Tag Archives: humor

January 8, 2017 · 9:13 pm

ELVIS PRESLEY: ROCK’N’ROLL VS THE REDCOATS

Elvis IS General Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans

Elvis IS General Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans

January 8th of each year always represents the general rift that separates American pop culture from alleged “high culture”. On the one hand it’s Elvis Presley’s birthday. On the other hand it’s also the anniversary of the Battle of New Orleans, in which General (and future President) Andrew Jackson teamed up with French pirate Jean Lafitte to hand the British their worst defeat in the War of 1812.

It’s not tough to guess which event gets more attention year in and year out, but cult director Eddie Wozniak took a break from the film world to write, produce and direct this musical comedy.

General Jackson as a one-man USO show for his battle-hardened troops

General Jackson as a one-man USO show for his battle-hardened troops

Rock’N’Roll vs the Redcoats is Wozniak’s hilarious but educational fusion of Elvis’ birthday with the martial anniversary. The musical comedy depicts the events of 1815 as they might have been depicted in an Elvis Presley movie with an actual Elvis impersonator in the lead role. So basically the star of Rock’N’Roll vs the Redcoats is a man playing Elvis Presley playing General Andrew Jackson. Continue reading →

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January 4, 2017 · 12:17 am

MORE HILARIOUSLY WRONG PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

nuke-the-moonThe readers of Balladeer’s Blog have spoken! You enjoyed the first go-round of these nuggets so much I’m posting this second helping right now!

IRENE HUGHES – In 1978 she predicted:

— In 1980 Russia would land Cosmonauts on the moon to conduct nuclear weapons tests and international outrage over the incident would result in bloodshed.

— Specifically in January of 1980 San Francisco would suffer an earthquake even more severe than the 1906 earthquake that devastated the city.

jimmy-carter-and-michael-jackson— Jimmy Carter would get reelected with a black Vice Presidential candidate replacing Walter Mondale on the ticket.

— The next passing of Halley’s Comet in the 1980s would result in massive upheavals on Earth such as earthquakes, tsunamis and the outbreak of multiple wars.

— The U.S. President would die of natural causes in or near Russia in 1981. Continue reading →

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January 2, 2017 · 4:50 pm

HILARIOUSLY INACCURATE PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

earth-explodingWith a new year underway – 2017 C.E. – Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at some past predictions by “psychics” (LMAO) that turned out to be wildly off the mark.

FREDERICK DAVIES – In 1978 he predicted:

— Jimmy Carter would get reelected.

— In the early 1980s sea research would result in a cure for various types of cancer.

— A manned landing on Mars would be made by 1985.

— By 1988 a third of all homes would be using solar energy for cooking and heating.

firebird-2015-ad— Private automobiles would be banned … by 1990.

— Also by 1990 life would be discovered on Jupiter and communication with another planet – possibly from beyond our solar system – would be achieved.

— Between 1999-2001 the origin of the UFO sightings around the world would be determined. Continue reading →

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December 29, 2016 · 6:00 pm

THE HILLARY CLINTON EXCUSE CALENDAR FOR 2017

hillary-clinton-excusesCareer criminal Hillary Clinton continues to blame everyone but herself for her humiliating loss to Donald Trump this year. One of the hot-selling items headed into the New Year is a calendar on which each day features one of the Hillarytron’s whiny, self-serving excuses.

You’ll get three hundred sixty-five gems like:

THE RUSSIANS FORCED HILLARY TO RUN A FAKE CHARITY, ACCEPT BRIBES AND MISHANDLE CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!

THE VOTES OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS SHOULD BE THE ONLY VOTES THAT COUNT!

MALE VOTERS FELT THREATENED BY A WOMAN LIKE HILLARY WHO LIVES OFF THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF HER HUSBAND!

HILLARY’S SHRILL VOICE WAS SO HIGH-PITCHED ONLY DOGS COULD HEAR HER LIES AND PROMISES.

map

… … RED – Trump, Blue – Hillary

ISOLATED, HEAVILY POPULATED POCKETS OF POMPOUS SNOBS AND BLOATED RICH PIGS SHOULD GET TO DICTATE HOW THE REST OF THE COUNTRY LIVES!

BLACK VOTERS FORGOT WE DEMOCRATS OWN THEM LIKE WE DID ON OUR PLANTATIONS!

