Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

July 21, 2015 · 9:53 pm

FROGS (1972) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Frogs (1972)Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s THIRTIETH  anniversary year.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday July 5th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. 

Atom Man vs SupermanSERIAL: Before showing and mocking Frogs our members of the Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed and mocked an episode of the 1950 Columbia serial Atom Man vs Superman. Kirk Alyn starred as Superman with Lyle Talbot as his archenemy Lex Luthor. Lex has his own secret identity in this serial – each episode he dons a lead mask and oversees the villainy as “Atom Man”.

This was one of the liveliest and most campily watchable serials of the 50s. Especially laughable are the bits when Superman “flies” – an effect achieved by switching from live footage of Kirk Alyn to INSERTED CARTOON FOOTAGE of Superman flying. Think of the ‘Toons in Roger Rabbit interacting with the live backgrounds and you have the idea.  

FV1985002HOST SEGMENTS/COMEDY SKETCHES: Randy and Richard’s interview with Sam Elliott, conducted at Ben Johnson’s ranch, was shown. Elliott was also one of the stars of Frogs. 

THE MOVIE: Frogs was another low point in the career of Ray Milland, along with The Thing With Two Heads, shown previously on The Texas 27 Film Vault. Pollution was to cheap monster movies of the 70s what atomic radiation was to cheap monster movies of the 50s. In other words it was the catch-all explanation for anything and everything. In this movie’s case pollution, which Ray Milland’s corporations are heavily guilty of, is to blame for wild animals (NOT just frogs, despite the movie’s title) going berserk and viciously attacking human beings.    Continue reading →

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July 20, 2015 · 8:20 pm

WELCOME TO BLOOD CITY (1977)

Welcome to Blood CityFrontierado is coming up on Friday, August 7th!

WELCOME TO BLOOD CITY (1977) Even for a Weird Western, this baby is OUT THERE! The best way to describe it is like a cross between Westworld and the original Patrick McGoohan series The Prisoner.

The opening will likely remind people of the television series Lost with our heroes, led by Keir Dullea, finding themselves in a strange landscape  dressed in prison garb with no recollection of what circumstances led them to this plight. They eventually are rounded up and taken to Blood City, a town straight out of the Ollllllllld West. Continue reading →

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July 12, 2015 · 2:21 am

BILLY THE KID VS DRACULA (1966) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Billy the Kid vs DraculaBefore MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980’s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s THIRTIETH  anniversary year.

Welcome to a special Frontierado Season look at this neglected cult show! And remember, Frontierado is Friday August 7th!

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday May 18th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. 

Phantom EmpireSERIAL: Before showing and mocking Billy the Kid vs Dracula our members of the Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed and mocked an episode of the Mascot Serial The Phantom Empire (1935). 

In that classically campy serial Gene Autry played a singing cowboy who saves the world from  an  advanced underground civilization that comes complete with killer robots who wear cowboy hats.

FILM VAULT LORE: Special thanks to my fellow Vaultie “King Vita” for the date of this episode. He also passed along the info that he was already obsessed with western movies, serials and television shows by this point in the 1980’s.

The King recalls that he got all excited because he assumed the coincidental “all-western” theme of this episode of The Texas 27 Film Vault, along with the “Texas” part of the title, meant that every episode would focus exclusively on westerns. (Ken Miller’s recurring character Tex probably added to his mistaken impression.) Needless to say he learned he was wrong by the following episode but still fell in love with the show. 

A behind the scenes photo of Laurie Savino, who held the rank of Mystery Clip Technician in the Film Vault Corps.

A behind the scenes photo of Laurie Savino, who held the rank of Mystery Clip Technician in the Film Vault Corps.

FILM VAULT CORPS: Here is another photo of Laurie Savino, whose rank in the fictional Film Vault Corps was “Mystery Clip Technician” for the trivia contests based on quick clips of movies previously shown by Randy and Richard.

Sometimes the prizes would be movie ticket give-aways sponsored by Channel 27 and other times would be items like the Randy and Richard action figures. Laurie was also featured on The Texas 27 Film Vault 3-D poster (another of the give-aways) and the occassional newspaper article about the program.   

THE MOVIE: Billy the Kid vs Dracula is one of the most notorious Golden Turkeys of all time and was directed by the legendary William “One Shot” Beaudine. Beaudine got his nickname for his commitment to using just one take for each scene, no matter how good or bad. And by this point in his career – which reached back to the days of silent movies – there were a lot more bad takes than good.  Continue reading →

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July 1, 2015 · 2:33 am

GORILLA AT LARGE (1954) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Gorilla at LargeBefore MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980’s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s THIRTIETH  anniversary year.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday December 6th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. 

Mysterious Doctor SatanSERIAL: Before presenting and mocking Gorilla at Large our machine-gun wielding Film Vault Technicians First Class presented and mocked an episode of Mysterious Doctor Satan, a Republic serial from 1940. The serial featured a mad scientist called Dr Satan trying to take over the world with a very, VERY goofy- looking robot while a pulp-style hero called the Copperhead tried to thwart his plans.  

FILM VAULT LORE: This time around the movie ticket give-away from Channel 27 (the “27” in The Texas 27 Film Vault) was for a chance to go see the 1986 release King Kong Lives.

Richard Malmos left) and Randy Clower relaxing between takes on the set of The Texas 27 Film Vault.

Richard Malmos (left) and Randy Clower relaxing between takes on the set of The Texas 27 Film Vault.

HOST SEGMENTS: Gorilla at Large was one of the 3-D films from the 1950’s, and those are always funny and campy as hell, especially in the scenes with objects unnecessarily coming at the camera. The fun Randy and Richard had riffing on 3-D glasses and the whole 3-D phenomenon of the 50’s (and its 80’s revival) seems to have kicked off with this episode. In later episodes we’d get their “3-D interview” with Ben Johnson, a showing of Friday the 13th Part 3-D and even The Texas 27 Film Vault 3-D poster drawn by THE Kerry Gammil. Gorilla at Large is one of the movies represented on that poster.   

Gorilla at Large 3THE MOVIE: Gorilla at Large provided a wealth of material for Randy and Richard to work with. Remember, their previous show had been The Trivia Guys and this film about a murderous gorilla at a circus was packed with opportunities for pop culture shoutouts. To cite just a few:

* George Barrows, the man in the gorilla suit as our title monster Goliath, was the same guy who wore the ape/robot outfit as Ro-Man in that staple of Bad Movie shows Robot Monster (previously shown on The Texas 27 Film Vault).    

* Cameron “Close the F****ing Door” Mitchell, veteran of High Chaparral, The Andersonville Trial and countless bad movies, starred as Joey Matthews, the circus’ barker.   Continue reading →

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June 28, 2015 · 5:10 pm

HEADLESS (2015) THE CULT FILM OF THE YEAR

HeadlessHEADLESS (2015) – Yes, Headless, one of the fictional films-within- the-film in the horror movie Found (2012) was released as a crowd-funded production earlier this year. Keeping consistent with the way Headless was presented in Found, the gore-drenched flick was filmed as if it was a “lost” horror movie from 1978.  

That faithfulness was necessary in this case, so please don’t hold it against Headless even if you’re growing weary of the faux-1970’s sub-genre of movies – a sub-genre that is threatening to become as crowded as found-footage films.

Shane Beasley stars as the skull-masked killer, whose real name is never revealed. Beasley has the perfect “look” for this largely silent role and his tormented eyes convey the suffering his character is revealed to have gone through during his childhood and early teen years. Not that the suffering excuses his grotesque crimes, it’s just presented as back-story, like in the Filipino horror film The Road (2011).   Continue reading →

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June 21, 2015 · 4:53 pm

FATHER’S DAY (2011): A 21st CENTURY CULT CLASSIC

Father's DayFATHER’S DAY (2011) – I DEMAND A TEAM-UP OF AHAB FROM FATHER’S DAY AND ASH WILLIAMS FROM THE EVIL DEAD FILMS (and upcoming television series).

Sorry, I had to get that out of my system right off the bat. Ahab, the eye-patch sporting hero of the Astron 6 horror film Father’s Day is in my opinion the one true successor to Bruce Campbell’s Ash Williams. And considering how unfair the ending of this movie is for Ahab and his two sidekicks a case could even be made for them replacing Ash as the most royally screwed character in the history of gore-soaked horror comedies.     

