Tag Archives: humor

THE RUINED BRUIN (1961): BAD MOVIE

Ruined BruinTHE RUINED BRUIN (1961) – Written and directed by THE John K McCarthy, The Ruined Bruin was another one of those late “nudie cuties” which would make modern audiences yawn and wince … But would no doubt REALLY excite Furries!

In the past Balladeer’s Blog has reviewed the closing years of the Nudie Cutie subgenre as it went through its final convulsions in the form of gimmicks, each one more absurd than the last. I’ve reviewed Nude on the Moon, The Naked Witch, Orgy of the Dead, Doctor Sex and others.

The Ruined Bruin features a bear – really a costumed man (Myron Griffin) – who escapes from the Los Angeles Zoo and, for no apparent reason than so this movie could be made, tries to romance assorted gorgeous half-nude ladies.

Despite their name the Nudie Cuties never featured full nudity. Toplessness and some butt-shots were all you got, with strategically and/or improbably placed branches, shrubs or rail fences covering pubic regions. Fans of Peter Sellers will remember the classic sendup of those nudie cuties that he worked into one of his Inspector Clouseau films.   

The appeal of these movies is barely understood today, when you can find any visual stimulation you want with just a few clicks on your keyboard but decades ago Nudie Cuties really packed ’em in.

At any rate Buddy the Bear (Griffin) escapes from the zoo and, equipped with his Boris and Natasha-level Russian accent for his voice-over, takes in the sight of plenty of beautiful women. When the first one rejects his advances (and no, I don’t know why a bear is interested in human women any more than I know why cartoon mice characters often woo female cats away from their feline arch-enemies) Buddy tries to transform himself into a human male. Continue reading

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TRANSGRESS WITH ME: MAY 30th

Time for another installment of Balladeer’s Blog’s political humor feature Transgress With Me:

Mascot with demo and repub headsTHE MUELLER REPORT DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO CLEAR ROBERT MUELLER OF ANY POTENTIAL FUTURE KIDDIE PORNOGRAPHY CHARGES. I WILL ANSWER NO QUESTIONS. THIS IS MY LAST STATEMENT ABOUT THE COWARDLY “MURKY” MUELLER, ONE OF AMERICA’S MOST NOTORIOUSLY CORRUPT PROSECUTORS.  

EVERY INDIVIDUAL IS A MINORITY OF ONE.

THE POPE IS NOTHING MORE THAN THE HEAD OF THE WORLD’S LARGEST CHILD MOLESTATION RING, YET HE THINKS HE’S FIT TO LECTURE THE REST OF US.

AMERICAN “EDUCATORS” (LMAO) FORFEITED ANY RIGHT TO RESPECT WHEN THEY BEGAN ABUSING THEIR POSITIONS TO FORCE THEIR POLITICAL OPINIONS UPON THEIR STUDENTS. AND WHEN THEY BECAME MORE LIKE CLERGY, FORCING THEIR SIMPLE-MINDED NOTIONS OF RIGHT AND WRONG UPON THEIR STUDENTS.

Robert Mueller surrenders

I HAVE NO STATEMENT TO MAKE REGARDING IF THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN DURING AN ARREST OF ROBERT MUELLER FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE. I WILL ANSWER NO QUESTIONS IF HE WAS WEARING PANTS.

ACCUSED RAPIST AND ACCUSED SUBORNER OF PERJURY ROBERT MUELLER KEPT INNOCENT PEOPLE IN BOSTON IN PRISON FOR YEARS DURING THE WHITEY BULGER SCANDAL. MUELLER ALSO HAS THE FACE OF A CARTOON CHARACTER COMBINED WITH THE HEART AND SOUL OF A NAZI. HE’S ALSO A BOUGHT AND PAID FOR WHORE. I HAVE NO FURTHER STATEMENT TO MAKE AND I WILL ANSWER NO QUESTIONS.  Continue reading

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BRIE LARSON’S BUCKET LIST

Brie Larson

FIRST FEMALE ACTION STAR, LIKE, EVER, DUDE!

Even for a shallow and uninformed “entertainer” (LMAO), Brie Larson is hilariously pompous. She seems narcissistically oblivious to film history – even RECENT film history – and keeps making ridiculous statements that she is some sort of pioneer for having starred in the Captain Marvel movie.

Brie conveniently forgets that Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman beat Captain Marvel to theaters … and so did the Lara Croft, Tomb Raider films, Milla Jovovich’s Alice in the Resident Evil series of movies, the female action stars in Ultra Violet, Elektra, Underworld, Atomic Blonde, Aeon Flux, Kill Bill and so many others.

Quick and the DeadTo say nothing of Sigourney Weaver in the Alien movies and Pam Grier in Foxy Brown, Coffy, Sheba Baby and Friday Foster. And had Larson ever heard of La Femme Nikita?

