Tag Archives: The Onion

June 13, 2018 · 12:04 am

ROBERT DE NIRO’S FAVORITE TRUMP LINKS

Robert de niroRobert De Niro, fresh from his gripping portrayal of a moronic anti-Trump fascist who hates the working class and the poor, stopped by to chat with Balladeer’s Blog. Bobby Milk told me he can’t believe people took him seriously. It was sheer Method Acting. He spent time with callous one-percenters and hate-filled celebrities to get the feel of the anti-Trump scumbags and turned in a very convincing performance.

De Niro told me he LOVES President Trump and agrees with me that Trump is the new FDR, the new Harry Truman and the new JFK. Here’s some interesting pro-Trump stories that Bobby recommends:

SHARYL ATTKISSON, the 21st Century Ida Tarbell and one of the few actual journalists left in America, took a break from the hard facts she usually serves up and presented this hilarious look at the recent misdeeds of the FBI (Fuggeda Bout Integrity). She calls it The FBI’s Fractured Fairy Tale and the piece deals with the FBI’s lies, mammoth abuses and violations in their pro-Hillary attack on Trump. Click HERE 

DAVID PRENTICE presents a look at President Trump’s successes in foreign affairs and has a good laugh at the expense of “Never Trump” Republican trash and at the expense of the drooling, senile Democrat leadership as well as their fallen, disgraced Hollow Man Barack Obama. Click HERE

FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT REQUESTS have finally pried loose even more internal items from the FBI, items linking Bill Clinton’s airport meeting with Obama’s Attorney General Loretta Lynch to plans to whitewash Hillary’s crimes. I despise Nixon as much as anybody but Hillary and Obama’s antics make Watergate look like a parking ticket. Click HERE Continue reading →

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March 29, 2018 · 5:25 pm

POTENTIAL TITLES FOR PROGRAMS CENTERED AROUND A FASCIST TWERP

Democrats love to exploit tragedies

Democrats love to exploit young people and tragedies.

David Hogg, famous for standing on the dead bodies of the Parkland victims, has become beloved by the Democrats of the American media because of his willingness to act like he and he alone speaks for the dead.

As Democrats did with Cindy Sheehan, they’ve pretended this hate-spewing white child of privilege is not to be disputed. Which of course, makes it even MORE fun to point out what a fascist creep he comes across as. 

Here’s a look at the kind of television shows I could picture someone like this starring in (All shows are fictional): 

BOSS HOGG – (Public Affairs) A spoiled young fascist rants and raves about his childish worldview while claiming his parents “don’t know how to use Democracy.” 

David Hogg Political cartoonHOGG FUTURES – (Science Fiction) A young fascist presents a series of scenarios depicting the kind of Fascist dictatorship he wants to live in, and reveals what kind of fates he would have in store for political dissidents. Especially the ones who question if he was even in school on the day of the Parkland shootings.   

ATTENTION HOGG – (Bio-Drama) Through songs and interpretive dance, a tale is told about a teenage fascist pissing on the dead victims of a tragedy and then capitalizing on the attention his antics brought him. As of this writing David Hogg has not commented on whether of not he thinks this character is based on him.  

THE SERMON ON THE MOUND OF CORPSES – (Movie) Telefilm about how American demagogues cynically exploit the drama queen antics of a young fascist named Derek Pigg. A veritable nationwide Passion Play of sorts unfolds as the media indulges in non-stop hysteria while sanctifying shrill teens who say what the Democrats want them to say. This movie raises questions about who is more to blame: conscienceless adult trash in the media or youngsters who have learned that the quickest, easiest way to cheap attention is to imitate the attitudes of the conscienceless adult trash in the media.    Continue reading →

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March 7, 2018 · 9:47 am

JIMMY KIMMEL: THE BALLADEER’S BLOG INTERVIEW

Jimmy Kimmell fat pigJimmy Kimmel, known as “that guy from The Man Show” and as “the wimp people love to hate” has been begging me to interview him for years now. I kept putting him off, given his reputation for grotesque body odor.

Finally I decided I could end the annoyance once and for all with a wager. I bet Kimmel that he couldn’t POSSIBLY get even lower ratings for the Harvey Weinstein Awards than the pathetic dweeb who hosted them last year. If he did, I would interview him. If not, I never had to interview him. Jimmy jumped at the bet.

Turns out he was the repugnant douchebag who hosted them last year! Needless to say, since garbage like Kimmel reeks more and more the longer it sits and festers he got much, much MUCH lower ratings than the previous year.

Anyway, I don’t welch on bets (which I understand is what Jimmy Kimmel’s mother said to the three-time animal-rapist who knocked her up with Jimmy in the first place) so I agreed to finally interview Kimmel to swat him away once and for all. So, let’s deal with this hack who cries himself to sleep every night over the fact that he’ll never be as daring, funny and iconoclastic as Steven Crowder. 

