Category Archives: humor

MICHAEL MANN DEMANDS A VIRGIN SACRIFICE BUT REFUSES TO BE THE SACRIFICIAL OFFERING

Some people just want to pretend the world is burning.

Some people just want to pretend the world is burning.

Michael Mann, the Clown Prince of Climate Science who gets reviled by scientists on BOTH sides of the man-made global warming debate in the terrific book A Disgrace to the Profession, confided his latest strategy to Balladeer’s Blog exclusively.

With his inaccurate hockey stick ideas being ridiculed as readily as his false claims to be a Nobel Prize winner, Mann has begun calling for a virgin to be sacrificed in order to save the world. When called upon to be said virgin sacrifice Mann refused, saying he has to appear in court to testify in the countless nuisance lawsuits he has filed. Continue reading

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POPE ANNOUNCES HE’S GIVING UP HIS LAVISH LIFESTYLE TO FEED THE POOR

"You've got such sexy little boys in America I can see why my priests can't keep their hands off them" quipped the anachronistic douchebag whose office is an insult to human intelligence.

“You’ve got such sexy little boys in America I can see why my priests can’t keep their hands off them” quipped the anachronistic douchebag whose office is an insult to human intelligence.

He’s also dissolving the position of Pope and said the Catholic Church should use Vatican City to house and care for unlimited numbers of the refugees flooding Europe.

In an exclusive statement to Balladeer’s Blog the silly little man whose wardrobe makes Elton John say “My God, that’s gawdy and tasteless” said he felt like “A hypocritical motherfucker lecturing the world about economic inequality and about showing compassion to the flood of refugees while living my bloated rich pig lifestyle.” Continue reading

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AL SHARPTON IS OUTRAGED THAT NONE OF THE BEATLES WERE BLACK

“Only white racists think that other black people are as stupid and hate-filled as I am!”

Hatemonger Al “Tawana Brawley Scandal” Sharpton, the Grand Wizard of Black Bigotry, took time out from failing to properly read the teleprompter on his own show to blither  about a manufactured grievance.

Sharpton is the leading exponent of the movement Black Lies Matter, which encourages lying like in the aforementioned Tawana Brawley Scandal and the discredited “Hands up, don’t shoot” nonsense. Al realized long ago that the media will never give air time to rational, non-criminal African-Americans and has monopolized the airwaves pretending to speak for all black people. Continue reading

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BILL NYE THE DELUSIONAL GUY

Bow-tied scientist impersonator Bill Nye.

Bow-tied scientist impersonator Bill Nye.

Bill Nye, perhaps best known as “the least funny member of the Almost Live cast,” is NOT a scientist, and merely has a degree in mechanical engineering. Hilariously he mistakenly thinks that because he played a scientist on a TELEVISION SHOW that that somehow makes him an authority on science.

Uh. Yeah. Actors who play doctors on a television show are not really physicians, either, but Nye has now combined his ridiculously pompous pronouncements on science with the old line “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on tv.” Kudos to Nye for being able to laugh at himself in this way on his new show. 

Bill Nye, the Delusional Guy debuts tonight and is a laugh riot depicting what happens when a self-important fool tries to pass himself off as an expert on subjects he has no idea about. This first episode presents the wacky Nye bluffing and blustering his way into performing heart surgery, resulting in black-humored, blood-soaked fun.   Continue reading

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THE BEN AFFLECK SHOW: DEFENDER OF THE FAITH

Ben Affleck portrays a superhero who defends Muslim terrorists from anyone who interferes with them on The Ben Affleck Show.

Ben Affleck portrays a superhero who defends Muslim terrorists from anyone who interferes with them on The Ben Affleck Show.

Ben Affleck’s latest venture is this eponymous web series in which he portrays Haven Monahan, a gutless hypocrite who hates Christianity and Judaism but grovels for Islam. Still hopelessly embittered by the scorn he gets for his disastrous turn in Daredevil and for any other casting of him as a costumed crimefighter Affleck has decided to tackle his critics head-on by starring as a superhero called the Defender of the Faith.

Whenever anyone is courageously standing up to Islamic oppression or violence Haven Monahan (Affleck) becomes the Defender of the Faith and ensures that non-Muslims are victimized by any Muslim fanatic in the vicinity.

Affleck as the costumed superhero the Defender of the Faith.

Affleck as the costumed superhero the Defender of the Faith.

Episode One, posted last night, was torn from recent headlines as Affleck’s Defender of the Faith swung into action to prevent a handful of heroic non-Muslims from interfering with a crazed Muslim gunman. The Defender of the Faith beat the interlopers unconscious then left the scene so the Muslim terrorist could wrack up a body count of innocent bystanders.

