Monthly Archives: February 2013

LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES AND FANATICISM

Two children of privilege who represent everything worth despising about Liberals and Conservatives.

Two children of privilege who represent everything worth despising about Liberals and Conservatives.

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the only site on the internet that is truly non-partisan in its criticism of the shrill children called Liberals and Conservatives. Because of my frequent references to the way Liberal fanatics and Conservative fanatics continue to tear the country apart I sometimes get emails from them asking me how I define the word “fanatic”. I’m always delighted when Liberals can tear themselves away from trite racebaiting and Conservatives can tear themselves away from their Bibles long enough to send me a few hate-filled missives so I’ll be happy to clarify my definition of the word.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A LIBERAL OR CONSERVATIVE FANATIC IF …

You actually think the members of one political party are “the good guys” and the members of the other political party are “the bad guys.”

You’ve deluded yourself into thinking that any facts that don’t fit your political prejudices are  propaganda spread by Fox News Channel and talk radio (according to Liberal fanatics) or spread by the Liberal media (according to Conservative fanatics) .

You avoid any Continue reading

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COLLEGE BASKETBALL: THE NAIA’S FEBRUARY FRENZY IS UNDERWAY

Chicagoland CollegiateOne of the reasons people often give me for why they find college basketball more of an effort to follow than college football is the amorphous nature of the regular season. Unlike in football, where every game counts, everyone knows that in college basketball the regular season does nothing but determine your team’s seeding in their conference tournament. Those conference tournaments are when even the most casual of fans begin to sit up and take notice since the stakes are clearer and winning the conference tournament will earn your team a spot in the national championship tournament.

Last night the NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) began its conference tournament season as the Chicagoland Collegiate Athletic Conference tipped off its 2013 tournament. The Top 3 seeds get a bye in the 1st round so not everyone saw action last night. Here are the results from Round 1.

150_Trinity-ChristianNot surprisingly the 8 vs 9 matchup was the tightest game of the evening. The 9th seeded TRINITY CHRISTIAN COLLEGE TROLLS pulled off the upset, toppling the (8) ROOSEVELT UNIVERSITY LAKERS by a score of 61-55. The Trolls (how can you not love their logo) held Roosevelt to just under 30% shooting including 2 of 26 from downtown. BJ Wortham led Trinity Christian with 14 points, followed by teammate Ezekiel Odonkor with 8 points and 12 rebounds. Four other Trolls contributed at Continue reading

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JERRY BUSS R.I.P. – THE JERRY BUSS BLAXPLOITATION FILM “BLACK EYE”

Jerry Buss: He was no Arthur Marx.

Jerry Buss: He was no Arthur Marx.

Today legendary Lakers owner Jerry Buss passed away at age 80. Balladeer’s Blog will save the in-depth examinations of his career to those who are far better qualified to do it. Instead I will offer a fond farewell to one of the most beloved owners in professional sports in my usual oddball way: with a look at the one and only film turned out by Jerry Buss Productions.

That film was 1974’s Black Eye, one of the countless blaxploitation flicks of the 1970s. Fred “The Hammer” Williamson, the action hero of all manner of the decade’s blaxploitationers, from gangster dramas to westerns, starred in Black Eye as (what else) a private eye. Williamson portrayed Shep Stone, an L.A. detective trying to solve a series of murders centered around an elaborate walking stick formerly owned by a legendary silent film star. A prostitute stole the walking stick and wound up dead in an incident that served as the catalyst for Shep Stone’s involvement in Continue reading

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VICE PRESIDENTS: A PRESIDENT’S DAY LOOK AT HISTORY’S SECOND BANANAS

John Adams

John Adams

Since it’s Presidents Day Weekend here’s another seasonal post.

John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.”

In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc. 

aaron-burrAARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to start his own country than any other Vice President. (So far, anyway.)

Best Burr Quote: “I’m still searching for the real killers of Alexander Hamilton.” 

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: P-Funk and Funkadelic Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of his loyalist cousin Sir Henry Clinton during the Revolutionary War. Continue reading

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NOTEWORTHY COLLEGE BASKETBALL AND HOCKEY RESULTS FROM FEBRUARY 16TH

Loyola_WolfpackTOP 25 UPSETS – NAIA DIVISION ONE – The LOYOLA WOLFPACK hosted the number 9 FAULKNER EAGLES and handled them pretty impressively. They sent the Eagles home with a 61-43 loss. The Wolfpack improved to 15-11 with two more games left in their regular season. Faulkner is now 23-5, likewise with two regular season games left.   ###   The UNIVERSITY OF SCIENCE AND ARTS OF OKLAHOMA DROVERS toppled the visiting 23rd ranked MIDAMERICA CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY EVANGELS in a 74-69 Instant Classic   ###   … And the EVANGEL UNIVERSITY CRUSADERS went into overtime with the (T23) CULVER- STOCKTON WILDCATS before eking out a 79-78 home victory.

