Tag Archives: humor

MOCK HEADLINES: JANUARY 17th

trump and pelosiANTI-TRUMP LOONS ACCIDENTALLY PROVE DEMOCRAT COLLUSION WITH RUSSIA WHILE PURSUING TRUMP

DO GILLETTE RAZORS CAUSE CANCER? WHY TAKE CHANCES? 

CRAZED DEMOCRATS INSIST TRUMP IS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY FINISHED THIS TIME BECAUSE yaaaaaawwwwwwn

LOW IQ AOC IS LMAO FUN!

FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP STILL SPEAKS MORE LANGUAGES THAN BOTH OBAMAS COMBINED

NEW CALL FOR STUDY OF HOW MANY CONVICTED RAPISTS USED GILLETTE RAZORS

DEMOCRATS VOW TO MAKE 2019 THE YEAR THEY RENDER THE TERM “WHITE SUPREMACIST” AS OVERUSED AND MEANINGLESS AS THEY MADE THE WORD “RACIST”

FBI INSIDERS SAY “LOOK, WE CAN ACT AS POLITICAL SABOTEURS FOR THE DEMOCRATS OR WE CAN DO OUR ACTUAL JOBS, BUT NOT BOTH”

NANCY PELOSI REFUSES TO MEET WITH FAMILIES OF VICTIMS OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT CRIME (This one is true, by the way.) Continue reading

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion

BEST OF JULY 2018

Balladeer’s Blog continues its retrospective of The Best of 2018 with this look at July’s Best.

MaverickMAVERICK (1994): MOVIE REVIEW – Frontierado was fast approaching when I posted this review of the 1994 film version of the James Garner television series Maverick.

Virtually no movie adaptations of tv shows do real justice to their source material but this flick is a major exception! Mel Gibson plays Garner’s original role of Bret Maverick and is terrific. Jodie Foster and James Garner himself are along for the ride as co-stars in this gambler/ gunslinger classic. CLICK HERE   

#WalkAway#WALKAWAY MOVEMENT: DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE FROM THE DEMOCRAT PARTY – Gay man Brandon Straka became a dissident hero as he launched the #WALKAWAY movement. Straka provided organization to the ’til now random exodus from the increasingly fascistic and intolerant Democrat Party. (I myself went Independent years ago.) 

#WALKAWAY became a viral online phenomenon with video testimonials from many of us who have left the Democrats in disgust. The Democrats in the media, hilariously enough, tried to pretend it was all the work of Russian Bots! I’m not joking! Anyway, there was even a #WALKAWAY March on Washington and the group spawned offshoot organizations like #Blexit and #BlackLivesMAGA. CLICK HERE 

Fiji 3TUILAKEMBA: FIJIAN DEMIGOD – Balladeer’s Blog’s examination of the saga of Fiji’s heroic demigod Tuilakemba was a hit. I covered not just the original myths but the way Tuilakemba’s tale evolved over the centuries.

The heroic figure supposedly conquered all the islands of Fiji then departed in search of fresh conquests in the distant past. When French Missionaries made contact with Fiji the Fijians identified Napoleon with their departed conqueror Tuilakemba. CLICK HERE

Birds by Aristophanes 2ASK BALLADEER: WHY DID I LEAVE SICILY OUT OF MY EXAMINATION OF THE ANCIENT GREEK COMEDY THE BIRDS? – Many readers were curious why I left out the usual academic speculation about the invasion of Sicily in my look at Aristophanes’ comedy The Birds.

I laid out my many reasons in this blog post HERE

Flashman cutFLASHMAN: THE LOST ADVENTURES – I took advantage of the heavy interest in the reviews of my Top Five Harry Flashman Novels to go into total fanboy mode.

Using hints from George MacDonald Fraser’s offhand references to Harry’s unpublished adventures combined with research into potential Flashmanesque situations in various countries during the anti-hero’s 19th Century travels I speculated on Flashman Down Under, Flashman in the Opium War, Flashman and the Kings and The Battle Cry of Flashman. CLICK HERE

clones 2THE CLONES (1973): MOVIE REVIEW – Balladeer’s Blog reviewed this neglected science fiction suspense movie.

