Monthly Archives: March 2015

March 26, 2015 · 12:21 am

INVASION USA (1952) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

iusa_main_header.gif (400×298) Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 30th anniversary year.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday September 28th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am.

Flash Gordon Conquers the UniverseSERIAL:  Before showing and mocking the movie our members of the Film Vault Corps showed and mocked a chapter of Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe (1940). In that serial Ming the Merciless unleashes a disease called the Purple Death on Earth, prompting Flash Gordon, Dale Arden and Dr Zarkov to fly to the planet Mongo to find a cure and defeat Ming for good.

FV1985002FILM VAULT LORE: Fellow Film Vault Fan Doctor X-Rae ( a lady, hence the spelling) informed me that this 1952 film was shown by our boys as part of a promotional give-away of tickets to the Chuck Norris movie Invasion USA which was hitting theaters back then. This would have been similar to the ticket give-away a month or so earlier to the 1985 Godzilla remake, for which Randy and Richard showed King Kong vs Godzilla. 

HOST SEGMENTS: Some potential dispute here. Dr X-Rae thinks that this was the episode that showed Randy and Richard seeming to quit the Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) and through an oddball series of events, winding up in front of a firing squad … and getting shot!

Invasion USA hedda hopperIt all turns out to be a dream – see my interview with Randy Clower for details. This would all tie in with the “it’s only a dream” style ending of Invasion USA (1952 version) but there’s no hard and fast rule that the Host Segments HAD to parallel the night’s movie. Randy himself is unable to help as he doesn’t recall either way. (I think I’ve drained the poor man’s mind of every shred of Texas 27 Film Vault memories at this point.) 

THE MOVIE: Continue reading →

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March 25, 2015 · 7:34 pm

DALTON STATE ROADRUNNERS ARE NAIA NATIONAL CHAMPS

* NAIA DIVISION ONE *

dalton state roadrunnersCall it The Year of the Roadrunner! The DALTON STATE ROADRUNNERS have won their first ever National Championship. The 6th seeded Roadrunners defeated the (BD) WESTMONT COLLEGE WARRIORS in last night’s NAIA Basketball Championship Game. Dalton State actually trailed the Warriors by 8 just 5 minutes into the game but by Halftime had come back in style for a 37-21 advantage. Continue reading →

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March 25, 2015 · 12:22 am

MALDOROR 13: THE GREAT TOAD-ANGEL

Balladeer’s Blog resumes its examination of the macabre 1868 French language work The Songs of Maldoror.

THE GREAT TOAD-ANGEL 

Maldoror 13This stanza opens up with the supernatural being Maldoror contemplating the worms he pulls from the swollen belly of a dead dog. Slicing the worms into small bits he philosophizes on how human beings should learn a lesson about their own mortality from the state of such dead, worm-riddled bodies. 

Night is falling. In the distance he spies a horse-sized toad with white wings flying down from the sky and landing on the road he is traveling. As the two draw nearer to each other Maldoror senses something familiar about the creature and reflects that its face is “as beautiful as suicide”. He resents the being over how beautiful it looks even in its massive ugliness and the halo over the toad’s head tells him it has come from Heaven and his archrival God. 

Maldoror being Maldoror he tells the Toad-Angel how much he loathes it and berates it for the manifest unfairness and injustice of the world that God has created. He taunts the being that it is only what Maldoror perceives as the deity’s “might makes right” attitude that lets him inflict so much punishment on hapless humanity while feeling no regret.

bufo alvariusAt length the Toad-Angel reminds Maldoror that the two have met before. Once he was an ordinary bufo alvarius (a species of toad whose skin secretions are hallucinogenic and usually fatal) that Maldoror used to lick for psychotropic inspiration. Just as our vile protagonist received mind-altering visions from oral contact with the toad the eldritch chemicals in Maldoror’s mouth eventually elevated the common toad into the higher being it is now.   Continue reading →

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March 24, 2015 · 7:37 pm

NAIA FINAL FOUR: UPSET CITY

* NAIA DIVISION ONE *

dalton state roadrunnersFINAL FOUR – GAME ONE – The 6 seeds – the DALTON STATE ROADRUNNERS – toppled the 2nd seeded TALLADEGA COLLEGE TORNADOES in this first semifinal. The Roadrunners came back from being 6 points down to the Tornadoes to tie the game at 29-29 by Halftime. After the break Dalton State made their move, with their defense strangling Talladega College and with their offense slowly but surely getting more and more distance between themselves and the favorites. In the end the Roadrunners advanced to the Championship Game by a score of 64-54. Preston Earle led Dalton State with 16 points and 8 rebounds.   Continue reading →

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March 24, 2015 · 3:01 am

DEAFULA (1975) ONE OF BALLADEER’S BLOG’S GREATEST HITS

Deafula BalladeerThis is one of my most- requested Bad Movie reviews, so here it is again. Deafula is yet another of those bad movies that has such a bizarre premise that many believe the film to be an urban legend, like the turkey-monster flick Blood Freak. Get ready for a deaf vampire, a very odd witch and the most joyously goofy hunchback in cinematic history.  

