ASSIGNMENT: TERROR (1969)

 I’ve been getting emails requesting that I review this movie, but I already did in 2010. For the folks requesting it, here it is again.

ASSIGNMENT: TERROR (1969) – If they gave a Nobel Prize for bad movie premises this baby would easily wind up wearing one of those big medallions around its neck! Spain’s King of Horror (and John Belushi look-alike) , Paul “Jacinto Molina” Naschy is in this film playing his recurring character, tormented lycanthrope Waldemar Daninsky.

The premise of this movie is that aliens plan to conquer the world by frightening humanity into submission by scaring us with monsters. Call me crazy, but I think Continue reading →

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Filed under Bad and weird movies, Halloween Season, humor

TRUMP UPDATES

panic-signThe collective nervous breakdown by the American corporate media continues, so here are some more headlines reflecting this “new” style:

TRUMP HAS INCREASED THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN HE EATS ON A DAILY BASIS!

TRUMP DENIES THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN CRUCIFYING JESUS CHRIST!

CNN SAYS TRUMP IS MORE HITLERISHLY HITLERISH THAN ANY OTHER HITLERS WHO HITLERED IN HITLER-LIKE WAYS AT ANY OTHER TIME SINCE HITLER! AND BY THE WAY – HITLER! 

DEMOCRATS VOW TO MAKE 24/7 HYSTERIA THEIR STRATEGY FROM NOW ON!

CNN REPORTS THAT DISEASE WAS UNKNOWN IN THE WESTERN WORLD UNTIL TRUMP!

DEMOCRAT SCHOOL TEACHERS TELL THEIR TERRIFIED STUDENTS THAT DONALD TRUMP HATES EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM INDIVIDUALLY!

… AND TRUMP PROBABLY KILLED THEIR LAST PET THAT DIED, TOO!

MILLIONS REPORT THAT, OVERNIGHT, TRUMP BROKE INTO THEIR HOME, STOLE ALL THEIR FURNISHINGS AND REPLACED THEM WITH EXACT DUPLICATES! “Come over and see for yourself” outraged victims demand  Continue reading →

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

AMSTERDAMNED (1988)

Amsterdamned

Amsterdamned

AMSTERDAMNED (1988) – Well, this will be an unexpected twist for regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog. Usually I review bad movie classics that don’t have the following they deserve, but in this case I’m reviewing a film that has a reputation for being bad, but really isn’t.

I’ve meant to write this review for awhile now. Amsterdamned is one of those films on the “must see” list for many of my fellow bad movie fans. I felt that way for years, too. After all, the film is from the same director who did The Lift, the hilariously bad “killer elevator” movie that I reviewed long ago on this blog. It also Continue reading →

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COLLEGE BASKETBALL RANKINGS

cuyahoga-challengers-goodNJCAA Division Two – 1. CUYAHOGA COLLEGE CHALLENGERS    ###     2. SOUTHWESTERN (IA) COLLEGE SPARTANS    ###     3. RICHARD BLAND COLLEGE STATESMEN    ###     4. NIAGARA COUNTY COLLEGE PURPLE WOLVES    ###     5. LOUISBURG COLLEGE HURRICANES    ###    

Motlow College Bucks6. MOTLOW COLLEGE BUCKS    ###     7. PARKLAND COLLEGE COBRAS    ###     8. ANCILLA COLLEGE CHARGERS    ###     9. METROPOLITAN COLLEGE AT PENN VALLEY SCOUTS    ###     10. KIRKWOOD COLLEGE EAGLES (Defending National Champions)    ###               Continue reading →

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TOP FAKE NEWS STORY OF THE DAY

winston-churchill-and-john-f-kennedyAmerica’s corporate media continues to flaunt its frantic abandonment of professionalism. Yesterday amid their usual flood of DemoKKKrat fan fiction they tried claiming that President Donald Trump got rid of a White House bust of Martin Luther King, Jr.

This apparently was done to detract from the positive attention that President Trump was getting for restoring to the White House the Winston Churchill sculpture that the weak, inept and crooked little man Barack Obama had gotten rid of.  (Spare me your lies and excuses, Obama worshippers. I’ve researched this and yes, it really happened.)

Our insane media tried to claim that their AntiChrist – Trump – had gotten rid of Obama’s MLK statue to make room for the Churchill item. They did that because cheap race-baiting is what the corporate media thrives on. As it turns out the Martin Luther King Jr statue was still there all along. Continue reading →

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Filed under LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion

MARK ZUCKERBERG, WHITE MALE OPPRESSOR, SUES NATIVE HAWAIIANS TO GET THEIR LAND

mark zuckerberg

*** * ONE PERCENTER MARK “SKIPPY” ZUCKERBERG *** *

One percenter and bloated rich pig Mark “Skippy” Zuckerberg, CEO of Fakebook and prime example of NeoColonialism, is suing HUNDREDS of kamaaina Hawaiians to force them to sale him their land. The suit is supposedly being filed because Zuckerberg wants more privacy. Privacy that he feels isn’t enough as long as those Hawaiians retain their perfectly legal rights to that land.

Zuckerberg spoke to a non-existent reporter for Balladeer’s Blog and said “Hey, when you have a lot of money you can pull strings so that the corporate media doesn’t lay a glove on you when you oppress people of color like this.”

