, Denise Nickerson – Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka – playing an underaged Car Repossession Agent helped bring things into focus for me. Continue reading
With the passing of the iconic Chuck Norris I’m taking a look at my favorite films of his. I was never the biggest Norris fan, so this list is purely from the perspective of a casual fan. 
INVASION USA (1985) – Psychotronic cinema in its purest form, Invasion USA was so firmly in the realm of fantasy that it’s ridiculous that some critics tore into it so deeply. The same type of critics probably loved the pretentious One Battle After Another, which was basically Invasion USA in reverse. 
Matt is among the people fighting back against the communist invaders in escapist, over the top action scenes. Anti-Castro Cubans fight the invaders in alliance with our main character. Red Dawn was too juvenile in my opinion, so I much prefer this Norris flick.
THE DESERT HAWK (1950) – This fun but hilariously inauthentic Arabian actioner starred Yvonne De Carlo as Scheherazade, whose father is forcing her into a marriage to the evil Prince Murad. Word of the lavish wedding reaches Omar the Blacksmith (Richard Greene) who is secretly the roguish bandit leader called the Desert Hawk. 
The real Murad is furious about the theft, so he has his men slaughter some innocents and blame it on Omar and his band in order to justify an all-out war against the Desert Hawk. Scheherazade realizes how vile the real Murad is and escapes him disguised as a slave girl. 
WAVELENGTH (1983) – This is an unjustly neglected science fiction film that stars Robert Carradine, Cherie Currie and Keenan Wynn in a very unconventional love triangle: both Carradine and Currie are fighting over Wynn. (I’m kidding!) 
DAIGORO VS GOLIATH (1972) – This neglected kaiju (giant monster) film from Japan is one of the most obscure of them all in America. That’s odd since the movie was a joint project between the creators of Godzilla AND the creators of Ultraman, two very popular characters here in the west.
R.I.P. Robert Duvall. This year we say goodbye to this monumental actor like we said goodbye to his friend and fellow thespian giant Gene Hackman early last year. Most tributes will cover Duvall’s roles in his many, many films whose titles are household words. This being Balladeer’s Blog I’ll instead look at some of his overlooked gems. 
TOMORROW (1972) – Robert Duvall – who called this one of his favorite performances – plays poverty-stricken farmer and sawmill operator Jackson Fentry of Mississippi. One cold December evening he comes across the pregnant Sarah Eubanks, a poor woman whose abusive husband has abandoned her because he wants nothing to do with raising their child. 
THE DOBERMAN GANG (1972) – I’m a lifelong dog lover, so let me point out that this was the very first film to carry the American Humane Association’s guarantee that “No animals were harmed in the making of this film.” Despite spawning a franchise, The Doberman Gang flies by the proverbial seat of its pants, and while it’s good to know that no dogs were harmed this flick features a few Doberman attacks on humans that seem too gritty. 
RAGE OF THE BUCCANEERS (1961) – Montalban stars as 1600s buccaneer Captain Gordon aka the Black Pirate (no relation to 
Romero’s most dangerous ally is Captain Tortuga (Jose Jaspe), a ruthless slaver who has clashed with Captain Gordon over the years. Montalban shines as the hero viewers can’t help but cheer for, especially when he thwarts the efforts of slavers to dump their chained human “cargo” overboard to drown rather than have our pirate captain liberate them. 
CUCUMBER CASTLE (1970) – Eight years before the Bee Gees embarrassed themselves on the big screen with a horrible movie forcing a storyline to the Beatles album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band they embarrassed themselves on the small screen forcing a storyline to their own album Cucumber Castle. 
Cucumber Castle is so awful that not being in it was presumably brother Robin Gibb’s greatest professional triumph. He had recently left the Bee Gees in a huff to try a solo career, and little Andy Gibb was only twelve years old, so Barry and Maurice, who also produced, were left holding the 
RAIDERS OF THE SEVEN SEAS (1953) – John Payne plays the real-life 1500s pirate Barbarossa (Redbeard) in this fictional version of his exploits. While working as a corsair for the Sultans of the Middle East, the daring and accomplished seadog spends a little too much time with a Sultan’s harem and is sentenced to death. 
Eventually, during a raid of Tortuga, our hero seizes the incumbent Spanish governor Alida – played by Donna Reed in uncharacteristic spitfire mode – and holds her for ransom. Barbarossa and his crew take on Spanish galleons and Alida’s treacherous betrothed Captain Salcedo (1950s smug jackass Gerald Mohr). 
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