Category Archives: humor

ANNE RICE: HUMPTY DUMPTY

6a00d8341cedea53ef00e5539859d58833-pi (300×319)Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. The wall was where Humpty Dumpty had decided to sit. Humpty Dumpty could be found on the wall, sitting. Sitting was the activity Humpty Dumpty was engaging in and the wall was the place he had chosen to sit. Everyone agreed that the wall was where Humpty Dumpty was sitting.

It was of no avail to wistfully pretend that Humpty Dumpty was seated elsewhere. With an air of resignation all and sundry were forced to agree that the wall, despite how much they might desperately wish for it to be otherwise, was indeed where Humpty Dumpty sat.

Brick WallThe wall had first been constructed eighty-seven years earlier by two laborers named Stanislaw and Ernst. Throughout his workday Stanislaw often reflected on how he might think of Ernst as the most beautiful man in the world, if not for the fact that, if the truth be known, he considered Ernst to be the most physically repugnant man he had ever seen. Or smelled, for that matter. Still, though, Stanislaw couldn’t help but wonder and it made his pulse quicken each and every time. Continue reading

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Filed under Halloween Season, humor

DEMOCRATS EMBRACE THE BUSH-CLINTON AXIS OF PRIVILEGE

Hillary Clinton and Robert Byrd

*** *** *** *** *** *** Hillary Clinton with her buddy, Ku Klux Klansman Robert Byrd

As regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog may well imagine I have been laughing my ass off at the cosmic levels of hypocrisy on display in this presidential race.

I’m neither a Democrat nor a Republican (and nobody else should be, either, at this point) and I went on the record last October with my speculation on how the 2016 presidential race might go. I was wrong on 2 items but dead on with the others. CLICK HERE 

Meanwhile here are some potential headlines inspired by this insane year.

HILLARY: ONCE SHE WAS FIRST LADY OF THE LAND, BUT NOW SHE CAN’T GET ARRESTED!

CLINTON SUPPORTERS OUTRAGED THAT TRUMP DOESN’T HAVE A CRIMINAL HISTORY AS SCUZZY AS HILLARY DOES!

GOP LEADERS FURIOUS WITH TRUMP FOR BRINGING IN MORE CHINESE, GAY AND AFRICAN-AMERICAN SUPPORTERS THAN THEIR BIGOTED PARTY HAS EVER ATTRACTED BEFORE!

Hillary Clinton supportersHILLARY TELLS THE WORKING CLASS THAT IF THEY’RE TOO LAZY TO RIOT SHE’LL NEVER TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY!

MEDIA CITES TRUMP’S POPULARITY WITH BLACK, CHINESE AND GAY VOTERS AS PROOF OF HOW DIVISIVE HE IS!

REPUBLICAN PARTY TRASHES TRUMP TO PLEASE PEOPLE WHO NEVER WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR ANY OF THEIR CANDIDATES ANYWAY!

GEORGE W BUSH SAYS HILLARY WILL BE HIS THIRD TERM!
Continue reading

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, Presidential Rap Sheets

IS MARINA JOYCE REALLY POPPY?

poppy

Poppy

I’ve been sitting here eating my soup with the two oddly-garbed thugs who look like the mascots of college sports teams watching over me and I just had this epiphany: What if Marina Joyce and Poppy are one and the same? What if her “mother” is really one of her make-believe handlers and the two ARG’s – Poppy and Marina Joyce – are going to tie together? IF the Marina Joyce business really is just an ARG in the first place, that is.

marina-joyceWhatever! I just wanted to weigh in on this since conspiracy kooks were going nuts over this b.s. These online conspiracy deals are fun up to a point, I guess, but at least this one (or these two) doesn’t (or don’t) feature Slenderman … yet. It’s interesting to wonder what Aleister Crowley might have done with internet memes.  Continue reading

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Filed under humor, opinion

HILLARY CLINTON FALLS TO PIECES

hillary-drink-in-hand

“LOOK, I MADE PROMISES TO CERTAIN PEOPLE IN EXCHANGE FOR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AND IF I DON’T GET ELECTED I CAN’T MAKE GOOD ON THOSE PROMISES! WHAT DON’T YOU PEASANTS UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT?!” (Coughs omitted for clarity)

Continue reading

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion

BALLADEER’S TV LISTINGS: TONIGHT’S PROGRAMS

mark-cuban

One percenter Mark Cuban (actual size)

MARK CUBAN AS MIGHTY MOUSE (children) – The diminutive rich pig makes a public fool of himself once again, this time by performing in a live action version of the old cartoon show Mighty Mouse.

