FATHER’S DAY (2011): A 21st CENTURY CULT CLASSIC

Father's DayFATHER’S DAY (2011) – I DEMAND A TEAM-UP OF AHAB FROM FATHER’S DAY AND ASH WILLIAMS FROM THE EVIL DEAD FILMS (and upcoming television series).

Sorry, I had to get that out of my system right off the bat. Ahab, the eye-patch sporting hero of the Astron 6 horror film Father’s Day is in my opinion the one true successor to Bruce Campbell’s Ash Williams. And considering how unfair the ending of this movie is for Ahab and his two sidekicks a case could even be made for them replacing Ash as the most royally screwed character in the history of gore-soaked horror comedies.     

It’s difficult to review this dark, grotesque gem without resorting to a series of catch phrases like “Goes where Dead Alive and similar movies failed to go” or “What Grindhouse hath wrought” or even “Twink and Walnut: They’re NOT Muppets!” Let me start with a more practical line: Do not watch this movie if you can not handle the most offensive violence, concepts, gore and deranged sexuality imaginable. 

Father's Day 2The overall style of this flick is the faux-1970’s grindhouse style made fashionable by (what else) Grindhouse but for my money Father’s Day is much more entertaining than Planet of Terror or Death Proof. It also doesn’t become a slave to its style like the faux-1980’s movies House of the Devil and Beyond the Black Rainbow.

Father’s Day deals with the Father’s Day Killer, a demented man named Chris Fuchman (pronounced … well, I’m sure you can guess) who rapes fathers, devours their penises and then kills them. Get ready for a series of scenes in which older men who have “Dad Bodies” with pudgy butts get taken from behind by the morbidly obese Fuchman (Mackenzie Murdock). No cutaways. The action is front and center. And that includes the penis-eating. At any rate the Father’s Day murders are just the tip of a Satanic iceberg of evil.   Continue reading →

21 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BALLADEER’S BLOG FROM CASEY JAMES!

The 21st Century love goddess called Casey James offering birthday greetings to Balladeer's Blog.

The 21st Century love goddess called Casey James offering birthday greetings to Balladeer’s Blog.

Balladeer's Blog

Balladeer’s Blog

Yes, Balladeer’s Blog turns FIVE years old today! Thank you to the beautiful Casey James who took time out from stealing hearts and kicking butts to wish my site a Happy Birthday!

For some announcements and a lot MORE pics of the incredibly lovely Casey read on: Continue reading →

8 Comments

Filed under Sex Symbols

MALDOROR 4:7 – THE AMPHIBIOUS MAN

Balladeer’s Blog resumes its examination of the macabre 1868 French language work The Songs of Maldoror. This time around our main character encounters a fellow supernatural being with a horrific origin story.

THE AMPHIBIOUS MAN

Maldoror 4 7This 7th Stanza of the 4th Canto from The Songs of Maldoror finds Maldoror standing on a rocky outcropping along a seashore. It is sunset on a summer day and his preternatural senses have enabled him to spot a strange figure off in the distance. With his usual contempt for humanity Maldoror notices that none of the mere mortals in the vicinity have detected the strange being swimming in the sea.  

The figure in question is a naked man with a mostly human body but short, stubby arms and legs plus webbed hands and feet. A huge dorsal fin protrudes from the amphibious man’s back and various schools of fish follow in his wake like he is their leader. The strange hybrid figure frolics with porpoises and outperforms them at leaping from the sea and diving spectacularly back into the water, resurfacing hundreds of meters away.    

Three normal human beings have made the mistake of lingering too near Maldoror and commenting on how they cannot make out what the monstrous man sees in the far-off waves. Our vile protagonist grows annoyed at their slack-jawed incomprehension and – particularly perturbed at this open-mouthed confusion – kills them by breaking their jaws. He wrenches them apart so far that the three twitch for a time and then die, and Maldoror admires his handiwork, joking about how outrageously abnormal the corpses look with their jaws ripped open so widely.  Continue reading →

16 Comments

Filed under Maldoror

VINCENT PRICE ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Another pic of Vincent Price being interviewed by Randy and Richard on The Texas 27 Film Vault.

Another pic of Vincent Price being interviewed by Richard Malmos (left) and Randy Clower on The Texas 27 Film Vault. This pic was autographed to the late Ken Miller, the show’s co-creator and the man who portrayed the gung-ho Tex on the program.

For more of Vincent Price’s appearance on The Texas 27 Film Vault click here:  Return of the Fly

More: Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Filed under Movie Hosts

IF JEB BUSH GETS ELECTED PRESIDENT PLEASE NUKE US

Jeb Bush demonstrating the pose he plans for his official Presidential portrait.

