Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

CULT FILM: PIG (1998)

Pig (1998)PIG (1998) – This cult horror film was a joint project between the legendary Rozz Williams and Nico B. I’m about to commit cinematic blasphemy by pointing out that in my opinion this is one of the most overrated “art” films of all time. Maybe if Pig had come out before Luis Bunuel’s Un Chien Andalou from NINETEEN TWENTY-NINE it might deserve the praise heaped upon it.   

As it is, though, not only has this film not stood up under the test of time but it’s even difficult to see why it was so acclaimed back in 1998. By then movies like Tetsuo and both Nekromantik flicks had already pushed past many boundaries that Pig doesn’t even approach, let alone challenge.    

The film is in black & white and depicts a (sometimes) pig-masked serial killer who tortures his prey before killing them. His “calling card” of sorts is his habit of carving the word “PIG” on the bare chests of his victims. An obviously willing and masochistic male victim has a rendezvous with the serial killer and the pair travel to an abandoned, run-down house in the desert, numbered “1334” (the title of the sequel Nico B made years later).    Continue reading

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A METRIC AMERICA (1978)

Presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee’s eccentric decision to make a nationwide switch to the Metric System the premier plank of his political platform put me in the mood for this VERY old 1970s Metric System educational short. 

Here we go, and for more bad movie reviews click here: https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/

Lincoln Chafee: The only candidate brave enough to address the metric elephant in the room.

Lincoln Chafee: The only candidate brave enough to address the metric elephant in the room.

A METRIC AMERICA – (1978) – Category: A classically campy educational and/or safety short

In the late 1970s the notion that the United States was going to convert to the metric system by 1980 was being pushed.

This thought was causing a panic of almost Y2K proportions as government bodies and the Continue reading

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THE MAN WHO SAW TOMORROW (1981) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Man Who Saw TomorrowBefore MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 30th anniversary year.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday November 9th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

SERIAL: None. This time around the pre-movie offering was the 1953 short titled Nostradamus Says So.

HOST SEGMENTS: At one point Randy and Richard read aloud some ridiculously bizarre predictions made in tabloids by “psychics” of the time period.

THE MOVIE: The Man Who Saw Tomorrow was a hilariously melodramatic and irrational documentary playing along with the silly notion that the 16th Century “seer” Nostradamus’ vague and noncommital quatrains predicted major future events. Orson Welles, in his “anything for money” phase, narrated the film.

This movie was up there with the campy UFO and Bigfoot documentaries of the 1970s and 1980s. Welles, who has to hurriedly pluck his cigar from his mouth at one point so that he can be understood, seems on the verge of laughter most of the time. As usual in anything about Nostradamus meanings are forced into his centuries-old poems that make them seem like he was a “prophet” who foresaw the rise of Napoleon, World War Two, the John F Kennedy assassination and just about anything else that true-believers want to read into the man’s vague scribblings. Continue reading

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HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces.

Despite the movie poster’s warning this flick won’t even untie your shoelaces.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Category: Bad movie elevated by kitsch value in the casting.

Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. Happy Mother’s Day Love, George  (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the Continue reading

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STARSHIP INVASIONS (1977)

Starship InvasionsSTARSHIP INVASIONS (1977) – This Canadian venture (also released as Project Genocide) is a bad movie classic and I don’t know why I kept putting off reviewing it for so long. I’ve been in love with this baby ever since I first saw it long years ago.

It combines the campy fun of the old television series UFO with that of countless 1950’s and 1960’s “invasion of Earth” movies. The ridiculous uniforms of the aliens make it hard to stop laughing as you watch events unfold. They communicate telepathically (in voiceover for the benefit of viewers) so they never speak, which is another source of fun since their facial expressions never seem to change no matter how heated the telepathic conversations get.   

Our movie opens up with a UFO shooting a rather heavy Canadian farmer in an Elmer Fudd hat with a paralyzing ray, then abducting him. While in the aliens’ custody the farmer is confronted by one of his captors – a beautiful nude woman. The two have sex and return the farmer to his home, following which he tries to tell the authorities about his experience but they don’t believe him.   Continue reading

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THE VISITOR (1979): AN INCREDIBLY WEIRD MOVIE

Like the poster? Too bad! It bears no resemblance to ANYTHING that happens in the actual movie!

Like the poster? Too bad! It bears no resemblance to ANYTHING that happens in the actual movie!

THE VISITOR (1979) – This Italian-made movie deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following so I’m surprised that it’s still com-paratively unknown. The film is directed by “Michael J Paradise” (Giulio Paradisi) and features appearances by such name stars as Franco Nero, Glenn Ford, Lance Henriksen, Shelley Winters, John Huston, Sam Peckinpah, Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Mel Ferrer. Paradisi directs this film in such a way that the actual point of most scenes is lost because virtually every shot includes extraneous footage completely irrelevant to the storyline. The extra footage just distracts from what otherwise might have been a halfway passable sci-fi thriller.  

Never before has anyone used the words “This movie could have used more Kareem Abdul- Jabbar” but they apply to this flick.

All that being said I want to point out that I disagree with the general consensus that The Visitor makes no sense. Sure, it has plotholes, inconsistent behavior from the characters, poorly chosen reaction shots and villains who over-complicate things for themselves, but the basic story DOES make sense. In fact I bet X-Files fans would like it and would immediately understand what’s going on.

The Visitor 4Part of the confusion can be attributed to the edited version that omits so much footage that it’s difficult to understand what is going on. It’s not always easy to understand what’s going on in the complete 108 minute version, either, but at least it retains all the relevant footage. Since so many people seem lost when they first watch this movie I’ll provide a handy synopsis of the film. It’s not quite right to say there are spoilers ahead since most people apparently don’t understand what is going on when they watch the film anyway. Continue reading

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BEAUTIFUL CASEY JAMES HOSTS ANOTHER LOOK AT BAD MOVIES

Balladeer's Blog's Official Movie Hostess, the sexy Casey James.

Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the sexy Casey James.

Special thanks once again to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the extraordinarily lovely Casey James. Casey took some time away from stealing the hearts of men and women around the world to host another look at bad films from my archives.

Death Bed

Death Bed

DEATH BED (1977) – My review of this rediscovered lost movie from the 1970’s was one of my most popular posts back in 2010. Death Bed features a water-bed that is alive and has digestive juices inside it instead of merely water. The supernatural bed, spawned by the bloody tears of a demon, devours everyone who lies on it.

No it’s not a joke, it’s a real horror film with one of my favorite weirdass premises. The body count is extremely high as the title menace feeds on literally dozens of victims through the course of the movie. Absurd, bloody and with a narrator who is trapped in a wall near the bed. (Don’t ask.) FOR MY FULL LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE:    https://glitternight.com/2011/02/04/a-bed-that-eats-people-who-sleep-in-it-its-death-bed-from-1977/ Continue reading

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JUST IMAGINE (1930) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

The world of 1980.

The world of 1980.

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 30th anniversary year.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday January 3rd, 1987 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. 

SERIAL: None. This week the movie, commercials and Host Segments filled the entire two and a half hour running time.

FILM VAULT LORE: Just Imagine is one of the movies referenced on The Texas 27 Film Vault 3-D poster from 1987. 

Just Imagine 1HOST SEGMENTS: At this point I have unearthed no info about this episode’s Host Segments/ Comedy Sketches. Any other fans of The Texas 27 Film Vault can contact me with their memories via my FAQ page. 

THE MOVIE: Just Imagine was one of those true oddities that The Texas 27 Film Vault’s format was perfect for. This uproariously campy sci-fi relic started with a comparison of life in America in 1880 and 1930, the year the movie was released. From there it provided a speculative tale about life 50 more years in the “future” of 1980. The lame special effects, failed predictions about the future, typically stiff acting for a 1930 effort and – worst of all – a few unbearable SONGS make this a true Bad Movie Classic deserving of a Plan 9– sized cult following.   Continue reading

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INVASION USA (1952) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

iusa_main_header.gif (400×298) Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 30th anniversary year.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday September 28th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am.

Flash Gordon Conquers the UniverseSERIAL:  Before showing and mocking the movie our members of the Film Vault Corps showed and mocked a chapter of Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe (1940). In that serial Ming the Merciless unleashes a disease called the Purple Death on Earth, prompting Flash Gordon, Dale Arden and Dr Zarkov to fly to the planet Mongo to find a cure and defeat Ming for good.

FV1985002FILM VAULT LORE: Fellow Film Vault Fan Doctor X-Rae ( a lady, hence the spelling) informed me that this 1952 film was shown by our boys as part of a promotional give-away of tickets to the Chuck Norris movie Invasion USA which was hitting theaters back then. This would have been similar to the ticket give-away a month or so earlier to the 1985 Godzilla remake, for which Randy and Richard showed King Kong vs Godzilla

HOST SEGMENTS: Some potential dispute here. Dr X-Rae thinks that this was the episode that showed Randy and Richard seeming to quit the Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) and through an oddball series of events, winding up in front of a firing squad … and getting shot!

Invasion USA hedda hopperIt all turns out to be a dream – see my interview with Randy Clower for details. This would all tie in with the “it’s only a dream” style ending of Invasion USA (1952 version) but there’s no hard and fast rule that the Host Segments HAD to parallel the night’s movie. Randy himself is unable to help as he doesn’t recall either way. (I think I’ve drained the poor man’s mind of every shred of Texas 27 Film Vault memories at this point.) 

THE MOVIE: Continue reading

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DEAFULA (1975) ONE OF BALLADEER’S BLOG’S GREATEST HITS

Deafula BalladeerThis is one of my most- requested Bad Movie reviews, so here it is again. Deafula is yet another of those bad movies that has such a bizarre premise that many believe the film to be an urban legend, like the turkey-monster flick Blood Freak. Get ready for a deaf vampire, a very odd witch and the most joyously goofy hunchback in cinematic history.  

Deafula 2DEAFULA (1975) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following

Good intentions go horribly wrong in this film. Much like with Blood Freak, there are people who insist this film is just an urban legend and that it doesn’t really exist. Those people are wrong again. This horror film is in black and white and, as the title suggests, the vampire as well as everyone else in this movie’s world are deaf and communicate through sign language, billed as “Signscope” in the movie posters and in the opening credits, as if this was a pioneering technical gimmick on a par with Sensurround. (Although considering how lame Sensurround was there may be something to that)

Never fear, though, there is also voice-over narration provided by different people for each actor, so that people who don’t know sign language can follow the story. Obviously this is all very noble, and in fact Peter Wechsburg, who produced this film and stars as Deafula, was responsible for an all-sign language newscast for the hearing impaired. That newscast originated in Portland, OR, which is also where Deafula was filmed. Continue reading

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