OBAMA TOLD HILLARY IT WAS A GOOD STRATEGY TO CALL MOST OF THE COUNTRY “A BASKET OF DEPLORABLES.”

AMERICANS ARE BIASED AGAINST CAREER CRIMINALS LIKE HILLARY!

UPPITY ORANGE PEOPLE LIKE TRUMP LOVE TO PLAY IDENTITY POLITICS! Continue reading →

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December 16, 2016 · 11:06 pm

PAUL KRUGMAN COLOGNE: BALLADEER’S GIFT BAG

paul-krugman

*** *** *** *** *** Paul Krugman Cologne: THESE will be the only pussies you grab while wearing it.

Previously Balladeer’s Gift Bag presented Tommy Wiseau’s series of Audiobooks. This time around I’m taking a look at Paul Krugman’s litter-box scented cologne.

In fact, Litterbox was originally going to be the name of the product but Krugman’s corporate overlord backer Carlos Slim ordered him to change it to Fanfic, since Paul Krugman is best known for writing fan fiction for Democrats (aka DemCorp).

The cologne also comes in cat-urine scent as well, just to capture the feel of reading one of Krugman’s pieces. Continue reading →

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December 15, 2016 · 12:36 pm

TRUE OR FALSE NEWS QUIZ

Each one of the following stories is either True or False. 

bill-gatesONE: BILL GATES COMPARED DONALD TRUMP TO JOHN F KENNEDY. True. Click HERE   

TWO: CAREER CRIMINAL HILLARY CLINTON ROBBED A CONVENIENCE STORE AND – AFTER A SIX-HOUR STANDOFF WITH THE POLICE – SHE STILL WASN’T PRESIDENT. True, plus her hostages all took their own lives to get away from that shrill crook. 

THREE: DONALD TRUMP REVEALED HE IS ACTUALLY A VERY BASHFUL MAN WHO CAN’T STAND ATTENTION. False, he is actually an elderly Norwegian woman who LOVES attention.   

jim-brownFOUR: FOOTBALL LEGEND AND MAN’S MAN JIM BROWN SAYS HE “FELL IN LOVE” WITH TRUMP AFTER MEETING HIM. True,  click HERE  

FIVE: THE DEMOCRATS’ CONGRESSIONAL CAUCUS OFFICIALLY CHANGED THEIR NAME TO “THE KU KLUX KAUKUS.” False, but they HAVE changed their Party name’s spelling to “DemoKKKrats.”  Continue reading →

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December 8, 2016 · 5:02 am

BARACK OBAMA’S DELUSIONS

Urkel

United States President Barack Obama

The weak, inept and crooked little man named Barack Obama has been hard at work struggling to rewrite the history of his eight disastrous years in office by outrightly lying. People like Paul Krugman, who specializes in Barack Obama fan fiction, will no doubt repeat all of Obama’s tall tales as if they’re the truth. 

Anyway, in the spirit of Barack Obama’s deranged claims here are a few other items that worst of all presidents will probably try to take credit for.  

** Playing Urkel on the sitcom Family Matters.

** Discovering penicillin.

** Letting the dogs out. (Say what you will, it takes balls to try a Baha-Men reference in the year 2016)

** Having his presidency foretold by Nostradamus when he wrote “And a self-infatuated fool/ With ears as large as dinner plates/ Will undo decades of racial progress/ As he stubbornly clings like dogshit to the bottom of history’s shoes.”

** Composing a song called Hail to the THIEF to be played whenever Hillary Clinton entered the room. 

map

Hillary – Blue, Trump – Red

** Reducing his own political party – the Democrats – to isolated bands of pompous snobs and professional hatemongers scattered around the country. (Okay, that one’s the truth.) 

** Coining the expression “Ya workin’ hard or hardly workin’?”

** Writing Gone With The Wind, The Godfather and Space Raptor Butt Invasion. Continue reading →

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December 1, 2016 · 9:45 pm

TOMMY WISEAU AUDIOBOOKS: BALLADEER’S GIFT BAG

tommy-wiseauSince it’s Christmas Season I figured I would start posting gift suggestions for like-minded eccentrics.

