Tag Archives: Fantastic Movie Reviews

PRESIDENTIAL ACTION AND HORROR FILMS

George WashingtonGEORGE WASHINGTON BATTLES THE BERSERKERS – During the brutal winter at Valley Forge General George Washington must contend with more than just the elements and the distant British army. The Hessian troops the Redcoats have imported from the German- speaking world have unleashed a master plan to overrun the Continental Army once and for all.

Their ranks boast a dabbler in Nordic magic and he’s concocted a mushroom-heavy formula to transform all the Hessians into furious berserkers like those of the Viking age! George is having none of it of course, and plans to turn the Pennsylvania snow red with the blood of these latter-day berserkers of the ancient Germanic god Woden.

All this plus a gay love affair between Washington and Alexander Hamilton just to guarantee lots of free publicity! 

John AdamsJOHN ADAMS: WITCHSLAYER – Remember the tale of young John Adams defending a 1700s Wiccan priestess when he was a lawyer? This movie would proceed from the notion that the young witch went on to involve Adams in a battle royal with an evil coven of dark witches who were giving paganism a bad name!

Using an aresenal of mystic weapons provided by the priestess he defended John goes on to lay the thirteen witches and warlocks of the dark coven in their graves! Throw in an Continue reading

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Filed under Bad and weird movies, Fantastic Movie Reviews, humor

THE WORLD’S A STAGE (2014)

Would ALEC BALDWIN find the plot of this movie a little too close to reality?

Would one percenter ALEC BALDWIN find the plot of this movie a little too close to reality?

The World’s A Stage (2014 – Glitternight productions) – This independent film, though set here in the 21st Century, is reminiscent of ancient Greek political satires like the ones penned by Aristophanes, Eupolis and Cratinus as well as the parathespian comedies of Strattis.

A traveling troupe of actors visit an unnamed town and are a huge hit in a play dramatizing the heroics of a group of honest politicians. The citizens are bowled over by their performances and elect the men and women of the theatre troupe to actually govern their town.

Naturally the shallow and vain thespians are in way over their heads when it comes to dealing with real-world responsibilities and problems. Their egotistical need for applause and approval also makes them unfit for office, especially when it comes to Continue reading

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ELVIS PRESLEY: ROCK’N’ROLL VS THE REDCOATS

Elvis IS General Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans

Elvis IS General Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans

January 8th of each year always represents the general rift that separates American pop culture from alleged “high culture”. On the one hand it’s Elvis Presley’s birthday. On the other hand it’s also the anniversary of the Battle of New Orleans, in which General (and future President) Andrew Jackson teamed up with French pirate Jean Lafitte to hand the British their worst defeat in the War of 1812.

It’s not tough to guess which event gets more attention year in and year out, but cult director Eddie Wozniak took a break from the film world to write, produce and direct this musical comedy.

General Jackson as a one-man USO show for his battle-hardened troops

General Jackson as a one-man USO show for his battle-hardened troops

Rock’N’Roll vs the Redcoats is Wozniak’s hilarious but educational fusion of Elvis’ birthday with the martial anniversary. The musical comedy depicts the events of 1815 as they might have been depicted in an Elvis Presley movie with an actual Elvis impersonator in the lead role. So basically the star of Rock’N’Roll vs the Redcoats is a man playing Elvis Presley playing General Andrew Jackson. Continue reading

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BLU-RAY RELEASE OF THE BURQA (2013)

NOW ON BLU-RAY IT’S ONE OF 2013’s MOST CONTROVERSIAL MOVIES! 

The Burqa: A heroic woman fighting Muslim Apartheid and defending women's rights.

The Burqa: A heroic woman fighting Muslim Apartheid and defending women’s rights.

THE BURQA (2013) – The Burqa was THE action film of the year 2013. This movie had a daring premise, incredible stuntwork plus more killings and blood squibs than any three Quentin Tarantino movies put together. There was also an unforgettable performance by the lead actress, whose name is STILL being kept a secret over fears of violent reprisals from Islamist terrorist groups.

The film was set in 2013 Iraq. Our heroine,  known only as “The Burqa” emerges from the desert sands, clad in the outfit she is named for and with automatic weapons strapped to each of her sashaying thighs. Like Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name and John Garko’s Holy Ghost, both from Spaghetti Westerns, the Burqa is an unstoppable gunslinger who litters the land with her fallen foemen.

The audience first meets the title figure when she saves a teenage Muslim girl from being raped and killed by Islamist fanatics for daring to dress in western clothing and to advocate abortion rights. Countless Continue reading

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TO THE FOURTH POWER (2013): MORE RELEVANT THAN EVER

American FlagThis review is especially relevant to the insanity of the 2016 U.S. presidential campaign and the increasingly open hostility between the voters and the ugly criminals who hold elected office. 

TO THE FOURTH POWER (2013) – You’d think it would be impossible to do something creative with the mock documentary format at this point but To The Fourth Power proves to be a thought-provoking and inventive piece set “just a few years from now”.

The movie depicts a near future in which the American people have taken back the 4th of July and have transformed it into more than just a celebration of the nation’s birth: into an expression of the rapidly rising public resentment at the way elected officials represent the wishes of their political party and not the wishes of the people who elect them. Continue reading

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THE BEN AFFLECK SHOW: DEFENDER OF THE FAITH

Ben Affleck portrays a superhero who defends Muslim terrorists from anyone who interferes with them on The Ben Affleck Show.

Ben Affleck portrays a superhero who defends Muslim terrorists from anyone who interferes with them on The Ben Affleck Show.

Ben Affleck’s latest venture is this eponymous web series in which he portrays Haven Monahan, a gutless hypocrite who hates Christianity and Judaism but grovels for Islam. Still hopelessly embittered by the scorn he gets for his disastrous turn in Daredevil and for any other casting of him as a costumed crimefighter Affleck has decided to tackle his critics head-on by starring as a superhero called the Defender of the Faith.

Whenever anyone is courageously standing up to Islamic oppression or violence Haven Monahan (Affleck) becomes the Defender of the Faith and ensures that non-Muslims are victimized by any Muslim fanatic in the vicinity.

Affleck as the costumed superhero the Defender of the Faith.

Affleck as the costumed superhero the Defender of the Faith.

Episode One, posted last night, was torn from recent headlines as Affleck’s Defender of the Faith swung into action to prevent a handful of heroic non-Muslims from interfering with a crazed Muslim gunman. The Defender of the Faith beat the interlopers unconscious then left the scene so the Muslim terrorist could wrack up a body count of innocent bystanders.

Talking about his latest role Affleck (who also produces and directs the web series) stated “My own ancestors were slave-owners and slavery is a tradition that the Muslim world has kept going long after the West abandoned it, so I’ve always felt a certain kinship to Islam. Continue reading

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INDEPENDENCE DAY: TO THE FOURTH POWER

To the 4th PowerTO THE FOURTH POWER (2013) – This film was one of the sleeper hits of last year. You’d think it would be impossible to do something creative with the mock documentary format at this point but To The Fourth Power proves to be a thought-provoking and inventive piece set “just a few years from now”.

The movie depicts a near future in which the Continue reading

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