The storyline was dealing with what was back then the still fairly new topic of cloning.

To read the review of this hit and miss film click HERE

Scarlet GospelsCLIVE BARKER’S THE SCARLET GOSPELS (2015) – What Ridley Scott did to his Alien saga with Covenant, Clive Barker did to his Hellraiser series with his novel The Scarlet Gospels

Readers were excited to see what Barker would do with a story that pitted his Hellish masterfiend Pinhead against occult detective Harry D’Amour. This novel was a disaster in my eyes. CLICK HERE 

Zip WyattTHREE NEGLECTED GUNSLINGERS – Cash Hollister, Zip Wyatt and Black Ike don’t get as much love as names like Wild Bill Hickok, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid but they had eventful lives nonetheless.

To check out their Old West antics click HERE

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BEST OF MAY 2018

Balladeer’s Blog continues its retrospective of The Best of 2018 with this look at May’s Best.

SoloSOLO: BOOK REVIEW – I reviewed this Jack Higgins espionage novel. The story centered around efforts to stop an international assassin codenamed The Cretan Lover.

The Cretan (as the codename is often shortened to) is really John Mikali, Greek concert pianist from a wealthy family. During his alienated youth Mikali spent two years in the French Foreign Legion fighting in blood-drenched Algeria, providing the basic training for his career as an assassin. In hot pursuit is Welsh Colonel Asa Morgan, whose daughter died as collateral damage following one of Mikali’s killings. CLICK HERE

Pope Francis thumbs upPOPE FRANCIS, A MAN OF HIS WORD: THE WORST SUPERHERO MOVIE EVER – I reviewed the documentary about Francis as if it was a superhero movie being reviewed by one of the snarkier IMDb members.

If you are interested in reading this particular blog post CLICK HERE 

Obama pen and phoneNEW YORK TIMES OP-ED ON THE POMPOSITY OF THE AMERICAN LEFT’S TRUMP-HATERS – The title says it all.

This was written by a left-winger put off like so many of us by the pompous snobbery and hate-filled bigotry of the worst kind of anti-Trump loons. CLICK HERE

Mascot sword and pistolDYSTOPIA NATION: TECHNO-TYRANTS OF SILICON VALLEY – Balladeer’s Blog’s dystopian fiction examination of the 21st Century Robber Barons at Facebook, G**gle, Twitter and elsewhere becomes more timely by the day.

The invasion of privacy and outright attack on freedom of expression being run by the one-percenters of Silicon Valley really are like dystopian science fiction come to life. CLICK HERE

Education or indoctrination gifFACULTY LOUNGE FASCIST ROUNDUP: MAY 7th – One of the most popular installments of this ongoing series about how American colleges and universities have become churches of irrational thought.

Faculty Lounge Fascists abuse their positions to browbeat their students into agreeing with their narrow-minded worldview while filing complaints about anyone and everyone who disagrees with them. CLICK HERE

Flashman and the Mountain of Light 2FLASHMAN NOVELS: SIXTH PLACE – Because of the success and popularity of Balladeer’s Blog’s review of The Top Five Harry Flashman Novels I threw in this bonus sixth-place (out of twelve) book.

That bonus novel was Flashman and the Mountain of Light, which featured George MacDonald Fraser’s infamous antihero Harry Paget Flashman, the First Sikh War and the huge gem called the Koh-I-Noor (“Mountain of Light”) Diamond. CLICK HERE   Continue reading

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JOY BEHAR’S FAVORITE TRUMP BOOK FOR CHRISTMAS: TRUMP’S ENEMIES

Joy Behar IdiotJoy Behar, whose pitch-perfect impression of hate-filled, slobbering anti-Trump fascists has made her famous, recently told a Balladeer’s Blog reporter during an interview that never happened that she has a book recommendation for Christmas.

Joy Behar’s favorite Donald Trump book is titled Trump’s Enemies: How The Deep State Is Undermining The Presidency.

Trump's EnemiesJowly Joy enthusiastically called it “A terrific look at the cesspool of corruption which masquerades as the American government. De facto Third Party President Donald Trump is uniquely qualified to rock the crooked DC boat since he is NOT a career politician like all the other Made Members of America’s Criminal Class of Officeholders.” 