BY THE WAY, THE REPULSIVE JIMMY KIMMEL STILL REFUSES TO DONATE MORE MONEY TO CHARITY. WHAT A GREEDY SCUMBAG.

Balladeer’s Blog: So, Jimmy, looks like you did the seeming impossible and got even LOWER ratings than last year for your performance at this year’s presentation of Rapists and Child Molestors Against Trump.

Jimmy Kimmel: Yeah. I hate that Trump guy. He got all those beautiful women all his life and the only woman-ish thing I’ve ever managed to score with is that horse-faced Sarah Silverman. Every day and night I think about that and that’s what fuels my monomaniacal hatred of the Donald.  

BB: It’s possible if you showered every now and then or didn’t look so creepy all the time with that half-assed attempt at a beard you might be able to attract an acceptable looking woman.

JK: Personal hygiene is for the in-bred morons who voted for Trump. They’re all so stupid it’s like, what a bunch of stupid-headed stupid heads. I used to BEG Trump to fix me up with women but he always refused.

BB: Do you think your bizarre fixation on President Trump is healthy?

JK: Hell, yeah! In the entertainment industry today even somebody as untalented and unappealing as I am can make okay bucks as long as I bash Trump. It’s like, NONE of the celebrities that I pay to talk to me can believe that American scumbags voted for this guy. Continue reading →

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November 16, 2017 · 4:37 pm

TOM STEYER DENIES BEING COMPOSED PURELY OF BODY LICE

Tom SteyerThe question puzzling the internet of late has been: Is one percenter and bloated rich pig Tom Steyer a colony creature composed of nothing but body lice? Recently a non-existent reporter for Balladeer’s Blog asked the allegedly heartless capitalist a direct question about this matter and Steyer denied it.

When faced with the follow-up question “Do you pass body lice on to those in your immediate vicinity” the parasitic oppressor of the workers replied that he had to run because it was time for a meeting with crooked members of Congress. However, Steyer STILL refuses to donate more money to charity.

Hopefully this closes the chapter on this bizarre conspiracy theory about Steyer being a colony creature composed purely of body lice. Sure it would be less disgusting than being a bloated rich pig but, as the saying goes … Continue reading →

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May 25, 2017 · 12:00 pm

MOCK NEWS STORIES: SOME EXCERPTS

truth is the new hate speechBalladeer’s Blog takes a break from mock headlines to do random lines from mock news stories.

*** “You’re making us feel unsafe,” the howling mob of Democrats screamed as they  savagely beat the elderly, handicapped Trump supporter.  

*** “And, in what the UK government is calling Operation: Watership Down, the authorities will be clamping down on anyone caught expressing anger against the perpetrators of the latest terrorist attack. ‘Masochistic self-flagellation and empty bromides about coexistence are the ONLY permissible responses,’ Theresa May warned.

*** “George Will and Bill Kristol praised Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan for his ongoing efforts to – as Will put it ‘Thwart the will of the voters and return the GOP to its proper role as the party of stuffy, clueless white men in suits.’ This was followed by Kristol jumping in with ‘Damn Trump for attracting more African-American and Latino voters than just about any other Republican has in nearly a century.”

*** “Mrs Clinton nodded and agreed that she has to publicly perpetuate the possibility of running again in 2020 in order to keep bribes flowing her way.”

*** “In general the decision itself was considered bad enough but the 4th Circuit Judges went further and said ‘We considered literally urinating on the graves of all the dead victims of Muslim terror attacks, especially from phony refugees, but decided that doing so might push you sheep to the point where you finally realize how thoroughly we laugh at you each and every day … Don’t be late paying your taxes now, you hear!”

“And, they added with glee, ‘DON’T YOU PEASANTS EVER FORGET THAT THE CONSTITUTION PROTECTS THE MUSLIM FASCISTS WHO WANT TO KILL YOU, BUT NEVER YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES!”   Continue reading →

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November 16, 2013 · 11:55 pm

AL SHARPTON CLAIMS THE OBAMA PRESIDENCY IS “A WHITE CONSPIRACY TO MAKE AFRICAN-AMERICANS LOOK TOO STUPID TO BE PRESIDENT”

Professional hatemonger Al Sharpton demonstrates his orgasm face for all to see.

Professional hatemonger Al Sharpton demonstrates his orgasm face for all to see.

Al “Tawana Brawley” Sharpton, professional hatemonger and noted homophobe, has speculated that the countless instances of ineptitude, dishonesty, corruption and outright criminal behavior displayed by Barack Obama and his administration are evidence of “a white conspiracy to make African-Americans look too stupid to be President.”

Sharpton stated that Barack Obama, a piece of sewage from the cesspool of Chicago politics, was “clearly unqualified to be President and displayed no particular abilities that would make any reasonable person believe such a shallow and lying demagogue could function as dogcatcher, let alone United States President.”

Sharpton and Continue reading →

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