It’s difficult to review this dark, grotesque gem without resorting to a series of catch phrases like “Goes where Dead Alive and similar movies failed to go” or “What Grindhouse hath wrought” or even “Twink and Walnut: They’re NOT Muppets!” Let me start with a more practical line: Do not watch this movie if you can not handle the most offensive violence, concepts, gore and deranged sexuality imaginable. 

Father's Day 2The overall style of this flick is the faux-1970’s grindhouse style made fashionable by (what else) Grindhouse but for my money Father’s Day is much more entertaining than Planet of Terror or Death Proof. It also doesn’t become a slave to its style like the faux-1980’s movies House of the Devil and Beyond the Black Rainbow.

Father’s Day deals with the Father’s Day Killer, a demented man named Chris Fuchman (pronounced … well, I’m sure you can guess) who rapes fathers, devours their penises and then kills them. Get ready for a series of scenes in which older men who have “Dad Bodies” with pudgy butts get taken from behind by the morbidly obese Fuchman (Mackenzie Murdock). No cutaways. The action is front and center. And that includes the penis-eating. At any rate the Father’s Day murders are just the tip of a Satanic iceberg of evil.   Continue reading →

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June 12, 2015 · 9:56 pm

CULT FILM: PIG (1998)

Pig (1998)PIG (1998) – This cult horror film was a joint project between the legendary Rozz Williams and Nico B. I’m about to commit cinematic blasphemy by pointing out that in my opinion this is one of the most overrated “art” films of all time. Maybe if Pig had come out before Luis Bunuel’s Un Chien Andalou from NINETEEN TWENTY-NINE it might deserve the praise heaped upon it.   

As it is, though, not only has this film not stood up under the test of time but it’s even difficult to see why it was so acclaimed back in 1998. By then movies like Tetsuo and both Nekromantik flicks had already pushed past many boundaries that Pig doesn’t even approach, let alone challenge.    

The film is in black & white and depicts a (sometimes) pig-masked serial killer who tortures his prey before killing them. His “calling card” of sorts is his habit of carving the word “PIG” on the bare chests of his victims. An obviously willing and masochistic male victim has a rendezvous with the serial killer and the pair travel to an abandoned, run-down house in the desert, numbered “1334” (the title of the sequel Nico B made years later).    Continue reading →

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June 11, 2015 · 4:56 pm

A METRIC AMERICA (1978)

Presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee’s eccentric decision to make a nationwide switch to the Metric System the premier plank of his political platform put me in the mood for this VERY old 1970s Metric System educational short. 

Here we go, and for more bad movie reviews click here: https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/

Lincoln Chafee: The only candidate brave enough to address the metric elephant in the room.

Lincoln Chafee: The only candidate brave enough to address the metric elephant in the room.

A METRIC AMERICA – (1978) – Category: A classically campy educational and/or safety short

In the late 1970s the notion that the United States was going to convert to the metric system by 1980 was being pushed.

This thought was causing a panic of almost Y2K proportions as government bodies and the Continue reading →

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June 1, 2015 · 10:06 pm

THE MAN WHO SAW TOMORROW (1981) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Man Who Saw TomorrowBefore MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 30th anniversary year.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday November 9th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

SERIAL: None. This time around the pre-movie offering was the 1953 short titled Nostradamus Says So.

HOST SEGMENTS: At one point Randy and Richard read aloud some ridiculously bizarre predictions made in tabloids by “psychics” of the time period.

THE MOVIE: The Man Who Saw Tomorrow was a hilariously melodramatic and irrational documentary playing along with the silly notion that the 16th Century “seer” Nostradamus’ vague and noncommital quatrains predicted major future events. Orson Welles, in his “anything for money” phase, narrated the film.

This movie was up there with the campy UFO and Bigfoot documentaries of the 1970s and 1980s. Welles, who has to hurriedly pluck his cigar from his mouth at one point so that he can be understood, seems on the verge of laughter most of the time. As usual in anything about Nostradamus meanings are forced into his centuries-old poems that make them seem like he was a “prophet” who foresaw the rise of Napoleon, World War Two, the John F Kennedy assassination and just about anything else that true-believers want to read into the man’s vague scribblings. Continue reading →

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May 10, 2015 · 6:16 pm

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces.

Despite the movie poster’s warning this flick won’t even untie your shoelaces.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Category: Bad movie elevated by kitsch value in the casting.

Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. Happy Mother’s Day Love, George  (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the Continue reading →

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