Or maybe I was the one who blurted that out. It’s all a blur now. But at any rate TRUMP’S ENEMIES can be bought HERE 

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BEST OF FEBRUARY 2018

Balladeer’s Blog’s year-end retrospective continues with the Best of February.

Texas 27 Film Vault

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault.

TEXAS TWENTY-SEVEN FILM VAULT: 33rd ANNIVERSARY – February 9th is the anniversary date for the first episode of this Pre-MST3K version of MST3K.

Join Randy and Richard for their looks at old schlock classics and vintage Republic Serials. 

This time around I celebrated the show’s history PLUS included an appeal to any more Texas 27 Film Vault fans out there. Click HERE     

Black PantherBLACK PANTHER: PANTHER’S RAGE OVERVIEW – From the 1970s comes this 13-part Black Panther saga by Don McGregor featuring the Black Panther’s attempts to preserve his kingdom during the blood-soaked uprising led by the callous and cruel Erik Killmonger.

If the overrated and over-praised Alan Moore had written this story it would have been a movie or mini-series by now. Panther’s Rage has action, philosophy and other adult topics as well as a quest through Wakanda’s hidden realms: The Land of the Chilling Mist, the Domain of the White Gorillas, Serpent Valley and the Forest of Thorns. Click HERE  

Theodore Roosevelt1912: BATTLE OF THE THREE PRESIDENTS – Readers loved this look at the Presidential Election of 1912 in which incumbent William Howard Taft faced Woodrow Wilson AND former President Theodore Roosevelt, who was running on the Progressive (Bull Moose) Party Ticket.

For Balladeer’s Blog’s take on that historical contest click HERE

Flashman on the MarchFLASHMAN ON THE MARCH – The very popular series of reviews of my Top Five Harry Flashman Novels by George MacDonald Fraser wrapped up with this item at Number Five.

Flashman’s involvement in the 1868 Abyssinian Campaign features all-out action, death traps, sword-play, gun-play, historical intrigue and plenty of bedroom antics. Click HERE

biden crazedVICE PRESIDENTS: JOKES ABOUT THESE ULTIMATE SECOND BANANAS – Many readers felt this examination of Vice Presidents was even funnier and more irreverent than my Presidential Pros and Cons blog posts.

You can decide for yourself by clicking HERE

Charles Evans HughesPRESIDENTIAL LOSERS: PROS AND CONS – If you’ve enjoyed my humorous looks at America’s past presidents and vice-presidents you should certainly enjoy this item.

Quick takes on the prominent losers in presidential races, from Hillary Clinton on back. Featuring facts, insights and insults on each of them. Click HERE

DEMOCRAT ATROCITY ROUNDUP: FEBRUARY 28th – What more need be said? Click HERE 

DEMOCRATS: WILL THEY EVER GROW UP? – Sure, Republicans are bad, too, but Democrats are snobbish fools who actually seem to think they’re the country’s official “intellectuals” and are THE moral models for everyone else. Just like religious nuts of years ago. Click HERE

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THANKSGIVING THEMED BAD MOVIES AND SHORTS

For this holiday week Balladeer’s Blog is focusing on topics that are seasonal. This time around it’s bad movies and hilariously lame educational shorts that have a specific Thanksgiving theme. As always my Bad Movie page contains full-length reviews of the films I’m offering a brief synopsis of here.

BLOOD FREAK (1972) – This movie is about a man who turns into a murderous monster with the head of a turkey after he eats a chemically treated gobbler at the turkey farm where he works. Blood Freak has been a cult classic for Thanksgiving for decades now, with many Movie Host shows of the late 70s onward making a point of screening it at this time of year (including The Texas 27 Film Vault). The biker who turns into the blood-crazed turkey monster is an Elvis look-alike which adds to the fun. So does the desk-bound, chain-smoking, script-reading narrator who sermonizes about the evils of drug abuse while the movie plays.

