Category Archives: humor

HILARIOUSLY INACCURATE PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

earth-explodingWith a new year underway – 2017 C.E. – Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at some past predictions by “psychics” (LMAO) that turned out to be wildly off the mark.

FREDERICK DAVIES – In 1978 he predicted:

— Jimmy Carter would get reelected.

— In the early 1980s sea research would result in a cure for various types of cancer.

— A manned landing on Mars would be made by 1985.

— By 1988 a third of all homes would be using solar energy for cooking and heating.

firebird-2015-ad— Private automobiles would be banned … by 1990.

— Also by 1990 life would be discovered on Jupiter and communication with another planet – possibly from beyond our solar system – would be achieved.

— Between 1999-2001 the origin of the UFO sightings around the world would be determined. Continue reading

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BAD MOVIES 4 NEW YEAR’S EVE

Here at Balladeer’s Blog I’m very fond of cinematic turkeys that have seasonal tie-ins. In that spirit here’s a look at bad movies with a New Year’s Eve theme. As usual, full-length reviews of these films can be found on my Bad Movie page.

AKA Time Warp

AKA Time Warp

BLOODY NEW YEAR (1987) – Also released under the title Time Warp but it’s grisly enough for the more explicit title. A handful of British boaters who are fleeing a family of soccer hooligans (no, really) wind up on an island with a deserted hotel that’s been decorated for a New Year’s Eve party since the 1950s.

This Norman J Warren film stars nobody and borrows heavily from Sam Raimi’s original Evil Dead in terms of its imitation “Deadites” and its POV tracking shots. It also features a killer who emerges from a movie being watched, a monster who climbs out of a tablecloth, homicidal kitchen utensils, indoor snowfall, laughing shrubbery and living walls. All the chaos is being caused by hapless souls who have been trapped in limbo for decades and will do anything to get out or to drag others into their hellish undead existence with them.

Bloody New Year is a neglected bad movie classic that has all the Continue reading

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SHORT FILMS FOR THE SHORTEST DAY OF THE YEAR

Yes, it’s December 21st once again! This time around Balladeer’s Blog presents a look at assorted short films to go with today’s “shortness” theme.

The United Fund

The United Fund

THE MEANEST MAN IN THE WORLD (1954) – This heavy-handed United Fund short was probably effective in its day. Back then people may have felt they were being too callous by openly laughing at the antics in this public service message.

Our central character, “Jim”, comes home late at night after a marathon work day. He startles his wife, who, in typical 50s fashion sleeps in a separate bed. In fact he startles her SO much you get the impression she had a man on the side who may have left her bed a little too close to Jim’s homecoming for comfort.

Jim’s got even bigger problems, though. Money is tight, so tight that Jim tells his still-paniced wife that this year they won’t be able to afford their usual contribution to the United Fund. Our hero then falls asleep, while the disgusted narrator of this ham-fisted production sneers at his alleged callousness.

Now the real fun begins. This joyously tasteless  production tries to equate being unable to afford a United Fund contribution to monumental acts of deliberate cruelty. Jim’s dream counterpart stalks up to a hospital and viciously KICKS THE CRUTCHES out from under a poor crippled boy, then STANDS THERE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY while looking down at Continue reading

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HILLARY LOSES AGAIN: DEMOCRAT DEATH-THREATS FAIL TO INTIMIDATE ELECTORAL COLLEGE MEMBERS

Hillary shrill

Rejecting Hillary Clinton is the new American Pastime.

The election that never seems to end passed another milestone today as the Electoral College members met to certify Donald Trump as the next president of the United States. Weeks ago Hillary Clinton supporters publicly posted names, addresses, phone numbers and social media information of Electors as part of the massive attempt to intimidate them into ignoring the results of the November 8th election.

Many Electors reported getting death-threats through various media and some even needed police protection today because of the Democrats’ unprecedented attempt at overruling presidential election results via intimidation.

democratic party donkey

*** *** *** *** ***   Are death-threats to Electors the wave of the future?

Corporate media outlets have been coyly ignoring much of this and have been downplaying the fact that there is an implied threat in the mere public posting of the Electors’ information. “Everyone knows where you live and how to contact you now” is the message conveyed by ANY contact with the Electors.

