With President’s Day approaching here’s the first of many seasonal posts.
John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.”
In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.
The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc.
AARON BURR
Served Under: Jefferson
Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to start his own country than any other Vice President. (So far, anyway.)
Best Burr Quote: “I’m still searching for the real killers of Alexander Hamilton.”
GEORGE CLINTON
Served Under: Jefferson and Madison
Noted for: P-Funk and Funkadelic Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of his loyalist cousin Sir Henry Clinton during the Revolutionary War.
Best Clinton Quote: “Do fries go with that shake?”
ELBRIDGE GERRY
Served Under: Madison
Noted for: Pioneering the method of “Gerrymandering” political districts in a way that the modern day Democrats and Republicans have raised to a mainstay in the world of white collar crime which they inhabit.
Best Gerry Quote: “I’ll be immortalized as the man who invented Elbridge-mandering!”
DANIEL D TOMPKINS
Served Under: Monroe
Noted for: Being ruined by a scandal in which he was mistakenly accused of pocketing some of the funds he raised to conduct the War of 1812. Years later it was all revealed to be an accounting error. Continue reading
ANTI-TRUMP LOONS ACCIDENTALLY PROVE DEMOCRAT COLLUSION WITH RUSSIA WHILE PURSUING TRUMP
Last night privileged white Democrats Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi looked like they had been abducted to an undisclosed location and forced to recite propaganda by their captors. 
One network even brought in James Carville to offer some commentary. If you’re wondering, Carville has spent nearly two decades now just wandering from camera to camera spouting the same 1990s take on politics. I understand that for a fee Carville will even appear in your wedding video to provide perspective on how the nuptials might impact the Clintons. 
Joy Behar, whose pitch-perfect impression of hate-filled, slobbering anti-Trump fascists has made her famous, recently told a Balladeer’s Blog reporter during an interview that never happened that she has a book recommendation for Christmas. 
Jowly Joy enthusiastically called it “A terrific look at the cesspool of corruption which masquerades as the American government. De facto Third Party President Donald Trump is uniquely qualified to rock the crooked DC boat since he is NOT a career politician like all the other Made Members of America’s Criminal Class of Officeholders.” 
More than eleven years after its posting online, this specially edited trailer for The Wicker Man remake as if it’s a comedy STILL hasn’t gotten nearly as much love as it deserves. So, for a holiday season break here is one of the few reworked trailers that is utterly hilarious because it doesn’t cheat by inserting footage from other movies. This baby is all pure video and audio from the Nicolas “What’s in the bag? … A shaaarrrk?” Cage remake. 
DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE THEY’VE JUST DISCOVERED 
OCASIO-CORTEZ DEMANDS THAT PEOPLE STOP NOTICING THE IMBECILIC REMARKS SHE MAKES 
Their view of American history is mind-boggling. This 1861 work of “J-History” if you will, features little-known events like JOHN ADAMS FACING A GIANT SNAKE (left) and George Washington hitting a tiger. It also corrects the mistaken assumption that Washington’s wife was named Martha when her real name was apparently “Carol.” (?) 