TOMMY WISEAU AUDIOBOOKS – Yes, we all loved Tommy in The Room … well, actually, we loved Greg Sestero more. In fact we had no more feelings at all for Tommy Wiseau, we loved Greg. Yeah, we were all much more into Greg Sestero, to the point where we didn’t love Tommy at all anymore. Greg was the one we loved.

Putting that aside, though, Tommy Wiseau uses his inimitable delivery to bring to life some of the world’s greatest literary works. Whether it’s Finnegans Wake (“River run past Eve and Adam’s, HHHUUUHH?”) or Hamlet (“To be or NAAAAAAAHHHHT to be …”) they take on new meaning as interpreted by the enigmatic Mr Wiseau (Still thirty after all these years!).   Continue reading →

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November 30, 2016 · 8:19 pm

DEMOCRATS DEMAND THE U.S. WITHDRAW FROM OHIO FOLLOWING MUSLIM ATTACK

abdul-at-ohio-stateAbdul Razak Ali Artan has been identified as the Muslim Somali man shot to death after using a car to ram several innocent people then stabbing more after exiting the vehicle. Abdul had pledged his allegiance to the Islamic State online before committing this horrific act which injured at least 10 innocent people. 

Pledging such allegiance before committing an act of Muslim terrorism is in keeping with the Islamic State’s online instructions to jihadist fanatics around the world. It “guarantees” them their 72 virgins in the afterlife, as mentioned in misogynistic Muslim myths. (I’m an atheist. Don’t bother accusing me of being a Christian or a Jew, etc)

Career criminal Hillary Clinton led the Democrats in demanding that the United States end its imperialist occupation of the Buckeye State at once. “NO MORE BLOOD FOR CHESTNUTS!” Hillary and her shrill supporters screeched. They also insisted Muslim fanatics would not commit these violent acts if America would just withdraw from Ohio.

hippy

Left-Wing Archie Bunkers: They’re so HIP!

Left-wing Archie Bunkers, who love to pathetically attempt reliving their youthful years, were joined in protesting the American occupation of sovereign Muslim territory by the usual throng of emotional cripples who pretend to be college students in America.

This sad, sad spectacle saw the childish students and their horribly, horribly old teachers and administrators carrying signs that said “U.S. OUT OF COLUMB**!” and other slogans. As usual those slogans were on the same intellectual level as nursery rhymes to ensure they were simple-minded enough to be written and chanted by both the young snowflakes and the senile 1960s burnouts.   Continue reading →

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November 29, 2016 · 10:10 pm

JILL STEIN DEMANDS RECOUNTS FROM THE 1888 ELECTION, TOO

jill-stein

Jill Stein: What’s wrong with attracting some GREEN to the Green Party?

Jill Stein, the Green Party Candidate for President, came within a bare 63 million votes of being elected the next President of the United States. Just in case there were some oversights she has been demanding recount after recount ever since.

Even DEMOCRAT Chuck Todd observed that someone seems to have put the idea for these recounts in Stein’s head. Seriously. Look it up.

When a non-existent correspondent for Balladeer’s Blog asked Jill Stein for a comment about Chuck Todd’s suspicions she replied “This has absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone coming forward with money … nothing to do with anyone anywhere offering to make my campaign’s massive debt go away … nothing.”

When pressed for more Stein blurted out “I am NOT being bribed by the people who own Hillary Clinton! … I mean, what was the question?”

jill-stein-quote

*** *** *** *** *** *** Stein was talking about Hillary “Bugsy” Clinton in this quote from when Stein had some integrity.

 

Defenders of Dr Stein have pointed out that there is nothing illegal about asking for recounts, as opposed to the VOLUMINOUS illegal acts that can be tied to Hillary Clinton, the career criminal hoping to benefit from these late and repeated recounts.  

Feeling her oats, Jill Stein released a new statement demanding a recount in the 1888 presidential election, when Benjamin Harrison defeated Grover Cleveland AND in the election of 1824. Citing the way supporters of Andrew Jackson claimed there was a “corrupt bargain” between John Quincy Adams and Henry Clay when that 1824 election went to the House of Representatives, Stein said her new-found  commitment to election integrity knows no bounds!  

Hillary Clinton hands together

“Exxxxcellent!”

“With THIS kind of payday I’d be nuttier than Tim Kaine to stop now!” she elaborated.

Neither Harrison, Cleveland, Jackson, Adams nor Clay were available for comment.   Continue reading →

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