Tag Archives: movie reviews

BAD MOVIE: THE BRAIN (1962)

brainTHE BRAIN (1962) – Freddie Francis directed this black & white film, which was the third movie adaptation of Curt Siodmak’s science fiction novel Donovan’s Brain. The characters’ names were changed and the sci fi elements were mixed with detective story elements this time around.

Max Holt, a callous, bloated rich pig of the George Soros/ Koch Family type, is one of the passengers on an airplane which crashes near the laboratory of Dr Peter Corrie (Peter van Eyck). That reclusive doctor and his colleague Dr Frank Shears (played by Bernard Lee himself) have been conducting experiments to see how long they can keep monkey brains alive once removing them from their host body.

masc graveyard smallerCorrie and Shears discover that Max Holt is the only one of the airplane passengers still clinging to life, but just barely, and has no hope of survival. Corrie browbeats Shears into helping him get Holt’s body back to their lab, where they remove his brain to see how long they can keep it alive in one of their fish aquarium containers filled with life-preserving fluids and equipment.

The pair of unethical physicians turn over the rest of Holt’s body for burial while continuing to monitor the preserved brain of Max Holt. Instrument readings indicate there is still thought wave activity in the disembodied organ. Continue reading

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INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS (1973) BAD MOVIE REVIEW

INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS (1973) – Category: More weird than bad, but with a classic premise and execution  

This little honey (sorry) is the perfect example of why I prefer bad movies from the 1980s and earlier: because back then they played them straight and weren’t constantly making self-aware jokes to the audience. If this movie had been made more recently it would have been INTENTIONALLY cheesy and goofy, like the Killer Condom flicks or the Gingerdead Man movies.

Invasion of the Bee Girls plays like a sexploitation version of The X-Files long before that show was on the air. The hero of the movie is a State Department investigator played by cult figure William Smith, known from the tv series Laredo and from countless exploitation flicks like Black Samson to the “Hell’s Angels Fighting the Vietnam War” biker movie The Losers. The film’s screenwriter was THE Nicholas Meyer of Star Trek II and The Seven Percent Solution fame. Herb “The Worm Eaters” Robbins also shows up onscreen.

William Smith’s character, Neil Agar, is sent to California to investigate why a scientist involved in top secret government research dropped dead under suspicious circumstances – he died of apparent sexual exhaustion and people nearby swear they heard a sound like bees buzzing at Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE REVIEW: ZERO TO SIXTY (1978) WITH DARREN MCGAVIN AND JOAN COLLINS

ZERO TO SIXTY (1978) – Want to see Darren McGavin of all people bare his butt for the camera in two separate scenes? Want to see Darren McGavin getting his bare butt spanked by the Hudson Brothers in one of those scenes? Want to see Darren McGavin in sex scenes with Joan Collins at her smoking hot best?

Usually, you’d have me at the words “Want to see Darren McGavin” because I’m a huge fan of the guy. And not just as Carl Kolchak in The Night Stalker but most of his big-screen work and small-screen work from the 1950s onward. Well, I finally met a Darren McGavin movie I wasn’t ready for.

Zero to Sixty was produced by McGavin’s wife Kathie Browne and directed by Psychotronic Hall of Famer Don Weis. As I watched Darren in screwball car chases and in scenes full of “comedy” that wouldn’t have made the cut in one of Burt Reynolds’ Cannonball Run movies I was having trouble getting my head around what I was seeing.

During a scene in which McGavin pretends to be wetting himself I think I began babbling “But … but … that’s Darren McGavin.” Believe it or not, Denise Nickerson – Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka – playing an underaged Car Repossession Agent helped bring things into focus for me.      Continue reading

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R.I.P. CHUCK NORRIS: MY FAVORITE FILMS

With the passing of the iconic Chuck Norris I’m taking a look at my favorite films of his. I was never the biggest Norris fan, so this list is purely from the perspective of a casual fan.

I’m such a casual fan, in fact, that I wasn’t going to do an R.I.P. post about him but I decided to do one based on the vicious attacks on the late Norris by deranged Democrats who always tell the rest of us to “separate the art from the artist” when their celebrities are criticized in any way.

