BE YOUR OWN TRAFFIC POLICEMAN (1958) – I’ve been meaning to review more short subjects ever since I started writing Balladeer’s Blog in June of 2010. With all the other topics I cover I’ve only reviewed two short educational films so far: A Metric America, about how 1980’s America was going to be completely converted to the metric system, and The Energy Carol, a Canadian short about energy conservation adapted to fit the structure of A Christmas Carol

Both of those reviews can be found on my Bad Movie page, and I’ll be reviewing plenty more short subjects in the very near future. For today I’ll examine Be Your Own Traffic Policeman, an educational short about pedestrian safety. This little honey clocks in at barely 10 minutes and was produced by Portafilms, an outfit that was neither as prolific nor as enjoyably frantic as, say, Sid Davis or Dick Wayman. When Davis or Wayman clubbed you over the head with a message you were laughing far too much to mind. 

This traffic safety short is narrated and hosted by Officer Maxwell, known to all of us bad safety short fans from Helping Johnny Remember and Holiday From Rules. Officer Maxwell is accompanied by two children who mindlessly agree with everything he says, obviously fearing for their lives from the unintentionally sinister-seeming Maxwell. After all, at any moment he may take out his silver hammer and bring it down on their heads.(rimshot)

Since adults can’t always be around when children need to cross the street Officer Maxwell preaches his OWN brand of vigilante law enforcement: “Boys and girls who want to be considerate of others and avoid getting hurt must learn to be their own traffic policeman.” You’re never too young to learn that harsh but time-proven fact of life, I guess. 

Anyway that lesson is conveyed by cartoons that feature blobs which are barely discernible as kids and cars. Whenever the cartoon children with large, mutated heads (clearly this is a post-nuclear war world) doltishly try to jaywalk, skate on the street or other assorted traffic faux pas an equally large-headed traffic policeman appears to them and hollers at them to wise up and obey traffic rules.

I’m guessing that Be Your Own Traffic Policeman was followed by Be Your Own Vice Cop and Be Your Own Nuclear Safety Inspector.    


© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Filed under Bad and weird movies


  1. The nuclear safety inspector joke made me laugh so hard

  2. Your movie reviews are my favorite part of your blog!

  3. ur rivus r so funny! I love this traffic short 2

  4. Excellent blog post! Officer Maxwell sounds pretty creepy.

  5. Jared J

    A hit, dude! Keep the shorts coming!

  6. Yay! I was hoping you’d start doing shorts!

  7. Very funny! u should do a list of ur favorite shorts.

  8. Be ur own nuclear safety inspector! lol

  9. Very funny! Officer Mawell is an asshole.

  10. omg luved how funny this was. Officer Maxwell sounds like pure nightmare material

  11. omg I lmao over this! Maxwell stay away from me!

  12. This was very funny! Can’t wait for more shorts

  13. rotfl This made my day! Officer Maxwell is spooky!

  14. It is so much fun coming here and reading these reviews! Even when its not horror films u still make it funny!

  15. Officer Maxwell’s methodsa re pretty silly

  16. Officer Maxwell and his silver hammer are pretty dam hilarious

  17. I absolutely love your blog. You have such a sexy sense of humor!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s