COOL FOOTBALL HELMET: WAYLAND BAPTIST UNIVERSITY

WAYLAND BAPTIST UNIVERSITY PIONEERS

Location: Plainview, TX

Division: NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics)

Comment: The Pioneers relaunched football just this year and already have a victory under their belts! They embraced the NAIA tradition of beating NCAA Division 3 teams to get a “W” in this Continue reading →

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MOCK DEFINITIONS OF LIBERAL AND CONSERVATIVE TERMS

“If I get reelected I want YOUR take-home pay to be reduced so drastically that you have trouble making ends meet while my cronies and I remain rich from plundering the public treasury! Sucks to be YOU losers!”

Welcome back to the favorite site of Independent Voters, Balladeer’s Blog, as always coming to you from an America where every single news outlet slants its coverage in order to pander to either Liberals or Conservatives. Tonight is this year’s first presidential debate between the usual partisan fools the Democratic and Republican Parties always inflict on the voters. Needless to say, both of them are rich and are children of privilege who have nothing in common with the rest of us. 

As a public service to the rest of us Balladeer’s Blog presents a handy guide to the political terms most frequently used by Liberal fanatics and Conservative fanatics and what those terms REALLY mean. Here they are, in no particular order: 

BARACK OBAMA – An Continue reading →

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BALLADEER’S BLOG’S COLLEGE FOOTBALL RANKINGS: OCTOBER 3RD

NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) – 1. GEORGETOWN (KY) TIGERS (helmet at left)   ###   2. MARIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS   ###   3. WILLIAM PENN UNIVERSITY STATESMEN   ###   4. MISSOURI VALLEY COLLEGE VIKINGS   ###   5. SAINT XAVIER UNIVERSITY COUGARS (defending champions)   ###   6. MORNINGSIDE MUSTANGS Continue reading →

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MOCK CAMPAIGN SLOGANS FOR OBAMA AND ROMNEY, COURTESY OF BALLADEER’S BLOG

Two children of privilege who have nothing in common with the rest of us.

Welcome back to the favorite site of Independent Voters, Balladeer’s Blog, as always coming to you from an America stuck with the usual lame partisan fools that the Democratic and Republican Parties will go on sticking us with because of their monopolistic hold on our political system. This year the Democrats are trying to reelect the weak, inept and crooked little man named Barack Obama while the Republicans, rising to the challenge of coming up with a candidate as laughable as Obama, went with the man I like to call “the Republican Walter Mondale” – Mitt Romney.

Since Balladeer’s Blog remains the only site on the web that trashes both Liberal fools and Conservative fools equally I feel uniquely qualified to offer up some campaign slogans for these two repulsive figures. First up I’ll deal with Obama since he’s the incumbent felon, then I’ll handle Romney.

Barack Obama: If shallow, uninformed and emotionally unstable entertainers think he’s fit to govern the nation who are YOU to question their judgement?

Barack Obama: He’ll shrink your take-home pay until you have trouble making ends meet or die trying!

Barack Obama: All the ineptitude of Jimmy Carter … all the corruption of Richard Nixon.

Barack Obama: Because the problems of the 21st Century call for 1960’s solutions.

Barack Obama: Continue reading →

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NOTEWORTHY COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS FROM SEPTEMBER 29TH, 2012

NUMBER ONE TAKES A FALL – In the most memorable bit of cougar on cougar violence since the days of the Joan Collins/ Linda Evans catfights on Dynasty the NAIA’s top ranked defending champs, the ST XAVIER UNIVERSITY COUGARS were upset at home by the number 10 ST FRANCIS (IN) COUGARS.

St Francis Head Coach Kevin Donley recently became the NAIA’s leader in total coaching wins and this sweet upset is also another victory adding to the new record he’s setting. Donley’s Cougars brought down Chicago’s Cougars by a score of 25-13.

