Category Archives: humor

September 1, 2016 · 10:19 pm

HILLARY CLINTON: BLACK PEOPLE AREN’T REALLY BLACK WITHOUT THE DEMOCRAT SEAL OF APPROVAL

Hillary shrill 2

“You ain’t really BLACK unless you got my BACK” Clinton shouted, to the delight of her most passionate supporters – the media.

Fresh off her warning to black voters that “We Democrats OWN your asses like we owned you on our plantations!” Hillary Clinton dug herself an even deeper hole by openly stating what the Democrats have been more subtle about in the past. Hillary “Pickles” Clinton expressed outrage over the increasing numbers of black voters supporting Donald Trump because of all the lies and unkept promises that Democrats have inflicted on the black working class.

Mascot with demo and repub heads

*********** The symbol of the nonexistent Balladeer Political Party

 

“These damn super-predators are really getting me mad with this Trump flirtation! They need our party’s Seal of Approval to be REAL black people! We Democrats have spent FIVE DECADES conning those fools and covering our lily-white butts through our paid race-traitors … I mean African-American Community Leaders – like Al Sharpton and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored Democrats … I mean People. Colored People.”

Following that remark Clinton was asked about her opinion of the new movie about Michelle and Barack Obama’s first date, titled I’m With Stupid: When Bigots Fall In Love…  Hillary committed a huge gaffe by accidentally saying the film’s title was Dumb and Dumber. Continue reading →

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August 31, 2016 · 12:29 am

AMERICAN COMEDIANS: INSULTING BEGGARS TO MAKE KINGS LAUGH

jonathan stewart

Brown nose ON … Brown nose OFF: Jonathan Stewart – who STILL refuses to donate more to charity –  embodied comedic gutlessness by coordinating with the current administration to make sure he never offended them. That’s called being a propogandist and a panderer, not a comedian.

Comedy is at its best when it is irreverent. The more powerful the object of ridicule the richer the laughs. There’s an old saying about a comedian being so supportive of the world’s underdogs that “He’d insult a king to make a beggar laugh.”

American comedians have become such spineless panderers that they’ve lost any real edginess and especially any desire to be on the side of the underdogs. That would be, like, SO not cool, dude! Today American comedians would much rather insult beggars to make kings laugh.

These Court Jesters of the rich and powerful flaunt a deep disdain for the working class and the unfortunate. America’s comic performers of today sneeringly dismiss the working class and the poverty-stricken as “stupid” or “uneducated” the same way bloated rich pig Republicans dismiss the working class and the poverty-stricken as “lazy.” 

Jonathan Stewart older

*** *** *** **  Know what the exact opposite of an irreverant comedian would be? Jonathan Stewart. He took shots at ONLY the safest targets of the moment. Grow a pair and get back to us, worm.

 

The Jonathan Stewarts and Samantha Bees of the world would never be caught dead siding with the “ignorant hicks” who aren’t rich or don’t hold positions in their political party. The poor and the unfortunate are there to be ridiculed for the amusement of the ruling class and for the career advancement of those court jesters.  

Genuine satirical comedy follows the path of MOST resistance, but the current worms who play at comedy would rather side with the rich and powerful against the disadvantaged. These pompous pricks are about as “daring” as a bully ridiculing the nearest fat person or someone missing a limb. And ALL to put smiles on the faces of elitist jackasses.

Jonathan Stewart 3

One percenter Jonathan Stewart always sided with Obama – the most powerful man in the world – against the working class victims of Obama’s policies. What a guy!

Jonathan Stewart was so much of a lackey for the Democratic Party he used to meet regularly in the White House with Obama to make sure his humor was Government  Approved. How courageous! Bill Maher ridiculed the elderly veterans of what Brokaw called “the greatest generation” when their infirm bodies and aged minds hindered them from circumventing the barriers put up at war memorials during the government shutdown in 2013. Oh, if only one of them had fallen down and broken a hip! Such hilarity, right Bill? Continue reading →

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August 24, 2016 · 8:16 pm

HILLARY TO BLACK VOTERS: WE DEMOCRATS OWN YOU LIKE WE DID ON OUR PLANTATIONS!

Hillary clinton dough nation

Pictured: Hillary “Bugsy” Clinton greeting foreign dignitaries and bloated rich pigs as Secretary of State

Hillary “No Billionaire Left Behind” Clinton told a nonexistent source here at Balladeer’s Blog that Donald Trump’s appeal to black voters made her very angry. The defiant presidential candidate had this to say:  

“I want black voters to get this through their heads – WE DEMOCRATS OWN YOU! We owned your asses when you were slaves on our plantations and we own your asses now! Not one damn Republican ever owned a plantation so STOP this flirtation with other candidates.

“We Democrats have given the black working class FIVE DECADES of condescension and meaningless slogans and I can promise you five MORE decades of condescension and meaningless slogans! We Democrats have the illegal immigrant vote cornered and with more of those future Democrats pouring across our southern border on a daily basis we won’t NEED you ungrateful super-predators in order to win elections in the near future. You think about that.” Continue reading →

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July 13, 2016 · 11:50 pm

BARACK OBAMA APOLOGIZES FOR SETTING BACK RACE RELATIONS

Obama sad face 1

Barack Obama feeling ashamed for encouraging violence against police and for setting back race relations

* ENTERED REMOTELY – FAMILY TRAGEDY 

Barack Obama delivered his latest apology. 