Deafula 2DEAFULA (1975) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following

Good intentions go horribly wrong in this film. Much like with Blood Freak, there are people who insist this film is just an urban legend and that it doesn’t really exist. Those people are wrong again. This horror film is in black and white and, as the title suggests, the vampire as well as everyone else in this movie’s world are deaf and communicate through sign language, billed as “Signscope” in the movie posters and in the opening credits, as if this was a pioneering technical gimmick on a par with Sensurround. (Although considering how lame Sensurround was there may be something to that)

Never fear, though, there is also voice-over narration provided by different people for each actor, so that people who don’t know sign language can follow the story. Obviously this is all very noble, and in fact Peter Wechsburg, who produced this film and stars as Deafula, was responsible for an all-sign language newscast for the hearing impaired. That newscast originated in Portland, OR, which is also where Deafula was filmed. Continue reading →

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March 23, 2015 · 10:55 pm

POLO IS JOINING BALLADEER’S BLOG’S SPORTS COVERAGE

Polo Teams In ActionPOLO, THE OLDEST TEAM SPORT IN THE WORLD, IS COMING TO BALLADEER’S BLOG! It will be joining all my other subjects so nothing is going away to make room for it. Polo is THE television sport and feels like you’re watching an action movie as the players exhibit their skills.

A QUICK POLO PRIMER:  

Polo 2Instead of “Innings” or “Quarters” or “Periods” a Polo Match is made up of “Chukkers”.

There are six Chukkers to a Match. After three Chukkers comes Halftime.

Each Chukker lasts 7 minutes plus up to a maximum of 30 additional seconds to complete a play in progress when the Chukker ends.

There are four riders on each Polo team, wearing numbers 1-4 depending on the position they play. Continue reading →

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March 23, 2015 · 7:49 pm

MUSLIMS ARRESTED FOR SAVAGE ATTACK

Dear islamThe most intolerant and violent religion in the world at this particular point in history strikes again! Hasham Muqtaz Ali, Ramez Murtaza, Tobijah Thompson and Saker Shireen Khan were arrested in the March 20th fatal stabbing of 18 year old Daniel Kirkwood. The four were also charged with the non-fatal assaults on two of Kirkwood’s friends.  

Muslim fanatics love sharing their savagery so PICTURES WERE TAKEN of the dying victim and posted on the social media site Snapchat. Islam seems incapable of peacefully coexisting with non-Muslims.  Continue reading →

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March 22, 2015 · 2:12 pm

MORE CHAMPIONS CROWNED PLUS NAIA FINAL FOUR ACTION

* NAIA DIVISION ONE *

dalton state roadrunnersFINAL FOUR – FIRST BERTH – The 6 seeds – the DALTON STATE ROADRUNNERS – toppled the 3rd seeded CAL STATE SAN MARCOS COUGARS in this game. The Roadrunners put the Cougars on Upset Alert by Halftime with a 40-36 lead but Cal State San Marcos tied the game late at 70-70 to force Overtime. In the extra session Dalton State emerged with an 80-76 victory to move on to the Final Four. Anthony Hilliard had 20 points to lead the Roadrunners.   Continue reading →

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March 21, 2015 · 2:53 pm

NJCAA FINAL FOUR ACTION PLUS MORE TOURNAMENT RESULTS

* NJCAA DIVISION ONE *

South Plains College Texans NEWFINAL FOUR – GAME ONE – This first semifinal saw the 8th seeded SOUTH PLAINS COLLEGE TEXANS take on the 12 seeds – the HILL COLLEGE REBELS. In this 2015 NJCAA Tournament which has been so tough on single-digit seeds it seemed yet another upset might be in the offing as the Rebels led the Texans 40-38 at Halftime. The 2nd Half was equally tight and Regulation ended in a 79-79 tie. In Overtime the South Plains College offense exploded, outscoring Hill College 23-11 for a 102-90 victory! Andre Spight led the Texans with 22 points.   Continue reading →

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March 21, 2015 · 1:46 am

MALDOROR 12: THE PHILOSOPHICAL GRAVEDIGGER

Balladeer’s Blog resumes its examination of the macabre 1868 French language work The Songs of Maldoror.

THE PHILOSOPHICAL GRAVEDIGGER

Maldoror gravediggerThe supernatural being Maldoror, here referring to himself as “He who knows not how to weep”, found himself in Norway in his wanderings. While in the Faroe Islands he observed men who hunt for the nests of sea birds in mountain crevices hundreds of feet deep. He mused that if he was in charge of such an expedition he would have knicked the strong rope the mountain climbers use, weakening it so he could enjoy watching at least one of them plummet to a bone-shattering death far below.  

This image of a human body fatally falling into a massive hole in the earth put him in mind of freshly-dug graves. Thus inspired, Maldoror indulged in a nocturnal exploration of the area’s graveyards. In one in particular he passed a band of necrophiliacs violating beautiful corpses and stopped to chat with a nearby gravedigger.

With typical vanity Maldoror told the gravedigger to consider himself lucky to be interacting with him. He (Maldoror) fancied himself a figurative “great whale” momentarily raising his head above the waters of the Sea of Death in which he made his home, granting a mere mortal like the gravedigger the privilege of seeing him in his dread majesty.    Continue reading →

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