Even more comical is the fact that she is still at it! What a buffoon! Anyway, here’s a mock Bucket List for the solipsistic Brie Larson:

*** BECOME THE FIRST WOMAN TO WIN AN OSCAR.

*** BECOME THE FIRST WOMAN ELECTED TO THE UNITED STATES SENATE.

xena*** BECOME THE FIRST FEMALE SECRETARY OF STATE IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

*** COURAGEOUSLY BECOME THE FIRST WOMAN TO DISCUSS HER POLITICAL OPINIONS IN AN INTERVIEW.

*** WISH SHE HAD HAD THE COURAGE TO LET A WOMAN OF COLOR STAR AS CAPTAIN MARVEL SINCE THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN MONICA RAMBEAU WAS THE FIRST FEMALE CAPTAIN MARVEL IN THE COMIC BOOKS … of the 1980s. Continue reading

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VIDEO OF ASSANGE SKATEBOARDING INSIDE THE EMBASSY

AssangeBalladeer’s Blog’s International Correspondent Tamara has filed this item about skateboard footage of Julian Assange during his embassy stay. The X-Games are clearly in Assange’s future! (I’m kidding!)

FOR THE VIDEO CLICK HERE 

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POST-MUELLER REPORT HUMOR

LAST GO ‘ROUND ON THIS TOPIC … UNLESS THE DERANGED DEMOCRATS CONTINUE PURSUING THIS RUSSIA NONSENSE LIKE THEY ARE THREATENING TO.

Mueller comedy 1

*Mueller comedy 2

Mueller comedy 6

Mueller Comedy 3

Mueller comedy 7

Mueller comedy 8

Mueller comedy 5

Mueller comedy bracket

Mueller comedy basketball ref Continue reading

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MARK ZUCKERBERG LOOKS AT POETRY

Mark Zuckerberg dead inside

“I’M DEAD INSIDE.”

Nobody takes more joy in sucking the emotion out of all human contact than Facebook’s Mark “Skippy” Zuckerberg! Mark – who hopes to become “a real boy” someday – recently chatted with a nonexistent reporter for Balladeer’s Blog. The subject was Zuckerberg’s new algorithm for breaking down poetry (patent pending).

BALLADEER’S BLOG: So Mark, what made you and your ilk in Silicon Valley take time away from invading people’s privacy to poke and prod at poetry?

MARK ZUCKERBERG: It annoyed me that there was still a scintilla of humanity left in the written word and I realized I couldn’t rest until I had analyzed it, broken it down and/or monetized it in some way. At the very least I wanted to destroy the emotion within it.

BALLADEER’S BLOG: Why do you despise all passion?

Mark Zuckerberg act normalMARK ZUCKERBERG: I figure if I’m not capable of experiencing emotions there’s no reason that people who have less money than I do should get to experience them either.

BALLADEER: Say no more. May I recite some random lines of poetry to you so you can demonstrate how your poetry algorithm would translate them?

MARK ZUCKERBERG: I would not be opposed to doing that.   

BALLADEER’S BLOG: The moon like a flower/ In Heaven’s high bower/ In silent delight/ Sits and smiles on the night

MARK ZUCKERBERG: “Moon good.”

BALLADEER’S BLOG: Let thy loveliness fade as it will/ And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart/ Would entwine itself verdantly still

MARK ZUCKERBERG: “Male gaze.” Or maybe “Toxic masculinity.” I yield to the Sarkeesian-bots on my staff when it comes to translating such dangerous misogyny and exhortations to rape.  

BALLADEER’S BLOG: Two roads diverged in a wood and I – / I took the road less traveled by

MARK ZUCKERBERG: “Problematic fascist walks.”

BALLADEER’S BLOG: Where they have cringed and crawled and prayed/ I stand/ The self-damned/ Unafraid

mark zuckerberg free to say whatever i wantMARK ZUCKERBERG: I don’t understand it, so it must be Hate Speech. It would be banned for violation of community standards.

BALLADEER’S BLOG: I have no mouth and I must scr-

MARK ZUCKERBERG: HATE SPEECH!

BALLADEER’S BLOG: Ours not to reason why/ Ours but to do and die

MARK ZUCKERBERG: Hey, why are you reading from the Silicon Valley Employees Manual? Continue reading

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OSCAR WINNERS AND TODAY’S NEWS

Tom Hanks with Hitler stacheTOM HANKS – I was reminded of Hanks’ line “stupid is as stupid does” when Democrats stated that their beloved royalty aka illegal immigrants should even enjoy exemptions from gun-control laws. For one thing if an illegal immigrant – even one previously deported and/or with previous offenses – tries to illegally buy a gun the Democrats feel that “Illegal Alien Privilege” should apply and the delicate little darling should not be held. After all, being held increases the possibility that the illegal might get caught by or turned over to ICE. CLICK HERE and below.

Robert de niroROBERT DE NIRO – De Niro’s performance in Raging Bull at times made me think about brain-damaged people. His “old man yells at cloud” behavior in recent years ALWAYS makes me think about brain-damaged people. Someone who is definitely NOT brain-damaged is Allum Bokhari, a journalist and technology correspondent who examined the abuses inflicted by the Techno-Fascists of Silicon Valley HERE

Samuel L JacksonSAMUEL L JACKSON – Jackson’s real-life portrayal of a racist hatemonger towers over any other performances he’s ever given. Samuel and the other privileged one percenters above STILL refuse to give away all but 2 million dollars of their unneeded fortunes to the poor. Selfish prick Jackson’s behavior reminded me of THIS article about how the public money spent on roadside noise-barriers for rich suburbanites could more than pay for a border wall. CLICK HERE Continue reading

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