Monthly Archives: September 2015

MWINDO: EPIC MYTH OF AFRICA

Balladeer’s Blog begins a new serialized feature – the neglected epic myth of the Nyanga people of Africa.

PART ONE

MwindoMwindo is yet another semi-divine hero from global mythology. This epic will explore his unusual birth, his heroic deeds and victories over various monsters and hostile gods.

Many of the myths from Africa survived mostly in oral form until comparatively recent decades, so there are even more variations of African epics than readers may be used to. To cite just one example: Mwindo himself is usually referred to by the epithet Kabutwa-kenda, “the little one just born yet walking”. However there are a few versions of the myth in which Mwindo and Kabutwa-kenda are TWO SEPARATE FIGURES and are half-brothers. Continue reading

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2015: THE YEAR FILMMAKERS GAVE A CRAP

Guess what characteristic Bernie Sanders shares with characters from two 2015 horror films?

Guess what characteristic Bernie Sanders shares with figures from two 2015 horror films?

What is it this year with filmmakers? Permit me to give you the full poop on an odd new trend in 2015. That new trend: pantloads. First in Unfriended viewers got subjected to a character filling her pants on camera and the new release The Visit also features a character having an accidental bowel movement for the audience.

Even worse is the fact that in The Visit, M Night Shyamalan continues his love of plot twists by having the pantload literally flaunted in another character’s face. Feel free to insert your own “getting shitfaced” joke here. Continue reading

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AMERICAN KAIJU: THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN VS THE BLACK SCORPION

The 6o ft tall Glenn Manning aka The Amazing Colossal Man!

The 6o ft tall Amazing Colossal Man!

Episode Three of the hottest new cable show in the land airs tonight. Cult director Eddie Wozniak’s American Kaiju series continues its salute to the style of 1950s “big monster” films from America combined with the style of Japanese Kaiju films. 

This time around the gigantic scorpion from the movie The Black Scorpion emerges from an erupting volcano in Mexico. As such creatures do it goes on a rampage, killing hundreds and causing millions of dollars in damage in and around Mexico City.

The giant Black Scorpion plays chicken with a train.

The giant Black Scorpion plays chicken with a train.

The Mexican government begs the American government to send their special giant-sized operative the Colossal Man from his Area 51 home down to help them. Uncle Sam agrees, sending good old Glenn Manning down to battle the huge black scorpion. Continue reading

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS FROM SEPTEMBER 17th

Fairmont StateTHE FRACAS IN FAIRMONT – The FAIRMONT STATE FIGHTING FALCONS hosted the WEST LIBERTY STATE HILLTOPPERS last night. The Fighting Falcons led most of the game, holding a 14-7 lead in the 1st Quarter, a 14-13 edge at Halftime and a 21-20 advantage to end the 3rd. In the 4th Quarter the Hilltoppers seized the lead and Fairmont State needed a Touchdown run by RB Austin White to win the game 36-30 with mere seconds to play. QB Cooper Hibbs had 2 TD’s on 187 yds passing. Continue reading

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MLJ COMICS SUPERHERO PANTHEON

With the flood of superhero movies every summer in recent years Balladeer’s Blog will feature periodic examinations of the more obscure comic book companies. This time out it’s MLJ.

FoxTHE FOX

Secret Identity: Paul Patton, newspaper reporter and news photographer.

Origin: When his co-worker Ruth Ransom got kidnapped, Paul Patton felt he could fight crime AND enhance his journalism career by first donning a costume and thwarting criminals as the Fox and then getting a “scoop” on those adventures, complete with photos. And this was decades before Peter Parker made a living with news photos of his exploits as Spider-Man.

First Appearance: Blue Ribbon Comics #4 (June 1940). His final Golden Age appearance came in 1942. 

Powers: The Fox was at the peak of human condition. He had acrobatic skills greater than Olympic athletes and was a master of all forms of unarmed combat. His stealth skills were the equal of any burglar or ninja. The white eye-lenses on his mask permitted him to see in the dark.   Continue reading

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ANGELINA JOLIE CRIES OUT FOR ISLAMIC STATE TO BE STOPPED

Angelina JolieAngelina Jolie, actress and Special U.N. Envoy, has joined other celebrities in calling out for more effective action to stop the “rapey” Islamic State that was spawned by Barack Obama’s premature withdrawal from Iraq. I will invoke my Celebrity Test for this situation: 

I’m not sure where she and all the people agreeing with her on social media were when we were actually STILL THERE – oh, wait, I know! They were insisting we were only there for the oil and that we were racists and imperialists and should withdraw. People who pointed out that if Obama withdrew prematurely it would only strengthen the worst elements of Islamic terrorism in the region were labeled “warmongers.”

Well, okay Angelina, let’s think about this:  

* Say we go in, even with the U.N.’s backing like we did in 2003, how long before the exact same hypocrites around the world who want us to go in and “do something about” ISIS lose interest in the conflict and start bashing us for doing so?

* The conflict alone would take YEARS, followed by a military commitment of DECADES or else groups similar to ISIS would simply take over AGAIN.

