BEFORE MST3K THERE WAS … THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT!
Welcome to a special Frontierado Edition of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at this neglected cult show from the 1980’s. The Texas 27 Film Vault featured Randy Clower and Richard Malmos as members of the fictional Film Vault Corps ( “The few, the proud, the sarcastic” ) showing and mocking bad and campy films preceded by episodes of old Republic Serials.
ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday, October 25th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am.
OPENING SERIAL: Before presenting and mocking Frontier Marshal our machine-gun wielding Film Vault Technicians First Class presented and mocked an episode of Mysterious Doctor Satan, a Republic serial from 1940. The serial featured a mad scientist called Dr Satan trying to take over the world with a VERY goofy- looking robot while a pulp-style hero called the Copperhead tried to thwart his plans
THE MOVIE: Frontier Marshal, directed by Allan Dwan, has a well-deserved reputation as the worst and weirdest cinematic depiction of the events leading up to the Gunfight at the OK Corral. Randolph Scott turns inhis usual bland performance as Wyatt Earp with Cesar Romero a very unlikely Doc. As usual Doc steals the show from the hopelessly dull and straight-arrow Wyatt. Ward Bond shows up as a cowardly lawman, Lon Chaney, Jr, plays one of Curly Bill Brocius’ thugs and Balladeer’s Blog’s old friend John Carradine is the movie’s main villain … Carter. No, not Clanton or even McLaurey but “Carter”.
Here’s just some of the hilariously distorted bits from this Parallel Universe version of the events in Tombstsone, Arizona:
Doc Holliday’s name is Halliday for some reason and is pronounced “Hale-i-day”. Characters say “Hale-i-day” so many times that if you made it a drinking game you’d be dead of alcohol poisoning about half-way through.
Doc Holliday, excuse me – Hale-i-day – drank only milk in the west until the woman he loved back in Georgia (his cousin in real life) showed up in Tombstone. Then he started drinking whiskey to escape the pain of seeing her again.
Wyatt was the only Earp in Tombstone. Not one of his brothers shows up in this rendition.
Doc was out west for just two years by the time he rolled into Tombstone. Like most of the distortions of the facts there is no reason for this in the context of the story. It’s just wrong for the hell of it.
Doc was a medical doctor in this version, not a dentist. (To be fair there are other movies that get that part wrong.) A hilariously maudlin tale gets told about Doc risking his life to deliver a baby back in Georgia.
Wyatt became a lawman in Tombstone when the previous badge-holder was too frightened to arrest a drunk Mexican.
Wild West comedian Eddie Foy delivered deadlier kicks than Jackie Chan.
Doc Holliday, er, Hale-i-day, is killed by the bad guys even BEFORE the gunfight at the OK Corral. In real life Doc lived until years after that event. Here he is buried in Tombstone under the last name “Halliday”. Needless to say his year of birth is VERY wrong on the gravemarker.
The famed gunfight at the most famous Corral in history takes place AT NIGHT and Wyatt’s only ally is A WOMAN – a cheap saloon girl who had a thing for Doc.
Throw in typically awkward faux-western dialogue, a couple of cringe-inducing songs and a stage-coach chase that features the all-time worst rear projection ever seen in a movie. And I mean EVER!
At the time this episode of The Texas 27 Film Vault aired Cesar Romero was starring on the prime-time soap opera Falcon Crest, which no doubt provided some additional comedy fodder for Randy and Richard.
IN THE NEAR FUTURE BALLADEER’S BLOG WILL PRESENT MORE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT MILESTONES. Be here to share the Film Vault Corp’s mission of “safeguarding America’s schlock-culture heritage”.
FOR ADDITIONAL INFO ON THIS SHOW – https://glitternight.com/texas-27-film-vault/
© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.