Crypt TV is a YT channel featuring original horror film shorts with a variety of deadly monsters. Many of the monsters are featured in ongoing stories that are like ARG’s but with much better special effects. This particular video features the first appearance of a violent creature whose ongoing appearances hint at plenty of unsavory, sinister secrets as well as serial killings in a small town. It’s titled The Wedding Hand, as a play on a Wedding Band. NOT FOR THE EASILY FRIGHTENED! Continue reading
Tag Archives: movie reviews
CRYPT TV: AN INTERESTING ONLINE HORROR CHANNEL
Filed under Halloween Season
ELVIS MOVIES FOR JANUARY 8th
January 8th is the combined marking of Elvis Presley’s birthday and the Battle of New Orleans, in which General Andrew Jackson and French Pirate Jean Lafitte defeated the British in the final battle of the War of 1812.
In the past Balladeer’s Blog has observed this date with looks at the musical Rock ‘N’ Roll vs The Red Coats and with an article on the whole Orion/Elvis situation. This time I’m taking a quick look at some early Elvis movies.
LOVE ME TENDER (1956) – Elvis was the latest reason that the saga of the Reno Gang/ Reno Brothers got distorted on the big screen. The need to turn the Reno story into a vehicle for Elvis Presley made this attempt the most unintentionally funny of them all.
Favorite Part: A scene between Elvis, playing Clint Reno, and Richard Egan, playing Vance Reno. Despite the fact that the long-missing Vance was given up for dead and Elvis married his mourning girlfriend in the meantime the Side-Burned One actually asks “What’s troublin’ you, Vance?” That question has been a catch-phrase for me ever since I first saw this flick on late-night tv.
Favorite Weirdass Song: Let Me Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies, Uncategorized
GENTLEMAN JEKYLL AND DRIVER HYDE (1950)
GENTLEMAN JEKYLL AND DRIVER HYDE (1950) – Educational short films are often hilarious snapshots of their era. Driver’s Ed shorts are especially vulnerable to seeming outdated given how quickly car designs can change in certain decades.
This particular item is Canadian-made, proving that the Badfilm aesthetic is unfazed by international borders. (Yet Time Zones fill it with a vague sense of unease. Go figure.)
At any rate Gentleman Jekyll and Driver Hyde obviously takes its cue from Stevenson’s story of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. A pair of Canadian furniture movers – one tall and heavy, the other short and slender – bicker like a comedy team while discussing statistics which indicated that in 1950 a Canadian had a better chance of getting killed in a car accident than in a war.
Which I find to be a silly statistic. If it’s peacetime you probably have a better chance of dying from a piano dropping on your head than from a war. Wouldn’t it have been more ominous to say a person had a better chance of dying in a car accident than from heart disease or whatever physical ailment that a 1950 stat would indicate?
After some horrifically strained jokes “Laurel and Hardy, Eh” get to the meat of the matter: The way perfectly polite people can turn into figurative monsters when they get behind the wheel of a car. A kind, considerate man who just interacted with our two leads literally turns into a B-Movie monster thanks to editing and cheap makeup as he drives off. Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies
BEST OF NOVEMBER 2018
Balladeer’s Blog’s look back on 2018 concludes with this review of November’s best:
DYSTOPIA NATION: DEMOCRATS PERSECUTE PEOPLE OF COLOR WHO LEAVE THE PARTY – This most recent installment of Dystopia Nation dealt with the way the intolerant fascists who call themselves Democrats think people of color are only “authentic” if they obediently toe the Democrat Party line.
Free-thinking voters of color get harassed by Democrats, the party of the Ku Klux Klan, in direct proportion to how many of them reject the condescending, privileged white people who run that political party. CLICK HERE
WORLD WAR ONE: SOME INTRIGUING BOOKS – This November saw the 100th anniversary of the end of World War One on November 11th.
Balladeer’s Blog presented quick reviews of several books that cover the First World War, from well-known topics all the way to neglected side elements. For this blog post CLICK HERE
YUMIKO BLASCHKO: TRUMP’S POLICIES ARE WORKING WELL FOR WOMEN AND MINORITIES – Woman of color Yumiko Blaschko once again ignored the pompous white left-wing Archie Bunkers called Democrats and spoke her mind.
For her excellent and profound look at how President Trump defies both the Republicans and Democrats to help working class and poor people of ALL colors CLICK HERE
RANDOM WEIRDNESS: JAPAN’S 1860s LOOK AT AMERICAN HISTORY – This baby must be read to be believed.