Talking about his latest role Affleck (who also produces and directs the web series) stated “My own ancestors were slave-owners and slavery is a tradition that the Muslim world has kept going long after the West abandoned it, so I’ve always felt a certain kinship to Islam. Continue reading

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MICHAEL MANN: A DISGRACE TO THE PROFESSION – NEW BOOK RELEASE

THE CLOWN PRINCE OF CLIMATE SCIENCE.

THE CLOWN PRINCE OF CLIMATE SCIENCE.

Michael Mann, previously disgraced by the Nobel Prize Committee officially telling him to stop passing himself off as a Nobel Prize winner despite NEVER having won one, is back in the news. The Clown Prince of Climate Science is someone whose questionable (at best) techniques have united people on BOTH sides of the Man-Made Global Warming issue.

Mann’s dubious “hockey stick” has been roundly criticized across the spectrum of climate science AND climate politics and author Mark Steyn has compiled a book quoting Mann’s FELLOW SCIENTISTS pointing out how full of holes much of Mann’s work is.

The full title is A Disgrace To The Profession: The World’s Scientists – In Their Own Words – On Michael E Mann, His Hockey Stick And Their Damage to Science, Volume One. Continue reading

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BRUCE CAMPBELL GOES THE BRUCE JENNER ROUTE

Bruce Campbell after a LOT of surgery.

Bruce Campbell after a LOT of surgery.

BALLADEER’S BLOG SCOOP: My unimpeachable sources in the industry – and by the industry, I mean the business – have informed me that cult figure Bruce Campbell (pictured) was so inspired by Bruce Jenner’s recent decision to go female that he has found the courage to do so himself!

“I started re-evaluating my life a few years ago when I learned that reruns of Jack of All Trades were being used to torture prisoners at Gitmo”, Campbell confided to Balladeer’s Blog.

“It made me seriously rethink my legacy and how I’d like to be remembered. And I want to be remembered as the busty stripper I’ve felt gestating inside me ever since one of the Raimi brothers said to me ‘ Y’know, if I was drunk enough I could go for a real cutey-pie like you.’ … Or maybe it was Julius Carry who said that. It’s all a blur right now.” Continue reading

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SABRINA ERDELY REPORTS: BRUCE JENNER RAPED CAITLYN JENNER

Disgraced "journalist" (LMAO) Sabrina Rubin Erdely

Disgraced “journalist” (LMAO) Sabrina Rubin Erdely

Once again disgraced journalist and notorious UVA Rape Hoaxer Sabrina Erdely plus her crack investigative team of Haven Monahan and a woman called “Jackie” have broken a shocking story. Erdely reports that former Olympic Athlete Bruce Jenner has raped a woman named Caitlyn Jenner.

Erdely, who has a reputation for disregarding (or not even looking for) any facts that conflict with the narrative she’s pushing said her story came when she saw how much the names “Bruce Jenner” and “Caitlyn Jenner” were trending on social media.

Sabrina stated:

“The only possible reason could be that Bruce, who is a man and therefore a rapist-in- waiting, MUST have raped whoever this Caitlyn Jenner is. Anyone who doubts this is denying that rape ever happens and they are subjecting this brave victim Caitlyn Jenner to a SECOND rape on social media.” Continue reading

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SABRINA ERDELY REPORTS: ELVIS RAPED JIMMY HOFFA

Disgraced "journalist" (LMAO) Sabrina Rubin Erdely

Disgraced “journalist” (LMAO) Sabrina Rubin Erdely

Disgraced Rolling Stone reporter Sabrina Rubin Erdely, best known for her UVA rape hoax, has broken another story wide open! Along with her crack investigative team Haven Monahan and a mysterious woman known only as “Jackie”, Erdely has discovered that the late Elvis Presley once raped Teamsters Union President Jimmy Hoffa.

Furthermore, Erdely, whose journalistic motto is “Facts, schmacts, I’ve got an agenda to push”, reported that Hoffa was then killed and his corpse hidden just to preserve Presley’s public image.  Continue reading

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SABRINA ERDELY REPORTS: BIGFOOT RAPED MOTHMAN

Disgraced "journalist" (LMAO) Sabrina Rubin Erdely

Disgraced “journalist” (LMAO) Sabrina Rubin Erdely

Disgraced Rolling Stone reporter Sabrina Rubin Erdely, best known for her UVA rape hoax, has broken another story wide open! Erdely reports that Bigfoot has raped Mothman and did it in the Bermuda Triangle no less! According to Erdely and her sources Haven Monahan and a woman known only as “Jackie” one out of every five cryptozoological (in other words “non-existent”) creatures experience rape. Though that statistic has been proven wrong over and over again Erdely – keeping true to the standards of her UVA rape hoax story – keeps citing it as if it was the truth.  Continue reading

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