OVERSEAS NEWS OUTLETS were MORE RELIABLE sources of information on the death-threats and other attempts at intimidation THAN AMERICAN NETWORKS! And thanks to the Democrats we now face a situation in which presidential elections of the future may well be waged up until the last moment before the Electors meet.  

Because the American Left seem determined to drive away all of us rational people who used to consider ourselves a part of them I am repeating this blog post from Election Day. Hey, if we had to sit through their Drama Queen antics the past several weeks, why not?

HILLARY AND OBAMA ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY

women-for-trumpCAREER CRIMINAL HILLARY CLINTON FAILS IN BID FOR WHITE HOUSE

DEMOCRATS SUDDENLY REALIZE WHY A PRESIDENT’S POWERS NEED REINED IN: And It Ain’t Because of (YAAAAAAWWWN) Racism

WAR WITH RUSSIA AVERTED WHEN MADWOMAN DENIED THE PRESIDENCY

ONE PERCENTERS AND BLOATED RICH PIGS OUTRAGED AT TRUMP WIN

BLOW STRUCK AGAINST AMERICAN LIBERAL COLONIALISM

latinas-for-trumpVOTERS TO OBAMA: DROP DEAD

THE WORKING POOR DEFEAT THE MEDIA-DEMOCRAT MONOLITH

DEMOCRATS BANKED TOO MUCH ON ELDERLY WHITE LIBERALS WHO THINK IT’S 1967

ORANGE LIVES MATTER!

DE FACTO THIRD PARTY CANDIDATE WINS THE PRESIDENCY

DEMOCRATS’ PLANS FOR 2020: ANYTHING WITH A VAGINA!

MICHAEL MOORE ENGINEERS TRUMP VICTORY

NON-DEMOCRAT AND NON-REPUBLICAN BREAKS GLASS CEILING!

mark-cuban

One percenter and bloated rich pig Mark Cuban (actual size)

MARK CUBAN: FROM BEGGING TO BE TRUMP’S VICE PRESIDENT TO SOUR GRAPES CRITIC TO IRRELEVANT BUFFOON IN ONE ELECTION CYCLE!

DEMOCRATS VOW: THE NEXT CRIMINAL WE RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY WILL HAVE ALREADY BEEN CONVICTED AND SERVED THEIR TIME

TRUMP ON HOW HE ATTRACTED SO MANY AFRICAN-AMERICAN VOTES: “I ASKED FOR THEM” (DEMOCRAT TIP O’NEILL STILL HAS WISDOM FOR US)

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*** *** *** *** ***  Trump -Red, Hillary – Blue

LUNATIC FRINGE CONSISTING OF MORE THAN HALF THE COUNTRY ELECTS DONALD TRUMP AS PRESIDENT

HILLARY INSISTS GETTING MILLIONS OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT VOTES IN CALIFORNIA MEANS SHE WON (Democrats refuse to investigate vote fraud to weed out those illegal votes.)  

BLOATED RICH PIGS WHO OWN HILLARY SAY: WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK!

HILLARY: IF I HAD KNOWN U.S. CITIZENS WERE VOTING I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE PANDERED FOR THEIR VOTES

black-trump-supportersTRUMP DOUBLES GOP’s USUAL AFRICAN-AMERICAN VOTE, PROVING WHAT A RACIST HE IS …?

