Tag Archives: movie reviews

September 9, 2014 · 9:20 pm

DR STRAIN THE BODY SNATCHER (1989)

Dr StrainJUST SAY NO to this pathetic ripoff of a movie. Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog know that I can often love even the worst movies because of their bad movie charm so it takes something beyond mere cinematic ineptitude for me to recommend that viewers steer clear of a movie altogether.

DR STRAIN THE BODY SNATCHER – This revolting celluloid con job was made 1n 1989 but released on video in 1991. I’ll start off with the worst part of this movie and point out that IT HAS NO ENDING. The movie ends in the middle of a chase scene with the hero of the story being pursued by Dr Strain in the newest body he’s inhabiting.

I have no idea how this amateurish piece of garbage found a distributor in the first place given its clearly incomplete condition. I’m not being sarcastic by speculating that it’s possible nobody who rented or bought it even bothered watching it all the way to the end. The movie is THAT lame, boring and unoriginal.  Continue reading →

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September 3, 2014 · 7:52 pm

BLOODBEAT (1982) MOVIE REVIEW

Bloodbeat BIGBLOODBEAT (1982) – The presence of a female slasher adds a fresh (but not uprecedented) feel to Bloodbeat. This film is so obscure people seldom if ever get its year of release correct let alone the storyline. Even in the world of weird film premises this little honey manages to stand out. Bloodbeat is about a woman who goes to spend Christmas with her boyfriend’s family in Wisconsin only to find herself possessed by the spirit of a dead samurai warrior who forces her to go on a killing spree with his sword.

bloodbeatExcept for the confusing fact that many of the killings are commited BEFORE the samurai possesses her body but even those murders are – for some unexplained reason – synchronized with the possessed woman’s orgasms (No, I’m NOT kidding). Even more confusing is the fact that at least one of the samurai’s killings was committed BEFORE the woman even showed up in this Wisconsin town. Anyway, the samurai’s sword is a war trophy in a trunk in the home of the main characters. The fact that we are never even told the last names of any of the main characters should give you a hint about the storytelling ineptitude on display in this flick. Continue reading →

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June 30, 2014 · 12:02 am

FILM REVIEW: TO THE FOURTH POWER (2013)

To the 4th PowerTO THE FOURTH POWER (2013) – This film was one of the sleeper hits of last year. You’d think it would be impossible to do something creative with the mock documentary format at this point but To The Fourth Power proves to be a thought-provoking and inventive piece set “just a few years from now”.

The movie depicts a near future in which the Continue reading →

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June 13, 2014 · 12:01 am

FRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977)

Friday the 13th The Orphan biggerFRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977) – H.H. Munro must have turned over in his grave at this adaptation of one of his short stories. This quasi-horror film was re-released in 1979 as just The Orphan and despite the original title it has no connection to the Friday the 13th series of slasher flicks. At least, no REAL connection. I’m surprised some unscrupulous distributor never tried sneaking this into theaters in the 1980’s as a “prequel” to the slasher movies by presenting the insane young boy in the movie as the grandfather of Jason Voorhees.

Even so the title makes it hard not to think of our wealthy young protagonist “David” (Mark Owens) as an ancestor of the hockey- masked slice and dice man from Crystal Lake. In the 1920’s David’s mother accidentally shoots his African Big Game Hunter father Kevin to death during an argument about his frequent overseas trips. David not only witnesses this but sees his mother put the gun in her mouth and kill herself immediately afterward. Next David gets VERY disturbed when a presumed family member (an uncredited Christopher Lloyd in a “blink-and-you’ll- miss- him” appearance) forces him to kiss his dead father as he lies in his coffin. Continue reading →

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March 14, 2014 · 4:00 pm

ADAM AND EVE VERSUS THE CANNIBALS (1983)

Adam and Eve vs the CannibalsScrew the overrated Dan Brown and what he thinks are “shocking” revelations even though they’ve been known about and debated for centuries. If you want to see what the world’s religious establishments have REALLY been hiding from you check out this delirious acid trip of a movie from Italy. For the squeamish I know the word “cannibals” in close proximity to “Italy” usually means the hardcore violence of Italian Cannibal flicks by Ruggerio Deodato and company but that’s not the case here.

Actually this movie seems to have been trying to leapfrog on the mild success of films like Quest for Fire or One Million B.C. with odd overtones of Blue Lagoon but the end result is UN-intentionally funnier than Ringo Starr’s comedy Caveman. Adam and Eve versus the Cannibals opens up with a montage of “creation” followed by a scene of Adam (cult action icon Mark Gregory) emerging from a bloody and gooey cocoon … yes, a cocoon.

