I’ve gotten e-mails asking that I review this movie but I already did in 2010. It’s been on my Bad Movie page here: https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/
IF FOOTMEN TIRE YOU, WHAT WILL HORSES DO? (1971) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following.
No, it’s not about Quentin Tarantino and pre-Castro Havana nightclubs (Thank you, I’m here all week!) it’s really a Cold War-era warning about what would happen if Communists took over the United States. It’s from Ron Ormond, best known for the bad movie classic Mesa Of Lost Women before he found religion and hooked up with the Reverend Estus W Pirkle for films like this one.
Pirkle serves as the narrator of this quirky little mess, ranting on and on in his over-the-top way about how the USA has turned away from the Bible and will suffer the consequences. He’s like a combination of Criswell in Plan 9 From Outer Space and the sermonizing narrator from Blood Freak (qv).
In one of his enjoyably bizarre tangents before he gets to the Soviet conquest of America he also speaks out on the “evils” of dancing, which he calls ”The front door to adultery! What starts on the dance floor is expected to be finished later.” He even says dancing is “as immoral as it has always been”. Continue reading
*** NJCAA DIVISION TWO ***
FIRST SEMIFINAL – The 3 seeds – the LOUISBURG COLLEGE HURRICANES – faced the 2nd seeded SOUTH SUBURBAN COLLEGE BULLDOGS for the right to advance to the Championship Game.
By Halftime the Hurricanes were threatening a mild upset with a 38-37 edge over the Bulldogs. In the 2nd Half Louisburg College made good on that threat, putting more and more distance between themselves and South Suburban College on their way to an 86-73 victory. Jordan Oakley led the Hurricanes with 17 points and 8 rebounds. Continue reading
A MEXICAN MYSTERY (1888) – Written by W. Grove. (No other name available) This is the first of two novels by Grove. This one features a sentient and evil train referred to only as The Engine.
In 1864 Mexico the Emperor Maximillian holds a contest for the best design of a new locomotive. The winner or winners will be awarded a lucrative contract to build trains to run all across Mexico on rail lines already laid – a project overseen by a Scottish engineer named John Brown.
Brown meets Pedro da Luz, the wealthy descendant of Montezuma AND Spanish Conquistadors. The brilliant but mysterious da Luz works out of the Mexican town of Xiqipu and his train engine is a marvel of technology, capable of automatically handling many duties that other trains require human workers for.
One of those duties is piloting the train and another is the feeding of wood into the Engine’s furnace to keep it running. At the contest before Emperor Maximillian da Luz’s creation outshines all the other entrants, but then things begin to go wrong. The Engine has depleted its on-board supply of wood and, in its hunger, uses its mechanical arms to uproot telegraph poles, chop them up and feed them into its furnace.
The furious Emperor disqualifies Pedro’s Engine and awards the prize to another designer. Da Luz rants and raves to such a bloodthirsty degree that his fiancee Inez dumps him, adding to his anger. Meanwhile, the Mexican people begin regarding the Engine with superstitious awe and claim it is possessed by the Devil.
Pedro da Luz pretends to be repairing the technical glitch in the Engine in order to remove it from the vicinity but in reality he makes further “refinements” to its programming. The next day da Luz feigns surprise when daybreak reveals that the Engine has apparently left on its own and is nowhere to be found.
The story unfolds as diary entries by the Scottish engineer John Brown, mentioned earlier. Da Luz turns up dead days later, a victim of a stabbing in Mestra. Mysterious events start happening at train stations throughout Mexico, like fatal accidents and the disappearance of wood for train engines. Water towers are drained in the dead of night as well. The missing Engine, apparently acting on its own, is sighted around the country. Continue reading
*** NJCAA DIVISION ONE ***
FINAL FOUR, FIRST BERTH – The 6th seeded EASTERN FLORIDA STATE TITANS and the Cinderella 14 seeds – the MOTLOW COLLEGE BUCKS – played one of the oddest games of this year’s tournament.