Skippy Zuckerberg then admitted it was in bad taste to be using native Hawaiian children as human footrests like he was doing while talking to this non-existent reporter. After kicking the unfortunate children and telling them to “Get lost, punks” Zuckerberg offered further insight regarding his unconscionable behavior.

george-soros-alone

MM… . … …  GEORGE “WHAT NAZIS?” SOROS … …

“People like me, George Soros, Carlos Slim and a few others, we can do things like this whenever and wherever we want, then five minutes later we’ll be lecturing the poor and the working class for opposing illegal immigration. We can kill negative stories about ourselves virtually at will … Hell, look how Soros has REAL Nazi connections yet it seems like he’s the ONLY guy who never gets called Hitler.” Continue reading →

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Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion

COOL-NAMED TEAM: PURDUE UNIVERSITY AT CALUMET

PURDUE UNIVERSITY CALUMET PEREGRINES

Location: Hammond, IN

Division: NAIA

Conference Affiliation: Chicagoland Collegiate Athletic Conference

Comment: Peregrine Falcons are noted for their speed and the people of Peregrine Nation (See what I did there?) know that Continue reading →

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Filed under Cool names and cool logos

TRUMP HATERS HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING OF A PRESIDENT’S POWERS

donald-trump-and-flagThe irrational hysteria felt by haters of Donald Trump has surpassed Y2K levels at this point and it is HILARIOUS!

THERE IS NO BETTER PROOF THAT TRUMP HATERS ARE TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THEIR OWN COUNTRY’S POLITICAL SYSTEM! TRUMP CANNOT POSSIBLY DO THE THINGS THE FOOLS WHO HATE HIM THINK HE CAN DO!

YOU MIGHT AS WELL WORRY IF TRUMP WILL OVERTURN THE LAW OF GRAVITY OR DECREE THAT WATER WILL NO LONGER FEEL WET. GROW UP AND LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT THE PRESIDENCY. NO HUMAN BEING COULD DO A WORSE JOB THAN OBAMA, ANYWAY.  
Continue reading →

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Filed under LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion

THE NYCTALOPE: NEGLECTED PULP HERO

nyctalope-1Balladeer’s Blog examines another Pulp Hero who doesn’t get as much love as he deserves. Science Fiction pioneer Jean de la Hire from France created the Nyctalope (“Nightwalker”) in 1908 but since many of de la Hire’s works were not translated into English for decades this fascinating cyborg Pulp Hero and proto-superhero languished in obscurity.

nyctalope-2This French figure survived a violent incident with the help of scientists who “had the technology” to give him yellow bionic eyes which could see in the dark and for long distances. In addition his saviors replaced his damaged heart with a cybernetic one, endowing him with superhuman stamina since that artificial organ slowed the buildup of fatigue toxins in his system. 

The Nyctalope’s serialized adventures were collected into novel form after each story ended.

man-who-could-live-underwaterTHE MAN WHO COULD LIVE UNDERWATER (1908) In the story which introduced the Nyctalope he was a supporting character to one of Jean de la Hire’s other fictional figures, in this case Charles Severac. That man invented and captained the Torpedo, a super-scientific submarine that would make Captain Nemo AND Mighty Jack green with envy.

The Nyctalope helped Severac battle a mad scientist named Oxus and his associates Fulbert the monk and Balsan the surgeon. The villains had created a hybrid shark-man called the Ichtaner, meant to be the start of an amphibious army. Needless to say our heroes emerged triumphant and the Ichtaner was returned to normal.

In this debut appearance the Nyctalope’s secret identity was given as Jean de Sainte Clair, but de la Hire would absent-mindedly alternate between that and Leo Saint-Clair in future adventures before finally settling on the latter name.

(NOTE: Various fan-created histories of the Nyctalope resolve the difference by claiming that Jean de Sainte Clair was the father of Leo Saint-Clair. As fun as those fan works are they are not always official.)

nyctalope-on-marsTHE MYSTERY OF THE FIFTEEN (1911) aka THE NYCTALOPE ON MARS – Oxus the Mad returned as a villain in this first solo adventure of the Nyctalope. Oxus (renamed Arkhus in some later translations) was a member of a group called The Fifteen – a secret organization of megalomaniacal madmen.

The Fifteen had formed an alliance with a race on Mars, and through that alliance they had access to interplanetary spacecraft and additional advanced technology. Oxus, Koynos and their co-conspirators were spiriting women away to the Red Planet to marry some of them. They were planning to use the rest on a project cross-breeding Martians and humans to create perfect beings and an unstoppable warrior race in order to conquer both worlds. Continue reading →

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Filed under Pulp Heroes, Superheroes

KIKOMIHCI: MUSCOGEE CREEK GOD

human chartKIKOMIHCI – The god who created human beings and animal life after the supreme deity Ibofanaga was finished creating the Earth, the heavens and the underground world. Kikomihci animated people and other animals with their “ghosts” which could leave their bodies at night in dreams and wander around, returning to their host body by morning to avoid causing illness.

Ibofanaga was solely responsible for the actual “souls” of the beings Kikomihci created. Like the Inuit and other peoples the Muscogee Creek distinguished between an animating force and an actual “eternal” soul.

Kikomihci created humans in the underground world and it was from there that the ancient Creek people eventually emerged from caves near what we call the Rocky Mountains. The Muscogee called those mountains “the spine of the world”  (although in some versions it is instead the Appalachian Mountains that are given that designation). The realm of the gods was on the other side of those mountains. Continue reading →

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Filed under Mythology