Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

PUSH THE ENVELOPE PLEASE: SEX SYMBOL CASEY JAMES AND HORROR FILM DIRECTORS WHO PUSHED THE ENVELOPE

Special thanks once again to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the spectacularly beautiful Casey James. When Casey isn’t busy breaking the hearts of countless men and women around the world she’s a fan of offbeat movies and has excellent taste in blogs. For more info on Casey read on:

Casey James envelope 1

SHINYA TSUKAMOTO – Our first director hails from Japan and is noted for his surreal, nightmarish excursions into the darker side of transformative industrial technology … especially any technology that impacts the human anatomy. Noteworthy films include:

Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989) – From the early shots of a man removing one of his own bones and replacing it with a piece of metal viewers knew this was a work of true genius. Tetsuo becomes more and Continue reading

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SUPERMODEL CASEY JAMES PRESENTS THE STRANGEST BIKER MOVIES OF ALL TIME

Casey James biker 1Special thanks once again to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the maddeningly lovely Casey James. Not only does she embody everything that men and women dream about but she also enjoys bad movies! Casey’s beauty, brains and ability to kick the butt of anyone who gets out of line with her make her the ideal hostess for a look at bizarre biker films. For information on how to follow Casey’s antics even further read on:

WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS (1971) – You just knew this was the movie I would start with. A biker gang hassles a group of Satanists in the usual biker way in films. The Satanists get revenge by cursing some of the bikers to start turning into werewolves and preying on the others. Werewolves on Wheels gets worse as it goes along and degenerates into a VERY weird acid trip of a horror movie before completely collapsing in its final minutes. Severn Darden plays the lead Satanist and the biker gang “boasts” Barry “Eve of Destruction” Maguire and Billy “Father Knows Best” Gray among its members.

MOTORCYCLE SQUAD (1937) – This neglected little honey is one of the Continue reading

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THE GIANT CLAW (1957) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: APRIL OF 1985

The Secret of the Bermuda Triangle Revealed

The Secret of the Bermuda Triangle Revealed

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980’s. Thanks to my research through VERY old newspapers, interviews with Randy Clower and emails from fellow fans of T27FV here is the ninth in a series where original broadcast dates of episodes can be determined.

Episode originally aired: Saturday April 6th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. 

Serial: Before the movie our machine-gun toting “Film Vault Technicians First Class” Randy Clower and Richard Malmos showed an episode of The Lost City, the legendarily campy and bizarre sci-fi serial from 1935.

Film Vault Lore: Thank you to my fellow T27FV fan Dolores for this episode’s date, the serial and for this quote about Ken Miller, who played “Tex” on the show: “I loved the random bits of madness added by the gung ho Tex each episode! He always reminded me of Robert Duvall’s character Kilgore from Apocalypse Now. My favorite catch-phrase from Tex was when he would say “Commies don’t watch bad movies!” the way Duvall said “Charley don’t surf!” in Apocalypse Now.”  

The Movie: The Giant Claw is Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: HORROR OF PARTY BEACH (1964) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: MAY 25TH, 1985

The Cute Mascot for Vibrators-to-Go

The Cute Mascot for Vibrators-to-Go

In the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault, hosted by Randy Clower and Richard Malmos. Balladeer’s Blog’s examination of this neglected 1980’s cult show continues. Here’s the 8th review of episodes where an original broadcast date can be determined.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday May 25th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Phantom EmpireEXTRAS: With 2 1/2 hours to work with every episode our machine-gun toting “Film Vault Technicians First Class” Randy and Richard had plenty of time to show (and mock) episodes of old Republic serials before showing (and mocking) the night’s bad movie. Before Horror of Party Beach our boys showed an episode of The Phantom Empire, in which Gene Autry played a singing cowboy  who saves the world from an advanced underground civilization complete with killer robots.

Yeah, most atomic beasts live off human brains!

Yeah, most atomic beasts live off human brains!

Also, a comedy sketch (which Randy Clower told me he still has footage of) from the episode featured Richard jamming a bunch of hot dogs in his mouth to resemble the absurd, multi-tongued sea creatures in Horror of Party Beach.     

FILM VAULT LORE: Special thanks to my fellow Texas 27 Film Vault fan Jana for the date of this episode and which serial preceded the movie. She did not remember which  chapter of the serial Randy and Richard were on, but you can’t have everything!

Here’s more in Jana’s own words: “My boyfriend and I at the time were at SMU and on Saturday nights everybody on Continue reading

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HUMPHREY BOGART AS AN UNDEAD MAD SCIENTIST: THE RETURN OF DR X (1939)

Return of Dr XTHE RETURN OF DR X (1939) – Category: Enjoyably campy bad movie elevated by kitsch-value in the casting.    

Yes, it’s the famous “Humphrey Bogart as a zombie mad scientist” movie. The tale goes that Jack Warner inflicted this role on gangster-flick star Bogart as punishment for resisting being cast in too many formulaic crime films. This was, of course, before The Maltese Falcon made Bogie a big-time star and long before actors had the kind of contracts that they have these days.

Bogart plays the titular Dr X, but not the same Dr X that Lionel Atwill played in a movie of that name earlier in the decade. This Dr X is Dr Maurice Xavier, a mad scientist executed in the electric chair for, among other things, bizarre experiments on infants (a pretty ballsy story element in those pre- Auschwitz awareness days).

