I’ve gotten e-mails asking that I review this movie but I already did in 2010. It’s been on my Bad Movie page here: https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/
IF FOOTMEN TIRE YOU, WHAT WILL HORSES DO? (1971) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following.
No, it’s not about Quentin Tarantino and pre-Castro Havana nightclubs (Thank you, I’m here all week!) it’s really a Cold War-era warning about what would happen if Communists took over the United States. It’s from Ron Ormond, best known for the bad movie classic Mesa Of Lost Women before he found religion and hooked up with the Reverend Estus W Pirkle for films like this one.
Pirkle serves as the narrator of this quirky little mess, ranting on and on in his over-the-top way about how the USA has turned away from the Bible and will suffer the consequences. He’s like a combination of Criswell in Plan 9 From Outer Space and the sermonizing narrator from Blood Freak (qv).
In one of his enjoyably bizarre tangents before he gets to the Soviet conquest of America he also speaks out on the “evils” of dancing, which he calls ”The front door to adultery! What starts on the dance floor is expected to be finished later.” He even says dancing is “as immoral as it has always been”. Continue reading
FIRST SEMIFINAL – The 3 seeds – the LOUISBURG COLLEGE HURRICANES – faced the 2nd seeded SOUTH SUBURBAN COLLEGE BULLDOGS for the right to advance to the Championship Game. 
A MEXICAN MYSTERY (1888) – Written by W. Grove. (No other name available) This is the first of two novels by Grove. This one features a sentient and evil train referred to only as The Engine. 
The furious Emperor disqualifies Pedro’s Engine and awards the prize to another designer. Da Luz rants and raves to such a bloodthirsty degree that his fiancee Inez dumps him, adding to his anger. Meanwhile, the Mexican people begin regarding the Engine with superstitious awe and claim it is possessed by the Devil. 
FINAL FOUR, FIRST BERTH – The 6th seeded EASTERN FLORIDA STATE TITANS and the Cinderella 14 seeds – the MOTLOW COLLEGE BUCKS – played one of the oddest games of this year’s tournament. 
The Democrats, living up to Nancy Pelosi’s vow to “make Caligula look sane,” have now accused United States President Donald Trump of conspiring to assassinate Chuck Berry and Chuck Barris. California President Hillary “Bugsy” Clinton joined the chorus of fevered voices and added “we’ll tie President Trump to the Jimmy Hoffa or Judge Crater disappearances if we have to in order to further harm this country!” 
DAY THREE, GAME ONE – The 4 seeds – the HUTCHINSON COLLEGE BLUE DRAGONS – faced the 13th seeded SAINT PETERSBURG COLLEGE TITANS to start Day Three. 
DEMOCRATS DEMAND THE RESIGNATION OF ALL TRUMP ADMINISTRATION MEMBERS WHO HAVE EVER TASTED RUSSIAN DRESSING! 
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