Embry-Riddle EaglesTOP 25 UPSETS – NAIA DIVISION TWO – The 14th ranked AVE MARIA UNIVERSITY GYRENES fell on the road to the number 16 EMBRY- RIDDLE EAGLES by a score of 71-58. With the win ERAU moves to 22-7 on the season with the Gyrenes falling to 21-7.   ###   In another clash of ranked teams the (23) BELLEVUE BRUINS toppled the visiting 15th ranked YORK PANTHERS  80-67   ###   … And the GRACE COLLEGE LANCERS handed the number 25 TAYLOR TROJANS a road loss in a Continue reading

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COOL-NAMED SPORTS TEAM: NEWBURY COLLEGE

https://i2.wp.com/cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/image_content_width/hash/32/58/newbury_nighthawk_logo.jpgNEWBURY COLLEGE NIGHTHAWKS

Location: Brookline, MA

Conference Affiliation: New England Collegiate Conference

Comment: It’s good to see Kyle Richmond put his fortune to good use with this institution. Fans of the superhero called Nighthawk will get it. On the serious side Newbury College is Continue reading

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PRESIDENTIAL PROS AND CONS FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG: HARRISON TO OBAMA

23. BENJAMIN HARRISON – Motto: “What this country needs right now is a man whose grandfather was president  barely a month before dying.” *** Nickname: Baby McKee’s Grandfather *** Pro: Was the  president who first had the White House wired for electricity.  Con: His administration was slightly overshadowed by the press’ obsession with his terminally “cutesy” grandson, Baby McKee. 

24. GROVER CLEVELAND, TERM 2 – Motto: “He’s back … deadlier and more powerful than ever before!” ***  Nickname: King of the Wild Frontier *** Pro: Was 10 % doughier than in his first term.  Con: Came down harder on striking workers than some presidents come down on actual criminal behavior and called Eugene Debs “an enemy of the human race”. 

25. WILLIAM MCKINLEY – Motto: “Whatever Ohio Political Machine Boss Mark Hanna thinks my motto should be.” *** Nickname: McStudly *** Pro: Tried to establish a Continue reading

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PRESIDENTIAL PROS AND CONS FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG: WASHINGTON TO CLEVELAND

Fun Fact: Barbara Bush patterned her "look" after Millard Fillmore

Fun Fact: Barbara Bush patterned her “look” after Millard Fillmore

In honor of the upcoming President’s Day Holiday weekend  Balladeer’s Blog now presents some of my quick takes on each of the 44 men who have stayed one step ahead of the law while occupying the office.

1. GEORGE WASHINGTON – Motto – “Screw taking a salary, just bill ’em outrageously for your expenses!”  *** Nickname: The First Lady of Broadway *** Pro: Established the precedent of stepping down after 2 terms max.  Con: Owned other human beings.

2. JOHN ADAMS – Motto – ” A day without alienating someone is like a day without sunshine.” *** Nickname: Boom-Boom *** Pro: Was almost fanatically honest.  Con: Alienated nearly everyone except his wife Abigail.

3. THOMAS JEFFERSON – Motto: ” What’s with that painting where I look like Bea Arthur?” *** Nickname: The Pompous Hypocrite *** Pro: Never vetoed a single bill, deferring to the will of the people’s representatives.  Con: Owned other human beings.

4. JAMES MADISON – Motto: “That’s me on the five thousand dollar bill, babe!” *** Nickname: Continue reading

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BALLADEER’S BLOG’S COLLEGE HOCKEY RANKINGS: FEBRUARY 13TH

NorwichlogoNCAA DIVISION 3 – 1. NORWICH CADETS   ###   2. EAU CLAIRE BLUGOLDS   ###   3. OSWEGO STATE LAKERS   ###   4. UTICA PIONEERS   ###   5. HOBART STATESMEN   ###   6. ST NORBERT COLLEGE GREEN KNIGHTS (defending champions)   ###   7. BOWDOIN POLAR BEARS   ###   8. UMASS- BOSTON BEACONS   ###   9. GENESEO STATE BLUE KNIGHTS   ###   10. AMHERST LORD JEFFS   ###   11. ADRIAN BULLDOGS   ###   12. Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE PAGE: MARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978)

Mardi Gras MassacreMARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978) – Category: A neglected Bad Movie classic, but its hard-core gore will prevent it from ever having a Plan 9-sized cult following

It takes a twisted sort of genius to make multiple disembowelment murders look boring, but that’s exactly what Jack Weis accomplishes in Mardi Gras Massacre! Today may be Fat Tuesday, but let’s rechristen it “Splat Tuesday” in honor of this late 70’s splatterfest. 

The actual “massacre” part of this movie is an incredible disappointment. An insane, hate-filled man with a knife – no, not Jim Bowie (rimshot) – is roaming around New Orleans during Mardi Gras targeting prostitutes as sacrificial offerings to the Aztec deities he worships. That sounds promising for a horror film but the disembowelment ritual is reenacted word for word and movement for movement for EACH VICTIM! There is no variation and also no suspense because after the first killing we know exactly how all the subsequent sacrifices will play out. The only chills come from listening to the awful disco music that plays during the Continue reading

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