Memorial Day Weekend rolls along with another topical post from Balladeer’s Blog. This one covers some naval actions from America’s undeclared, neither fish nor fowl, quasi-Naval War with France. Often called Stoddert’s War in reference to Benjamin Stoddert, America’s first Secretary of the Navy, this conflict was waged largely in the West Indies.
John Adams
President John Adams wanted the infant United States Navy to protect American shipping in the West Indies from French vessels seizing our ships and sailors. The French Revolutionary government had adopted this policy to (in their view) “punish” the U.S. for not declaring war on France’s side in the Wars of the French Revolution.
Thus far America had remained neutral due to divided public opinion on the matter. Some voters felt the U.S. should join the war on the side of France but others felt that the current French Revolutionary government had overthrown, imprisoned and slain virtually all of the French figures who had aided America during our war against England, therefore negating any obligation on our part. (The paranoid French government had even jailed Thomas Paine when he visited the country.)
President John Adams later took great pride in keeping America out of an all-out land war. (Sentiment against France grew so strong that 80,000 men volunteered to serve against her. And don’t forget the rallying cry of “Millions for defense but not one cent for tribute!” following the X, Y and Z Affair.) Adams chose instead to act largely on defense by protecting our coastline, safeguarding U.S. shipping and expanding our Navy from three whole vessels (WOW!) to FIFTEEN.
Here are a few of the battles from this virtually unclassifiable conflict:
U.S. Naval hero Stephen Decatur
JULY 7th, 1798: Off the New Jersey Coast, Captain Stephen Decatur, Sr led his 20-cannon Delaware against the 10-cannon French privateer craft La Croyable. The French vessel had just plundered the American merchant ship Alexander Hamilton. After a long chase and running fight La Croyable was seized by the Delaware. The French ship was renamed Retaliation and joined the growing U.S. Navy.
NOVEMBER 20th, 1798: Off Guadeloupe, the Retaliation (commanded now by William Bainbridge) ran afoul of two French vessels: the 40-cannon L’Insurgente and the 44-cannon Volontaire. The French opened fire and soon captured Retaliation, then imprisoned the crew in the hellish Basseterre Prison on St Kitts.
FEBRUARY 9th, 1799: Nearly fifteen miles off the coast of the island of Nevis, American Captain Thomas “Terrible Tom” Truxton took his kickass nickname and his 36-cannon ship the Constellation into battle with the 40-cannon French vessel L’Insurgente. The battle began shortly after Noon and roughly two and a half hours later the French surrendered. Continue reading
FIRST SEMIFINAL: This game pitted the 3 seeds – the WARNER UNIVERSITY ROYALS – against the top seeded SOUTHWESTERN CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY EAGLES. A 1-1 tie in the 1st Inning became a 3-2 Royals lead in the 3rd. 
The 7 seeds – the COLLEGE OF THE OZARKS BOBCATS – won two games yesterday. In Game One of Day Two they took on the 6th seeded TRINITY CHRISTIAN COLLEGE TROLLS. A 2-0 2nd Inning lead for the Bobcats became a 2-1 game by the 4th. Both teams’ bats caught fire the final 3 Innings but College of the Ozarks won it 10-6 behind Pitcher Bryce Burtless. 
The top seeded SOUTHWESTERN CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY EAGLES took the diamond against the 9 seeds – the ECCLESIA COLLEGE ROYALS – in the 4th game of the day. A 1-1 tie in the opening Inning became a 2-1 Eagles lead in the 2nd. The 5th Inning saw the Royals go up 3-2 before SCU knotted the score at 3-3 in the 7th. From there the Eagles won the game 5-4 for Pitcher Hayden Woolsey. 
THE GIRL IN THE KREMLIN (1957) – The tagline for this Golden Turkey should have been “STALIN’S BACK AND GABOR’S GOT HIM!” The world of Bad Movies is pretty thoroughly littered with hilariously lame films proceeding from the premise that Adolf Hitler survived his supposed death and plotted a Fourth Reich. 
And feel free to choose your preferred caption to the photo at right. Either: a) ONE … MILLION … RUBLES or b) Zsa Zsa Gabor IS Mrs Kojak, this fall on the CW! 
The lookalike is killed and presented for burial while Stalin – who passed the time during the surgery indulging his famous fetish for watching a woman suffer a forced head-shaving – undergoes plastic surgery of his own to disguise his features. The murderous scumbag then flees Russia with – we are told – HALF THE MONEY IN THE SOVIET TREASURY plus a few aides including Nurse Grisenko, one of the twins portrayed by Zsa Zsa Gabor herself. 
President Trump stands virtually alone – the outsider shaking up all the career criminals called Democrats and Republicans, who grow ever more frantic and irrational in their attempts to bring him down. EVERY DAY IS FUN WATCHING TRUMP INFURIATE ALL THE RIGHT CROOKS TO INFURIATE!
The late Mary Harris Jones aka Mother Jones once again weighed in despite having been dead since 1930: “President Trump is an undeniable hero helping the working class and the poor of ALL colors every way he can while being attacked daily by America’s corrupt politicians and the bloated rich pigs who OWN those politicians.” 
The 2nd seeded BLUEFIELD COLLEGE RAMBLING RAMS likewise went 2-0 in Pool Play on Wednesday. In Game Four the Rambling Rams battled the 7 seeds – the COLLEGE OF THE OZARKS BOBCATS. The 9th Inning ended with the teams deadlocked at 5-5. Neither team scored in the 10th but in the 11th Bluefield College edged the Bobcats 6-5. Kody Gardere threw for the win. 
FRANK C HIGH 
GEORGE W MATHEWS 
Institution – IOWA WESTERN COLLEGE 
Institution – CENTRAL ARIZONA COLLEGE 
Institution – NEW MEXICO COLLEGE 
Institution – WALTERS STATE 
When will people learn that – no matter what the time period – human nature will forever resist the notion that Bran is good for them? Anyway, here’s Oingo Boingo’s song Goodbye, Goodbye for this installment of Give Them A Shoutout Before They’re Dead. And since I’ve never watched a single episode of GOT the above lame joke is also the closest I’ll come to reviewing it. (Although I did laugh at the new online meme that Chaos isn’t a ladder after all … It’s a ramp.) 
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