MOCK NEWS STORIES: SOME EXCERPTS

truth is the new hate speechBalladeer’s Blog takes a break from mock headlines to do random lines from mock news stories.

*** “You’re making us feel unsafe,” the howling mob of Democrats screamed as they  savagely beat the elderly, handicapped Trump supporter.  

*** “And, in what the UK government is calling Operation: Watership Down, the authorities will be clamping down on anyone caught expressing anger against the perpetrators of the latest terrorist attack. ‘Masochistic self-flagellation and empty bromides about coexistence are the ONLY permissible responses,’ Theresa May warned.

*** “George Will and Bill Kristol praised Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan for his ongoing efforts to – as Will put it ‘Thwart the will of the voters and return the GOP to its proper role as the party of stuffy, clueless white men in suits.’ This was followed by Kristol jumping in with ‘Damn Trump for attracting more African-American and Latino voters than just about any other Republican has in nearly a century.”

*** “Mrs Clinton nodded and agreed that she has to publicly perpetuate the possibility of running again in 2020 in order to keep bribes flowing her way.”

*** “In general the decision itself was considered bad enough but the 4th Circuit Judges went further and said ‘We considered literally urinating on the graves of all the dead victims of Muslim terror attacks, especially from phony refugees, but decided that doing so might push you sheep to the point where you finally realize how thoroughly we laugh at you each and every day … Don’t be late paying your taxes now, you hear!”

“And, they added with glee, ‘DON’T YOU PEASANTS EVER FORGET THAT THE CONSTITUTION PROTECTS THE MUSLIM FASCISTS WHO WANT TO KILL YOU, BUT NEVER YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES!”  

*** “Ferrante and Teicher came out of retirement today just so they could garner cheap publicity by insisting they would not have performed at President Trump’s Inauguration even if anybody DID remember who the hell they are.” 

*** “Paul Krugman again denied that his erectile dysfunction was caused by the way all the women in his family have sexual fantasies about United States President Donald Trump.”

FOR MORE ON LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES CLICK HERE:     https://glitternight.com/category/liberals-and-conservatives/

© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

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6 Comments

Filed under humor, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, opinion

6 responses to “MOCK NEWS STORIES: SOME EXCERPTS

  1. Very fun! And I like that banner about Truth being the new hate speech. All good stuff…

  2. You are so funny! I love how you smack down snowflakes!

  3. The best one was the one about the feeling unsafe while beating an old handicapped person!

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