“I apologize for ever having encouraged an environment of violence toward the police. In every case involving a shooting I have jumped to conclusions and made undiplomatic remarks that have made tense situations worse. Too late I came to realize that Black Lives Matter – a hate-group comparable to the Ku Klux Klan – was founded on the lies about what happened in Ferguson, MO.  

“In the most recent cases, too, we have all since learned that the African-Americans BOTH had guns and were NOT unarmed, as first rumored. Again I have fanned the flames of race hatred and I am so very ashamed and so very sorry. Even one of my own White House Staff left after shooting at a police officer. I know we all remember her name.

Obama tear

Obama weeping over what a failure he has been

“I also apologize for hijacking the memorial service for the Texas law enforcement personnel who were gunned down during that Nuremberg Rally of Color that the Black Lives Matter bigots mounted. I apologize for pompously and patronizingly saying that ‘it hurts’ when hate groups like Black Lives Matter get criticized.

“I should have realized THAT IT MUST ALSO HURT TO BE WHITE AMERICANS WHO HAVE NEVER WRONGED ANY AFRICAN-AMERICANS YET STILL BE SUBJECTED TO NON-STOP HARANGUES ABOUT RACISM. I apologize. I humbly, deeply apologize. 

“I apologize on behalf of the entire Democratic Party for our endless racebaiting. The truth is, FIVE DECADES of condescending gibberish from the Democratic Party has done NOTHING to improve life for working class people – BOTH BLACK AND WHITE. Therefore, we felt we had no choice but to stoke up hatred among blacks and whites before the working class of both colors united against the Democratic Party.  

Obama sad face 2

Barack Obama feeling sad about getting such horrible grades in college and for being the worst U.S. President in history.

“Please forgive me. I know I don’t deserve it,but I’m begging all of you. I apologize for spouting divisive nonsense at the memorial service and not taking into account the feelings of the loved ones of the slain officers. That memorial service was meant to honor the service and sacrifice of those brave officers, yet I fundamentally transformed it into another excuse to spread race-hatred. Continue reading →

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June 17, 2016 · 9:55 pm

OBAMA VOWS: “IF ONE MORE MUSLIM SHOOTS GAY PEOPLE I WILL LOCK UP EVERY CHRISTIAN IN THIS COUNTRY!”

Barack pointing and yelling

“I would rather have a hundred Americans get killed than have one single Muslim fanatic be inconvenienced!”

With obvious emotion in his voice, Barack Obama stated that he is SO tired of Muslim atrocities making him look like a fool that he will begin arbitrarily imprisoning Christians after every such incident. Obama ignored the fact that the Ramadan Massacre in Orlando on June 12th was committed by a Muslim man who blamed his shooting spree on Obama’s drone strikes on other Muslims … among other things.

“Omar was obviously mistaken,” Obama clarified for an adoring press,”I heard somebody say they knew somebody who thinks the guy might have blamed the attack on Donald Trump. Either way my plan going forth is to inflict increasingly draconian punishments on innocent American citizens following EVERY terrorist attack.”  

Next the little man “pivoted,” as is his wont, to the little boy in Florida eaten by an alligator and stated he had a hunch the alligator was an NRA member.  

Hillary Clinton spoke for Democrats everywhere when she said “Once the American people get used to the fact that THEY are ALWAYS the problem life will be much simpler for them.” 

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June 15, 2016 · 9:17 pm

OBAMA IDENTIFIES AS A WOMAN; BECOMES FIRST FEMALE U.S. PRESIDENT

Obama as a woman

BARACK OBAMA: AMERICA’S FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT

When American Liberalism became a faith-based belief system as irrational as any other religion many atheists like me started leaving it behind. The most recent Papal Bull from the Democratic Party pretended that a person can simply “identify” as a member of the opposite sex and ALAKAZAM – it is to be considered true by their co-religionists.  

In that spirit Pope Barack “identified”as a woman today, becoming our first female president and thus letting him get in yet another laugh at Hillary Clinton’s expense. Well, she can at least try to become the first elected female president, like the distinction between Theodore Roosevelt (the youngest man to become president – when McKinley was assassinated) and John F Kennedy (the youngest man to be elected president).  

Hillary tired BIG

“Why me? … Why me alla time?”

Now I don’t want ANY of you haters trying to say that this does NOT make Little Barry the first female president. After all, Pope Barack has threatened to use all the power of the federal government to force rational people to pretend that simply calling yourself a woman means that you magically become one. Even if you go back to “identifying” as a man on a whim.

I will not be forced to pretend that people can get crucified and then rise from the dead, I will not be forced to pretend that the Muslim child rapist Muhammad rose into the heavens and I will not be forced to pretend that a man with a beard is a woman just because he says so. As Voltaire aptly observed “Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”

And no, mindless Obama supporters, I’m not a conservative. I support legalizing marijuana, I support free speech, I’m pro-choice on abortion, I support social programs AND I’ve been a supporter of Gay Marriage since YEARS before Little Barry felt it was politically safe enough to have his own opinion “evolve” from opposing it (the gutless punk even voted for DOMA as a Senator) to supporting it. Continue reading →

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June 2, 2016 · 9:32 pm

REPUBLICAN BILL KRISTOL:STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Panel left to right: Margaret Hoover - Political Contributor, CNN, Author, American Individualism, President, American Unity Fund; Bill Kristol - Founder/Editor, The Weekly Standard, Contributor, ABC News;

Funny Man Bill Kristol: He always keeps the straightest face this side of Leslie Nielsen while making everyone around him convulse with laughter!

Oh, I know for most people the late Andy Kaufman will always be the greatest “concept” comedian ever, but I’ve always been partial to funny man Bill Kristol. Bill’s send-ups of smug, pompous, callous and snobbish Conservative pundits have been making me laugh for years. Like Paul Reubens with his Pee Wee Herman character or Paul Schaeffer with his Vegas schmoozer act, Kristol never broke character. His serious expression made the da-da-esque comedy spilling from his mouth even funnier.

Sure, Stephen Colbert stole Kristol’s act, but Colbert was always too mainstream. Even the most humorless people knew Colbert was spoofing that annoying windbag Bill O’Reilly but real hipsters knew there were huge elements of Bill Kristol’s shtick stolen line for line. It’s like how the early rock’n’rollers unashamedly stole a lot of black music, y’know?  

This week Kristol churned out his latest comedy masterpiece: he plucked a guy named David French out of the Federal Witness Protection Program and claimed he was running the stooge as a Third Party Candidate! This after teasing the “big reveal” over the Memorial Day weekend on social media, bragging about how potent this mystery candidate would be. Ah, Bill! You still got it!

This is funnier than Firesign Theater’s “Papoon for President” bits or Steve Gerber’s “Howard the Duck for President” gag way back in 1976. Leave it to Bill Kristol to find a mock candidate even more absurd than those!  Continue reading →

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May 25, 2016 · 10:16 pm

JIMMY BUFFETT’S SHOCKING ADMISSION

Jimmy Buffett

Wastin’ away again in No-Erection-Ville: Jimmy Buffett

Balladeer’s Blog has another exclusive story, courtesy of my sources in the industry. And, of course, by the industry I mean the business.

Hot upon the news about Bill Cosby having to stand trial regarding at least one of the sexual assault charges he faces came even more shocking news about elderly, beloved, elderly, iconic and elderly singer Jimmy Buffett. Continue reading →

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May 6, 2016 · 8:59 pm

SEVENTY-TWO YEAR OLD GROUCH YELLS AT PEOPLE TO STOP PLAYING THAT LOUD MUSIC

Mick Jagger old

“Back in MYYYYYYY DAYYYY younger people listened to their elders when they told them what to do … well, actually, that’s not true, either.”

There’s nothing new about really old white guys yelling at younger people to knock off playing that loud music. Some old-timer named Michael Philip Jagger – age 72 – took a break from worrying about his prostate, his wrinkling gums and his brittle bones to holler and complain that some people younger than he is have to stop playing Rolling Stones music.

Thanks to the internet we can all look up how the person who wrote Daddy Wouldn’t Buy Me A Bow-Wow in 1892 was taken seriously when they yelled at people in the 1940s … Oh, that’s right. They weren’t. Anyway, this old codger Michael and his entire generation will soon be shuffling off this mortal coil, leaving the world in the hands of younger people with fresh ideas. People not bound to the way things were over 50 years ago.  Continue reading →

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May 2, 2016 · 12:01 am

DEMOCRATIC PARTY ASKS: WHY SHOULD AMERICAN CITIZENS BE ALLOWED TO VOTE?

democratic party donkey

“Oppressing people while posing as the oppressed!”

The Democratic Party, aka the party that is just as much in the pockets of one percenters as the Republican Party is, has adopted an aggressive new policy. Previously the Democrats were happy simply to have untold numbers of illegal immigrants vote for them in U.S. elections. They did that by forever fighting the use of voter i.d since they know illegals will vote overwhelmingly for the Democrats. The same applies to all of the convicted felons Democrats want to let vote.

Now the Democratic Party (Motto: Oppressing people while posing as the oppressed) has decided to take that strategy to the next level by indignantly asking what makes those snotty American citizens think they themselves have any right to vote! What nerve!

Mascot with demo and repub heads

The symbol of the nonexistent Balladeer Political Party

Bernie Sanders agreed, proclaiming “It is the height of racism for working class Americans to think that we – their rightful rulers – have to let them vote! Our party needs to strike a blow for diversity and social justice by letting ONLY non-citizens vote. If anyone objects, just say ‘Those aren’t American values, dude’ and they’ll shut right up! It’s great being a politician when the voters are such browbeaten pussies that they’ll back down the minute they’re faced with any opposition.”

“That last sentence was off the record.” the former writer of rape porn quipped. As for candidate Clinton, she demanded $260,000 to provide any comment on the matter and referred all inquiries to her new campaign website. Access to that web site costs just $10,000 per week. 

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