INVASION USA (1985) – Psychotronic cinema in its purest form, Invasion USA was so firmly in the realm of fantasy that it’s ridiculous that some critics tore into it so deeply. The same type of critics probably loved the pretentious One Battle After Another, which was basically Invasion USA in reverse. 

Norris starred as former intelligence agent Matt Hunter, who gets called back into action when a communist army from Cuba invades Florida under the leadership of Hunter’s old archenemy – Soviet Union agent Rostov, played by cult actor Richard Lynch.

Matt is among the people fighting back against the communist invaders in escapist, over the top action scenes. Anti-Castro Cubans fight the invaders in alliance with our main character. Red Dawn was too juvenile in my opinion, so I much prefer this Norris flick.

There are lots of Christmas decorations on display since the film is set during Yuletide. Invasion USA was therefore part of my “Very Butt-Kicking Christmas Marathon” years ago alongside Die Hard, Lethal Weapon and Die Hard 2.    Continue reading

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RICHARD GREENE’S SWASHBUCKLER FILMS

Richard Greene is best remembered for his portrayal of Robin Hood on television from 1955-1960 but he starred in several swashbuckler movies before his success on the small screen.

THE DESERT HAWK (1950) – This fun but hilariously inauthentic Arabian actioner starred Yvonne De Carlo as Scheherazade, whose father is forcing her into a marriage to the evil Prince Murad. Word of the lavish wedding reaches Omar the Blacksmith (Richard Greene) who is secretly the roguish bandit leader called the Desert Hawk.

Planning to steal the treasure trove of wedding gifts at the affair, the Desert Hawk disguises himself as Murad and marries Scheherazade before abandoning her by making off with the priceless gifts. He is aided by his two bizarrely miscast colleagues – Jackie Gleason as Aladdin and Joe Besser as Sinbad. (?)

The real Murad is furious about the theft, so he has his men slaughter some innocents and blame it on Omar and his band in order to justify an all-out war against the Desert Hawk. Scheherazade realizes how vile the real Murad is and escapes him disguised as a slave girl.

Omar recognizes the “wife” he ran out on and buys her as a harem girl at auction. Amid much action, the pair continue defying the villainy of Murad until the inevitable happy ending. Rock Hudson appears as Ras in this 77-minute flick. Future Johnny Carson Tonight Show producer Freddy De Cordova directed.  Continue reading

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ROBERT CARRADINE: R.I.P. – WAVELENGTH (1983)

With the passing of Robert Carradine, Balladeer’s Blog takes its usual approach of looking at one of his more obscure films, in this case one in which he costarred with THE Cherie Currie and Keenan Wynn. 

WavelengthWAVELENGTH (1983) – This is an unjustly neglected science fiction film that stars Robert Carradine, Cherie Currie and Keenan Wynn in a very unconventional love triangle: both Carradine and Currie are fighting over Wynn. (I’m kidding!)

Robert Carradine plays a moody musician suffering a career lull, Cherie Currie portrays a groupie who becomes a bona fide romantic partner for him and Keenan Wynn barks and snarls in his usual “grouch with a heart of gold” manner.

Cherie’s sensitive mind is open to alien brainwaves calling to her from a nearby (seemingly) abandoned government installation. Carradine and his neighbor Wynn help her try to find out what’s going on. Continue reading

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DAIGORO VS GOLIATH (1972) BAD KAIJU MOVIE

DAIGORO VS GOLIATH (1972) – This neglected kaiju (giant monster) film from Japan is one of the most obscure of them all in America. That’s odd since the movie was a joint project between the creators of Godzilla AND the creators of Ultraman, two very popular characters here in the west.

Sad to say, it’s not worth the effort of seeking it out. Daigoro vs Goliath is disappointing all around. Except maybe for very young children. Or very dumb children.

Not even the worst Gamera movies are as silly and pointless as this little honey is. Daigoro – who looks like a dog/ duck/ Billiken hybrid – is the offspring of a mop-topped mother monster who crashed on Earth from outer space and was killed while trying to trash Japan. She looked much cooler than her son but got killed off very quickly. Continue reading

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ROBERT DUVALL: MY FAVORITES AMONG HIS OVERLOOKED STARRING ROLES

R.I.P. Robert Duvall. This year we say goodbye to this monumental actor like we said goodbye to his friend and fellow thespian giant Gene Hackman early last year. Most tributes will cover Duvall’s roles in his many, many films whose titles are household words. This being Balladeer’s Blog I’ll instead look at some of his overlooked gems.