Before Japan’s odd J-Horror there was J-History as in this outrageous depiction of our Nation’s Founders as you’ve never seen them before! My personal favorite: Their illustration of Benjamin Franklin casually holding a cannon in his arms and firing it at a troop of Redcoats! Now that’s badass! CLICK HERE
ANOTHER FEMALE VOTER FED UP WITH CONDESCENDING DEMOCRAT FOOLS – The title said it all with this terrific item!
Allie’s hilariously sarcastic take on the way so many pompous Democrats who pretend to be “intellectual” (LMAO) alienate so many women by talking down to them. CLICK HERE
ROBERT LUDLUM EXPANDED UNIVERSE – With “expanded fictional universes” all the rage now Balladeer’s Blog presented this look at a potential Robert Ludlum Expanded Universe.
Television shows like Beowulf Agate, depicting Brandon Scofield’s daring Scarlet Pimpernel-style defection operations from the Cold War Era, or Operation: Medusa, about David Webb (later called Jason Bourne) carrying out covert missions late in the Vietnam War. All that and more, just CLICK HERE
TEAR-GASSER IN CHIEF BARACK OBAMA – Democrats are nauseating with their phony concern over illegal immigrants and their children in dealing with the Border Patrol and ICE.
Those political robots never cared about all the deaths that happened in custody or from tear-gas during Obama’s time in office. For a look at the HUNDREDS of incidents CLICK HERE
Filed under opinion
NEW YEAR’S EVE BAD MOVIE: TERROR TRAIN (1980) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT
Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!
Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980s.
EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday December 27th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.
EXTRAS: Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, as machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class and members of the fictional Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) had two and a half hours to work with each week. Interviews with figures like Vincent Price, Forry Ackerman and others were featured and the movies being shown and mocked were often preceded by episodes of old Republic serials like Radar Men from the Moon and others. This episode featured Randy and Richard’s interview with Ben Johnson, whom they had interviewed at his ranch earlier in the year. Johnson also appeared in the episode’s film, Terror Train.
SERIAL: For this episode the movie was preceded by a chapter of Mysterious Doctor Satan in which a mad scientist called Dr Satan commanded a goofy robot and was opposed by a pulp-style hero called Copperhead.
HOST SEGMENTS: The most memorable Host Segment Randy and Richard did during this New Year’s-themed horror film was a bit where, as Midnight Dallas Time approached, they staged a countdown and then a raucous celebration of the arrival of … December 28th, 1986. Ken “Tex” Miller, Joe “The Hypnotic Eye” Riley and other Film Vault Corps members joined in the festivities in a great example of the wry humor of this pre-MST3K program.
Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault
TERROR TRAIN (1980) – A New Year’s Eve slasher film set on a train carrying a load of partying passengers who plan to ring in the New Year in each time zone of the United States. As required by law at the time, Jamie Lee Curtis starred since it was a slasher flick with a seasonal theme. (Look under the Federal Halloween, Halloween II and Prom Night Act of 1980 if you don’t believe me)
A few years earlier Curtis and her college buddies played an initiation trick on a freshman by tricking him into bed with a female corpse. The guy had a nervous breakdown from the ugly near-necrophiliac experience (like sleeping with Barbra Streisand must feel) and is supposedly still in a mental hospital because of it. Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies, Movie Hosts
BEST OF OCTOBER 2018
Balladeer’s Blog’s look back at the Best of 2018 continues with the Best of October.
#WALKAWAY MARCH ON WASHINGTON – Former Democrats disgusted with the Party’s growing intolerance and fascism walked on Washington DC.
Openly gay Brandon Straka organized an entire #WALKAWAY movement that went viral, culminating in October’s #WALKAWAY March on Washington. CLICK HERE
THE BLACK ABBOT (1897): GOTHIC HORROR – Halloween Month was, as usual, filled with Balladeer’s Blog’s examination of many neglected horror stories and films.
The Black Abbot was also known as The Black Priest and The Messenger. The author was Robert W Chambers, famous for The King in Yellow. CLICK HERE
BALLADEER’S BLOG OVERCAME TECHNO-FASCISTS WHO TRIED TAKING IT DOWN – Yes, I was one of the year’s many targets of privileged white one percenters and techno-fascists who abuse their wealth to try to censor all dissenting opinions.
