Category Archives: humor

February 19, 2020 · 5:00 am

ANOTHER TWENTY FAILED PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

masc graveyard newAmong the most popular posts here at Balladeer’s Blog are this series of items regarding comical – sometimes hilarious – failed predictions from psychics. In the spirit of shameless pandering, here’s another!

ETHEL JOHNSON MEYERS

*** In the late 1970s or early 1980s Communist China will use atomic bombs in the United States.

*** Mao Tse-tung will die by 1973.

Nuclear Explosion With Orange Mushroom CloudDOCTOR N (This was the actual alias of a supposed physician and/or psychiatrist who did not want their identity known when they gave predictions.)

*** The Communist Chinese will bomb San Francisco on December 29th, 1970.

*** The United States and China will be at war by 1972 at the latest. America’s west coast states will become uninhabitable by radioactive fallout from something called “water blasts.” By the war’s end most of the U.S. will be destroyed and 190 million Chinese people would be dead.

*** By 1972 a Dr Martin will discover a cure for cancer. Continue reading →

12 Comments

Filed under humor

Tagged as , , , , ,

February 16, 2020 · 6:10 pm

AMERICAN PRESIDENTS: EISENHOWER TO TRUMP

It’s Presidents Day Weekend! Here are some of Balladeer’s Blog’s takes on the more recent presidents.  

EisenhowerDWIGHT EISENHOWER

Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.

Military Service: World War One and World War Two

Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember,  the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)

Nickname: Uncle Milty

Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pasttime. 

Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”. Continue reading →

60 Comments

Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, Neglected History, opinion

Tagged as , , , , , ,

February 15, 2020 · 9:55 am

VICE PRESIDENTS – JOKES ABOUT THESE ULTIMATE SECOND BANANAS

John Adams

John Adams

Since it’s Presidents Day Weekend here’s another seasonal post.

John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.”

In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc. 

aaron-burrAARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to start his own country than any other Vice President. (So far, anyway.)

Best Burr Quote: “I’m still searching for the real killers of Alexander Hamilton.” 

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: P-Funk and Funkadelic Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of his loyalist cousin Sir Henry Clinton during the Revolutionary War. Continue reading →

22 Comments

Filed under humor, Neglected History, opinion, Presidential Rap Sheets

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

January 22, 2020 · 2:30 pm

CASH GRAB AND DOWNCAST 2: A PAIR OF GRAPHIC NOVEL SENSATIONS

Cash GrabBalladeer’s Blog is telling you this: From now on, instead of BC and AD, years will be recorded in terms of BCG and ACG, as in Before Cash Grab and After Cash Grab. Well, maybe not. But you will always remember where you were and what the weather was like and what you were wearing when you first heard about Cash Grab: The Graphic Novel by Cecil. 

Cash Grab, by internet cult figure Cecil of Cecil Says fame, has launched on Indiegogo. Reserve your copy now! If you miss the kind of gloriously irreverent – some might say sickening – humor of Mad Magazine or Marvel’s Teen Hulk from Crazy, you can find it in this graphic novel. Continue reading →

2 Comments

Filed under humor, opinion, Superheroes

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

January 13, 2020 · 12:24 am

TWENTY LOSING PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES

mascot new look donkey and elephant headsBalladeer’s Blog will be featuring plenty of Top 20 lists in honor of the year 2020. Here’s one featuring 10 Democrats and 10 Republicans yet you know partisans will accuse me of favoring one or the other party in this list. What can ya do? Anyway, in no particular order:

James M CoxJAMES M COX (Lost to Harding)

Gang Affiliation: Democrat 

Motto: “But Harding said ‘NORMALCY’ for God’s sake!”

Nickname: The Man Who Ran With Franklin Roosevelt As His Vice Presidential Candidate. 

Pro: Was so manly even his last name was phallic. 

Con: Founded Cox Communications, vowing that someday his company’s unsympathetic and unprofessional Cable Company employees would make the country pay for not electing him.

No man is good three timesWENDELL WILKIE (Lost to FDR in 1940)

Gang Affiliation: Republican

Motto: “No man is good three times.” For once I’m using the REAL motto that the person ran under for president. Wilkie’s campaign was referring to the way FDR was running for President for the third time in a row, hence the “three times.” Given the cultural taboos of the time it was apparently NOT intended as a dirty double-entendre but these days we can’t think of it any other way.

Nickname: The Guy Who Wasn’t Good Once, Let Alone Three Times

Pro: Was open-minded enough to plan with FDR the possible formation of a third major Political Party once World War Two was over.

Con: Died even before Roosevelt did, tragically depriving America of that Third Party that might have forever changed history with two such prominent men pushing it. 

Continue reading →

33 Comments

Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, Neglected History, opinion

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

January 8, 2020 · 6:10 pm

CHANGE OF HABIT (1969)

Change of Habit bCHANGE OF HABIT (1969) – This review is in honor of Elvis Presley’s birthday. Change of Habit is a movie that was practically MADE to be ridiculed. You’ve got Elvis Presley, never exactly a master thespian, his sideburns, which out-perform him in this flick and Mary Tyler Moore as a nun torn between her vows and her growing attraction to The King.