TOMORROW (1972) – Robert Duvall – who called this one of his favorite performances – plays poverty-stricken farmer and sawmill operator Jackson Fentry of Mississippi. One cold December evening he comes across the pregnant Sarah Eubanks, a poor woman whose abusive husband has abandoned her because he wants nothing to do with raising their child.

The lonely Fentry nurses Sarah back to health and supports her through her baby’s birth. He promises to raise the child as his own and keeps his word even when his and Sarah’s relationship is cut short by her poor health. Fentry’s fundamental decency rubs off on the boy, who shows signs of being as compassionate as Jackson himself.

SPOILERS: Unfortunately, Sarah’s violent brothers eventually learn that “Jackson Jr.” (Johnny Mask) is their sister’s child and take him from Fentry by force. From then on, the boy grows into the same kind of violent criminal that his uncles are. Ultimately, the young man is murdered, and his killer is let off because the jury views the slaying as a public benefit given what a depraved criminal the late Jackson Jr. was.

Horton Foote (who adapted the screenplay for To Kill a Mockingbird in which Duvall played Boo Radley) expanded one of William Faulkner’s short stories about lawyer Gavin Stevens into this film’s screenplay. A shorter version was first performed on tv’s Playhouse 90.

The film drags, but Robert performs brilliantly as a downtrodden man whose dignity and character shine through despite the deficient vocabulary his lack of education has left him with. Continue reading

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THE DOBERMAN GANG MOVIES (1972-1980)

Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at the neglected Doberman Gang series of movies.

THE DOBERMAN GANG (1972) – I’m a lifelong dog lover, so let me point out that this was the very first film to carry the American Humane Association’s guarantee that “No animals were harmed in the making of this film.” Despite spawning a franchise, The Doberman Gang flies by the proverbial seat of its pants, and while it’s good to know that no dogs were harmed this flick features a few Doberman attacks on humans that seem too gritty.

This movie bounces erratically between Family Friendly and low-budget gimmick production. Eddie (Byron Mabe) leads his bank robber accomplices Sammy and JoJo (Simmy Bow and JoJo D’Amore) who idiotically screw up heists that seem like sure things.

Fed up with the way that human error keeps messing up his carefully planned capers, Eddie strikes upon the idea of using trained dogs to rob banks for him. That may sound like the premise of a light-hearted Disney movie from the 1970s but The Doberman Gang retains a low-life criminal air that’s too grimy at times. Continue reading

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RICARDO MONTALBAN’S SWASHBUCKLER FILMS

Nobody doesn’t like Ricardo Montalban. From Mr. Rourke to his memorable villain roles, his suave charm and magnetic charisma kept him a star for decades. Here’s a look at his swashbuckler movies.

RAGE OF THE BUCCANEERS (1961) – Montalban stars as 1600s buccaneer Captain Gordon aka the Black Pirate (no relation to the Douglas Fairbanks silent film). He’s a former slave turned pirate and his favorite targets for plunder are slave ships.

Gordon liberates all the slaves on such vessels and loots all valuables. His suffering when he was a slave drives him still and he has a “secret identity” of sorts as a wealthy landowner in San Salvador. Through that identity he covertly keeps abreast of ships with valuable cargos as well as the actions of slave merchants trying to avoid his pirate attacks. 

Ricardo has two ladies vying for his love – stowaway Luanal (Liana Orfei) and the governor’s daughter Manuela (Giulia Rubini). Vincent Price himself plays Romero, an evil politician and slave trader plotting to overthrow the governor and take his place. He also wants Manuela for himself. 

Romero’s most dangerous ally is Captain Tortuga (Jose Jaspe), a ruthless slaver who has clashed with Captain Gordon over the years. Montalban shines as the hero viewers can’t help but cheer for, especially when he thwarts the efforts of slavers to dump their chained human “cargo” overboard to drown rather than have our pirate captain liberate them.

This movie should have been remade in recent decades. I know studios consider pirate movies to be risky ventures but this one seems like it couldn’t miss. 88 minutes. Continue reading

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