############ Every week at LEAST one NAIA team upsets an NCAA Division 2 team. This week the NAIA’s LANGSTON LIONS toppled D2’s homestanding SOUTHERN NAZARENE UNIVERSITY CRIMSON STORM in a 17-14 blockbuster! ##########

NUMBER TWO TAKES A FALL – Meanwhile, over in NCAA Division 2, the 2nd ranked (but not in Balladeer’s Blog’s rankings) UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA AT DULUTH BULLDOGS were toppled by the homestanding SAINT CLOUD STATE HUSKIES.

The unranked Huskies (helmet at left) snuck up on UMD and pulled the rug out from under them in a 51-49 shootout for the ages.

HISTORY FOR CRONIN AND COMPANY – Coach Donley at Saint Francis isn’t the only coach marking a milestone this season. Over with the NAIA’s number 3 team, the GEORGETOWN (KY) TIGERS, their Head Coach Bill Cronin marked his 150th career win with a 63-21 dismemberment of the BETHEL (TN) WILDCATS. In a rarity these days a large chunk of Cronin’s coaching staff were around for all 150 wins – Steve Hill, Craig Mullins, Bruce Owens and Marty Park also basked in the glory of yesterday’s accomplishment.

TOP 25 UPSETS – NAIA – The EVANGEL UNIVERSITY CRUSADERS came into yesterday’s game unranked but rose up to defeat the number 6 BENEDICTINE RAVENS in a 54-44 homestand that treated the Evangel faithful to their team’s signature win of the 2012 season thus far.   ###   The (18) GRAND VIEW VIKINGS pulled off a road upset of the 9th- ranked ST AMBROSE UNIVERSITY FIGHTING BEES by a score of 29-26 in Double Overtime.   ###   The MONTANA WESTERN BULLDOGS joined the Vikings in upsetting a ranked team in their own house by bringing down the number 14 EASTERN OREGON MOUNTAINEERS in a Continue reading →

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BAD MOVIE PAGE: INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS (1973)

INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS (1973) – Category: More weird than bad, but with a classic premise and execution  

This little honey (sorry) is the perfect example of why I prefer bad movies from the 1980’s and earlier: because back then they played them straight and weren’t constantly making self-aware jokes to the audience. If this movie had been made more recently it would have been INTENTIONALLY cheesy and goofy, like the Killer Condom flicks or the Gingerdead Man movies.

Invasion of the Bee Girls plays like a sexploitation version of The X-Files long before that show was on the air. The hero of the movie is a State Department investigator played by cult figure William Smith, known from the tv series Laredo and from countless exploitation flicks like Black Samson to the “Hell’s Angels Fighting The Vietnam War” biker movie The Losers. The film’s screenwriter was THE Nicholas Meyer of Star Trek II and The Seven Percent Solution fame. Herb “The Worm Eaters” Robbins also shows up onscreen.

William Smith’s character, Neil Agar, is sent to California to investigate why a scientist involved in top secret government research dropped dead under suspicious circumstances – he died of apparent sexual exhaustion and people nearby swear they heard a sound like bees buzzing at Continue reading →

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LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES AND WOMEN

Welcome back to the favorite site of Independent Voters, Balladeer’s Blog, the only site on the web that is truly nonpartisan in its criticism of  the shrill children called Liberals and Conservatives.

  The rest of us in the United States (aka “adults” ) get a lot of laughs out of the way Liberals and Conservatives think they’re fit to define womanhood and dictate how ALL women should lead their lives.

Anyone with common sense, which of course leaves Liberals and Conservatives out, realizes women are individuals and there is no “one size fits all” model they all have to live their lives by. However, Liberals and Conservatives cheapen and politicize everything they come into contact with and they’ve transformed what should be a period of unrivaled freedom for women into just another of their tiresome partisan battlefields.

Since Balladeer’s Blog loves to tweak both American Liberals and American Conservatives here’s a shoutout of praise to two women whose mere NAMES cause left-wing and right- wing fanatics to froth at the mouth with impotent outrage.

