July 17, 2014 · 9:02 pm

GORGEOUS CASEY JAMES AND ANOTHER OF BALLADEER’S BLOG’S OBSCURE SPAGHETTI WESTERNS

Casey James, the Official Movie Hostess of Balladeer's Blog

Casey James, the Official Movie Hostess of Balladeer’s Blog

THE FRONTIERADO HOLIDAY IS FRIDAY AUGUST FIRST! We’ve all got our painted rocks on various bits of furniture around the house, we’ve all got our potted cacti with the toy gun-belts slung over them and for those old enough to drink there are Cactus Jacks and Deuces Wilds to be slammed down. In some homes families and friends will be gathering around to watch the official Frontierado Western, Silverado.

In the buildup to this major holiday I periodically reviewed my favorite weird westerns so to give us all a few more chuckles here’s one more, presented by the legendary Casey James, Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess.

JESSE JAMES’ KID (1966) – In my review of The Price of Power earlier this Frontierado season I mentioned how fond I am of those Spaghetti Westerns that distort the facts of the American west more outrageously than even our own home- grown westerns do. Jesse James’ Kid makes The Price of Power look like the writings of Herodotus.

In this deranged western which used to populate the 3am to 5am movie slot on television stations across the country we get the old-school bad movie fun of dubbing that never comes close to matching the movements of the performers’ lips. And that’s just the start. This film tells us that Billy the Kid was Jesse James’ son … yes, Jesse James’ son. And not only that but young Billy witnesses his “father’s” fatal shooting, which in this movie is not done by Robert Ford, but by Bat Freaking Masterson!!! Continue reading →

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July 16, 2014 · 7:17 pm

FRONTIER MARSHAL (1939) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

A movie guaranteed to contain absolutely NO accurate information.

A movie guaranteed to contain absolutely NO accurate information.

BEFORE MST3K THERE WAS … THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT!

Welcome to a special Frontierado Edition of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at this neglected cult show from the 1980’s. The Texas 27 Film Vault featured Randy Clower and Richard Malmos as members of the fictional Film Vault Corps ( “The few, the proud, the sarcastic” ) showing and mocking bad and campy films preceded by episodes of old Republic Serials.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday, October 25th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am.

Mysterious Doctor SatanOPENING SERIAL: Before presenting and mocking Frontier Marshal our machine-gun wielding Film Vault Technicians First Class presented and mocked an episode of Mysterious Doctor Satan, a Republic serial from 1940. The serial featured a mad scientist called Dr Satan trying to take over the world with a VERY goofy- looking robot while a pulp-style hero called the Copperhead tried to thwart his plans 

THE MOVIE: Frontier Marshal, directed by Allan Dwan, has a well-deserved reputation as the worst and weirdest cinematic depiction of the events leading up to the Gunfight at the OK Corral. Randolph Scott turns in Continue reading →

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July 15, 2014 · 7:39 pm

GUNSLINGER COMMODORE PERRY OWENS

commodore perry owensTHIS SUNDAY THE AMERICAN HEROES CHANNEL, IN CONJUNCTION WITH BALLADEER’S BLOG’S UPCOMING FRONTIERADO HOLIDAY, WILL DEBUT THEIR NEW SERIES TITLED GUNSLINGERS. THE SERIES WILL COVER GUNMEN OF THE OLD WEST AND WILL DEAL WITH THE BIG NAMES. AS USUAL I WILL EXAMINE SOME OF THE LESSER-KNOWN BUT JUST AS EXCITING GUNSLINGERS RIGHT HERE! FRONTIERADO IS FRIDAY AUGUST 1st! ***

COMMODORE PERRY OWENS – Named after the naval hero of the War of 1812, Owens was one of the few gunfighters of the west to put in time as an actual cowboy and made a name for himself as a gunman driving off rustlers on cattle drives. Legend has it that plenty of would-be rustlers wound up meeting their end in gunfights with Commodore Perry Owens. 