The “return” mentioned in the title refers to the fact that Bogart’s Dr X has been brought back from the dead by the film’s secondary menace, Dr Flegg (and let’s face it , The Return Of Dr Flegg just doesn’t have the same sinister  appeal).

Flegg can bring people back from the dead but needs Dr X’s help to Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: STAR SPANGLED RHYTHM (1942) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: JULY 6TH, 1985

Starring All Kinds of People Who Died Before Your Grandparents Were Born

Starring All Kinds of People Who Died Before Your Grandparents Were Born

In the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980′s with the 7th review in a series where exact broadcast dates can be determined. My research through VERY old newspapers, my interviews with the show’s co-star and co-creator Randy Clower plus emails and comments from my fellow fans of the program are helping us piece together bits and pieces of the show’s history. Keep those Texas 27 Film Vault memories coming, ladies and gentlemen.

Episode originally broadcast: Saturday July 6th, 1985, from 10:30pm to 1am. Special thanks to my fellow T27FV fan Roberta for the date.  

Extras: With 2 1/2 hours to work with each week Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, as machine-gun toting “Film Vault Technicians First Class”, would usually present and mock episodes of old Republic serials, then still had time to follow that up with a bad or campy movie AND their comedy sketches. Those sketches centered on their fictional Film Vault Corps, “the few, the proud, the sarcastic”, the men and women who “protected America’s schlock-culture heritage” in the form of the Golden Turkeys beloved by bad movie buffs.

Star Spangled Rhythm was so long that, with commercials plus Randy and Richard’s comedy sketches, there was no time for a serial episode before the film for this episode of The Texas 27 Film Vault.

The Movie: Star Spangled Rhythm was a Continue reading

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BAD MOVIES: SEX SYMBOL CASEY JAMES AND A QUICK LOOK AT SOME OF THE MOST NOTORIOUS BOMBS IN HISTORY

CasBal4Special thanks to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the achingly beautiful Casey James! In addition to being a world-famous supermodel Casey has great taste in blogs and has agreed to help yours truly spread the word about various movies from the cinematic netherworld.

FOR EVEN MORE CASEY JAMES CLICK HERE: Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces.

Despite the movie poster’s warning this flick won’t even untie your shoelaces.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Category: Bad movie elevated by kitsch value in the casting.

Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. Happy Mother’s Day Love, George (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE SHORT: THE MEANEST MAN IN THE WORLD (1954)

The United Fund

The United Fund

THE MEANEST MAN IN THE WORLD (1954) – This heavy-handed United Fund short was probably effective in its day. Back then people may have felt they were being too callous by openly laughing at the antics in this public service message.

Our central character, “Jim”, comes home late at night after a marathon work day. He startles his wife, who, in typical 50’s fashion sleeps in a separate bed. In fact he startles her SO much you get the impression she had a man on the side who may have left her bed a little too close to Jim’s homecoming for comfort.

Jim’s got even bigger problems, though. Money is tight, so tight that Jim tells his still-paniced wife that this year they won’t be able to afford their usual contribution to the United Fund. Our hero then falls asleep, while the disgusted narrator of this ham-fisted production sneers at his alleged callousness.

Now the real fun begins. This joyously tasteless  production tries to equate being unable to afford a United Fund contribution to monumental acts of deliberate cruelty. Jim’s dream counterpart stalks up to a hospital and viciously KICKS THE CRUTCHES out from under a poor crippled boy, then STANDS THERE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY while looking down at Continue reading

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TERROR TRAIN (1980) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT – DECEMBER 27TH, 1986

Terror Train

Terror Train

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980’s with the 6th review in a series where exact broadcast dates can be determined. My research through VERY old newspapers, my interviews with the show’s co-star and co-creator Randy Clower plus emails and comments from my fellow fans of the program are helping us piece together bits and pieces of the show’s history. Keep those Texas 27 Film Vault memories coming, ladies and gentlemen.

ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday December 27th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

EXTRAS: Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, as machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class and members of the fictional Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) had two and a half hours to work with each week. Interviews with figures like Vincent Price, Ben Johnson and others were featured and the movies being shown and mocked were often preceded by episodes of old Republic serials like Radar Men from the Moon and others.

SERIAL: For this episode the movie was preceded by a chapter of Mysterious Doctor Satan, about a mad scientist trying to conquer the world with a very goofy- looking robot. Another extra was Randy and Richard’s “3-D interview” with Ben Johnson, whom they had interviewed at his ranch earlier in the year. Johnson also appeared in the episode’s film.

HOST SEGMENTS: Outside of the Ben Johnson bit the most memorable Host Segment  Randy and Richard did during this New Year’s-themed horror film was a bit where, as Midnight Dallas Time approached, they staged a countdown and then a raucous celebration of the arrival of … December 28th, 1986. Ken “Tex” Miller, Joe “The Hypnotic Eye” Riley and other Film Vault Corps members joined in the festivities in a great example of the wry humor of this pre-MST3K program.  

TERROR TRAIN (1980) – A New Year’s Eve slasher film set on a train carrying a load of partying passengers who plan to ring in the New Year in each time zone of the United States. As required by law at the time, Jamie Lee Curtis starred since it was a slasher flick with a seasonal theme. (Look under the Federal Halloween, Halloween II and Prom Night Act of 1980 if you don’t believe me)

A few years earlier Curtis and her Continue reading

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