Tag Archives: Game of Thrones

CHARLEMAGNE: REINOLD ON ANGELICA’S MYSTIC ISLAND

FOR MY FIRST CHAPTER ON CHARLEMAGNE’S PALADINS CLICK HERE  

castleMAUGRIS (AKA MALAGIGI) THE ENCHANTER, freed from his undersea prison by Princess Angelica of Cathay, arrived back in Paris to rejoin Charlemagne’s court. Angelica had liberated him only on the condition that he trick Reinold, the Paladin she loved under magic compulsion, into visiting her enchanted island so she could continue wooing him.

Within a few days, Maugris engaged Reinold in conversation about some of the Paladin’s past adventures and upon Reinold confessing that he longed for even more daring escapades the enchanter asked if he was sure that was what he wanted. Reinold replied in the affirmative and Maugris asked him a second time. Again the answer was yes, so Maugris asked a third time and no sooner had the Paladin again said yes than the enchanter cast a spell on the warrior.

Reinold was teleported on board a magical ship which sailed along with no crew. After a search of the vessel had convinced Reinold that he was the only person on board, the Paladin noted that the ship was putting in at an island before it. Continue reading

10 Comments

Filed under Mythology

CHARLEMAGNE: REINOLD AND ANGELICA

FOR MY FIRST CHAPTER ON CHARLEMAGNE’S PALADINS CLICK HERE

Forest of ArdenAFTER FERRAU THE MUSLIM HAD BEHEADED THE SLEEPING PRINCE ARGALIA, he once again mounted his horse and rode off eastward through the Forest of Arden, continuing his search for the fleeing Princess Angelica. Roland the Paladin was likewise scouring the forest for this woman who had bewitched so many men back at the court of Charlemagne.

Another Paladin, Reinold, was far ahead of the other pursuers of Angelica due to the supernatural speed of his enchanted horse, Bayard. In the Forest of Arden were two magical sources of water – a fountain that was hundreds of years old and from which flowed the Waters of Hatred, and a stream which carried the Waters of Love. (The Waters of Bemused Resignation were in a different forest altogether.) The parched Reinold came upon the fountain and unsuspectingly drank from it.

Suddenly he was filled with naked loathing for the princess he had til now felt passionately in love with. Disgusted with himself for having pursued this object of hatred he rode westward to return to the Emperor’s court. After a time he grew tired, so he dismounted and napped on the grass beneath the trees. Continue reading

22 Comments

Filed under Mythology

CHARLEMAGNE: LOTHAIR AND BENES

CharlemagneAs always here at Balladeer’s Blog, Christmas time all the way through Twelfth Night are when I make blog posts about Charlemagne and his Paladins. (The figures of legend, not the historical Charlemagne.) In old traditions Charlemagne was crowned Emperor of the new Holy Roman Empire by the Pope on Christmas Day, hence the reason that tales of Charlemagne are often associated with the Yuletide holiday. (In real life Charlemagne was crowned Emperor a few months later.) FOR MY FIRST CHAPTER ON CHARLEMAGNE’S PALADINS CLICK HERE  

PaladinLOTHAIR AND BENES – This story takes place much earlier than most of my previously covered Tales of Charlemagne. Lothair (in real life the grandson of Charlemagne) was, according to legend, the Emperor’s oldest son. Lothair was brave and virtuous, unlike Charlemagne’s scheming and treacherous son Charlot.

Of late the Emperor was stewing over the way that Duke Benes had provided no men for Charlemagne’s most recent military campaigns against the Muslim colonialists in Spain, nor had he provided money. Neither had he acknowledged the Emperor’s authority over him by any shows of courtesy.

At first Charlemagne furiously planned to march on Duke Benes’ city of Aygremont and take the city. Then he would hang Benes, kill his son Maugris the Enchanter and burn his wife alive. Duke Naymes, one of the Emperor’s Paladins, talked Charlemagne into giving peace a chance by merely sending a hundred Paladins to Aygremont in order to convey the Emperor’s wish that he submit to an order and show his allegiance. Continue reading

23 Comments

Filed under Mythology

AGENTS OF I.S.L.A.M: EPISODE FIVE

A SYMBOL OF HATRED AND SLAVERY

A SYMBOL OF HATRED AND SLAVERY

These are busy times for the blood-soaked madmen who serve as agents for the group of homophobic and misogynistic religious fanatics called I.S.L.A.M. (Intolerant Savages Loathing All Modernity)

I.S.L.A.M. STRIKES – In Iraq, through ISIS, just one of the many global franchises of the thriving fascist movement called I.S.L.A.M. At any rate in Iraq the agents of I.S.L.A.M. have opened a SLAVE MARKET WHERE THEY SELL WOMEN. Sandra Fluke, however, probably STILL thinks she has a rougher life. 

I.S.L.A.M. STRIKES- Again in Iraq, where agents of I.S.L.A.M. buried 500 Yazidis alive and have told the rest to convert to their barbaric religion or die. American Liberals weighed in to praise I.S.L.A.M. as “gallant freedom fighters combatting western oppression.” Continue reading

6 Comments

Filed under Fantastic Movie Reviews

AGENTS OF I.S.L.A.M: EPISODE FOUR

I.S.L.A.M. - Where you're never too young to learn to kill and kill and kill some more.

