Corporate fascist Mark “Skippy” Zuckerberg and his site for insecure people filled with status anxiety, Hillary “Bugsy” Clinton going through life fat, drunk and stupid, plus more:
Category Archives: humor
MOCK HEADLINES: MARCH 20th
A DRUNK AND INCOHERENT HILLARY CLINTON PRAISES THE LATE STEPHEN HAWKING FOR FOUNDING THE X-MEN
DEMOCRATS DEMAND THAT ELECTIONS BE REPLACED BY A PANEL OF CELEBRITIES WHO DECIDE ON THE NEXT PRESIDENT
DEMOCRATS OFFER ALTERNATIVE SYSTEM IN WHICH ONLY PEOPLE WHO MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS PER YEAR OR MORE ARE ALLOWED TO VOTE
HILLARY SAYS SHE’S OPEN TO PERMITTING SOME POOR PEOPLE TO LIVE, BUT ONLY UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS
ISOLATED, HEAVILY POPULATED POCKETS OF BLOATED RICH PIGS AND POMPOUS SNOBS STILL INSIST THEY SHOULD RULE THE COUNTRY
AMERICA’S THIRD-WORLD LEVEL CORRUPT GOVERNMENT STILL PRETENDING THAT DE FACTO THIRD PARTY PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP IS THE CROOK, NOT THEM
HILLARY CLINTON VOWS TO KEEP REVISING HER HATRED OF THE POOR AND THE WORKING CLASS UNTIL SHE FINDS A WAY OF EXPRESSING IT THAT WORKS POLITICALLY
UNINFORMED, SHALLOW PEOPLE WHO CAN’T EVEN NAME THEIR OWN SENATOR OR HOUSE REPS STILL THINK PRESIDENT TRUMP IS THE ANTICHRIST
DEMOCRATS DEMAND THAT HOSPITALS REFUSE TREATMENT TO ANYONE SUSPECTED OF VOTING FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP; ANTIFA COWARDS SAVAGELY BEAT ANYONE WHO DISAGREES #LOVEWINS
NATION STILL REJOICING THAT NEITHER HILLARY CLINTON NOR JEB BUSH GOT ELECTED PRESIDENT
BLOATED RICH PIGS AGREE THAT THEY HATE PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR THE SAME REASONS THEY HATED FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT
HILLARY BLAMES HER CONSTANT FALLS ON TRUMP’S INVISIBLE, NON-EXISTENT RUSSIAN COLLABORATORS Continue reading
Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion
MOCK HEADLINES: MARCH 14th
MURKY MUELLER AND HIS FUNKY BUNCH OF HILLARY DONORS INSIST THEY NEED AN ADDITIONAL SIX YEARS TO DETERMINE WHAT ROLE IF ANY PRESIDENT TRUMP PLAYED IN STEPHEN HAWKING’S DEATH
HILLARY CLINTON, FAILED PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, TELLS AUDIENCE IN INDIA SHE WOULD LOVE TO EXTERMINATE AMERICA’S “UNTOUCHABLES”
SPOILED IDIOT ROBERT DE NIRO STILL REFUSES TO DONATE MORE MONEY TO CHARITY; SAYS POOR PEOPLE VOTED FOR TRUMP SO TO HELL WITH THEM!
MURKY MUELLER AND HIS FUNKY BUNCH OF HILLARY DONORS INSIST THEY NEED AN ADDITIONAL TEN YEARS TO DETERMINE WHAT ROLE IF ANY WAKANDAN INTERFERENCE PLAYED IN THE 2016 ELECTION
“TOOR-chur!”
RAND PAUL INSISTS GINA HASPEL ENJOYED TORTURE AND EROTICALLY TRAMPLING HIM DURING THEIR DATES TOGETHER, THEN ADDS “SHE’S BEEN NOMINATED FOR SOMETHING? … OH, SORRY”
JIMMY KIMMEL HOPES ALL WORKING CLASS PEOPLE WHOSE JOBS HAVE BEEN SAVED BY PRESIDENT TRUMP DIE OF CANCER #LOVEWINS
NANCY PELOSI AND BERNIE SANDERS BLAME PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR DIVIDING AMERICANS INTO “THESE THINGS CALLED BRACKETS”
Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion
OBAMA’S PRESIDENTIAL PORTRAIT: THE ARGUING CONTINUES
UNITED STATES PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
Wow, weeks later and people are still arguing about the recently-unveiled presidential portrait of the weak, inept and crooked little man named Barack Obama.
Personally, I think it looks GREAT! I mean look at it! (left) It perfectly captures Barry in every way, shape and form.
I know a lot of Obama devotees are angry about the way the little dolt is embarrassedly hiding his six fingered hand but that look on his face perfectly captures Barack.
I think the people who DO have a point are the ones who revealed that the hate-mongering hack who painted Obama’s portrait usually churns out paintings of people beheading other people. (I’m NOT kidding with that, by the way.)
Yes, Barack, lecture the world about hate while you have your portrait painted by a piece of garbage who often does Decapitation Porn.
Anyway, it’s no secret that Barack Obama was America’s worst president ever, narrowly beating out George W Bush, so here’s a look back at some of the things that Obama ridiculously tried to take credit for.
OBAMA: IT’S ALL PART OF HIS DEMAGOGUE FANTASY – Continue reading
Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, Neglected History, opinion
JIMMY KIMMEL: THE BALLADEER’S BLOG INTERVIEW
Jimmy Kimmel, known as “that guy from The Man Show” and as “the wimp people love to hate” has been begging me to interview him for years now. I kept putting him off, given his reputation for grotesque body odor.
Finally I decided I could end the annoyance once and for all with a wager. I bet Kimmel that he couldn’t POSSIBLY get even lower ratings for the Harvey Weinstein Awards than the pathetic dweeb who hosted them last year. If he did, I would interview him. If not, I never had to interview him. Jimmy jumped at the bet.
Turns out he was the repugnant douchebag who hosted them last year! Needless to say, since garbage like Kimmel reeks more and more the longer it sits and festers he got much, much MUCH lower ratings than the previous year.
Anyway, I don’t welch on bets (which I understand is what Jimmy Kimmel’s mother said to the three-time animal-rapist who knocked her up with Jimmy in the first place) so I agreed to finally interview Kimmel to swat him away once and for all. So, let’s deal with this hack who cries himself to sleep every night over the fact that he’ll never be as daring, funny and iconoclastic as Steven Crowder.
BY THE WAY, THE REPULSIVE JIMMY KIMMEL STILL REFUSES TO DONATE MORE MONEY TO CHARITY. WHAT A GREEDY SCUMBAG.
Balladeer’s Blog: So, Jimmy, looks like you did the seeming impossible and got even LOWER ratings than last year for your performance at this year’s presentation of Rapists and Child Molestors Against Trump.
Jimmy Kimmel: Yeah. I hate that Trump guy. He got all those beautiful women all his life and the only woman-ish thing I’ve ever managed to score with is that horse-faced Sarah Silverman. Every day and night I think about that and that’s what fuels my monomaniacal hatred of the Donald.
BB: It’s possible if you showered every now and then or didn’t look so creepy all the time with that half-assed attempt at a beard you might be able to attract an acceptable looking woman.
JK: Personal hygiene is for the in-bred morons who voted for Trump. They’re all so stupid it’s like, what a bunch of stupid-headed stupid heads. I used to BEG Trump to fix me up with women but he always refused.
BB: Do you think your bizarre fixation on President Trump is healthy?
JK: Hell, yeah! In the entertainment industry today even somebody as untalented and unappealing as I am can make okay bucks as long as I bash Trump. It’s like, NONE of the celebrities that I pay to talk to me can believe that American scumbags voted for this guy. Continue reading
Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion
TOP ODDLY-NAMED BANDS OF THE PAST
If I ever formed a rock band of my own I would, needless to say, base the name on something from Bad Movie Lore. Something like Renegade Belgian Cardinals – based on a line of dialogue from the Serial-Killer Priest flick The Confessional.
Putting that aside here’s a quick Balladeer’s Blog list of Oddly-Named Bands of the Past. It’s strictly for people who sometimes wake up at 3am and wonder if Gene was only pretending to love Jezebel.
THE TRASH CAN SINATRAS
When you hear the name Sinatra you immediately think of … Scotland? Well, no you don’t, but that’s where this band hailed from.
Used in a Sentence: “The Trash Can Sinatras is a hell of a mean-spirited way of referring to Nancy and Tina!”
FRONT 242
For decades this band was known as THE influence in Belgian Industrial Rock, complete with all the massive cultural firepower that implies. (Oh, sure, Balladeer, pick on the Belgians!)
Used in a Sentence: “You fight the front 242 … I’ll handle the 243rd guy back there.” Continue reading
Filed under humor
MOCK HEADLINES ARE BACK: FEBRUARY 25th
MURKY MUELLER INSISTS IT’S HIS RIGHT TO KEEP HIS PHONY INVESTIGATION GOING LONG ENOUGH TO LEAK UNSUBSTANTIATED INFO SO AS TO INFLUENCE THE MID-TERM ELECTIONS
JIMMY KIMMEL DEMANDS THAT VICTIMS OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT VIOLENCE SHOULD BE DEPORTED, NOT THE ILLEGALS WHO ASSAULTED THEM
MCMASTERS VOWS TO HOLD ALL FUTURE PRESS CONFERENCES FROM A SEATED POSITION WHILE STROKING A WHITE CAT
FBI CLAIMS IT WAS TOO BUSY WITH ITS ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES TO STOP THE FLORIDA SHOOTER DESPITE MULTIPLE WARNINGS ABOUT HIM
FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP, WIFE OF UNITED STATES PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, STILL SPEAKS MORE LANGUAGES THAN BOTH OBAMAS COMBINED
DEMOCRATS CLAIM EXPERTS HAVE PROVEN THAT THEY ARE THE ONLY DECENT AND CARING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND ANYONE DISAGREEING WITH THEM IS GUILTY OF HATE SPEECH
A TEARY-EYED NANCY PELOSI DECLARES BARACK OBAMA TO BE “AS WRONGLY SUSPECTED OF ILLEGALITIES AS JOHN GOTTI WAS!”
GOTTI FAMILY ANNOUNCES LAWSUIT OVER PELOSI COMPARING THE LATE MAFIA DON TO THE SLEAZY, SLIMY CROOK OBAMA
CNN CLAIMS NO CHILD’S PETS WOULD EVER DIE IF NOT FOR TRUMP
ROGER GOODELL BOASTS ABOUT HOW EASY IT WAS TO DISTRACT MEDIA WORMS FROM TALKING ABOUT ALL THE RAPISTS AND WOMAN-BEATERS IN THE NFL
JARED KUSHNER STILL A BUFFOON, EXPERTS SAY
DEMOCRATS CALL FOR IT TO BE A HATE CRIME TO PUBLICLY MOURN THE VICTIMS OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS WHO COMMIT MURDER
CALIFORNIA INTRODUCES NEW COURTROOM PROCEDURE IN WHICH ANYONE ACCUSED OF ANY CRIME WILL BE PARDONED AND SET FREE AS LONG AS THEY MAKE A PUBLIC STATEMENT AGAINST PRESIDENT TRUMP. Speaking fees, book deals and glowing appearances on all Democrat talk shows add allure to the deal Continue reading
Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion
PRESIDENTIAL LOSERS: PROS AND CONS
Happy Presidents Day Weekend! Over the years Balladeer’s Blog’s irreverent, tongue-in-cheek looks at the pros and cons of U.S. Presidents have been among my most visited items.
For a change of pace here’s a look at the pros and cons of the LOSERS who were left in a defeated heap enroute to the Oval Office. In reverse order:
HILLARY CLINTON (Lost to President Donald Trump)
Motto: “When the money keeps rolling in (to your fake charity), what’s a girl to do? Skim a little (well, quite a lot, actually) off the top for expenses wouldn’t you?”
Nickname: The Rapist’s Wife/ Crooked Hillary
Pro: Her childish refusal to address her own supporters the night Donald Trump utterly humiliated her provided a look at how truly petty, shallow and classless she is.
Con: She and her fascist followers tried to threaten the members of the Electoral College into casting their votes for her instead of Trump, thereby reaching the absolute lowest and most disgusting level that any American politician has ever sunk to.
MITT ROMNEY (Lost to Obama)
Motto: “Pushing women back to the Fifties … the EIGHTEEN fifties!”
Nickname: The Mormon Mondale/ Ol’ Sploog Face (tie)
Pro: His even more pathetic running mate Paul Ryan actually made him look good by comparison.
Con: Was so thoroughly inept he managed to lose to Barack Obama even after voters saw what a disaster he was.
JOHN MCCAIN (Lost to Obama)
Motto: “I didn’t spend years in the pockets of the McCain Foundation’s billionaire donors just to watch a candidate even MORE deeply in their pockets beat me … but once Barack did I was happy to kiss his butt!” Continue reading
Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, Neglected History, opinion
U.S. PRESIDENTS FROM EISENHOWER TO TRUMP
It’s Presidents Day Weekend! Here are some takes on the more recent presidents.
DWIGHT EISENHOWER
Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.
Military Service: World War One and World War Two
Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember, the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)
Nickname: Uncle Milty
Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pasttime.
Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”.
JOHN F KENNEDY
Character Type: Rich playboy who disdained both Liberals and Conservatives and played by his own rules.
Military Service: World War Two
Motto: “Thank God for television!”
Nickname: FDR
Pro: The man was shrewd enough to distrust both liberals and conservatives equally. I can’t praise that attitude highly enough given our present circumstances.
Con: Continue reading
POLITICAL CARTOONS: A FEW OF THE LATEST
With daily revelations about the Uranium One Scandal and the way Obama used governmental agencies against political opponents here’s a few light-hearted political cartoons about the ongoing mess and the corporate media’s role in abetting the cover-ups.
And here’s Obama as Nixon …
Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, Neglected History, opinion
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