Drifting into the Arizona Territory in the 1880’s Owens took a job at a stagecoach station as a rifleman charged with driving off the periodic attacks by Native Americans. Earning a reputation as a dead shot, Owens was soon being called “The Commodore” for obvious reasons and his reputation started to grow. Passengers knew they were safe (at least for the moment) when their stagecoach was approaching the station under the protection of Owens’ steady hand and eagle eyes. Continue reading →

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July 13, 2014 · 9:31 pm

THE MOST REPULSIVE LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES OF THE 21st CENTURY

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, as always coming to you from an America being needlessly torn in two by those walking caricatures called Liberals and Conservatives. Presented for your reading pleasure is a look at the most thoroughly repulsive American Liberals and American Conservatives so far in this still- young century.

The prancing buffoon named Barack Obama.

The prancing buffoon named Barack Obama.

1. MOST REPULSIVE LIBERAL – BARACK OBAMA – Could there be any doubt? This utter failure of a president violates the Constitution and persists in the cheap and worn-out game of blaming his predecessor for everything bad but trying to take credit for anything good. And if you doubt the part about violating the Constitution just ask the Supreme Court, which TWENTY TIMES has UNANIMOUSLY ruled that Obama did so and invalidated his actions. Little Barry has earned a name as “the piece of dogshit stubbornly clinging to the bottom of history’s shoes” with his weak, inept and crooked performance as president.

In the future I’m sure America will have African American presidents who really are brilliant and capable and all of the things Obama is NOT. For right now this global embarrassment has caused so much damage that even his callous, unthinking and unfeeling worshippers are having a tougher and tougher time trying to make excuses for him. A creepy and fascistic cult of personality is Little Barry’s only strength while his tiresome way of racially profiling all white people shows what kind of a hatemonger he is.  Continue reading →

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July 13, 2014 · 5:51 pm

COLLEGE GOLF CHAMPIONS FOR 2014 – MEN

And here we have a final round of congratulations for this year’s college golf champions in the divisions covered here at Balladeer’s Blog.

Coastal Georgia MarinersNAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics)

National Champions – COLLEGE OF COASTAL GEORGIA MARINERS

Runners-Up – OKLAHOMA CITY UNIVERSITY STARS

2013 Champions – OKLAHOMA CITY UNIVERSITY STARS

Lee FlamesNCCAA (National Christian College Athletic Association)

National Champions – LEE UNIVERSITY FLAMES (2013-2014 Academic Year)

Runners-Up – DALLAS BAPTIST UNIVERSITY PATRIOTS

2012 – 2013 Champions – OKLAHOMA CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY EAGLES Continue reading →

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July 12, 2014 · 2:55 am

PULP HERO G-8 AND HIS BATTLE ACES – STORIES THIRTEEN THROUGH FIFTEEN

G8 aloneBalladeer’s Blog resumes its examination of the neglected Pulp Hero G-8. This continues a story-by- story look at the adventures of this World War One American fighter pilot who – along with his two wingmen the Battle Aces – took on various supernatural and super- scientific menaces thrown at the Allied Powers by the Central Powers of Germany, Austria- Hungary and the Ottoman Muslim Turks.

G-8 was created by Robert J Hogan in 1933 when World War One was still being called simply the World War or the Great War. Over the next eleven years Hogan wrote 110 stories featuring the adventures of G-8, the street-smart pug Nippy Weston and the brawny giant Bull Martin. The regular cast was rounded out by our hero’s archenemy Doktor Krueger, by Battle, G-8’s British manservant and by our hero’s girlfriend R-1: an American nurse/ spy whose real name, like G-8’s was never revealed. G-8’s war-time pulp adventures were a clear influence on the Timely Comics (later Marvel Comics) character Captain America.

Spider Staffel13. THE SPIDER STAFFEL (October 1934) – When the Central Powers feel that the Allied bombers are inflicting too much damage they make plans for a counter-strategy. With the bombers accompanied and protected by capable fighter pilots like G-8 and his Battle Aces the answer is obvious: use a gigantic tarantula to cast webs across the skies to snare Allied planes and thus destroy bombers and fighters alike. Continue reading →

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July 11, 2014 · 6:56 pm

MUSLIM PLOT TO BLOW UP FRENCH LANDMARKS AND NUCLEAR PLANTS GETS THWARTED

A symbol of hatred and slavery.