I.S.L.A.M. – Where you’re never too young to learn to kill and kill and kill some more.

The summer of 2014 will forever be remembered as the summer when Agents of I.S.L.A.M. took the nation by storm. This sensational cable television series features the savagely superstitious practitioners of a bloodthirsty religion which is never explicitly named in the series. I.S.L.A.M. (Intolerant Savages Loathing All Modernity) operatives want all gay people dead and treat women like slaves, even mutilating their genitals. 

Last night’s episode featured the religious maniacs (I’d love to know what religion they are supposed to represent but producer/director Eddie Wozniak still refuses to say) committing atrocities around the world. Among the actions taken by these barbarians included:

a) shelling a hospital full of their own people and blaming it on another country

b) enslaving hundreds of Yazidi women in Iraq

c) using their own alleged places of worship as recruitment centers for their terrorist attacks Continue reading

10 Comments

Filed under Fantastic Movie Reviews, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

AGENTS OF I.S.L.A.M. – EPISODE THREE

Sajjad Ahmed and his wife Muafia were slain by intolerant Muslims

Sajjad Ahmed and his wife Muafia were slain by intolerant Muslims

The hot cable series Agents of I.S.L.A.M. (Intolerant Savages Loathing All Modernity) continues to reign supreme in the ratings! There is word now of a potential movie deal AND merchandise from the show is selling like crazy! Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead have real competition from this series about violent religious fanatics who practice a faith that is never specified on the show. Episcopalians, maybe?

The Agents of I.S.L.A.M. are forever blowing up and beheading everyone who disagrees with their homophobic, misogynistic and otherwise intolerant beliefs. In the very first episode they even mutilated the genitals of an entire village of unwilling young women, an act that was strangely applauded by the cowardly hypocrites at Brandeis University. Last night’s episode saw the blood-soaked fanatics of the title commit a series of “honor killings”. Continue reading

8 Comments

Filed under Fantastic Movie Reviews, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

AGENTS OF I.S.L.A.M. – EPISODE TWO

A savage threatens beheadings in Trafalgar Square

A savage threatens beheadings in Trafalgar Square

Agents of I.S.L.A.M.‘s debut last week made it the highest rated cable show of the year so far! If you like shows like Falling Skies, Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead you will LOVE this program! In Episode Two cult director Eddie Wozniak has expanded the geographical reach of his fictional group of villains called I.S.L.A.M. (Intolerant Savages Loathing All Modernity).

I.S.L.A.M. is a group of religious fanatics but Wozniak coyly refuses to say which religion they practice. That mystery may or may not be revealed as the storyline progresses. Last week the title villains mutilated the genitals of hundreds of unwilling women according to the dictates of their savage faith, whatever it may be. In this week’s installment the Agents of I.S.L.A.M. undertake multiple missions across the globe.

In England a “twitter jihad” is launched as an Agent threatens that the evil organization he represents will take over England and use Trafalgar Square as an arena for beheadings. Wozniak’s insistence on using beheadings in this series strains credibility. It’s impossible to picture a group in the 21st Century practicing a religion SO hate-filled and blood-soaked that beheadings would be one of their sacraments. Eddie needs to tone it down a little if he wants to maintain even a shred of verisimilitude.   Continue reading

10 Comments

Filed under Fantastic Movie Reviews

SURPRISES GALORE IN LAST NIGHT’S SERIES FINALE OF TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY GOLEM

GolemThe majority of made for cable programs stay on the air way too long and could learn from the makers of Twenty- First Century Golem, who planned on doing just two seasons and then bringing the story to a close. This controversial show is going out on top in the ratings race and with yet another controversial episode that has angered hatemongers from around the globe.

In the previous week’s cliffhanger ending the Golem had reassembled itself into dozens of human-sized Golems and was face-to- face with Muhammad himself, the blood- soaked central figure of the homophobic and misogynistic belief system called Islam.

Last night’s concluding episode was an all-out action epic and presented a battle royal between a gigantic Muhammad and the human- sized Golems for the first 10 minutes. At one point Muhammad had imprisoned the Golems in a force field and turned his attention to what he loved best – killing gay people and oppressing women. Continue reading

12 Comments

Filed under Fantastic Movie Reviews

TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY GOLEM: OUR HERO MOPS THE FLOOR WITH BOKO HARAM

GolemLast night’s episode of Twenty-First Century Golem, the highest- rated cable show in history, was an all-out action extravaganza! In last week’s cliffhanger ending Barack Obama, the blustering comic- relief villain of the series, had ordered all of America’s satellite weaponry targeted on the Golem. As always props to the show’s creative team for being courageous and irreverent enough to target an American president for such savage satirical treatment. Continue reading

7 Comments

Filed under Fantastic Movie Reviews

LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE OF TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY GOLEM

GolemFollowing last week’s episode which was censored by the Obama administration because of its references to the United States government’s lies about the Benghazi attack last night’s fourth episode of this 2nd season of Twenty-First Century Golem premiered to the show’s highest ratings ever. Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under Fantastic Movie Reviews