SANTO VERSUS THE RIDERS OF TERROR (1970): PRESENTED BY SEXY CASEY JAMES

Special thanks once again to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the legendarily lovely Casey James! Casey is introducing my latest look at a bad superhero movie.

Santo vs the Riders of Terror 2SANTO VERSUS THE RIDERS OF TERROR (1970) – Called Santo Contra Los Jinetes del Terror in its native Mexico, this is one of my all-time favorite hidden gems among the wacked-out movies about Mexican wrestler and superhero El Santo.    

El Santo – often called “Samson” in English-dubbed versions of his flicks – has battled Martians, vampire women, vampire men, witches, mummies, wax figures come to life and dozens of other monstrosities. This particular flick stands out to me because of its joyously tasteless brand of “monsters” – a horseback riding outlaw gang of lepers.

Yes, LEPERS! In a move even Tod Slaughter might have deemed too exploitative a group of bandits deformed by leprosy are at large and pulling off a series of robberies. The lepers are led by “Jose”, who leads an escape from a local sanitarium where he and his fellow afflicted are being cared for. A rancher named Camerino strikes a secret alliance with the unfortunate escapees, promising a hideout plus food and a share of the loot if they commit robberies for him.   Continue reading →

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SCROOGE’S ROCK AND ROLL CHRISTMAS (1983): CAROL-A-THON 2014 CONTINUES

scrooges rock and rollTime for another post in Balladeer’s Blog’s annual orgy of entries on various versions of THE Christmas tale. 

Scrooge’s Rock & Roll Christmas grows on me more and more each time I watch it. It’s value as a version of A Christmas Carol is virtually nil, but it features some wonderful renditions of a variety of Yuletide songs along with some striking wintry scenery. Most sources list this made-for- tv special as a 1984 production, but the actual copyright date on the VHS copy I tracked down says 1983, so that’s what I’m going by. If it first aired in late December 1983 it’s almost a 1984 product anyway so I can see where the confusion might come in.

A better title for this 45 minute novelty item would be Have Yourself A Has- Been Little Christmas since it features appearances by several rock singers who were already two decades past their days as chart- toppers. The premise of this telefilm is that a young lady looking for a record store (and how old does THAT sound these days) instead finds the establishment to be occupied by Ebenezer Scrooge, played by Jack Elam … yes, Jack Elam.

Through some Twilight Zone style shenanigans our heroine – called simply The Girl in the credits – is face-to- face with the actual Scrooge from 1843. It’s pointless to wonder if Scrooge & Marley’s establishment was in the same building that the record store (snicker) is now located in or if The Girl was transported back through time when she entered the place or what. It’s all just a half-assed excuse to have our heroine teach the crotchety Scrooge about the  Christmas Spirit by using her magical snow-globe to show him videos of aging rock singers performing holiday standards. No, I’m serious. 

The segments featuring hilariously lame dialogue between Ebenezer and The Girl serve as bridges between each of the videos, like a Continue reading →

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MUSLIMS MURDER DOZENS OF NON-MUSLIM WORKERS

"For want of a sandwich." More dead victims of Ben Affleck's beloved Muslim fanatics.

“For want of a sandwich.” More dead victims of Ben Affleck’s beloved Muslim fanatics.

NORTHEAST KENYA – Islam, the religion of rape aka the religion of blowing people to pieces, once again demonstrates that not only is it the most misogynistic and homophobic faith in the world at this particular point in history, it’s also the most savagely violent. This particular gang of Muslim murderers goes by the name “al Shabaab” but I always lump these groups under an umbrella organization I call I.S.L.A.M. – Intolerant Savages Loathing All Modernity.

Just over a week ago this same Muslim group butchered 28 passengers in a bus they hijacked in northeast Kenya. A quarry in that same region was the site of this new assault. The al Shabaab members took time out from oppressing women and otherwise retarding the rest of the world’s social progress to separate the Muslim quarry workers from the non-Muslims, then callously killed all 36 non-Muslims.   Continue reading →

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CHRISTMAS SEASON TURKEYS FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG

ELVESRegular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page. Laughing at bad and weird movies is one of the great joys of life so I often post holiday-themed looks at cinematic turkeys around Halloween and Thanksgiving. The Yuletide season has its fair share of turkeys as well, so enjoy this examination of more Christmas season bombs than even Henry Kissinger ever dreamed of. In keeping with my blog’s overall theme I will exclude overexposed movies like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the Mexican film Santa Claus. Visit my Bad Movie page if you want full-length reviews of the following flicks.  

