Category Archives: Presidential Rap Sheets

RECENT U.S. PRESIDENTS: PROS AND CONS

It’s Presidents Day, so here are some sarcastic takes on the more recent presidents, with both political parties shown the irreverence they deserve.  

EisenhowerDWIGHT EISENHOWER

Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.

Military Service: World War One and World War Two

Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember,  the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)

Nickname: Uncle Milty

Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pastime. 

Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”.

john f kennedyJOHN F KENNEDY

Character Type: Rich playboy who disdained both Liberals and Conservatives and played by his own rules.

Military Service: World War Two

Motto: “Thank God for television!”

Nickname: FDR  

Pro: The man was shrewd enough to distrust both liberals and conservatives equally. I can’t praise that attitude highly enough given our present circumstances. 

Con: I can’t find out what happened to this guy. Anybody hear anything?  Continue reading

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Filed under humor, Neglected History, opinion, Presidential Rap Sheets

JOE BIDEN: THE NATIONAL VEGETABLE

Biden corruptFrom Mad King George III to our present-day corrupt, senile and thoroughly creepy Joe Biden, history has thrown a lot of unhinged and detestable worms at us. 

Joe Biden dem in dementiaBIDEN’S LEAST HARMFUL LIE – Let’s start this blog post with some comic relief. Biden has lied and lied and lied relentlessly, with nationally damaging lies mixed in with almost harmless lies like his imagined battle with “a bad dude” called “Corn Pop.” (Remember, in Biden’s racist imaginings he is able to overcome stereotypical blaxploitation-level villains single-handed.)

              Recently the Daffy Democrat regaled his audience with a bizarre lie HILARIOUSLY exaggerating his performance at a Congressional Baseball Game of the past. In a game where he went 0-2, Biden became – in his feverish longings – a mighty hitter of almost Babe Ruth proportions. Considering how one of Biden’s fellow Democrats opened fire on opposition party Congressmen at a practice on the diamond a few years back, we’re lucky that Joe didn’t claim he was the trigger-man in that horrific incident. Give it time and he probably will.  

Tiny hands Joe Biden

Corrupt, senile, tiny-handed Joe Biden

BIDEN CONTINUES TO EMBODY POLITICAL CORRUPTION AS USUAL IN AMERICA – As the head of the Biden Crime Family, with his repulsive son Hunter as the underboss, Joe Biden embodies 48 years’ worth of American political corruption from the white collar criminals called Democrats and Republicans. The only true Reform President we’ve had in decades had to go for opposing the uniparty swamp, with Joe Biden selected but not elected, just like the equally disgusting George W Bush.

IS JOE BIDEN SENILE, DEMENTED OR JUST EXCEPTIONALLY STUPID? – It’s recognized around the world that Joe Biden is mentally unfit, but debate continues over the exact nature of his failings. He showed hostility to people of color long before now with his punitive and draconian legislation against them plus his war on the poor and the working class is not new, so those seem more like malice aforethought than senility.

captain pike

Captain Pike cosplaying as Joe Biden

With Biden’s other doddering behaviors, like stumbling on stairwells and wandering around lost and needing notes to answer the simplest questions, though, who could really say for sure? Continue reading

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TWENTY BOOKS ABOUT BARACK OBAMA

democrat republican awakeBalladeer’s Blog’s theme of Top Twenty lists for 2020 continues. We need Third Parties, as I often point out, and here are some books emphasizing how American career politicians are nothing but white-collar criminals. In this case the spotlight is on the scandal-plagued Barack Obama from a REALISTIC viewpoint, not from Democrat partisans who inflate Obama’s reputation the way George W Bush fans do with his disastrous presidency. 

Gangster GovernmentGANGSTER GOVERNMENT – Written by Columbia School of Journalism graduate David Freddoso.

The title Gangster Government could have applied to George W Bush’s administration as well, but this is a list of books about Obama.

CULTURE OF CORRUPTION: OBAMA AND HIS TEAM OF TAX CHEATS, CROOKS AND CRONIES – It’s been said that the Obama Administration may have been the most corrupt since the days of the Ohio Gang under Republican President Warren G Harding. This book details why.

Worst President in HistoryTHE WORST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY: THE LEGACY OF BARACK OBAMA – Written by Matt Margolis and Mark Noonan, this thoroughly documented and highly detailed work of investigative journalism has been called “the definitive takedown of the Obama Presidency.”

THE SCANDALOUS PRESIDENCY OF BARACK OBAMA – Another of Matt Margolis’ blistering exposes of one of the most damaging and crooked presidencies in history.

THE OBAMA SCANDALS: THE TWENTY-TWO WORST OUTRAGES OF THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION – This riveting book was authored by Keith Koffler and is a must-read.

Commander In FailureCOMMANDER-IN-FAILURE: AN AFRICAN AMERICAN REFLECTS ON AMERICA’S FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT AND HOW HE FAILED US ALL – Martin Luther King Person of Courage Kiara Ashanti penned this masterful deconstruction of the weak, inept and crooked little man named Barack Obama.  

THE PEOPLE VS BARACK OBAMA – A very apt book title when it comes to the president who damaged the working class and the poor more than any other president of my lifetime.  Continue reading

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VICE PRESIDENTS – JOKES ABOUT THESE ULTIMATE SECOND BANANAS

John Adams

John Adams

Since it’s Presidents Day Weekend here’s another seasonal post.

John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.”

In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc. 

aaron-burrAARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to start his own country than any other Vice President. (So far, anyway.)

Best Burr Quote: “I’m still searching for the real killers of Alexander Hamilton.” 

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: P-Funk and Funkadelic Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of his loyalist cousin Sir Henry Clinton during the Revolutionary War. Continue reading

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FIVE MOST UNQUALIFIED U.S. PRESIDENTS

mascot new look donkey and elephant headsHAPPY PRESIDENTS DAY! What better way to poke through the undeserved air of reverence that often clouds this holiday than by taking a look at the Five Most UN-qualified people who rose to the presidency. And remember, this list is not a reflection of their subsequent performance as president, just on their qualifications prior to taking the office. 

Ulysses S GrantNUMBER 5: ULYSSES S GRANT

Gang Affiliation: Republican

Became President Despite Their Poor Qualifications Because: He was treated too gently by the media as the victorious General from the Civil War and had tried not to take sides in the bitter fighting between Congress and President Andrew Johnson leading up to the election of 1868. 

Comment: Grant started out promisingly enough, graduating from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. After 15 years in the Army (and service in the Mexican War) Grant went on to a series of failures in civilian life. When the Civil War broke out he returned to military service and rose to lead the Union Army to victory.

I’m not looking down on military service but when it’s your core experience and only area of success punctuated by repeated failures in other endeavors you might think Secretary of War would be Grant’s eventual position in the cabinet of a more qualified president. Continue reading

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1912: BATTLE OF THE THREE PRESIDENTS

masc chair and bottleHappy Presidents Day Weekend! Balladeer’s Blog’s seasonal posts continue with this look at the presidential election of 1912.

I won’t bury this item in unnecessary detail to the point where it becomes boring. My emphasis will be on its three-way battle’s relevance to us today. 

Woodrow WilsonDEMOCRAT: Woodrow Wilson, the victor. To this very day many Republicans blame Wilson for starting the country on its path toward all the things they don’t like.

They ignore the fact that their own party’s movers and shakers of the time spitefully ensured Wilson’s victory by refusing to accept the popular Theodore Roosevelt as the Republican candidate.

That drove him to the Third Party called the Progressive Party, thus splitting the anti-Wilson vote in such a way that enabled the Democrat to win.

Theodore RooseveltPROGRESSIVE: Former Republican President Theodore Roosevelt had come out of retirement to run again because he was thoroughly disenchanted with his hand-picked successor, incumbent Republican President William Howard Taft.

The reason? Theodore felt that Taft was undoing the few inroads that he (Theodore) had made against the moneyed rich pig class. Republican tycoons of the time often expressed their feeling that Teddy was a traitor to his class – an accusation that they would REALLY overuse against Theodore’s Democrat cousin Franklin Roosevelt decades later.  

This is similar to the way current President Donald Trump is often attacked by today’s bloated rich pigs, both Republican AND Democrat, because of the few inroads that HE has made against his fellows in the moneyed class. Some of the rich pigs of Teddy’s era openly referred to the way they generally carry America’s elected officials around in their pockets by saying “We bought the son of a bitch but he wouldn’t stay bought.”        Continue reading

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AMERICAN PRESIDENTS EISENHOWER THROUGH TRUMP

Mascot with demo and repub headsThe three-day President’s Day holiday weekend is fast approaching. 

Here’s one of my biggest hits – a tongue-in-cheek look at U.S. Presidents from Eisenhower to Trump filled with insults and pot-shots directed at both Democrats and Republicans.

  

EisenhowerDWIGHT EISENHOWER

Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.

Military Service: World War One and World War Two

Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember,  the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)

Nickname: Uncle Milty

Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pasttime. 

Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”.

john f kennedyJOHN F KENNEDY

Character Type: Rich playboy who disdained both Liberals and Conservatives and played by his own rules.

Military Service: World War Two

Motto: “Thank God for television!”

Nickname: FDR  

Pro: The man was shrewd enough to distrust both liberals and conservatives equally. I can’t praise that attitude highly enough given our present circumstances. 

Con:  I can’t find out what happened to this guy. Anybody hear anything?  Continue reading

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, Neglected History, opinion, Presidential Rap Sheets

AMERICAN PRESIDENTS EISENHOWER THROUGH TRUMP

Mascot with demo and repub headsA large number of first-time readers have discovered Balladeer’s Blog recently and some of them have expressed confusion since I trash both Republicans and Democrats. Here’s one of my biggest hits – a tongue-in-cheek look at U.S. Presidents from Eisenhower to Trump so newbies can see that, yes, Virginia, I DO take shots at both major political parties.

  

EisenhowerDWIGHT EISENHOWER

Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.

Military Service: World War One and World War Two

Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember,  the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)

Nickname: Uncle Milty

Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pasttime. 

Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”.

john f kennedyJOHN F KENNEDY

Character Type: Rich playboy who disdained both Liberals and Conservatives and played by his own rules.

Military Service: World War Two

Motto: “Thank God for television!”

Nickname: FDR  

Pro: The man was shrewd enough to distrust both liberals and conservatives equally. I can’t praise that attitude highly enough given our present circumstances.  Continue reading

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HISTORIANS PRONOUNCE OBAMA THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER

 

Obama at wheel

The worst president in American history.

Well, it’s official. Barack Obama has been pronounced the worst U.S. president ever by a panel of experts. The weak, inept and crooked little man was denounced for his flagrant failures with the economy, his many scandals, his disastrous foreign policy and for his blatant corruption, including his misuse of the FBI as his own personal secret police.

I’m no fan of Obama, but even I think it was hitting below the belt for the historians to point out Obama’s horrible college grades and his continued embarrassment over them and refusal to be open and transparent about them.

Obama I dont alwaysThey were on much more solid ground pointing out the way Obama was patted on the head, coddled and lied about from day one, being granted a Nobel Peace Prize “on spec” after just a few months in office. And how youtube is loaded with videos of Barack making remarks every bit as stupid as any that the pathetic George W Bush ever made.

However, the experts have spoken and Obama now stands condemned by history for his many, many failures and dishonest acts. It’s no longer up for debate. Continue reading

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1912: BATTLE OF THE THREE PRESIDENTS

Mascot with demo and repub headsHappy Presidents Day! Balladeer’s Blog’s seasonal posts continue with this look at the presidential election of 1912.

I won’t bury this item in unnecessary detail to the point where it becomes boring. My emphasis will be on its three-way battle’s relevance to us in 2018. 

Woodrow WilsonDEMOCRAT: Woodrow Wilson, the victor. To this very day many Republicans blame Wilson for starting the country on its path toward all the things they don’t like.

They ignore the fact that their own party’s movers and shakers of the time spitefully ensured Wilson’s victory by refusing to accept the popular Theodore Roosevelt as the Republican candidate.

That drove him to the Third Party called the Progressive Party, thus splitting the anti-Wilson vote in such a way that enabled the Democrat to win.

Theodore RooseveltPROGRESSIVE: Former Republican President Theodore Roosevelt had come out of retirement to run again because he was thoroughly disenchanted with his hand-picked successor, incumbent Republican President William Howard Taft.

The reason? Theodore felt that Taft was undoing the few inroads that he (Theodore) had made against the moneyed rich pig class. Republican tycoons of the time often expressed their feeling that Teddy was a traitor to his class – an accusation that they would REALLY overuse against Theodore’s Democrat cousin Franklin Roosevelt decades later.  

This is similar to the way current President Donald Trump is often attacked by today’s bloated rich pigs, both Republican AND Democrat, because of the few inroads that HE has made against his fellows in the moneyed class. Some of the rich pigs of Teddy’s era openly referred to the way they generally carry America’s elected officials around in their pockets by saying “We bought the son of a bitch but he wouldn’t stay bought.”       

Let that sink in: Both the brazenness of the public statement AND the notion of people so wealthy they could afford to buy even an Old Money figure like Theodore Roosevelt. This too, shows how dangerous those still-prevalent plutocratic forces are and the uphill fight faced by President Trump, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt and John F Kennedy.

William Howard TaftREPUBLICAN: William Howard Taft, the incumbent Republican President and a rich pig who was perfectly happy to conform to the desires of the plutocratic forces that his predecessor Theodore Roosevelt had fought.

When you think of Taft, think of today’s Republican trash like Jeb Bush, Lindsey Graham, John McCain, Mitch McConnell and all the other GOP wimps acceptable to the kind of moneyed pigs who continue to battle President Trump, even though he is nominally a member of their political party.

Virtually no one seriously doubts that Roosevelt would have defeated Woodrow Wilson if the Republicans had let the returning Teddy be their nominee in 1912. Instead, they coordinated Taft’s nomination at their convention because they knew that Theodore – like President Trump today – would have fought them on certain issues.

Roosevelt retaliated by running as the candidate of the Progressive Party aka Bull Moose Party. With Teddy and Taft splitting so much of the anti-Wilson vote, Woodrow went on to win the election, unleashing all those policies which many Republicans feel “started to destroy the country.”

One lesson from all of that is that the one percenters and bloated rich pigs who run the Republican Party have long been more than happy to spitefully enable the victory of a candidate whom their voters opposed just to block a Republican candidate that they don’t own.

So whenever right-wing Republicans go on a tirade against Woodrow Wilson it can take the conversation to interesting new places to point out that Wilson would never have become president in the first place if not for the spiteful behavior of the Republican Establishment.

This, too, is similar to the way that the Republican Party’s Never-Trump fools and the privileged white males at National Review continue to sabotage the Donald even though following his lead might ensure them a much, MUCH larger share of the working class vote and the African-American vote.

As in 1912 the greedy interests of RepubCorp’s bloated rich pigs matter more to them than the voters and the country as a whole.      Continue reading

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