SARAH PALIN – As surely as Continue reading →

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BALLADEER’S BLOG’S COLLEGE FOOTBALL RANKINGS: SEPTEMBER 25TH

NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) – 1. SAINT XAVIER UNIVERSITY COUGARS (defending champions)   ###   2. GEORGETOWN (KY) TIGERS   ###   3. MARIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS   ###   4. MISSOURI VALLEY COLLEGE VIKINGS   ###   5. WILLIAM PENN UNIVERSITY STATESMEN   ###   T6. CC FIGHTING SAINTS   ###   T6. MORNINGSIDE Continue reading →

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THE TOP “DEITIES” IN WILD WEST MYTHOLOGY

 The exaggerated stories that surround the figures of the American West appeal to me as a classic example of the human tendency toward embellishment. In my non-believer’s heart I genuinely feel this tendency lies at the core of nearly all the superstitious nonsense in each of the world’s “holy” books and in all of ancient mythology.

After all, these figures of the Wild West were in action less than 200 years ago, yet look at all the superhuman deeds  that are ascribed to them and the outrageous drama that we’re told their lives were filled with. These real-life characters who were often just thugs and criminals have been  posthumously transformed into icons whose sagas now bear little resemblance to their actual lives.

I feel that serves as a blueprint for how all mythic belief systems operate. When you magnify the distortions of just 200 years by 10 times or more you can see what tiny little kernels of truth may actually lie buried in the accounts of gods and demigods who are said to have roamed the world ages ago.

All of which Continue reading →

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NOTEWORTHY COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS FROM SEPTEMBER 22ND, 2012

 GRIDIRON HISTORY – The NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) witnessed a new record for career football wins!

Kevin Donley, Head Coach of the ST FRANCIS (IN) COUGARS (helmet at left) has broken the 256 win tie he held with Frosty Westering and Hank Biesiot. Donley’s 257th win came in an unbelievable 76-14 annihilation of the visiting CONCORDIA (MI) CARDINALS, who are in just their 2nd year of intercollegiate football.

THE CONCORDIA HORNETS RULE THE WORLD – A few weeks ago the CONCORDIA (AL) HORNETS upset NCAA Division ONE’S Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils.

Yesterday the Hornets played giant killers again, taking it on the road and bringing down the Division TWO team the CLARK ATLANTA PANTHERS. 22-17 was the final score in this 2nd milestone upset of the 2012 season for the team from Selma.

NUMBER 7 TAKES A FALL – The North Coast Athletic Conference saw a massive upset yesterday.

The ALLEGHENY GATORS came in unranked against the 7th- ranked WABASH LITTLE GIANTS. The Wabash home crowd was shocked at the 17-17 tie to end regulation and was positively floored by the final result! A field goal and a defensive stop in Overtime gave the Gators a well-earned 20-17 victory!

TOP 25 UPSETS – NAIA – Ya call THIS an upset? The CARROLL COLLEGE FIGHTING SAINTS are the most dominant football dynasty in NAIA history but because they blew one early game this year the pollsters paniced and took them from number 2 to the double digits. Never mind the fact that after last year’s September loss CC still made it to the championship game, the Hellions from Helena were dropped much too far and came into yesterday’s game ranked 11th. The number 8 EASTERN OREGON MOUNTAINEERS (the team that handed CC last season’s September loss, ironically enough) came to town and were handily beaten 28-7. This quasi- upset was the only upset in the NAIA rankings yesterday.

TOP 25 UPSETS – D2 – The UNIVERSITY OF CENTRAL OKLAHOMA BRONCHOS (their spelling, not mine) hosted the unlucky number 13 WASHBURN ICHABODS yesterday and handed them a 35-20 loss.   ###   Meanwhile the 14th- ranked ABILENE CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY WILDCATS were also on the road and found themselves on a the losing end of Continue reading →

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