Elvis himself plays a doctor named John Carpenter (yes, like the horror film director), making his initials J.C., just like another famous Jewish carpenter … Jacob Cohen. Dr Elvis runs a practice in the ghetto, which should probably be rendered THE GHETTO instead, given the ham-fisted and stereotypical depiction of the neighborhood and its inhabitants.

Elvis’ character  – if you can make it out behind his usual one-note performance – is supposed to be the perfect made-for-film physician: good looking, compassionate and willing to buck the system in order to help his patients. … And, of course, he sings.

Mary Tyler Moore’s Sister Michelle is accompanied by her sister nuns Sister Barbara, played by Jane Elliott in the years before she was a Soap Opera queen, and Sister Irene, played by African-American actress and singer Barbara McNair. Continue reading →

12 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies, humor

Tagged as , , , , , ,

January 8, 2020 · 11:00 am

ELVIS MOVIES FOR JANUARY 8th

Mascot new lookJanuary 8th is the combined marking of Elvis Presley’s birthday and the Battle of New Orleans, in which General Andrew Jackson and French Pirate Jean Lafitte defeated the British in the final battle of the War of 1812.

In the past Balladeer’s Blog has observed this date with looks at the musical Rock’N’Roll vs The Redcoats and with an article on the whole Orion/ Elvis situation. This time I’m taking a quick look at some early Elvis movies.

love me tenderLOVE ME TENDER (1956) – Elvis was the latest reason that the saga of the Reno Gang/ Reno Brothers got distorted on the big screen. The need to turn the Reno story into a vehicle for Elvis Presley made this attempt the most unintentionally funny of them all.

Favorite Part: A scene between Elvis, playing Clint Reno, and Richard Egan, playing Vance Reno. Despite the fact that the long-missing Vance was given up for dead and Elvis married his mourning girlfriend in the meantime the Side-Burned One actually asks “What’s troublin’ you, Vance?”  That question has been a catch-phrase for me ever since I first saw this flick on late-night tv.

Favorite Weirdass Song: Let Me  Continue reading →

5 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies, humor

Tagged as , , , , , ,

January 3, 2020 · 3:42 pm

TWENTY MORE FAILED PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

masc graveyard newBalladeer’s Blog’s previous items on hilariously failed predictions by “psychics” were so popular here’s a fourth installment.

JEANE DIXON

*** By 1990 the U.S. will have its first female president.

*** In 1988 the Russians and their satellite nations will invade the Middle East and occupy Israel and its neighboring Muslim nations. The resulting war of resistance against the Soviets will last 7 years.

*** In 1995 the United States, United Kingdom, France, Germany and Japan will establish a headquarters in Rome to begin strategizing for a counteroffensive against the Soviets in the Middle East. A great Allied leader will emerge from the Rome preparations.

*** In 1999 the Allies will be at war with the Soviets. Russian nuclear missiles will wipe out most coastal cities in the U.S. as well as many cities in Europe.

*** In the year 2000 the Soviet forces in Israel will be destroyed by the U.S. and its allies. The great Allied leader mentioned before will be hailed as a savior, ruler and conquering hero. However, they will prove to be a “false prophet of evil.” (So would a false prophet of evil be a prophet of goodness?) 

*** By 2005 China will conquer all of Asia and move into the Middle East. Nuclear war will be unleashed again and China will be defeated after the loss of millions of lives. (Sure, we can look back on it now and laugh, but back THEN …) Continue reading →

14 Comments

Filed under humor

Tagged as , , , , ,

December 27, 2019 · 3:59 pm

BEST OF SEPTEMBER 2019

Balladeer’s Blog’s end of year retrospective continues with this look at September’s best:

classical greecePOLEIS (CITIES) 422-419 B.C. – A look at the ancient Greek political comedy written by Eupolis. CLICK HERE

TRANSGRESS WITH ME: SEPTEMBER 23rd – Are you brave enough to share some more transgressive thoughts? CLICK HERE

Babylon ElectrifiedANCIENT SCIENCE FICTION – Messages From Mars (1892)  HERE , The Queen of Appalachia (1901) HERE , Babylon Electrified (1888) HERE , Looking Forward (1899) HERE , The Automatic Maid (1893) HERE

HEROIC WOMEN FIGHTING OPPRESSION IN THE MUSLIM WORLD – The title says it all. CLICK HERE

WOI EPIC – A Liberian epic myth about gods and demons. CLICK HERE

Isaiah WashingtonISAIAH WASHINGTON – And yet another Martin Luther King Person of Courage to profile – CLICK HERE Continue reading →

5 Comments

Filed under Ancient Greek Comedy, Bad and weird movies, humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, Mythology, Neglected History, opinion

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

December 26, 2019 · 8:15 pm

STAR WARS: EPISODE TEN OPENING CRAWL

Balladeer’s Blog’s sources in the industry – and by the industry I mean the business – have leaked to me the wording of the opening crawl for the next Star Wars movie.

Dark Rey“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away … 

EPISODE X: SUBVERT THIS!

DEJA VU! Rey Skywalker has fallen to the Dark Side! Rechristening herself Empress Palpatine she single-handedly conquered every inhabited world in dozens of galaxies. On the second day she conquered even more!

Using heretofore unknown Force abilities, Empress Palpatine altered the fabric of reality itself to the point where no one alive even remembers a time when she was not the unquestioned ruler of thousands of planets. Continue reading →

16 Comments

Filed under humor

Tagged as , , , , , , ,