Tag Archives: President’s Day

February 6, 2018 · 12:03 am

VICE PRESIDENTS: JOKES ABOUT THESE ULTIMATE SECOND BANANAS

John Adams

With President’s Day coming up soon here’s the first of many seasonal posts.

John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.”

In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc. 

aaron-burrAARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to start his own country than any other Vice President. (So far, anyway.)

Best Burr Quote: “I’m still searching for the real killers of Alexander Hamilton.” 

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: P-Funk and Funkadelic Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of his loyalist cousin Sir Henry Clinton during the Revolutionary War.

Best Clinton Quote: “Do fries go with that shake?”

Elbridge GerryELBRIDGE GERRY

Served Under: Madison

Noted for: Pioneering the method of “Gerrymandering” political districts in a way that the modern day Democrats and Republicans have raised to a mainstay in the world of white collar crime which they inhabit.

Best Gerry Quote: “I’ll be immortalized as the man who invented Elbridge-mandering!”

DANIEL D TOMPKINS

Served Under: Monroe Continue reading →

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February 19, 2017 · 6:17 pm

AMERICAN PRESIDENTS FROM EISENHOWER TO TRUMP

It’s Presidents Day Weekend! Three days of basketball and being reminded about how the Democratic and Republican Parties stick us with pieces of garbage like Barack Obama and George W Bush. Here are some takes on the more recent presidents.  

EisenhowerDWIGHT EISENHOWER

Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.

Military Service: World War One and World War Two

Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember,  the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)

Nickname: Uncle Milty

Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pasttime. 

Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”.

john f kennedyJOHN F KENNEDY

Character Type: Rich playboy who disdained both Liberals and Conservatives and played by his own rules.

Military Service: World War Two

Motto: “Thank God for television!”

Nickname: FDR  

Pro: The man was shrewd enough to distrust both liberals and conservatives equally. I can’t praise that attitude highly enough given our present circumstances. 

Con: Continue reading →

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February 18, 2017 · 11:39 am

VICE PRESIDENTS – THE ULTIMATE SECOND BANANAS

John AdamsJohn Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.”

In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc. 

aaron-burrAARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to start his own country than any other Vice President. (So far, anyway.)

Best Burr Quote: “I’m still searching for the real killers of Alexander Hamilton.” 

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: P-Funk and Funkadelic Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of his loyalist cousin Sir Henry Clinton during the Revolutionary War.

Best Clinton Quote: “Do fries go with that shake?”

Elbridge GerryELBRIDGE GERRY

Served Under: Madison

Noted for: Pioneering the method of “Gerrymandering” political districts in a way that the modern day Democrats and Republicans have raised to a mainstay in the world of white collar crime which they inhabit. Continue reading →

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February 15, 2016 · 1:18 am

MICHELLE OBAMA UNSEATS NANCY REAGAN AS THE WORST FIRST LADY EVER

Michelle "Bowser" Obama

Michelle “Bowser” Obama

It’s President’s Day! For a different kind of President’s Day treat Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at a truly repulsive person who has managed to surpass the pompous, snobbish and callous Nancy Reagan to become America’s Worst First Lady Ever.

MICHELLE OBAMA – Bitter and hate-filled, this cosmically unlikeable figure has been stripped of her right to practice law just like her corrupt husband. Michelle is an overt racist whose loathing of everyone who is not an African-American is right out in the open for all to see.

Michelle is such a repulsive figure that when Barack was elected she was ill-mannered enough to say it was the first time she wasn’t ashamed of the country. Only a piece of absolute garbage would do this. It’s like being invited into someone’s house and telling them “This is the first time I’ve been in your house and it hasn’t stunk like an open sewer.”

Michelle Obama uglyMichelle Obama embodies the term “Redneck of Color” with her ignorance and her lack of social graces and we can all happily tell her she represents the first time we as a nation have had to be ashamed of our First Lady. Michelle, like Barack, is a beneficiary of Affirmative Action, which she admits in one of her anecdotes that she glories in telling, even though she gets it wrong.

She talks about how she was told her grades weren’t good enough to get into Princeton … yet she got in anyway because of minority set-asides established by those eeeevilll white people she hates so much. When Michelle tells this story she words it like it’s an “I showed them” story, as if it’s a personal triumph on her part.

Michelle Obama scowlUh, no, clueless little Michelle. It would be a personal triumph if the story concluded “… But I studied hard and raised my grades so that I got in ANYWAY!” It’s hilarious to see her tell this story repeatedly (it’s even on youtube) yet never realize what an asshole she comes off as. Continue reading →

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February 14, 2016 · 10:07 pm

OBAMA AND REAGAN: TWO DEMAGOGUES

Two repulsive sides of the same ugly coin.

Two repulsive sides of the same ugly coin.

President’s Day is almost here! Regular readers know how much I despise both Barack Obama (Liberal Democrat) and Ronald Reagan (Conservative Republican) and it’s largely for the same reasons. Consider the following:

Barack Obama is a lying demagogue who spouts nothing but mindless left-wing dogma that panders to the prejudices of his unquestioning Liberal worshippers.

Ronald Reagan was a lying demagogue who spouted nothing but mindless right-wing dogma that pandered to the prejudices of his unquestioning Conservative worshippers.

Barack Obama is supported by comfortable, callous and unfeeling creatures who refuse to acknowledge the genuine pain and suffering caused by his ill-considered policies. Continue reading →

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February 13, 2016 · 2:40 pm

SUPER PRESIDENT: FORGOTTEN TELEVISION

superpresident

Super President

Since it’s President’s Day holiday time here’s a look at a long- neglected television series.