I was back in action by the 2nd day and marked the occasion with this blog post. CLICK HERE
JOHN SILENCE: OCCULT DOCTOR (1908) – Balladeer’s Blog took a Halloween Season look at this oft-forgotten fictional hero.
Doctor John Silence investigated various supernatural goings-on in Europe.
Written by Algernon Blackwood. CLICK HERE
FACULTY LOUNGE FASCIST ROUNDUP: OCTOBER 11th – Yes, it was time once again for Balladeer’s Blog’s continuing look at intolerant left-wing Archie Bunkers who pretend to be “educators.” (LMAO)
For this date’s roundup of some of the narrow-minded fascists who have utterly distorted the educational system just CLICK HERE
HELLRAISER: THE FOUR BEST FILMS – Just in time for the Halloween Season, Balladeer’s Blog examined some of the Hellraiser movies.
I reviewed my choice of the Top Four out of the 10 films in the Hellraiser series.
To read those reviews CLICK HERE
TRUMP CARDS: OCTOBER 22nd – It was the latest edition of Trump Cards!
This go-round featured yet another gay Judge the Donald nominated for a Federal seat, George Soros’ notorious connections with the ACTUAL Nazis (Yes, he’s THAT old!) and female journalist of color Asra Nomani’s Ida Tarbell-style indictment of Soros. CLICK HERE
THE ENSOULED VIOLIN (1880): GOTHIC HORROR – A Halloween Season review of this work of Gothic horror written by Madame Blavatsky herself.
Music and supernaturalism mingle in this macabre tale which features a guest appearance by the real-life violinist Paganini. CLICK HERE
THE CREEPY LINE (2018) – This excellent documentary look at the abuses of techno-fascists at Google, Facebook, Twitter and all over Silicon Valley is an excellent work of investigative journalism.
Come along for this film’s look at the perverse way in which technology and social media are exploited and monopolized by a clique of white, privileged and obscenely wealthy 21st Century Robber Barons. CLICK HERE
THE HOUSE ON THE BORDERLAND (1908) – Halloween day itself saw my review of this horror tale written by William Hope Hodgson.
This horrific story was praised by none other than H.P. Lovecraft himself and readers can definitely tell how it influenced him. CLICK HERE
NEW DEMOCRAT SLOGANS – Balladeer’s Blog presented more mock slogans for the Democrats.
Regular readers often describe these fake slogans as funnier than some of the Mock Headlines blog posts that I run. CLICK HERE
#BLEXIT: BLACK EXIT FROM THE DEMOCRAT PARTY PLUS #BLACKLIVESMAGA – The #WALKAWAY movement also spawned allied movements like #BLEXIT and #BLACKLIVESMAGA.
For this blog post CLICK HERE
MOTHER JONES: MORE FAVORITE TRUMP LINKS – Mother Jones went ahead and provided another list of favorite links regarding President Donald Trump.
This was the second list.
For those links all you have to do is CLICK HERE
Filed under opinion
RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER (2017) – GUILTY PLEASURE
Here at Balladeer’s Blog I’ve always had a soft spot for the Resident Evil movies. I’m not implying that they’re good by any means, but as guilty pleasures I consider them pretty watchable in a Spaghetti Western sense. You don’t expect logic or well-maintained continuity in the original Django or Sartana series any more than you do from the Stranger or Hallelujah flicks or any of the other lower-level pulp series of Italo-Westerns.
To me the six Resident Evil movies (2002 – 2017) can be viewed the same way – as unpretentious B-movies with a kind of relaxing sameness and stories that are so unchallenging you can chit-chat with friends or loved ones while they’re on.
Seventies chop-socky films are another example. You might watch them but you sure as hell can’t defend them from criticism.
Milla Jovovich’s Alice is, to me, the main reason to watch these films. She’s believable in the action scenes and deserves recognition for the way she kicks post-apocalyptic butt in SIX movies as the same character. No other leading female figure has matched that feat in THEATRICAL RELEASE, English-language films. Not Lara Croft and not even Ellen Ripley. Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies
BEST OF SEPTEMBER 2018
Balladeer’s Blog’s end of the year retrospective continues with September’s best:
JOE MAGARAC: NEGLECTED AMERICAN FOLKTALE – What Paul Bunyan was to lumberjacks, what John Henry was to railroad men and what Pecos Bill was to cowboys, Joe Magarac was to workers in Steel Mills.
Balladeer’s Blog examined Steel Man folktales and legends from both before AND after Joe Magarac’s rise to fame among Polish-American steel workers in Pennsylvania. CLICK HERE
THREE LABOR DAY MOVIES – In honor of Labor Day Weekend I reviewed three films that are very appropriate for that holiday.
That trio of movies:
Matewan (1987), Eight Men Out (1988) and The Triangle Factory Fire Scandal (1979). To read the reviews CLICK HERE
APOLLO MISSIONS TWELVE THROUGH SEVENTEEN – Since the lion’s share of the attention always goes to the Apollo 11 moon landing I decided nothing could be more Balladeer’s Blog-ish than to cover the subsequent moon missions instead.
For a concise breakdown on those six missions just CLICK HERE
THREE BOOKS FROM THE GREAT DON SURBER – The one and only Don Surber churned out three of the most riveting and refreshingly offbeat political chronicles of recent years.
For Don’s books Trump the Press, Trump the Establishment and Fake News Follies of 2017 you can simply CLICK RIGHT HERE
RECENT MOVIES: SOME REVIEWS – Instead of the old Golden Turkeys or obscure foreign films that I usually review I gave in to reader requests and posted my takes on assorted recent big-name releases.
For my reviews of Solo: A Star Wars Story, Alien: Covenant, The Last Jedi, Trumbo and Ocean’s 8, as well as micro-reviews of Justice League and Avengers: Infinity War CLICK HERE
BABES FOR TRUMP INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT – Beauty and brains and a daring, iconoclastic nature!
Those words perfectly describe the strong women and positive role models who participated in this account.
CLICK HERE
LINKAPALOOZA: SEPTEMBER 17th – I linked to multiple news items that tended to get overlooked. Click HERE
Filed under opinion
A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1982)
MERRY CHRISTMAS! Christmas Carol-A-Thon 2018 comes to a close with Balladeer’s Blog’s look at this neglected 1982 Australian cartoon version.
A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1982) – Burbank Films of Australia produced this mediocre at best animated version of the Dickens classic. Previously I reviewed the 1969 Australian cartoon version and if you were to go strictly by this 1982 rendition of A Christmas Carol you would think that Australian animation technology had not progressed one bit since 1969.
Background figures often don’t move at all and the ones that do just repeat the same gestures and gesticulations ad nauseum like in early video games. There’s also a delayed reaction element to every dialogue exchange early on. The Australian accents add a bit of novelty but that was also true of the 1969 version.
Moving on to the story, Nephew Fred’s visit to his Uncle Ebenezer and Bob Cratchit largely sticks to dialogue directly taken from the novel but pointlessly throws in meaningless asides here and there. The delayed reactions in the early exchanges of dialogue really stick out here. It’s like you’re watching live actors who take a while to remember their next line.
The dialogue flows much better between Scrooge and the two Charity Collectors. Bob Cratchit’s farewell to his boss is trimmed to the bone, robbing it of any impact, but this IS one of those versions which shows Bob joining children in sliding along the sidewalk ice like an overgrown kid so that’s nice. Continue reading
Filed under A CHRISTMAS CAROL
BLACKADDER’S CHRISTMAS CAROL (1988)
BLACKADDER’S CHRISTMAS CAROL – My Ninth Annual Christmas Carol-A-Thon continues here at Balladeer’s Blog! Long-time readers know what a big fan I am of Rowan Atkinson’s work – especially his Blackadder programs. Hell, I’m even an enormous fan of his more serious work in Full Throttle. And I never tire of telling anyone who will listen that I think he’d make a perfect Dikaiopolis in Aristophanes’ comedy The Acharnians.
As to why it took me so long to finally get around to reviewing Blackadder’s Christmas Carol, it’s the same reason that applied to the George C Scott version: I wanted to handle some of the more obscure Carols before hitting the well-known ones.
This Christmas Special is set in Victorian England with Atkinson starring as Ebenezer Blackadder, owner of a moustache shop. Tony Robinson is on hand as yet another member of the Baldrick family line.
In typically perverse Blackadder fashion the storyline reverses the usual sequence of events. Ebenezer starts out as a kind-hearted and generous soul but soon the Christmas Spirit (Robbie Coltrane) shows him visions of Blackadders Past, Present and Yet-to-Come. Continue reading
Filed under A CHRISTMAS CAROL
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