Tag Archives: movie reviews

ELEVEN MORE NEGLECTED BAD MOVIE CLASSICS FOR HALLOWEEN

Return of Dr X

Return of Dr X

My month-long celebration of Halloween continues! Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page where I examine plenty of under the radar movies that are hilariously awful. Previously I ran a list of the top Eleven Neglected Bad Movie Classics for Halloween. That was such a hit here is a list of eleven more neglected bombs. My Bad Movie page features full-length reviews of each of the movies I’m offering a synopsis of here.

THE RETURN OF DR X (1939) – The notorious film in which the legendary Humphrey Bogart played a zombified mad scientist named Dr Xavier who was brought back from the dead by another mad scientist named Dr Flegg. Much of the fun comes from Bogie’s unmistakable disdain for finding himself in the kind of stinker that Bela Lugosi often waded through. Bogie’s Dr X kills Continue reading

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THE MOST NEGLECTED BAD MOVIE CLASSICS FOR HALLOWEEN

The Lift

The Lift

It’s Halloween month! As usual Balladeer’s Blog will spend October examining all manner of horror films, stories and obscure monsters from around the world. In addition to looking at quality horror films that fly below the radar I enjoy examining bad movie gems that don’t get the attention they deserve just because they weren’t presented on shows like The Texas 27 Film Vault.

 
Laughing at bad movies is one of the greatest pleasures in life. Regular readers of Balladeer’s  Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page where I focus on various film flops that I feel deserve larger audiences because of how dementedly enjoyable they are.
Since it’s the Halloween Season this list will present eleven of the most neglected bad horror movie classics, many of which deserve Plan 9- sized cult followings. These are short takes. For my full-length reviews of these and other cinematic turkeys see my Bad Movie page. https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/

MORE HALLOWEEN MOVIE TREATS: MEXICAN MONSTERS https://glitternight.com/2011/10/31/a-halloween-mexi-monster-bestiary/

BLAXPLOITATION HORROR: https://glitternight.com/2011/10/26/a-very-blaxploitation-halloween/

11. THE LIFT (1983) – A killer elevator is the unique menace in this joyously absurd horror film from the Netherlands. A heroic elevator repairman tries to stop the bloody reign of terror of a sentient elevator which the movie’s ads described as “the perfect killing machine”. (?)    For my full-length review – https://glitternight.com/2011/02/22/bad-movie-page-the-killer-elevator-movie-the-lift-1983/

10. ATTACK OF THE BEAST CREATURES (1983) – The surviving passengers and crew of a sunken luxury liner find themselves on an uncharted island full of ponds and streams that dissolve human flesh. The island is home to Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN (1977)

The Dragon Lives Again

The Dragon Lives Again

THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN (1977) – CategoryBrucesploitation with an enjoyably absurd twist   

Even for the bizarre sub-genre of Brucesploitation films this movie is out there! The film starts with the recently – deceased Bruce Lee arriving in the afterlife, where the concubines of the King of the Dead gather around to gawk at the bulge in the pants of the late martial arts superstar. (Just in case you thought NO opening could be more tasteless than the one in The Clones Of Bruce Lee ) In a bit of alleged comic relief the bulge turns out to be caused by a weapon, not Lee’s organ. (Corpse schlong jokes! Who doesn’t love them?)

As head-shaking as that bit is at least it’s coherent, unlike virtually everything else that happens from this point on in the movie. And the time-honored tradition of Brucesploitation films having Continue reading

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ALIEN LOVER (1975)

Alien Lover

Alien Lover

ALIEN LOVER (1975) – Category: Enjoyably campy bad movie elevated by kitsch-value in the casting.             Pernell Roberts and a really young Captain Janeway (Kate Mulgrew) in her pre-Ryan’s Hope and Mrs Columbo days add the additional comic value to this made-for-tv horror/sci fi hybrid. It was an hour and a half with commercials so with them edited out it’s just 60-some minutes long.

Kate plays a teenaged recovering loony who starts communicating with a teen from another dimension via a broken tv set in the attic of her home. The tv set can absorb people from our dimension into the Continue reading

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MOVIE REVIEW: TO THE FOURTH POWER (2013)

To the 4th PowerTO THE FOURTH POWER (2013) – This film may be the sleeper hit of the year. You’d think it would be impossible to do something creative with the mock documentary format at this point but To The Fourth Power proves to be a thought-provoking and inventive piece set “just a few years from now”.

The movie depicts a near future in which the Continue reading

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JOE BIDEN REVIEWS DJANGO UNCHAINED

biden crazedIn the same format as Balladeer’s Blog’s previous item Newt Gingrich Reviews Ilsa: She-Wolf of the S.S. here’s my exclusive Joe Biden review of Django Unchained.

HEY KIDS! It’s Crazy Uncle Joe here with a movie review for my peeps! I finally got a chance to see this flick called Django Unchained, which I mistakenly thought was a documentary about a musician. Turns out instead that it’s an NRA gun-nut’s wet-dream of propoganda!