Jeb Bush demonstrating the pose he plans for his official Presidential portrait.

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the only site on the web that truly criticizes Liberals and Conservatives equally.

This is just a note to say that if the repulsive Jeb Bush somehow gets elected president in 2016 we Americans hereby grant permission to any of the world’s nuclear powers to obliterate us.

And I mean wipe us off the face of the Earth as quickly as you can to prevent whatever Airborne Madness Disease that we carry from spreading to the rest of the world.  Continue reading →

2 Comments

Filed under LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

NAIA, D2 AND D3 PLAYERS TO THE NFL FOR 2015

Ottawa University Braves logoAs always several dozen REAL student- athletes from the divisions covered here at Balladeer’s Blog moved on to the NFL. The most-taken position was Wide Receiver for the second year in a row.

As just one example, the NAIA’s OTTAWA (KS) UNIVERSITY BRAVES Wide Receiver Joshua Stangby moved on to the Atlanta Falcons.

Continuing with the Falcons here’s a look at all the NFL teams and the players taken from the divisions covered here at Balladeer’s Blog.

Atlanta FalconsAtlanta Falcons

Joshua Stangby (see above)

Chris Brown (OT from the TARLETON STATE TEXANS)

Cody Clay (OL from the AZUSA PACIFIC UNIVERSITY COUGARS) Continue reading →

4 Comments

Filed under college football

MALDOROR 4:6 – WALLOWING IN A MIRE MOST FOUL

Balladeer’s Blog resumes its examination of the macabre 1868 French language work The Songs of Maldoror. God – Maldoror’s archrival – gets the better of him in a very crafty way this time around.

WALLOWING IN A MIRE MOST FOUL

Maldoror 4 6 hogAn exhausted Maldoror is on a cliff overlooking a gravel pit far below. Overcome with fatigue our supernatural protagonist tumbles forward and falls several hundred feet to the ground below. His descent loosened a few large stones and one of them comes crashing down on top of him.

This makes a massy pulp of Maldoror’s body but naturally it quickly begins to reshape itself. To his surprise our main character finds himself wearing the body of a large hog. No matter how hard he tries he cannot cast off this form and resume his normal appearance.  Continue reading →

10 Comments

Filed under Maldoror

MUSLIM BOMBING PLOT IN NEW YORK THWARTED

AS ALWAYS, IT'S THE PEOPLE WITH THE CRESCENT WHO CANNOT COEXIST WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD.

AS ALWAYS, IT’S THE PEOPLE WITH THE CRESCENT WHO CANNOT COEXIST WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD.

The Religion of Blowing People to Pieces once again rears its ugly head! Islam is the most homophobic, misogynistic and otherwise intolerant religion in the world at this particular point in history.

Muslim Munther Omar Saleh and an accomplice were arrested for plotting a bombing attack in New York City to support the Islamic State, the savage theocracy spawned by Barack Obama’s premature withdrawal from Iraq.

In various social media Saleh had praised various Muslim terrorist attacks (there are ALWAYS plenty around the world every single day, after all), praised the Islamic State’s violent methods, praised the Charlie Hebdo killers and expressed concern that “AQ (Al Qaeda) could be getting too moderate.” (Yes, really.)  Continue reading →

2 Comments

Filed under LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

POLO: WATERBURY CUP SECOND WEEK ACTION

Greenwich Polo ClubFrom Greenwich Polo Club in Connecticut came Week Two action in the battle for the Monty Waterbury Cup.

Balladeer’s Blog continues its coverage of the world’s OLDEST team sport.

When White Birch wins my female readers like to see pics of their player Hilario Ulloa.

When White Birch wins my female readers like to see pics of their player Hilario Ulloa.

MATCH ONE – The storied WHITE BIRCH team took on TUPUNGATO (The Volcano) to start things off. The 1st Chukker ended with the score tied at 2 Goals for each team. White Birch shut out Tupungato in the 2nd Chukker while taking a 4-2 lead. The 3rd Chukker started with that becoming a 5-2 lead but Tupungato came charging back to score 3 unanswered Goals. This tied the game at 5-5 but White Birch swatted in another score for a 6-5 edge going into Halftime. Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Filed under Polo

LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES …

liberals and conservativesLiberals are unbearable asses who pretend they speak on behalf of all African- Americans and all women, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Conservatives are unbearable asses who pretend they speak on behalf of all “decent Americans”, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

FOR MORE OF THESE CLICK HERE:  https://glitternight.com/2012/07/09/liberals-and-conservatives-and-why-we-despise-them-both/

37 Comments

Filed under LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES