Monthly Archives: April 2015

April 5, 2015 · 3:01 pm

EVEN MORE ALTERNATE EASTERS

Jesus ResurrectedTry imagining how different modern-day Easter celebrations might be if any of the following Gospels had been deemed “authentic” (lol) instead of just the traditional four. This continues Balladeer’s Blog’s annual examination of the Apocryphal Gospels that provide the best opportunities for comparative mythology. 

THE GOSPEL OF PETER – This Gospel was in wide use in the Middle East until at least the 2nd Century A.D. Its contents would still be completely unknown if not for a fragment of the Gospel being discovered in the tomb of a Christian monk in Egypt late in the 1800’s.

In The Gospel of Peter when Jesus emerges from his tomb upon being resurrected he is the size of a giant “whose head reaches above the Heavens” and is being helped from the tomb by a pair of equally giant-sized angels. Next the Cross itself emerges from the tomb for some reason and a voice from the Heavens asks “Have you preached to those who are sleeping?” The cross speaks and replies “Yes.”   Continue reading →

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April 4, 2015 · 5:25 pm

MALDOROR 2:4 – THE MIDNIGHT OMNIBUS

Balladeer’s Blog resumes its examination of the macabre 1868 French language work The Songs of Maldoror.

THE MIDNIGHT OMNIBUS

Midnight strikes in Paris. An eerie double-decker horse-drawn omnibus bursts forth from the ground and begins making its way through the nearly empty, night-darkened streets.

A few late night wayfarers regard the unusual omnibus with a shudder as it goes by. The vehicle carries the full passenger load of twenty-four but all of the travelers on the upper deck appear to be lifeless corpses leaned against each other.

The top-hatted driver looks like another corpse, and the whip he uses to urge on his horses seems more alive than he is. That whip appears to be what animates the arm of the otherwise lifeless driver, not the other way around. Even the passengers on the inner deck remain mute and still and are likewise as pale as ghosts.   Continue reading →

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April 4, 2015 · 1:01 am

IRAN CONTINUES KICKING OBAMA’S BUTT EVEN AFTER HUMILIATING HIM

The piece of dogshit stubbornly clinging to the bottom of history's shoes.

The piece of dogshit stubbornly clinging to the bottom of history’s shoes.

Even after turning Little Barry Obama into their prison bride at the recent “negotiations” (LMFAO) the mad mullahs of Iran can’t stop pounding him into the dirt like the rank Chicago crook that he is. They’ve gone public with the way Obama is lying to Congress and the citizenry about the deal they just beat out of Little Barry’s worthless little hide. Nobody to root for here. Insane religious zealots on one side and the worst president in U.S. history on the other.

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April 3, 2015 · 1:27 pm

WHAT KIND OF SAVAGES TORTURE CHILDREN FOR NOT PRAYING?

A SYMBOL OF HATRED, SLAVERY, MASS RAPE AND INFANTICIDE.

A SYMBOL OF HATRED, SLAVERY, MASS RAPE AND INFANTICIDE.

Oh, yeah … Muslim savages. The Islamic State tortured two 9 year old boys for playing outside a mosque instead of entering  it to pray. Yes, Muslims are now so out of touch with reality that children playing offends their mindless superstitions. The Islamic State no doubt sends out another “thank you” to Barack Obama for his premature withdrawal from Iraq, allowing them to take over.

What kind of savages shoot people in the surf so that they can laugh at their dying struggles to stay upright to avoid drowning even though they’re doomed anyway from their gunshot wounds? And then PROUDLY POST VIDEOS ONLINE SHOWING THEMSELVES COMMITTING THIS ATROCITY?

Oh, yeah … Muslim savages, the 21st Century version of Nazis. Al Shabaab, the Somali franchise in the global Islamofascist hate group, participated in that activity.

What kind of savages storm a university in military gear, separate their co-religionists from the rest of the students (Talk about “othering”!) and then kill those other students? Continue reading →

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April 3, 2015 · 1:13 am

ALTERNATE EASTERS

If you're fine with this picture but crawl on your belly when Muslim savages are offended you're a gutless hypocrite.

If you’re fine with this picture but crawl on your belly when Muslim savages are offended you’re a gutless hypocrite.

It’s always fun pondering how different today’s Easter celebrations might be if any of the fascinating    apocryphal gospels (meaning the rejected and obscure gospels outside of the four accepted by mainstream Christianity as “authentic”) had been deemed canonical. 

This continues Balladeer’s Blog’s annual examination of the Apocryphal Gospels that provide the best opportunities for comparative mythology. These particular three depict:

a) a Jesus who transports himself and his Apostles from the Garden of Gethsemane directly to God the Father’s throne-room in Heaven,

b) Hell as a living entity unto itself that converses with Satan,

and c) a Jesus who has mastered the esoteric traditions of many other faiths before facing his ultimate destiny on the Cross     

If you don't believe me about what it says read it for yourself.

If you don’t believe me about what it says read it for yourself.

THE GOSPEL OF THE SAVIOR – The narrative of this gospel centers around dialogues between Jesus and his apostles in the last few days before his arrest and crucifixion. Some of the material is similar to the Gospels of John and Matthew, but  some is Gnostic, with references to discarding the useless garment of the body so the soul can return to the empyrean realm. 