This black guy called Django goes around SHOOTING DEMOCRATIC VOTERS in the American South during the 1800’s! The filmmakers thought they could slip that hidden message past us but anybody who knows history knows it was Democrats who owned slaves and defended slavery with Continue reading

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MOVIE REVIEW: THE BURQA (2013)

The Burqa: A heroic woman fighting Muslim Apartheid and defending women's rights.

The Burqa: A heroic woman fighting Muslim Apartheid and defending women’s rights.

THE BURQA (2013) – The Burqa deserves to be THE action film of the year. This movie has a daring premise, incredible stuntwork plus more killings and blood squibs than any three Quentin Tarantino movies put together. There’s also an unforgettable performance by the lead actress, whose name is being kept a secret over fears of violent reprisals from Islamist terrorist groups.

The film is set in modern-day Iraq. Our heroine,  known only as “The Burqa”, emerges from the desert sands, clad in the outfit she is named for and with automatic weapons strapped to each of her sashaying thighs. Like Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name and John Garko’s Holy Ghost, both from Spaghetti Westerns, the Burqa is an unstoppable gunslinger who litters the land with her fallen foemen.

The audience first meets the title figure when she saves a teenage Muslim girl from being raped and killed by Islamist fanatics for daring to dress in western clothing and to advocate abortion rights. Countless Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE PAGE: MARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978)

Mardi Gras MassacreMARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978) – Category: A neglected Bad Movie classic, but its hard-core gore will prevent it from ever having a Plan 9-sized cult following

It takes a twisted sort of genius to make multiple disembowelment murders look boring, but that’s exactly what Jack Weis accomplishes in Mardi Gras Massacre! Today may be Fat Tuesday, but let’s rechristen it “Splat Tuesday” in honor of this late 70’s splatterfest. 

The actual “massacre” part of this movie is an incredible disappointment. An insane, hate-filled man with a knife – no, not Jim Bowie (rimshot) – is roaming around New Orleans during Mardi Gras targeting prostitutes as sacrificial offerings to the Aztec deities he worships. That sounds promising for a horror film but the disembowelment ritual is reenacted word for word and movement for movement for EACH VICTIM! There is no variation and also no suspense because after the first killing we know exactly how all the subsequent sacrifices will play out. The only chills come from listening to the awful disco music that plays during the Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE PAGE SHORT SUBJECT: BE YOUR OWN TRAFFIC POLICEMAN

BE YOUR OWN TRAFFIC POLICEMAN (1958) – I’ve been meaning to review more short subjects ever since I started writing Balladeer’s Blog in June of 2010. With all the other topics I cover I’ve only reviewed two short educational films so far: A Metric America, about how 1980’s America was going to be completely converted to the metric system, and The Energy Carol, a Canadian short about energy conservation adapted to fit the structure of A Christmas Carol

Both of those reviews can be found on my Bad Movie page, and I’ll be reviewing plenty more short subjects in the very near future. For today I’ll examine Be Your Own Traffic Policeman, an educational short about pedestrian safety. This little honey clocks in at barely 10 minutes and was produced by Portafilms, an outfit that was neither as prolific nor as enjoyably frantic as, say, Sid Davis or Dick Wayman. When Davis or Wayman clubbed you over the head with a message you were laughing far too much to mind. 

This traffic safety short is narrated and hosted by Officer Maxwell, known to all of us bad safety short fans from Helping Johnny Remember and Holiday From Rules. Officer Maxwell is accompanied by two children who mindlessly agree with everything he says, obviously fearing for their lives from the unintentionally sinister-seeming Maxwell. After all, at any Continue reading

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ELEVEN MORE NEGLECTED BAD MOVIES FOR HALLOWEEN

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page where I examine plenty of under the radar movies that are hilariously awful. Last Halloween season I ran a list of the top Eleven Neglected Bad Movie Classics for Halloween. That tradition continues this year with a list of eleven more neglected bombs. As with last year’s list my Bad Movie page features full-length reviews of each of the movies I’m offering a synopsis of here.

THE RETURN OF DR X (1939) – The notorious film in which the legendary Humphrey Bogart played a zombified mad scientist named Dr Xavier who was brought back from the dead by another mad scientist named Dr Flegg. Much of the fun comes from Bogie’s unmistakable disdain for finding himself in the kind of stinker that Bela Lugosi often waded through. Bogie’s Dr X kills bunny rabbits, surgically drains blood from the hearts of living humans and experiments on babies in a movie desperately searching for a decent script and a likeable character.

DIAL HELP (1988) – Believe it or not Ruggiero Deodato directed this ridiculous horror film. A plucky heroine who has just been dumped by her boyfriend finds herself being haunted by … living phones. No I’m not kidding. These phones kill by strangling people with their cords, using high-pitched noises to Continue reading

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