Tag Archives: humor

AMERICA: PART OF THE “ALIEN” FRANCHISE

Mascot new lookIt’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these blog posts here at Balladeer’s Blog.

“We’re a world of 7 billion people, 10 billion blogs and 20 billion political poses” is always the opening line. So let’s have some fun framing American politics as part of the Alien franchise.

Ellen RipleyRIPLEY and the other humans in the Alien films are American VOTERS. As we struggle to survive in this dangerous setting we need to stand together against the common threats. And that applies whether a voter considers themselves Independent or Democrat or Republican. Political labels have become meaningless for US as the Neo-Feudalists view all of us as peasants and cannon fodder, anyway.  

Alien XenomorphTHE XENOMORPHS are the DEMOCRAT office holders and their fellow members of the Hive Mind: the corporate media, “teachers” (LMAO), entertainers, SJWs and anyone else who plays along with the Democrat approach of taking offense at everything and filing complaints until only other Democrats work in your field. And Democrat power-holders and “activists” (LMAO) have no traces of individuality, just like the Xenomorphs. No personality, no independent thought and certainly no personal strength. Their numbers and unquestioning obedience are their fascistic advantage.

Carter BurkeWEYLAND-YUTANI CORPORATION are the Republican office holders and bloated rich pigs who care only about profit, potential profit and possible “sacrificed profits” if they don’t exploit every single situation for every dime that can be extracted from it. BURKE in particular represents Republican trash like the Bush Family, Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney, the stuffy white guys at National Review, etc. The Xenomorphs could be stopped if the Republican money-grubbers would forget the bottom line for once and stand with human beings. This will never happen. They will sell us out every time if it adds just one dollar to their bank balance.   Continue reading

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JOE BIDEN: STILL LYING AND STEALING AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Joe Biden is creepyLaughing at Joe Biden is ALWAYS the best medicine! Here’s a little levity to end the weekend. Now, I know compared to Joe Biden’s sleazy trail of modern-day lies and corruption plus running a crime family guilty of influence peddling, his plagiarism scandals and ridiculous lies about his academic qualifications may seem trivial. But they’re STILL funny! See below.

And please note how much more professional and honest the news people were back then, not giving Biden a pass just because he’s a Democrat. People back then at least tried to be actual journalists. 

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GEEK CHORUS: HILARIOUS SONG PARODIES

Geek ChorusRegular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are familiar with my odd sense of humor and my in-depth looks at off-beat and/ or obscure items. GEEK CHORUS (channel logo at right) nicely covers all of that and more.

The Geek Chorus YT channel specializes in hilarious song parodies taking down the primly disapproving, humorless SJWs of modern-day Snitch/ Informant Culture. In addition they do clever songs regarding in-jokes about the Heroic Defenders of Freedom (HDFs) who courageously oppose the SJWs and their book-burning mentality.

masc graveyard newAn example of the former would be Peg Me Too, sung to the tune of Peggy Sue, about the ridiculous Preston Poulter situation. (That song features adult humor) An example of the latter would be Anna’s Crazy, sung to the tune of She’s A Lady, ribbing Anna That Star Wars Girl about her lovable eccentricities.

The subjects of the songs may seem too “Inside Baseball” for overseas viewers who aren’t immersed in the nuances of our Culture Wars. Below is Geek Chorus’ rocking tribute to the irreverent and brilliant Ethan Van Sciver, sung to the tune of Viva Las Vegas. If you like it, the other 11 song parodies to date are found HERE     

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I LOVE LUCY: SNARKY TELEVISION LISTINGS III

I love lucy2:00 PM – I LOVE LUCY (drama) – A Cuban-American entertainer named Ricky Ricardo compassionately deals with his mentally unstable wife Lucy even when her illness threatens to ruin his career in show business.

***

Bonanza3:00 PM – BONANZA (psychological horror) – Ben Cartwright – a seemingly respectable Nevada rancher – mates, then kills, having one son each with a succession of wives whom he subsequently murders. Only his Chinese manservant Hop Sing suspects the horrors lurking at the Ponderosa Ranch. Continue reading

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TWENTY WRY QUOTES

Mascot sword and pistolAnother of Balladeer’s Blog’s Top Twenty Lists for 2020.

“Whoever is not a misanthrope at forty can never have loved mankind.” – Nicolas Chamfort 

“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” – Albert Camus

“Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes.” – Norman Douglas

“To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood.” – George Santayana

“Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies.” – Honore de Balzac Continue reading

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FOURTEEN MOVIES AND SHOWS TOO DARING FOR HOLLYWOOD

masc chair and bottleBalladeer’s Blog takes a look at several controversial pieces of entertainment too edgy for the mainstream.