A symbol of hatred and slavery.

More terrorism from some practitioners of the most homophobic, misogynistic and otherwise intolerant religion in the world at this particular point in history. French authorities are reporting the thwarting of a Muslim plot to blow up the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre and various nuclear power plants in France.

If the attack had succeeded the cowardly people who support Muslim terrorism would have been jumping in to claim that the Western Democracies deserve everything they get because of “colonialism”, conveniently ignoring the ruthless and bloody Muslim colonialism that saw that savage faith spread throughout Africa and other parts of the world. Do those fools actually think Islam was indigenous to such a large portion of the globe? Or are they just stupid enough to believe the ridiculous Muslim claim that everywhere their armies went the populace “happily” converted to Islam? Continue reading →

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July 10, 2014 · 10:42 pm

BAD MOVIE SHORT: THE FINISHING LINE (1977)

Trainspotting it's NOT!

Trainspotting it’s NOT!

Yes, it’s the infamous British safety short titled The Finishing Line and it plays like a 20 minute Monty Python sketch rehearsed in Hell. Forget America’s Driver’s Ed films like Red Asphalt or Signal 30 … forget the complete works of Sid Davis … you can even forget the entire library of Union Pacific Railroad flicks. Prepare for tastelessness beyond belief! 

And is it just me or is the P.A. announcer the guy who played Field Marshall Montgomery in Patton? At any rate here it is, the Railroad Safety Short most likey to be masturbated to by Freddy Krueger — THE FINISHING LINE!

Continue reading →

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July 10, 2014 · 9:06 pm

COLLEGE GOLF CHAMPIONS FOR 2014 – WOMEN

Here’s one last round of congratulations to the 2014 college golf champions in the divisions covered here at Balladeer’s Blog.

OklahomaCityStarsNAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics)

National Champions – OKLAHOMA CITY UNIVERSITY STARS

Runners-Up – SAVANNAH COLLEGE OF ART AND DESIGN BEES

2013 Champions – OKLAHOMA CITY UNIVERSITY STARS

Lee FlamesNCCAA (National Christian College Athletic Association)

National Champions – LEE UNIVERSITY FLAMES (2013- 2014 academic year)

Runners-Up – DALLAS BAPTIST UNIVERSITY PATRIOTS 

2012-2013 Academic Year Champions – DALLAS BAPTIST UNIVERSITY PATRIOTS Continue reading →

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July 9, 2014 · 4:17 pm

AGENTS OF I.S.L.A.M. – EPISODE TWO

A savage threatens beheadings in Trafalgar Square

A savage threatens beheadings in Trafalgar Square

Agents of I.S.L.A.M.‘s debut last week made it the highest rated cable show of the year so far! If you like shows like Falling Skies, Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead you will LOVE this program! In Episode Two cult director Eddie Wozniak has expanded the geographical reach of his fictional group of villains called I.S.L.A.M. (Intolerant Savages Loathing All Modernity).

I.S.L.A.M. is a group of religious fanatics but Wozniak coyly refuses to say which religion they practice. That mystery may or may not be revealed as the storyline progresses. Last week the title villains mutilated the genitals of hundreds of unwilling women according to the dictates of their savage faith, whatever it may be. In this week’s installment the Agents of I.S.L.A.M. undertake multiple missions across the globe.

In England a “twitter jihad” is launched as an Agent threatens that the evil organization he represents will take over England and use Trafalgar Square as an arena for beheadings. Wozniak’s insistence on using beheadings in this series strains credibility. It’s impossible to picture a group in the 21st Century practicing a religion SO hate-filled and blood-soaked that beheadings would be one of their sacraments. Eddie needs to tone it down a little if he wants to maintain even a shred of verisimilitude.   Continue reading →

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