The opening Half was a low-scoring defensive epic and ended with the Titans holding a 25-20 lead over the Bucks. After the break Eastern Florida State continued to smother the Motlow College offense but their own offense burst free, ultimately winning the game by a final count of 65-45. Twenty-eight points from Ahmed Ali led the Titans to victory. Continue reading
The Democrats, living up to Nancy Pelosi’s vow to “make Caligula look sane,” have now accused United States President Donald Trump of conspiring to assassinate Chuck Berry and Chuck Barris. California President Hillary “Bugsy” Clinton joined the chorus of fevered voices and added “we’ll tie President Trump to the Jimmy Hoffa or Judge Crater disappearances if we have to in order to further harm this country!”
Needless to say, within hours this irrational conspiracy theory was being taught as “established history” by the Left-Wing Archie Bunkers who serve as the Democrats’ Winston Smiths at colleges and universities across America.
Democrat Chuck Schumer has called for a Special Prosecutor and claimed that since he is ALSO named Chuck he is next on President Trump’s Hit List now that Berry and Barris are gone. Continue reading
*** NJCAA DIVISION ONE ***
DAY THREE, GAME ONE – The 4 seeds – the HUTCHINSON COLLEGE BLUE DRAGONS – faced the 13th seeded SAINT PETERSBURG COLLEGE TITANS to start Day Three.
The Blue Dragons got a wake-up call, trailing the Titans 43-40 at Halftime. After the break Hutchinson College outscored St Petersburg College 55-35 to win the game by a score of 95-78. Shakur Juiston led the Blue Dragons with a Double Double of 29 points and 12 rebounds. Continue reading
DEMOCRATS DEMAND THE RESIGNATION OF ALL TRUMP ADMINISTRATION MEMBERS WHO HAVE EVER TASTED RUSSIAN DRESSING!
CALIFORNIA PRESIDENT HILLARY CLINTON SAYS “I NEVER WOULD HAVE LET RUSSIA HAVE ALL THAT AMERICAN URANIUM IN EXCHANGE FOR BRIBES IF I HAD KNOWN PUTIN WAS SUCH A BIG MEANIE!”
RESISTANCE TO TRUMP UNVEILS THEIR STIRRING SLOGAN: “IF YOU DON’T TAKE US SERIOUSLY WE WILL TOTALLY FILE A COMPLAINT AGAINST YOU!”
JOHN MCCAIN INSISTS TRUMP IS HELPING PUTIN MAKE “BIG TROUBLE FOR MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!”
OBAMA CLAIMS HIS REPEATED GROVELING FOR PUTIN WAS PART OF A STING OPERATION
PAUL KRUGMAN: ANCIENT ALIENS TRIED TO WARN THE WORLD ABOUT TRUMP Continue reading
Try imagining how different modern-day Easter celebrations might be if any of the following Gospels had been deemed “authentic” (lol) instead of just the traditional four. This continues Balladeer’s Blog’s annual examination of the Apocryphal Gospels that provide the best opportunities for comparative mythology.
THE GOSPEL OF PETER – This Gospel was in wide use in the Middle East until at least the 2nd Century A.D. Its contents would still be completely unknown if not for a fragment of the Gospel being discovered in the tomb of a Christian monk in Egypt late in the 1800s.
In The Gospel of Peter when Jesus emerges from his tomb upon being resurrected he is the size of a giant “whose head reaches above the Heavens” and is being helped from the tomb by a pair of equally giant-sized angels. Next the Cross itself emerges from the tomb for some reason and a voice from the Heavens asks “Have you preached to those who are sleeping?” The cross speaks and replies “Yes.” Continue reading
*** NAIA DIVISION ONE ***
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME – A pair of 3 seeds battled for the title of NAIA Division One basketball last night as the TEXAS WESLEYAN UNIVERSITY RAMS played the LIFE UNIVERSITY RUNNING EAGLES.
The Rams were determined to win their first hoops championship since 2006 and ran out to a 35-23 lead by Halftime. After the break Texas Wesleyan University had an answer for nearly every offensive effort of the Running Eagles and won the game by a score of 86-76. Dion Rogers led the victors with 28 points and 8 rebounds. * THE RAMS ARE CHAMPIONS OF NAIA DIVISION ONE * Continue reading