Tonight’s episode was even written by Cuban, a former Keebler elf, and is titled Big Money, Little Manhood. Supposedly it’s semi-autobiographical.    Continue reading

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Filed under Fantastic Movie Reviews, humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

SUPERMAN VS LOIS LANE: ZACK SNYDER’s NEXT MOVIE

superman cover

She also never expected him to get so much enjoyment out of killing her. Look at that smile!

(FOR A SERIOUS LOOK AT AUSTRALIAN SUPERHEROES CLICK HERE  )

Another entertainment world scoop for Balladeer’s Blog. My sources in the industry – and by the industry I mean the business – have told me Zack Snyder’s next foray into pointlessly glum and operatically melodramatic superhero stories will see Superman killing off his love interest Lois Lane.

Unfortunately audiences may have quite a long wait for this little honey because first Kal El has to be brought back to life in the Justice League movie.

Snyder’s plan for a film trilogy about the last day in the life of Bruce Wayne’s parents will also get in the way since my sources tell me that Zack STILL doesn’t think that audiences understand Batman’s origin story. Continue reading

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Filed under humor, Superheroes

HILLARY CLINTON: BLACK PEOPLE AREN’T REALLY BLACK WITHOUT THE DEMOCRAT SEAL OF APPROVAL

Hillary shrill 2

“You ain’t really BLACK unless you got my BACK” Clinton shouted, to the delight of her most passionate supporters – the media.

Fresh off her warning to black voters that “We Democrats OWN your asses like we owned you on our plantations!” Hillary Clinton dug herself an even deeper hole by openly stating what the Democrats have been more subtle about in the past. Hillary “Pickles” Clinton expressed outrage over the increasing numbers of black voters supporting Donald Trump because of all the lies and unkept promises that Democrats have inflicted on the black working class.

Mascot with demo and repub heads

*********** The symbol of the nonexistent Balladeer Political Party

 

“These damn super-predators are really getting me mad with this Trump flirtation! They need our party’s Seal of Approval to be REAL black people! We Democrats have spent FIVE DECADES conning those fools and covering our lily-white butts through our paid race-traitors … I mean African-American Community Leaders – like Al Sharpton and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored Democrats … I mean People. Colored People.”

Following that remark Clinton was asked about her opinion of the new movie about Michelle and Barack Obama’s first date, titled I’m With Stupid: When Bigots Fall In Love…  Hillary committed a huge gaffe by accidentally saying the film’s title was Dumb and Dumber. Continue reading

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AMERICAN COMEDIANS: INSULTING BEGGARS TO MAKE KINGS LAUGH

jonathan stewart

Brown nose ON … Brown nose OFF: Jonathan Stewart – who STILL refuses to donate more to charity –  embodied comedic gutlessness by coordinating with the current administration to make sure he never offended them. That’s called being a propogandist and a panderer, not a comedian.

Comedy is at its best when it is irreverent. The more powerful the object of ridicule the richer the laughs. There’s an old saying about a comedian being so supportive of the world’s underdogs that “He’d insult a king to make a beggar laugh.”

American comedians have become such spineless panderers that they’ve lost any real edginess and especially any desire to be on the side of the underdogs. That would be, like, SO not cool, dude! Today American comedians would much rather insult beggars to make kings laugh.

These Court Jesters of the rich and powerful flaunt a deep disdain for the working class and the unfortunate. America’s comic performers of today sneeringly dismiss the working class and the poverty-stricken as “stupid” or “uneducated” the same way bloated rich pig Republicans dismiss the working class and the poverty-stricken as “lazy.” 

Jonathan Stewart older

*** *** *** **  Know what the exact opposite of an irreverant comedian would be? Jonathan Stewart. He took shots at ONLY the safest targets of the moment. Grow a pair and get back to us, worm.

 

The Jonathan Stewarts and Samantha Bees of the world would never be caught dead siding with the “ignorant hicks” who aren’t rich or don’t hold positions in their political party. The poor and the unfortunate are there to be ridiculed for the amusement of the ruling class and for the career advancement of those court jesters.  

