Monthly Archives: October 2017

THE DARK TOWER

GunslingerThis year’s Dark Tower movie was like promising your audience Interview With The Vampire but instead giving them Vampire Hookers starring John Carradine.

How do you screw this up? The first novel in the series was tailor-made for screen success: Mad Max crossed with a Spaghetti Western in a supernatural/ horror version of a post-apocalypse movie.

The real challenge should have come with adapting the subsequent novels in the series, not The Gunslinger. Anyway, here’s a Halloween Month look at Roland Deschain art to help wash away the bad taste.

gunslinger 2

MORE … Continue reading

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ZOMBIES OF MONTICELLO (2013)

Thomas JeffersonBy reader request here’s my semi-regular Halloween Season blog post Zombies of Monticello, my mock movie review. I first ran this in 2013, but it may not seem as irreverent this year in the wake of the large-scale criticism of Thomas Jefferson.

ZOMBIES OF MONTICELLO (2013) – Halloween month continues at Balladeer’s Blog with this review of cult director Eddie Wozniak’s blood-soaked combination of horror and commentary.

Learn the REAL cause of Thomas Jefferson’s death on July 4th, 1826! On the 50th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence the zombified corpses of all of Jefferson’s dead slaves rise from their graves and besiege him and his extended family in the Jefferson mansion at Monticello!

The pompous hypocrite who penned noble words about freedom and equality while OWNING other human beings tries everything to wipe out the undead legions pressing in on all sides. Continue reading

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Filed under Bad and weird movies, Fantastic Movie Reviews, Halloween Season, humor

HUNGARY SMACKS DOWN ONE PERCENTER CARLOS SLIM AND HIS RIDICULOUS NEW YORK TIMES

Zoltan Kovacs

HUNGARY’S ZOLTAN KOVACS

Balladeer’s Blog is still enjoying the virtual bonfire of the vanities of what we’ll call the previous world. The pompous players of that world are still indignant that so many of us are rejecting their supposed wisdom and moving into the future without them.

 

One percenter and bloated rich pig Carlos Slim has turned the New York Times into a newspaper version of a blustering old coot railing at a changing world. Fewer Americans listen to Carlos’ pretense that unmoderated immigration is the only “decent” thing to do. More and more Europeans have been slapping down the Slimster’s rag when it presumes to lecture THEM on the topic, too.

I love this reply from Hungary’s Zoltan Kovacs to the New York Times rebuking the Upper Class Twits on their editorial board for lecturing Hungary about its immigration policies.

The link is below but first some excerpts: “Admittedly, it’s not easy to grasp this “indisputably difficult problem” from the comforts of Midtown Manhattan, but if we’re going to have a serious conversation about it, we all need to understand some basic facts.

“To begin, let’s get something straight about borders. “A country that is unable to protect its borders,” as Prime Minister Orbán has said, “is no country at all.”

Hungary“The Orbán Government has BUILT A FENCE on the southern border of Hungary because it’s an external border of the European Union’s Schengen Area. It was not simply “to tighten his border,” as they say, but to defend Europe and uphold treaty obligations, which include preventing illegal immigration into the EU.”

(Note from Balladeer: It seems like only yesterday that Europeans used to pile on the U.S. for “daring” to even DISCUSS preventing illegal immigration. The past several years have shown them the consequences of rampant illegal immigration first-hand.)

“We also need to get something straight about what the NYT casually refers to as international law and European values, language that appeals to the ‘limousine liberal’ readership of the Times. There is no international law, no European treaty that gives Brussels the authority to decide on immigration. ”

(Note from Balladeer: That reference to the Left-Wing Archie Bunkers who read the Times no doubt had them huffing and puffing. I can just hear them blustering “Doesn’t this deplorable Hungarian realize how many times we’ve listened to the Arlo Guthrie song Deportee? How DARE he insinuate that we don’t really understand the issues here?” )

Back to the article: Continue reading

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WEREWOLVES OF LONDON

You knew it was coming at some point! It’s Warren Zevon with a very popular Halloween song.

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MONSTER RALLY: BEATRICE THE POISON WOMAN

FOR THE OTHER CREATURES IN THIS MONSTER RALLY CLICK HERE 

Rappaccini's Daughter 2BEATRICE RAPPACCINI

First Appearance: Rappaccini’s Daughter (1844)

Cryptid Category: Human-plant hybrid.

Lore: Beatrice Rappaccini, also called the Poison Woman, had been experimented on by her mad scientist father since infancy. Some dark rumors even held that the father – Doctor Giacomo Rappaccini – had spawned her from a seed-pod and that his tales of a wife were lies.

Beatrice was so toxic that she was the only one alive who could come into contact with the monstrous and deadly plants in her father’s courtyard garden. The Poison Woman’s beauty drove men wild, tempting many admirers to brave the dangers of her father’s mutated plant life.

The dark beauty’s flesh was a toxic poison and her breath could kill insects, snakes, rats and small children. Dead creatures made the ideal fertilizer for the creations of Beatrice’s father. It was hinted that Beatrice fed on the vermin killed by her breath, just like Venus Flytraps and other carnivorous plant-life. Continue reading

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THE TOP SEVEN NOVELS OF ROBERT LUDLUM: INDEX OF LINKS

Robert LudlumBalladeer’s Blog’s list of Robert Ludlum’s top seven novels was reasonably popular with readers. Here are links to each review of the set of seven:

NUMBER 7: THE GEMINI CONTENDERS (1976) – Click HERE 

NUMBER 6: THE ROAD TO GANDOLFO (1975) – Click HERE

NUMBER 5: THE SCARLATTI INHERITANCE (1971) – Click HERE

NUMBER 4: THE CHANCELLOR MANUSCRIPT (1977) – Click HERE

NUMBER 3: THE HOLCROFT COVENANT (1978) – Click HERE

NUMBER 2: THE BOURNE IDENTITY (1980) – Click HERE

NUMBER 1: THE MATARESE CIRCLE (1979) – Click HERE

 

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CEMETERY MAN (1994)

FOR REVIEWS OF SIMILAR HALLOWEEN MOVIES CLICK HERE

Cemetery Man

Cemetery Man

CEMETERY MAN (DELLAMORTE DELLAMORE) (1994) – This film is based on stories by Tiziano Sclavi, the man at the center of “Sclavian philosophy” from Italy. Michele Soavi directed and Rupert Everett starred as the hero, Francesco Dellamorte. Dellamorte is the gravedigger and custodian of Buffalora Cemetery, Buffalora being a fictional town supposedly in the north of Italy.

If you ever wondered what the Patrick McGoohan series The Prisoner would have been like if it had been done as a horror story rather than sci-fi then Cemetery Man is the movie for you! The film employs the same Kafkaesque themes that The Prisoner did with heavy overtones of Sartre’s work The Myth of Sisyphus.

The dead buried in Buffalora Cemetery tend to come back to life as killer zombies after seven days. Dellamorte, with minimal help from his rotund and simple-minded assistant Gnaghi (Francois Hadji-Lazaro), destroys the undead monsters. Our hero gets no thanks from the living citizens of Buffalora, however, who treat him like a Village Idiot and spread rumors that he is either impotent or a eunuch. Mysterious benefactors pay Dellamorte well for his thankless job via envelopes of cash that they mail to him. Continue reading

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