A DAY OF THANKSGIVING (1951) – This 12 minute educational short would make a nice dessert after a Turkey Day screening of Blood Freak. The Johnson family – composed of Mom, Dad, Dick, Susan, Tommy and the toddler Janet – can’t afford a turkey for Thanksgiving. The children are at first callously (and comically) bratty about it, but relent after Dad – in his sexiest voice for some reason – gives the kids a lecture about being grateful for what you have instead of obsessing over the things you don’t have. Continue reading

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NICOLAS CAGE’S WICKER MAN AS A COMEDY

Mascot new lookMore than eleven years after its posting online, this specially edited trailer for The Wicker Man remake as if it’s a comedy STILL hasn’t gotten nearly as much love as it deserves. So, for a holiday season break here is one of the few reworked trailers that is utterly hilarious because it doesn’t cheat by inserting footage from other movies. This baby is all pure video and audio from the Nicolas “What’s in the bag? … A shaaarrrk?” Cage remake.

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MOCK HEADLINES: NOVEMBER 20th

AcostaDEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE THEY’VE JUST DISCOVERED THOUSANDS MILLIONS OF VOTES THAT SHOULD HAVE GONE TO JIMMY CARTER IN 1980, WALTER MONDALE IN 1984 AND DUKAKIS IN 1988

IRONY-CHALLENGED MEXICANS COMPLAIN ABOUT THE CRIME AND HEALTH PROBLEMS CAUSED BY THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS FROM HONDURAS

FAKE NEWSMAN AND MISOGYNIST JIM ACOSTA FIGHTS FOR HIS RIGHT TO CONTINUE DISGRACING HIS PROFESSION  

FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP STILL SPEAKS MORE LANGUAGES THAN BOTH OBAMAS COMBINED

DEMOCRATS MOVE TO HAVE ANY AND ALL ELECTIONS THAT ARE WON BY OPPOSING CANDIDATES DECLARED ILLEGITIMATE

ocasio cortezOCASIO-CORTEZ DEMANDS THAT PEOPLE STOP NOTICING THE IMBECILIC REMARKS SHE MAKES

HILLARY CLINTON DEFIANTLY CRIES: “THEY CAN FORCE ME TO ANSWER THESE NEW QUESTIONS UNDER OATH BUT THEY CAN’T FORCE ME TO TELL THE TRUTH!” Continue reading

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RANDOM WEIRDNESS: JAPAN’S LOOK AT AMERICAN HISTORY

My fellow fans of J-Horror know that Japan practically invented weirdness. What none of us knew is how far back they go with that mastery of entertaining madness.

John Adams fighting a giant snakeTheir view of American history is mind-boggling. This 1861 work of “J-History” if you will, features little-known events like JOHN ADAMS FACING A GIANT SNAKE (left) and George Washington hitting a tiger. It also corrects the mistaken assumption that Washington’s wife was named Martha when her real name was apparently “Carol.” (?)  

Balladeer’s Blog’s Presidential Action and Horror Films bit only WISHES it could be this mind-bending. Credit Nick Kapur with drawing attention to this item from the Waseda University Library.

My favorite part: the illustration of Benjamin Franklin casually HOLDING A CANNON IN HIS ARMS while firing it at a squadron of Red Coats! Now that’s badass. And begs for a movie – “The Rock IS Benjamin Franklin!” And he’d have to follow up blowing away the Brits with an action hero quip like “A penny saved is a penny earned, you bastards!”  

To see every page of this acid trip AND Continue reading

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AMERICAN PRESIDENTS EISENHOWER THROUGH TRUMP

Mascot with demo and repub headsA large number of first-time readers have discovered Balladeer’s Blog recently and some of them have expressed confusion since I trash both Republicans and Democrats. Here’s one of my biggest hits – a tongue-in-cheek look at U.S. Presidents from Eisenhower to Trump so newbies can see that, yes, Virginia, I DO take shots at both major political parties.

  

EisenhowerDWIGHT EISENHOWER

Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.

Military Service: World War One and World War Two

Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember,  the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)

Nickname: Uncle Milty

Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pasttime. 

Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”.

john f kennedyJOHN F KENNEDY

Character Type: Rich playboy who disdained both Liberals and Conservatives and played by his own rules.

Military Service: World War Two

Motto: “Thank God for television!”

Nickname: FDR  

Pro: The man was shrewd enough to distrust both liberals and conservatives equally. I can’t praise that attitude highly enough given our present circumstances.  Continue reading

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