Genuine satirical comedy follows the path of MOST resistance, but the current worms who play at comedy would rather side with the rich and powerful against the disadvantaged. These pompous pricks are about as “daring” as a bully ridiculing the nearest fat person or someone missing a limb. And ALL to put smiles on the faces of elitist jackasses.

Jonathan Stewart 3

One percenter Jonathan Stewart always sided with Obama – the most powerful man in the world – against the working class victims of Obama’s policies. What a guy!

Jonathan Stewart was so much of a lackey for the Democratic Party he used to meet regularly in the White House with Obama to make sure his humor was Government  Approved. How courageous! Bill Maher ridiculed the elderly veterans of what Brokaw called “the greatest generation” when their infirm bodies and aged minds hindered them from circumventing the barriers put up at war memorials during the government shutdown in 2013. Oh, if only one of them had fallen down and broken a hip! Such hilarity, right Bill? Continue reading

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

HILLARY TO BLACK VOTERS: WE DEMOCRATS OWN YOU LIKE WE DID ON OUR PLANTATIONS!

Hillary clinton dough nation

Pictured: Hillary “Bugsy” Clinton greeting foreign dignitaries and bloated rich pigs as Secretary of State

Hillary “No Billionaire Left Behind” Clinton told a nonexistent source here at Balladeer’s Blog that Donald Trump’s appeal to black voters made her very angry. The defiant presidential candidate had this to say:  

“I want black voters to get this through their heads – WE DEMOCRATS OWN YOU! We owned your asses when you were slaves on our plantations and we own your asses now! Not one damn Republican ever owned a plantation so STOP this flirtation with other candidates.

“We Democrats have given the black working class FIVE DECADES of condescension and meaningless slogans and I can promise you five MORE decades of condescension and meaningless slogans! We Democrats have the illegal immigrant vote cornered and with more of those future Democrats pouring across our southern border on a daily basis we won’t NEED you ungrateful super-predators in order to win elections in the near future. You think about that.” Continue reading

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion

BARACK OBAMA APOLOGIZES FOR SETTING BACK RACE RELATIONS

Obama sad face 1

Barack Obama feeling ashamed for encouraging violence against police and for setting back race relations

* ENTERED REMOTELY – FAMILY TRAGEDY 

Barack Obama delivered his latest apology. 

“I apologize for ever having encouraged an environment of violence toward the police. In every case involving a shooting I have jumped to conclusions and made undiplomatic remarks that have made tense situations worse. Too late I came to realize that Black Lives Matter – a hate-group comparable to the Ku Klux Klan – was founded on the lies about what happened in Ferguson, MO.  

“In the most recent cases, too, we have all since learned that the African-Americans BOTH had guns and were NOT unarmed, as first rumored. Again I have fanned the flames of race hatred and I am so very ashamed and so very sorry. Even one of my own White House Staff left after shooting at a police officer. I know we all remember her name.

Obama tear

Obama weeping over what a failure he has been

“I also apologize for hijacking the memorial service for the Texas law enforcement personnel who were gunned down during that Nuremberg Rally of Color that the Black Lives Matter bigots mounted. I apologize for pompously and patronizingly saying that ‘it hurts’ when hate groups like Black Lives Matter get criticized.

“I should have realized THAT IT MUST ALSO HURT TO BE WHITE AMERICANS WHO HAVE NEVER WRONGED ANY AFRICAN-AMERICANS YET STILL BE SUBJECTED TO NON-STOP HARANGUES ABOUT RACISM. I apologize. I humbly, deeply apologize. 

“I apologize on behalf of the entire Democratic Party for our endless racebaiting. The truth is, FIVE DECADES of condescending gibberish from the Democratic Party has done NOTHING to improve life for working class people – BOTH BLACK AND WHITE. Therefore, we felt we had no choice but to stoke up hatred among blacks and whites before the working class of both colors united against the Democratic Party.  

Obama sad face 2

Barack Obama feeling sad about getting such horrible grades in college and for being the worst U.S. President in history.

“Please forgive me. I know I don’t deserve it,but I’m begging all of you. I apologize for spouting divisive nonsense at the memorial service and not taking into account the feelings of the loved ones of the slain officers. That memorial service was meant to honor the service and sacrifice of those brave officers, yet I fundamentally transformed it into another excuse to spread race-hatred. Continue reading

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion