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January 8, 2017 · 8:37 pm

COLLEGE BASKETBALL RESULTS

hamilton-continentals-faceNUMBER NINE TAKES A FALL – The HAMILTON COLLEGE CONTINENTALS welcomed the number 9 team in the nation – the WESLEYAN UNIVERSITY CARDINALS. The Continentals put the Cardinals on Upset Alert with a 41-32 Halftime lead, then closed the deal by a final score of 92-76. Andrew Groll led Hamilton College with a Double-Double of 20 points and 14 rebounds.

wilson-college-phoenixCENTURY CLUB – Teams scoring 100 or more points in Regulation included: The WILSON COLLEGE PHOENIX and their guests the SAINT ELIZABETH EAGLES had a shootout for the ages, with the Phoenix winning it 104-100    ###    Meanwhile the HILBERT COLLEGE HAWKS eviscerated the PITT-GREENSBURG BOBCATS to the tune of 104-62    ###    And the MEDAILLE COLLEGE MAVERICKS folded, spindled and mutilated the MOUNT ALOYSIUS MOUNTIES 112-50.     Continue reading →

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January 8, 2017 · 1:30 am

CHANGE OF HABIT (1969)

Change of Habit bCHANGE OF HABIT (1969) – This review is in honor of Elvis Presley’s birthday. Change of Habit is a movie that was practically MADE to be ridiculed. You’ve got Elvis Presley, never exactly a master thespian, his sideburns, which out-perform him in this flick and Mary Tyler Moore as a nun torn between her vows and her growing attraction to The King.

Elvis himself plays a doctor named John Carpenter (yes, like the horror film director), making his initials J.C., just like another famous Jewish carpenter … Jacob Cohen. Dr Elvis runs a practice in the ghetto, which should probably be rendered THE GHETTO instead, given the ham-fisted and stereotypical depiction of the neighborhood and its inhabitants.

Elvis’ character  – if you can make it out behind his usual one-note performance – is supposed to be the perfect made-for-film physician: good looking, compassionate and willing to buck the system in order to help his patients. … And, of course, he sings.

Mary Tyler Moore’s Sister Michelle is accompanied by her sister nuns Sister Barbara, played by Jane Elliott in the years before she was a Soap Opera queen, and Sister Irene, played by African-American actress and singer Barbara McNair.

The Catholic Action Committee sends the trio of nuns to help out at Dr Elvis’ clinic so they go “undercover” by hiding the fact that they’re nuns and instead dressing and acting like “regular people”. They do this because they’re convinced the patients will trust them more if they don’t know that the three are nuns. Continue reading →

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January 7, 2017 · 5:20 pm

HEIL HONEY, I’M HOME (1990)

Heil Honey I'm HomeTo paraphrase master satirist Stan Freberg’s ad line for Hogan’s Heroes let me just say “If you liked World War Two you’ll LOVE Heil Honey, I’m Home! The premise of this study in cosmic-level bad taste makes it sound like a comedy sketch lampooning the staggering callousness of television executives. Or maybe like a Springtime For Hitler– style moment from a satire on television’s desperation for getting ratings through calculated outrageousness. 

Unfortunately this program was an honest-to-God attempt at launching a sitcom in the U.K. in 1990. Eight episodes were filmed but after the pilot aired for this failed attempt at dark comedy the ensuing outcry ensured the show’s immediate cancellation.

This one-shot wonder was a self-styled “Hitcom”, the producer’s technical term for “Hitler comedy” as opposed to “Sitcom” for Situation Comedy. Are you laughing yet? Heil Honey, I’m Home! depicted Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun as a typical apartment-dwelling couple in 1938 Berlin putting up with the standard sitcom trope of annoying neighbors … in the form of Jewish couple Arny and Rosa Goldenstein. Are you Continue reading →

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January 6, 2017 · 11:35 pm

STAR WARS EPISODE EIGHT SPOILERS II

harrison-ford

… … The elderly hobo who gave me this scoop. … …

Balladeer’s Blog has plenty of top sources in the industry, and of course by the industry I mean the business. Last January one of those sources leaked some spoilers to me about Star Wars Episode Eight: Attack of the Twelve Death Stars.

Strangely enough, a shabby old homeless guy was the source of this second set of spoilers. One of my other highly-placed sources assured me they knew a guy who had a lot of inside information about the new Star Wars films and arranged a secret meeting on a street corner.

Frankly the elderly hobo who showed up at the assigned place made me skeptical at first but maybe he was just in disguise because his info turned out to be rock solid and verifiable. I gave the guy a dollar to help him maintain his cover as a confused beggar and went on my way.

SPOILERS: THE SENSES-SHATTERING ORIGIN OF THE JEDI KNIGHTS – Luke Skywalker really HAS discovered the very first Jedi Temple on that island where Rey found him at the end of Episode Seven.

From the relics Luke examined he learned that the Jedi Knights were originally formed as a performance dance troupe. Their planet of origin was the site of that temple and, like all planets in the Star Wars universe every square inch of it is the same. This planet is composed of endless seas broken up here and there by islands with stone staircases on them.

The Jedi Knights were renowned for their dance moves, especially their back-flips and display of the “one-armed man’s jazz hands” stance. As time went on the pack of appealing, androgynous dancers wanted to spice up their act, so they invented batons that had lasers coming out both ends.

