OBAMA VOWS: “IF ONE MORE MUSLIM SHOOTS GAY PEOPLE I WILL LOCK UP EVERY CHRISTIAN IN THIS COUNTRY!”

“I would rather have a hundred Americans get killed than have one single Muslim fanatic be inconvenienced!”

With obvious emotion in his voice, Barack Obama stated that he is SO tired of Muslim atrocities making him look like a fool that he will begin arbitrarily imprisoning Christians after every such incident. Obama ignored the fact that the Ramadan Massacre in Orlando on June 12th was committed by a Muslim man who blamed his shooting spree on Obama’s drone strikes on other Muslims … among other things.

“Omar was obviously mistaken,” Obama clarified for an adoring press,”I heard somebody say they knew somebody who thinks the guy might have blamed the attack on Donald Trump. Either way my plan going forth is to inflict increasingly draconian punishments on innocent American citizens following EVERY terrorist attack.”  

Next the little man “pivoted,” as is his wont, to the little boy in Florida eaten by an alligator and stated he had a hunch the alligator was an NRA member.  

Hillary Clinton spoke for Democrats everywhere when she said “Once the American people get used to the fact that THEY are ALWAYS the problem life will be much simpler for them.”