GEORGE WILL AND BILL KRISTOL TO STAR IN FEATURE-LENGTH VERSION OF MONTY PYTHON’s “UPPER CLASS TWIT” SKETCH

PARTY OF SLAVERY, THE KU KLUX KLAN AND JIM CROW DEFEATED

MEDIA WHICH ASSURED US HILLARY WOULD WIN IN A LANDSLIDE NOW ASSURES US TRUMP WILL BLOW UP WORLD

DEMOCRATS STUNNED TO LEARN THAT ACTUAL VOTERS OUTNUMBER ACTORS AND SINGERS

CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRATS SUDDENLY IN LOVE WITH THE NOTION OF CONGRESSIONAL OBSTRUCTIONISM Continue reading

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PAUL KRUGMAN COLOGNE: BALLADEER’S GIFT BAG

paul-krugman

*** *** *** *** *** Paul Krugman Cologne: THESE will be the only pussies you grab while wearing it.

Previously Balladeer’s Gift Bag presented Tommy Wiseau’s series of Audiobooks. This time around I’m taking a look at Paul Krugman’s litter-box scented cologne.

In fact, Litterbox was originally going to be the name of the product but Krugman’s corporate overlord backer Carlos Slim ordered him to change it to Fanfic, since Paul Krugman is best known for writing fan fiction for Democrats (aka DemCorp).

The cologne also comes in cat-urine scent as well, just to capture the feel of reading one of Krugman’s pieces. Continue reading

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BARACK OBAMA’S DELUSIONS

Urkel

United States President Barack Obama

The weak, inept and crooked little man named Barack Obama has been hard at work struggling to rewrite the history of his eight disastrous years in office by outrightly lying. People like Paul Krugman, who specializes in Barack Obama fan fiction, will no doubt repeat all of Obama’s tall tales as if they’re the truth. 

Anyway, in the spirit of Barack Obama’s deranged claims here are a few other items that worst of all presidents will probably try to take credit for.  

** Playing Urkel on the sitcom Family Matters.

** Discovering penicillin.

** Letting the dogs out. (Say what you will, it takes balls to try a Baha-Men reference in the year 2016)

** Having his presidency foretold by Nostradamus when he wrote “And a self-infatuated fool/ With ears as large as dinner plates/ Will undo decades of racial progress/ As he stubbornly clings like dogshit to the bottom of history’s shoes.”

** Composing a song called Hail to the THIEF to be played whenever Hillary Clinton entered the room. 

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Hillary – Blue, Trump – Red

** Reducing his own political party – the Democrats – to isolated bands of pompous snobs and professional hatemongers scattered around the country. (Okay, that one’s the truth.) 

** Coining the expression “Ya workin’ hard or hardly workin’?”

** Writing Gone With The Wind, The Godfather and Space Raptor Butt Invasion. Continue reading

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HAVE YOURSELF A SANDMAN LITTLE CHRISTMAS

have-yourself-a-sandman-little-christmasIn Pop Culture these days it’s Marvel Comics’ world and the rest of us are just innocent bystanders whose homes and places of business get destroyed.

In that spirit here’s a Christmas Season look at what I’ve learned was a milestone story in the Marvel Universe. It was from the very first issue of Marvel Team-Up (1972) and featured Spider-Man and the Human Torch taking on their mutual foe the Sandman on Christmas Eve.

have-yourself-a-sandman-little-christmas-2Years later an unnamed black woman that the pair saved from a mugging got retconned into being Misty Knight, adding even more significance to the issue.

Synopsis: While photographer Peter Parker was covering the Polar Bear Clan’s Christmas Eve dip (yes, it goes back at least that far) the Sandman showed up on the beach after surviving his apparent death in battle with the Hulk months earlier. (For a long time it was a comic book truism that only Bucky stayed dead but apparently even that eventually fell by the wayside.)   Continue reading

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TOMMY WISEAU AUDIOBOOKS: BALLADEER’S GIFT BAG

tommy-wiseauSince it’s Christmas Season I figured I would start posting gift suggestions for like-minded eccentrics.

TOMMY WISEAU AUDIOBOOKS – Yes, we all loved Tommy in The Room … well, actually, we loved Greg Sestero more. In fact we had no more feelings at all for Tommy Wiseau, we loved Greg. Yeah, we were all much more into Greg Sestero, to the point where we didn’t love Tommy at all anymore. Greg was the one we loved.

Putting that aside, though, Tommy Wiseau uses his inimitable delivery to bring to life some of the world’s greatest literary works. Whether it’s Finnegans Wake (“River run past Eve and Adam’s, HHHUUUHH?”) or Hamlet (“To be or NAAAAAAAHHHHT to be …”) they take on new meaning as interpreted by the enigmatic Mr Wiseau (Still thirty after all these years!).   Continue reading

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DEMOCRATS DEMAND THE U.S. WITHDRAW FROM OHIO FOLLOWING MUSLIM ATTACK

abdul-at-ohio-stateAbdul Razak Ali Artan has been identified as the Muslim Somali man shot to death after using a car to ram several innocent people then stabbing more after exiting the vehicle. Abdul had pledged his allegiance to the Islamic State online before committing this horrific act which injured at least 10 innocent people. 

Pledging such allegiance before committing an act of Muslim terrorism is in keeping with the Islamic State’s online instructions to jihadist fanatics around the world. It “guarantees” them their 72 virgins in the afterlife, as mentioned in misogynistic Muslim myths. (I’m an atheist. Don’t bother accusing me of being a Christian or a Jew, etc)

Career criminal Hillary Clinton led the Democrats in demanding that the United States end its imperialist occupation of the Buckeye State at once. “NO MORE BLOOD FOR CHESTNUTS!” Hillary and her shrill supporters screeched. They also insisted Muslim fanatics would not commit these violent acts if America would just withdraw from Ohio.

hippy

Left-Wing Archie Bunkers: They’re so HIP!

Left-wing Archie Bunkers, who love to pathetically attempt reliving their youthful years, were joined in protesting the American occupation of sovereign Muslim territory by the usual throng of emotional cripples who pretend to be college students in America.

This sad, sad spectacle saw the childish students and their horribly, horribly old teachers and administrators carrying signs that said “U.S. OUT OF COLUMB**!” and other slogans. As usual those slogans were on the same intellectual level as nursery rhymes to ensure they were simple-minded enough to be written and chanted by both the young snowflakes and the senile 1960s burnouts.   Continue reading

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JILL STEIN DEMANDS RECOUNTS FROM THE 1888 ELECTION, TOO

jill-stein

Jill Stein: What’s wrong with attracting some GREEN to the Green Party?

Jill Stein, the Green Party Candidate for President, came within a bare 63 million votes of being elected the next President of the United States. Just in case there were some oversights she has been demanding recount after recount ever since.

Even DEMOCRAT Chuck Todd observed that someone seems to have put the idea for these recounts in Stein’s head. Seriously. Look it up.

When a non-existent correspondent for Balladeer’s Blog asked Jill Stein for a comment about Chuck Todd’s suspicions she replied “This has absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone coming forward with money … nothing to do with anyone anywhere offering to make my campaign’s massive debt go away … nothing.”

When pressed for more Stein blurted out “I am NOT being bribed by the people who own Hillary Clinton! … I mean, what was the question?”

jill-stein-quote

*** *** *** *** *** *** Stein was talking about Hillary “Bugsy” Clinton in this quote from when Stein had some integrity.

 

Defenders of Dr Stein have pointed out that there is nothing illegal about asking for recounts, as opposed to the VOLUMINOUS illegal acts that can be tied to Hillary Clinton, the career criminal hoping to benefit from these late and repeated recounts.  

Feeling her oats, Jill Stein released a new statement demanding a recount in the 1888 presidential election, when Benjamin Harrison defeated Grover Cleveland AND in the election of 1824. Citing the way supporters of Andrew Jackson claimed there was a “corrupt bargain” between John Quincy Adams and Henry Clay when that 1824 election went to the House of Representatives, Stein said her new-found  commitment to election integrity knows no bounds!  

Hillary Clinton hands together

“Exxxxcellent!”

“With THIS kind of payday I’d be nuttier than Tim Kaine to stop now!” she elaborated.

Neither Harrison, Cleveland, Jackson, Adams nor Clay were available for comment.   Continue reading

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