… BUT NAMES WILL NEVER HURT ME (2016) – Is it real? If it is, is it MEANT to be as funny as it is? Left-wingers and right-wingers try to shame into silence the contestants on a game show. This is done by calling them “racists” if they are pro-freedom of expression and “baby-killers” if they are pro-choice on abortion.  Real or fake, this game show is sure to offend almost everybody. Continue reading

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LEAP DAY MILESTONES

Charles “The Bearded Badass” Darwin

Some things happen only once every four years – things like Democrat Joe Biden having a coherent thought and Republican Mitt Romney prying his head out of his ass. Another one of those things would be February 29th: Leap Day. Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at some of the milestone events that got cheated out of a yearly anniversary by happening on this date.

1704 – French provocateurs and Native Americans attack Deerfield, MA and kill roughly 50 inhabitants while abducting 100. Ronald Reagan’s ancestor recommends selling arms to Persia to secure the release of the abductees. Elizabeth Warren’s ancestor recommends killing all the Native Americans and then claiming to BE part Native American when it’s monetarily or politically convenient.

1712 – In Sweden February 29th is followed by February 30th to help usher in the new calendar system … and because Al Sharpton’s ancestor demanded an extra day in February to make Black History Month a little bit longer.  

1720 – Back to Sweden, where Queen Ulrica Eleonora resigns following general public ridicule of her name “Ulrica”. I’m kidding! But she did resign.

1784 – In France, the Marquis de Sade is transferred from the fortress of Vincennes to the Bastille in exchange for 3 other sadists and a masochist to be named later.

1832 – Charles Darwin explores the Brazilian jungle and gets a great idea for how he can screw with religious nuts even long after he’s dead.

1836 – In Paris, Meyerbeers’ opera Les Huguenots premieres. Nobody cared back then either. Continue reading

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ANOTHER TWENTY FAILED PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

masc graveyard newAmong the most popular posts here at Balladeer’s Blog are this series of items regarding comical – sometimes hilarious – failed predictions from psychics. In the spirit of shameless pandering, here’s another!

ETHEL JOHNSON MEYERS

*** In the late 1970s or early 1980s Communist China will use atomic bombs in the United States.

*** Mao Tse-tung will die by 1973.

Nuclear Explosion With Orange Mushroom CloudDOCTOR N (This was the actual alias of a supposed physician and/or psychiatrist who did not want their identity known when they gave predictions.)

*** The Communist Chinese will bomb San Francisco on December 29th, 1970.

*** The United States and China will be at war by 1972 at the latest. America’s west coast states will become uninhabitable by radioactive fallout from something called “water blasts.” By the war’s end most of the U.S. will be destroyed and 190 million Chinese people would be dead.

*** By 1972 a Dr Martin will discover a cure for cancer. Continue reading

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VICE PRESIDENTS – JOKES ABOUT THESE ULTIMATE SECOND BANANAS

John Adams

John Adams

Since it’s Presidents Day Weekend here’s another seasonal post.

John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.”

In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc. 

aaron-burrAARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to start his own country than any other Vice President. (So far, anyway.)

Best Burr Quote: “I’m still searching for the real killers of Alexander Hamilton.” 

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: P-Funk and Funkadelic Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of his loyalist cousin Sir Henry Clinton during the Revolutionary War. Continue reading

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TWENTY LOSING PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES

mascot new look donkey and elephant headsBalladeer’s Blog will be featuring plenty of Top 20 lists in honor of the year 2020. Here’s one featuring 10 Democrats and 10 Republicans yet you know partisans will accuse me of favoring one or the other party in this list. What can ya do? Anyway, in no particular order:

James M CoxJAMES M COX (Lost to Harding)

Gang Affiliation: Democrat 

Motto: “But Harding said ‘NORMALCY’ for God’s sake!”

Nickname: The Man Who Ran With Franklin Roosevelt As His Vice Presidential Candidate. 

Pro: Was so manly even his last name was phallic. 

Con: Founded Cox Communications, vowing that someday his company’s unsympathetic and unprofessional Cable Company employees would make the country pay for not electing him.

No man is good three timesWENDELL WILKIE (Lost to FDR in 1940)

Gang Affiliation: Republican

Motto: “No man is good three times.” For once I’m using the REAL motto that the person ran under for president. Wilkie’s campaign was referring to the way FDR was running for President for the third time in a row, hence the “three times.” Given the cultural taboos of the time it was apparently NOT intended as a dirty double-entendre but these days we can’t think of it any other way.

Nickname: The Guy Who Wasn’t Good Once, Let Alone Three Times

Pro: Was open-minded enough to plan with FDR the possible formation of a third major Political Party once World War Two was over.

Con: Died even before Roosevelt did, tragically depriving America of that Third Party that might have forever changed history with two such prominent men pushing it. 

Continue reading

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