* As we saw LAST TIME AROUND, once the novelty of the war wears off with people like Angelina Jolie and other entertainers they will start claiming we are just there “for the oil”. They’ll do their usual round of songs, movies, etc demanding an immediate withdrawal. We’ll be told once again that people around the world consider the U.S. “the greatest threat to peace” and critics will say it’s the 83rd time the U.S. has taken such action since World War Two. (They love to ignore the fact that the international community often whiningly ASKS us to go into these countries.)

* AND once ISIS is “wiped out” and we’re working with other groups in the region to establish a stable post-ISIS government those same pious hypocrites will be excoriating us as “invaders” and “occupiers”. Iraqis who work with us to establish that stable government will be labeled a “puppet regime” and will get slaughtered when the inevitable, make-believe “anti-war” groups get their way and force ANOTHER premature withdrawal.  

SO MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, SHALLOW PEOPLE OF THE WORLD. IF YOU WANT US TO GO IN DO YOU HAVE THE MATURITY AND COMMITMENT TO STICK WITH IT WHEN:

* Your favorite singer or actor or whatever is out in public denouncing the war as “blood for oil” or “a war of aggression” or “an imperial, racist war” or “cowboy diplomacy” Continue reading

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BAYBAYAN: PHILIPPINE EPIC MYTH – THE CONCLUSION

Balladeer’s Blog concludes its examination of this epic myth of the Bukidnon people of the Philippines.

PART EIGHT

Bukidnon mapAlisngaran, the favorite disciple of Baybayan, stood beside the woman he loved and continued wielding his kampilan sword against the trio of attacking giants. Whenever his kampilan – so heavy no other mortal man could lift it – sliced off the head or one of the limbs of the giants the other two would intensify their attack until the head or limb of the third could grow back. 

Meanwhile, on board the flying ship the Salimbal the demigod Baybayan, whose divine senses could see what was transpiring back on the Earth, again caused a mental image of himself to appear to Alisngaran and his beloved. (The names of many of the women in Philippine myths are unknown because their “holy men” considered the names too sacred to share with outsiders.) 

Baybayan pleaded with his favorite follower to abandon his battle with the giants and join the rest of his hundreds of surviving disciples on the trip to Skyland, the home of the gods. Alisngaran complied, grabbing his woman with one arm as Baybayan tried levitating the couple upward toward the faraway Salimbal. The weight of Alisngaran’s mighty kampilan prevented the pair from rising very far, however. Continue reading

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NAIA COLLEGE FOOTBALL RANKINGS FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG

Marian Knights helmet newNAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) – 1. MARIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS     ###      2. MORNINGSIDE COLLEGE MUSTANGS     ###      3. SOUTHERN OREGON UNIVERSITY RAIDERS (Defending Champions)     ###      4. FAULKNER UNIVERSITY EAGLES     ###      5. LINDSEY WILSON COLLEGE BLUE RAIDERS     ###       Continue reading

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MUSLIM SUPERSTITIONS ARE NOT THE LAW

Muslims peace and loveMuslim Violence Awareness Month continues with this look at the way Islam commits violence against religious freedom everywhere it spreads. I’m a non-believer in any of the world’s religions. Nearly all of the other religions have made some accomodation with the modern world where they do not expect people outside their religion to be bound by their own belief system. The one exception, of course, is Islam.

Muslims want their own ridiculous superstitions protected to a degree that none of us would accept from Christianity or Judaism or Buddhism, etc. So if, in casual conversation I happen to express the fact that Muhammad died long ago a Muslim can “take offense” since Islam teaches that Muhammad did not die but rose into the sky.

That Muslim, with the full cooperation of the gutless hypocrites of the American Left, can try to bring some form of punishment upon me for my perfectly rational remark that Muhammad died long ago. Of course, if I say “Jesus died long ago. That whole ‘rising from the dead’ nonsense is ridiculous,” the cowards of American Liberalism are fine with that, no matter how many Christians might be offended.

There are plenty of us non-believers and we are not going to obey any governmental entity that tells us we have to humor the idiocy of Islam by pretending that the blood-soaked child rapist who founded that religion did not die centuries ago but instead “rose into the sky.” Leftists around the world THINK they are doing Muslims a favor by carving out all these exceptions for the superstitious little darlings but they are instead making them targets of more and more resentment.      Continue reading

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THE SECRET OF DORIAN GRAY (1970) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Secret of Dorian GrayBefore MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show.

Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s THIRTIETH  anniversary year.

Randy Clower and Richard Malmos of The Texas 27 Film Vault (both lower right) featured in a Movie Host article with Stella from Saturday Night Dead and Elvira.

Randy Clower and Richard Malmos of The Texas 27 Film Vault (both lower right) featured in a Movie Host article with Stella from Saturday Night Dead and Elvira.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday January 24th, 1987 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

SERIAL: None this week. The movie, commercials and Film Vault Corps comedy sketches took up the entire running time.

HOST SEGMENTS/ COMEDY SKETCHES: There is some disagreement among Texas 27 Film Vault Fans. One faction argues that this was the episode in which Randy Clower – interested in preserving his youth like the main character in the night’s movie – took the nonexistent chemical Multiquixiphiline (see my exclusive interview with Randy Clower). Continue reading

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