Not too long after that this flick throws even more oddball theology at us as it Continue reading →

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March 6, 2014 · 12:43 am

SIX-STRING SAMURAI (1998) – STILL ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE FILMS

Six String SamuraiSIX-STRING SAMURAI (1998) – 91 minutes – Directed by Lance Mungia … Starring Jeffrey Falcon and Justin McGuire … Written by Lance Mungia and Jeffrey Falcon … Soundtrack by Brian Tyler and the Red Elvises  

There’s an old saying to the effect that every American male who loves movies wishes on some level that they had directed The Wild Bunch. Generalizations like that are very seldom accurate and at least in my case that particular one is very far from the truth. If I wished I had directed any one movie it would be Six-String Samurai.  

Trying to offer a brief description of this film is virtually impossible but for the sake of attracting new viewers to this underappreciated flick I’ll take a shot at it by calling it surrealism’s only two-fisted action blockbuster. For its visual style Six-String Samurai slyly adopts the cinematic elements and directorial grammar that are shared by the best samurai films, Spaghetti Westerns and post-apocalypse actioners. And in this age of FAR too many comic-book action movies it has to be said that the fight scenes in 6SS seriously outclass ANYTHING seen in Marvel, Dark Horse or DC’s screen projects.    

Fans of the Coen Brothers, David Lynch, Alejandro Jodorowsky and Guillermo del Toro would likely love this film as much as I do. Just as the Continue reading →

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March 4, 2014 · 4:10 pm

MARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978)

Mardi Gras MassacreMARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978) – Category: A neglected Bad Movie classic, but its hard-core gore will prevent it from ever having a Plan 9-sized cult following

It takes a twisted sort of genius to make multiple disembowelment murders look boring, but that’s exactly what Jack Weis accomplishes in Mardi Gras Massacre! Today may be Fat Tuesday, but let’s rechristen it “Splat Tuesday” in honor of this late 70’s splatterfest. 

The actual “massacre” part of this movie is an incredible disappointment. An insane, hate-filled man with a Continue reading →

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February 26, 2014 · 12:02 am

MOVIE REVIEW: THE WORLD’S A STAGE (2014)

Would ALEC BALDWIN find the plot of this movie a little too close to reality?

Would ALEC BALDWIN find the plot of this movie a little too close to reality?

The World’s A Stage (2014 – Glitternight productions) – This independent film, though set here in the 21st Century, is reminiscent of ancient Greek political satires like the ones penned by Aristophanes, Eupolis and Cratinus as well as the parathespian comedies of Strattis. A traveling troupe of actors visit an unnamed town and are a huge hit in a play dramatizing the heroics of a group of honest politicians. The citizens are bowled over by their performances and elect the men and women of the theatre troupe to actually govern their town.

Naturally the shallow and vain thespians are in way over their heads when it comes to dealing with real-world responsibilities and problems. Their egotistical need for applause and approval also makes them unfit for office, especially when it comes to Continue reading →

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January 4, 2014 · 11:40 pm

THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL INDEPENDENT MOVIES OF 2013

With the calendar year 2013 firmly in the books Balladeer’s Blog takes this opportunity to examine the six most controversial indy flicks from the preceding twelve months.

The Burqa: A heroic woman fighting Muslim Apartheid and defending women's rights.

The Burqa: A heroic woman fighting Muslim Apartheid and defending women’s rights.

THE BURQA –  This movie far and away deserves the top spot. The Burqa boasts the most explosive premise of any of the films on this list and plays like a combination of Robert Rodriguez’s El Mariachi trilogy, Spaghetti Westerns and post-apocalypse actioners like The Road Warrior. The main character is a mysterious gun-wielding Muslim woman who calls herself the Burqa for the garment that Muslim fundamentalists insist women wear. The cloaked heroine travels battle-scarred Iraq blowing away Islamists who oppress women physically or intellectually. FOR MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2013/05/08/movie-review-the-burqa-2013/

Mascot with demo and repub headsTO THE FOURTH POWER – A mock documentary that deals with the way in which the Democratic and Republican Parties have become little more than rival gangs of white collar criminals whose elected officals represent their party’s interests and not the interests of the people who elected them. The mockumentary starts with fictional depictions of Continue reading →

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October 19, 2013 · 9:26 pm

ELEVEN MORE NEGLECTED BAD MOVIE CLASSICS FOR HALLOWEEN

Return of Dr X

Return of Dr X

My month-long celebration of Halloween continues! Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page where I examine plenty of under the radar movies that are hilariously awful. Previously I ran a list of the top Eleven Neglected Bad Movie Classics for Halloween. That was such a hit here is a list of eleven more neglected bombs. My Bad Movie page features full-length reviews of each of the movies I’m offering a synopsis of here.

THE RETURN OF DR X (1939) – The notorious film in which the legendary Humphrey Bogart played a zombified mad scientist named Dr Xavier who was brought back from the dead by another mad scientist named Dr Flegg. Much of the fun comes from Bogie’s unmistakable disdain for finding himself in the kind of stinker that Bela Lugosi often waded through. Bogie’s Dr X kills Continue reading →

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