Christmas MartianTHE CHRISTMAS MARTIAN (1971) – This Canadian flick is dubbed into English from its orginal French so viewers get treated to the Old School bad movie fun of the actor’s lip movements rarely matching the words being said. An annoyingly whimsical and whacky Martian gets stuck in Canada at Christmas time. A young brother and sister help the alien visitor repair his Ed Wood- level spaceship and save him from suspicious Canadian authorities. Yes, it all seems … reminiscent … of the much-later movie E.T. but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. (?)

The Martian overdoes the zaniness factor to such a degree that even Charles Nelson Reilly would have told him to tone it down a little. He also wallows in a Canadian candy treat that looks a lot like Reese’s Pieces. Just sayin’. Randy and Richard on The Texas 27 Film Vault showed this in the 1980’s. 

SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972) – Ever want to see Santa Claus sweating so much that his red pants cling to his butt tightly enough for his crack and each buttock to stand out wide and proud? THIS is the movie for you! (And please stay away from children.) Santa’s sleigh crash-lands in Continue reading →

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A GOOD CARTOON ABOUT ISLAM

islam peaceful

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF AND BOWL RESULTS FROM NOVEMBER 29th

* NAIA PLAYOFFS *

Southern Oregon Raiders“DON’T START PLAYING TIL THE FOURTH QUARTER” – The SOUTHERN OREGON UNIVERSITY RAIDERS made THE road comeback of the season in the NAIA! In this Second Round playoff game the Raiders had traveled to face the top seeded CARROLL COLLEGE FIGHTING SAINTS. SOU trailed 28-12 by Halftime and 35-18 to end the 3rd Quarter before outscoring CC 27-7 in the 4th for a heart-pounding 45-42 come-from- behind victory! The Raiders had 4 TD’s by air and 3 on the ground.  

Marian Knights helmet newDEFENDING CHAMPS ELIMINATED – The MARIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS pulled off the 2nd Round’s other big upset but did it in less nail-biting fashion. The Knights visited the defending champion GRAND VIEW UNIVERSITY VIKINGS and were in control from start to finish. A 7-0 Marian lead in the 1st Quarter became 13-0 at the break, then 20-6 in the 3rd. The Knights added 14 more points in the final frame for a tally of 34-6. QB Hayden Northern passed for 258 yds and 3 TD’s in the win. Continue reading →

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PULP HERO G-8 AND HIS BATTLE ACES: STORIES SEVENTY-THREE TO SEVENTY-FIVE

Falcon Flies with the damnedBalladeer’s Blog resumes its look at the neglected Pulp Hero G-8. This is a story-by- story look at the adventures of this World War One American fighter pilot who – along with his two wingmen the Battle Aces – took on various super- natural and super- scientific menaces thrown at the Allied Powers by the Central Powers of Germany, Austria- Hungary and the Ottoman Muslim Turks.

G-8 was created by Robert J Hogan in 1933 when World War One was still being called simply the World War or the Great War. Over the next eleven years Hogan wrote 110 stories featuring the adventures of G-8, the street-smart pug Nippy Weston and the brawny giant Bull Martin. The regular cast was rounded out by our hero’s archenemy Doktor Krueger, by Battle, G-8’s British manservant and by our hero’s girlfriend R-1: an American spy/ nurse whose real name, like G-8’s was never revealed.

Black Buzzard flies to Hell73. THE BLACK BUZZARD FLIES TO HELL (October 1939) – Introducing a new member of G-8’s Rogue’s Gallery of foes – Nordlich the Inventor! Herr Nordlich has put his genius to work and has come up with stealth planes coated in a special coal-black paint and capable of carrying over twice the bomb payload of other planes. In addition he’s invented special helmets that permit the planes’ pilots to see each other AND see in the dark of night.

The stealth planes’ debut mission finds them audaciously bombing the HQ of G-8 and his Battle Aces at Le Bourget Field! The emboldened Central Powers are exploiting this technological edge to the fullest so it’s up to G-8, Bull, Nippy and R-1 to root out the secrets of Nordlich’s deadly Black Buzzard planes and to find a weakness that can be used to bring them down. Continue reading →

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EVEN DEMOCRAT CHUCK SCHUMER ADMITS OBAMACARE WAS A MISTAKE

Before ObamacareAs millions of working class victims brace themselves for the 2015 increases in Obamacare payments and deductibles even Obama shoe-shine boy Chuck Schumer has broken ranks with his fellow Obamabots to point out how damaging Obamacare has been to families with real-world incomes.