These “light batons” looked dazzling as the Jedi Knights twirled them around while dancing. The only down side was that if you weren’t careful the lasers could cut off one of your own limbs or the limbs of one of your co-dancers. Eons before those light batons began to be used as weapons there was already a tradition of Jedi Knights cutting each other’s hands, arms and legs off. Continue reading →

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January 5, 2017 · 10:09 pm

SCREAMTIME (1984): FILM REVIEW

Screamtime 1Screamtime is one of the forgotten horror anthology films from the 1980s. Supposedly the three main horror tales were originally filmed as individual episodes of a British tv series. Depending on which source you use either the series was cancelled (or never picked up) OR the episodes were deemed to be of too poor a quality.

The trio of horror stories were then edited into movie format for theatrical release with a wraparound story set in New York City. The oddity of the hard-assed New Yorkers watching three veddy, veddy British horror tales is part of the fun of this lame but bearable film. VHS it ain’t. Hell, it’s not even Beta.  Continue reading →

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January 5, 2017 · 12:02 am

VIETNAMESE GOD: NGOC HOANG

ngoc-hoangNGOC HOANG – The Vietnamese equivalent of the Jade Emperor in Chinese mythology. Said in some myths to be the eldest child of Khong Lo and Giat Hai. His actual name is sometimes presented as Ong Troi, though his fellow deities and High Priests are permitted to address him as Thuong De. (But everyone knew him as Nancy for you Beatles fans)

He rules over the Vietnamese pantheon and the heavenly home of the gods – the 18th Heaven above the 18th Heaven (aka the 36th Heaven). He is also in charge of each god and human’s destiny.

While his father Khong Lo was creating the geographical features of the Earth to try to convince Giat Hai to marry him, Ngoc Hoang was creating the animals of the Earth and when he created people, the Twelve Heavenly Midwives (more children of Khong Lo and Giat Hai in some myths) sculpted the faces, as they do today, and these celestial artists take such pride in their work that is why everyone looks different. 

He was also noted for meting out strict punishments when subordinate gods displeased him. Here are some of what I like to call “Don’t Mess With Ngoc Hoang” Myths: Continue reading →

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January 4, 2017 · 12:17 am

MORE HILARIOUSLY WRONG PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

nuke-the-moonThe readers of Balladeer’s Blog have spoken! You enjoyed the first go-round of these nuggets so much I’m posting this second helping right now!

IRENE HUGHES – In 1978 she predicted:

— In 1980 Russia would land Cosmonauts on the moon to conduct nuclear weapons tests and international outrage over the incident would result in bloodshed.

— Specifically in January of 1980 San Francisco would suffer an earthquake even more severe than the 1906 earthquake that devastated the city.

jimmy-carter-and-michael-jackson— Jimmy Carter would get reelected with a black Vice Presidential candidate replacing Walter Mondale on the ticket.

— The next passing of Halley’s Comet in the 1980s would result in massive upheavals on Earth such as earthquakes, tsunamis and the outbreak of multiple wars.

— The U.S. President would die of natural causes in or near Russia in 1981. Continue reading →

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January 3, 2017 · 9:49 pm

COLLEGE BASKETBALL RANKINGS: BALLADEER’S BLOG

MidAmerica Christian U EvangelsNCCAA Division One

# 1. MID-AMERICA CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY EVANGELS    ###     # 2. BETHEL (IN) COLLEGE PILOTS (Riverboat Pilots)    ###     # 3. INDIANA WESLEYAN UNIVERSITY WILDCATS    ###     # 4. SOUTHWESTERN ASSEMBLIES OF GOD UNIVERSITY LIONS    ###    

Grace College Lancers 2# 5. GRACE COLLEGE (IN) LANCERS    ###     # 6. WARNER UNIVERSITY ROYALS    ###     # 7. TRINITY INTERNATIONAL UNIVERSITY TROJANS    ###     # 8. EMMANUEL COLLEGE LIONS (Defending Champions)    ###     Continue reading →

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January 2, 2017 · 11:55 pm

CHRISTOPHER COFFIN: THEATER OF THRILLS RECONSTRUCTION BY O LYTLE HOOVER

christopher coffin

… … “Christopher Coffin”

Special thanks to O Lytle Hoover for contacting me and letting me know about this labor of love at his Youtube channel!

Christopher Coffin (Reed Farrell) hosted Theater of Thrills in Michigan in the 1960s. O Lytle Hoover DIRECTED that late-night Movie Host show and drew on his personal experience to “reconstruct” a Theater of Thrills episode at his Youtube Channel.

FOR MY ORIGINAL ARTICLE ON CHRISTOPHER COFFIN CLICK HERE 

FOR O LYTLE HOOVER’S VIDEO, SEE BELOW: Continue reading →

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January 2, 2017 · 4:50 pm

HILARIOUSLY INACCURATE PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

earth-explodingWith a new year underway – 2017 C.E. – Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at some past predictions by “psychics” (LMAO) that turned out to be wildly off the mark.

FREDERICK DAVIES – In 1978 he predicted:

— Jimmy Carter would get reelected.

— In the early 1980s sea research would result in a cure for various types of cancer.

— A manned landing on Mars would be made by 1985.

— By 1988 a third of all homes would be using solar energy for cooking and heating.

firebird-2015-ad— Private automobiles would be banned … by 1990.

— Also by 1990 life would be discovered on Jupiter and communication with another planet – possibly from beyond our solar system – would be achieved.

— Between 1999-2001 the origin of the UFO sightings around the world would be determined. Continue reading →

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