A Cosmic ChristmasIn the middle 1980′s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault! Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the 1980′s.

Last time around I reviewed the 1986 Christmas episode of Randy Clower and Richard Malmos’ late-night hit. This time around I’ll take a look at their 1985 Yuletide offering.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday December 21st, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

SERIAL: Since this was a Christmas episode our heroes from the fictional Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) took a break from their pre-movie serial of the moment and instead showed and mocked a bizarre Canadian cartoon called A Cosmic Christmas from 1977. This hysterically dumb and ridiculously religious animated work featured bland, unmemorable songs from Sylvia Tyson and centered around three aliens who come to Earth and seek out the meaning of Christmas with the help of a little Canadian boy and his comic-relief goose Lucy.

The trio of aliens look like extraterrestrial versions of the Three Wise Men who brought gifts to baby Jesus in Christian myths. I was hoping this meant the point of the story would be that the Magi were really aliens but no, instead we are told these interstellar travelers have been on a nearly 2,000 year journey to investigate the Star of Bethlehem, which we are told was visible from their galaxy. Unfortunately the real story of A Cosmic Christmas is the usual schlocky and sugary holiday pablum about forgiveness and giving, etc. It’s a lot of fun to riff on, though, which made it perfect for Randy and Richard, our machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class.

Santa Claus Conquers the MartiansFILM VAULT LORE: This week The Texas 27 Film Vault played it family-friendly owing to the approach of Christmas. The following Saturday the 28th they got more daring with the 1980 slasher-in-a-Santa-suit horror film To All A Good Night with Jennifer Runyon as the Last Girl.

THE MOVIE: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, like Plan 9 From Outer Space, has been shown and mocked by virtually every single Movie Host show in history so there is literally nothing for me to add at this point. For people unfamiliar with it I’ll provide a brief synopsis.

Martians grow alarmed at the joyless, emotionless state of their children so they fly to Earth to kidnap Santa Claus so he can bring his special kind of holiday cheer to the Red Planet. A clique of Martian villains who hate Christmas as much as the ACLU does (no, hypersensitive readers, I’m not a Conservative – if I was I wouldn’t have referred to “Christian myths” earlier) try to sabotage the establishment of a Martian equivalent of Santa’s Workshop. In the end the good Martians and two captive Earth children help Saint Nick to defeat the bad Martians and an INCREDIBLY annoying comic-relief Martian named Droppo becomes the Santa Claus of Mars. Santa and the little boy and girl return to Earth in time for Christmas at the end of the flick.

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

Pia Zadora played one of the Martian children, complete with green makeup and antennae and a newspaper item my research dug up reflected a bit of controversy Randy and Richard ignited with some jokes about Santa being a child molestor preying on cute little Pia. There was even a brief outcry to move their show back even later into the night because of its “adult” humor but it all blew over in the end.

IN THE NEAR FUTURE BALLADEER’S BLOG WILL PRESENT MORE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT MILESTONES. Be here to share the Film Vault Corp’s mission of “safeguarding America’s schlock-culture heritage”.

FOR ADDITIONAL INFO ON THIS SHOW –https://glitternight.com/texas-27-film-vault/

© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



Filed under Bad and weird movies, Movie Hosts


  1. I like how you mix reviews of each episode in with reviews of what was shown by Randy and Richard.

  2. Giselle

    What a discovery! This is like the missing link between Mystery Science Theater 3000 and so many of the old horror host shows !

  3. Dr Kaiju

    Do the MISTIES know about this show? A lot of them are unstable.

  4. I wish this show had gotten more attention.

  5. Do the weird misties bother u about this show?

  6. Very nice sexy one! I still love ur sense of humor!


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  10. We Three Kings from Spaaaaaaaaaaace!

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  12. Kuja

    Great reviews! You rock!

  13. Tina

    Your reviews are more entertaining than the show probably was.

  14. Francesco

    Your reviews are better than the show could have been.