SUPER PRESIDENT was an actual cartoon series from the 1960’s that has virtually disappeared. It’s rare to catch a glimpse of this DePatie- Freleng show anywhere or even to find people who have heard of it outside of oddballs like me.

This cartoon was not intended for laughs, like it would be today. It honestly featured a superhero whose “secret identity” was being President of the United States. First off, there’s the absurd fun of the name AND the fact that calling yourself Super President instantly blows your cover anyway, unless you think people are dumb enough to not figure out what you’re the president OF. (The Teamsters Union? The National Egg Council?)  

President James Norcross was our title superhero and like the Fantastic Four a half-dozen years earlier got his powers from a cosmic ray storm. He had super-strength, could fly via small rockets on his belt and as the topper could transform himself into any substance – steel, granite, water, electricity and on more than one occassion – “ozone”. (Ozone?) Super President also had a nifty Omnicar that could drive, fly and serve as a submarine. The Omnicar was stashed in a secret room in the White House that served as SP’s version of the Batcave (How was this addition to the White House added without attracting attention and how much did it cost?). Continue reading →

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February 16, 2015 · 12:01 am

MICHELLE OBAMA REPLACES NANCY REAGAN AS AMERICA’S WORST FIRST LADY EVER

Michelle "Bowser" Obama

Michelle “Bowser” Obama

For a different kind of President’s Day treat Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at a truly repulsive person who has managed to surpass the pompous, snobbish and callous Nancy Reagan to become America’s Worst First Lady Ever.

MICHELLE OBAMA – Bitter and hate-filled, this cosmically unlikeable figure has been stripped of her right to practice law just like her corrupt husband. Michelle is an overt racist whose loathing of everyone who is not an African-American is right out in the open for all to see.

Michelle is such a repulsive figure that when Barack was elected she was ill-mannered enough to say it was the first time she wasn’t ashamed of the country. Only a piece of absolute garbage would do this. It’s like being invited into someone’s house and telling them “This is the first time I’ve been in your house and it hasn’t stunk like an open sewer.”

Michelle Obama uglyMichelle Obama embodies the term “Redneck of Color” with her ignorance and her lack of social graces and we can all happily tell her she represents the first time we as a nation have had to be ashamed of our First Lady. Michelle, like Barack, is a beneficiary of Affirmative Action, which she admits in one of her anecdotes that she glories in telling, even though she gets it wrong.

She talks about how she was told her grades weren’t good enough to get into Princeton … yet she got in anyway because of minority set-asides established by those eeeevilll white people she hates so much. When Michelle tells this story she words it like it’s an “I showed them” story, as if it’s a personal triumph on her part.

Michelle Obama scowlUh, no, clueless little Michelle. It would be a personal triumph if the story concluded “… But I studied hard and raised my grades so that I got in ANYWAY!” It’s hilarious to see her tell this story repeatedly (it’s even on youtube) yet never realize what an asshole she comes off as. Continue reading →

37 Comments

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February 14, 2015 · 10:11 pm

U.S. PRESIDENTS: PROS AND CONS

Fun Fact: Barbara Bush patterned her “look” after Millard Fillmore

In honor of the President’s Day Holiday weekend Balladeer’s Blog will present some of my quick takes on each of the 44 men who have stayed one step ahead of the law while occupying the office.

1. GEORGE WASHINGTON – Motto – “Screw taking a salary as a General, just bill ’em outrageously for your expenses!”  *** Nickname: The First Lady of Broadway *** Pro: Established the precedent of stepping down after 2 terms max.  Con: Owned other human beings.

2. JOHN ADAMS – Motto – ” A day without alienating someone is like a day without sunshine.” *** Nickname: Boom-Boom *** Pro: Was almost fanatically honest.  Con: Alienated nearly everyone except his wife Abigail.

3. THOMAS JEFFERSON – Motto: ” What’s with that painting where I look like Bea Arthur?” *** Nickname: The Pompous Hypocrite *** Pro:  Continue reading →

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February 12, 2015 · 12:06 am

AMERICAN VICE PRESIDENTS: HISTORY’S SECOND BANANAS

John Adams

President’s Day weekend is nearly upon us! This time instead of looking at the chief white-collar criminals in the country I’ll take a look at their Underbosses.

John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.” In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc.

AARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to overthrow the country than any other Vice President.

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of Continue reading →

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February 17, 2014 · 12:03 am

SIXTEEN FORGOTTEN SECRETARIES OF STATE

For President’s Day here’s a look at some of the men and women who proved pivotal to the administrations of the Presidents of the United States. From America’s very first Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson all the way up to John Kerry in the present day a variety of colorful figures have served in the premier cabinet post of the country’s Chief Executive. Many of those Secretaries may not be household names here in the 21st Century but they would definitely stand out on any staff. Here is an examination of sixteen such figures in chronological order. Figures like James G Blaine, William Seward, Hillary Clinton and Henry Kissinger are so well-known that they are not included on this list.

Timothy Pickering1. TIMOTHY PICKERING (1795-1800)

Served under: Presidents George Washington and John Adams

Noted for: Conspiring with Alexander Hamilton to undermine some of the policies of the Washington and Adams administrations. When Adams discovered this he ordered Pickering to resign, but Pickering refused, forcing Adams to fire him. Pickering remains the only Secretary of State to officially be fired by the President.

2. HENRY CLAY (1825-1829)

Served under: President John Quincy Adams

Noted for: Fighting a duel with Continue reading →

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