MOCK HEADLINES: NOVEMBER 20th

DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE THEY’VE JUST DISCOVERED THOUSANDS MILLIONS OF VOTES THAT SHOULD HAVE GONE TO JIMMY CARTER IN 1980, WALTER MONDALE IN 1984 AND DUKAKIS IN 1988

IRONY-CHALLENGED MEXICANS COMPLAIN ABOUT THE CRIME AND HEALTH PROBLEMS CAUSED BY THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS FROM HONDURAS

FAKE NEWSMAN AND MISOGYNIST JIM ACOSTA FIGHTS FOR HIS RIGHT TO CONTINUE DISGRACING HIS PROFESSION  

FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP STILL SPEAKS MORE LANGUAGES THAN BOTH OBAMAS COMBINED

DEMOCRATS MOVE TO HAVE ANY AND ALL ELECTIONS THAT ARE WON BY OPPOSING CANDIDATES DECLARED ILLEGITIMATE

OCASIO-CORTEZ DEMANDS THAT PEOPLE STOP NOTICING THE IMBECILIC REMARKS SHE MAKES

HILLARY CLINTON DEFIANTLY CRIES: “THEY CAN FORCE ME TO ANSWER THESE NEW QUESTIONS UNDER OATH BUT THEY CAN’T FORCE ME TO TELL THE TRUTH!”

PRIVILEGED WHITE MALE AND ONE PERCENTER MARK HAMILL WANTS POLITICAL DECISIONS TURNED OVER TO WOMEN … BUT ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHO AGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS POLITICAL OPINIONS 

NATIONAL MOTTO CHANGED FROM “E PLURIBUS UNUM” TO “GEE, SOMEBODY SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT (FILL IN YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CORRUPT ACTIVITY HERE)”