The most striking departure in this gospel comes in the Garden of Gethsemane segment, when Jesus, as God the Son, traditionally prays to God the Father to spare him the ordeals that lay ahead. In The Gospel of the Savior Jesus transports himself and his apostles to the throneroom of God the Father  where he makes his appeal in person. The apostles, who stay awake for once in this version, look on as Jesus and God the Father converse in this scene, which serves as this gospel’s substitute for the traditional transfiguration episode of other gospels.  Continue reading →

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April 2, 2015 · 8:30 pm

POLO: THE U.S. OPEN CONTINUES

Yesterday the 111th U.S. Open in polo continued at the International Polo Club in Palm Beach. All of Saturday and Sunday’s games were decided by just one goal and that competitive intensity continued with yesterday’s play.

International Polo Club overheadROUND TWO – LAS MONJITAS vs VALIENTE – My readers indicate that it makes it easier for them to follow if they can think of teams in terms of nicknames so in addition to their official names I will also throw in Balladeer’s Blog’s unofficial nicknames for each team. Anything to accomodate my faithful readers!

Las Monjitas restaurant chain can be referred to as “the Little Nuns” since that’s what Las Monjitas means. Valiente’s unofficial nickname here is “the Valiants.”  

valiente shirtThe 1st Chukker ended with Valiente on top by a score of 3-2 with 2 goals by Alejo Taranca and 1 from Guillermo Terrera. For Las Monjitas Facundo Sola scored both goals on penalty shots from 40 yards out and 60 yards out. Continue reading →

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April 2, 2015 · 2:31 am

MALDOROR 2:3 – AND NOW MEN FEAR YOU NO MORE

Balladeer’s Blog resumes its examination of the macabre 1868 French language work The Songs of Maldoror.

AND NOW MEN FEAR YOU NO MORE

Maldoror 2 3The enigmatic supernatural being Maldoror opens this stanza by reflecting that he hopes the day never dawns when he and Lohengrin unknowingly jostle each other side by side and elbow to elbow in a crowded city, then each continue on their separate paths, as oblivious to their near encounter as strangers who pass in a crowd. 

Yes, as that opening would indicate our vile protagonist now ties himself into esoteric Grail lore as he provides us once again with hints at his real nature. As always these hints contradict the previous hints he has given us about himself. 

First, however, Maldoror addresses God-as- Demiurge in an accusatory manner again, pointing out that as quickly as Maldoror used a hammer to bash in the brains of his most recent victim – a woman this time – the Creator could share with humanity the secret wisdom that he forever withholds from his creations. He further implies that God no longer converses with humanity as he did in the long distant past because now mankind has grown sophisticated enough that they would shout defiance at him and “fling all their shame back in God’s face.”  Continue reading →

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April 1, 2015 · 8:17 pm

COLLEGE BASKETBALL CHAMPIONS FOR 2015

Balladeer’s Blog offers one last round of congratulations to the 2015 college basketball champions in the FOURTEEN divisions covered here.

dalton state roadrunnersNAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) DIVISION ONE 

National Champions – DALTON STATE ROADRUNNERS

Runners-Up – Westmont College Warriors

2014 Champions – Vanguard University Lions

cornerstoneNAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) DIVISION TWO

National Champions – CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY GOLDEN EAGLES

Runners-Up – Dakota Wesleyan University Tigers  

2014 Champions – Indiana Wesleyan University Wildcats Continue reading →

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April 1, 2015 · 12:49 am

CLOUDS WITHOUT WATER (1909) – A LITERARY HOAX FROM ALEISTER CROWLEY

Clouds Without WaterWhat better way to mark April Fool’s Day than by commemorating one of the wittiest and most daring of practical jokes, one perpetrated by Aleister Crowley in those brilliant years before drugs and/or self-delusion fogged his mind. Decades before the pathetic “Peekaboo Crowley” of much renown Aleister was still churning out some very enjoyable poetry – some of it brilliant. The Sword of Song and Konx Om Pax are my favorite volumes of verse by “the Laird of Boleskine” … AFTER Clouds Without Water, that is.  

Clouds Without Water was not Crowley’s only literary practical joke, of course, but the humor of it resonates to this very day, thanks mainly to the never-changing air of pious self-righteousness that afflicts most of the world’s clergy-members. And not just pious self-righteousness but a habit of condemning in the strongest language works of art which their self-limited minds clearly don’t understand.

aleister crowley

*** *** *** *** *** Crowley’s autobiography explained this photo in the poignant chapter titled “I Go Completely Nuts and Start Believing Anything and Everything”

THE JOKE: Clouds Without Water was published under one of Crowley’s pseudonyms – Reverend Charles Verey. It was circulated to various ministries and teaching colleges allegedly as a condemnation of “the type of atheism and socialism” that the young and the bohemian were embracing. Crowley – writing as Reverend Verey – wrote a foreward and a closing prayer for the volume of poetry as well as (when you know the full story) HILARIOUS footnotes expressing the kind of simplistic moral outrage that only the most narrow-minded of holy-rollers can spout. 

Under another assumed identity Crowley ALSO wrote the sonnets being condemned by his Reverend Verey alter ego. On the surface the poems were written by a college professor scandalously celebrating an extramarital affair with one of his female students, a young woman named Lola. The sonnets reflect the supposed couple’s flouting of social and sexual conventions until the affair ends in tragedy for all concerned. Crowley’s fictional persona Reverend Verey was denouncing the poems and the lifestyle reflected in those poems in the strongest possible terms. Continue reading →

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