This came in a week which also saw the forced resignation of yet ANOTHER Obama administration member – Chuck Hagel, the Secretary of Defense (lmao) AND saw another scandal arise as Obama crony Terrence P Bean was arrested on charges of sexually abusing a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD BOY.  Continue reading →

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CHRISTMAS CAROL-A-THON 2014 BEGINS WITH THE 1923 SILENT FILM VERSION

Christmas Season is upon us! Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog will remember that from the Friday after Thanksgiving until Christmas Day I conduct a yearly Christmas Carol-A-Thon in which I examine some of the out of the way versions of what I consider to be THE Christmas story! As always I will mix in new reviews with some popular hits from the past. 

A Christmas Carol (1923)

A Christmas Carol (1923)

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1923) – Not only am I an enthusiastic fan of this Dickens story but I’m also a lover of silent movies. There were plenty of adaptations of A Christmas Carol in the silent era but this one has got to be the most disappointing. By the 1920’s the art of silent filmmaking was at its creative peak with many of the masterpieces of the pre-sound era premiering during the decade. This British film adaptation is an undeniable bomb which sucks the soul out of the story as effectively as the 1910 Edison Company version. 

At least the 1910 version had the excuse of coming out when silent movies were still finding their way creatively, but this 1923 Hi-Mark production is an embarrassment and a definite step backward in the storytelling technique of silent films. This film was screened only at museums in England for several decades before finally being released on home video in 2007. The lack of exposure built up a certain mystique around this movie and its British pedigree enhanced the feelings of anticipation surrounding its release.

Watching the film quickly disillusions anyone expecting the usual 1920’s silent movie magic. There are Continue reading →

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THANKSGIVING TURKEYS WITH THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Randy Clower (right) with co-host Richard Malmos as "Film Vault Technicians First Class" on The Texas 27 Film Vault

Randy Clower (right) with co-host Richard Malmos as “Film Vault Technicians First Class” on The Texas 27 Film Vault. They’re way down on Level 31. No, not Deep 13 – Level 31.

Randy Clower and Richard Malmos of The Texas 27 Film Vault (both lower right) featured in a Movie Host article with Stella from Saturday Night Dead and Elvira.

Randy Clower and Richard Malmos of The Texas 27 Film Vault (both lower right) featured in a Movie Host article with Stella from Saturday Night Dead and Elvira.

The Texas 27 Film Vault was a great pre-MST3K bad movie show from the mid-1980’s. The hosts Randy Clower and Richard Malmos (also the co-creators of the program) were members of the fictional quasi-military outfit called the Film Vault Corps – “the few, the proud, the sarcastic”. Ken Miller, who played the gung-ho Kilgore-esque Tex on the show was also a co-creator. Tragically Miller commited suicide in 1988.   

The Texas 27 Film Vault aired for 2 and 1/2 hours every Saturday night from 10:30pm to 1:00 am with Randy, Richard, Tex, Joe The Hypnotic Eye Riley and Laurie Savino the Mystery Clip Technician showing and mocking episodes of old Republic and Columbia serials before showing and mocking the night’s bad or campy movie.

Texas and Oklahoma loved this cult show and it’s rare for Sooners and Longhorns to agree on anything! Here’s a look at some of the more memorable episodes from The Texas 27 Film Vault history.  

It! The terror from beyond space 2IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE (1958)

Original Broadcast Date: July 12th, 1986

Serial: Atom Man vs Superman (1950) 

Host Segments: Most of the Host Segments in this episode centered around a touring troupe from the Film Vault Corps Academy in Leadville, Co. That troupe – the FVC Academy’s Little Theatre Group – was performing for Randy, Richard, Tex and the others. Joe Riley’s gore effects took center stage as the touring thespians presented comedic reenactments of classic scenes from movies about aliens, including the infamous chest-burster moment from Alien and an unappetizing moment from the 80’s remake of The Thing. 

The gore in the Host Segments made this the first Texas 27 Film Vault episode to come with a “Viewer Discretion” warning. Their later presentation of the hilariously bad Friday the 13th Part 3 was another. 

Movie: It! The Terror From Beyond Space was a joyously bad black & white space travel film from the 1950s. A Martian monster has already wiped out all but one member of the first expedition to the Red Planet. Next up on the menu for this ET who sucks all moisture from his victims: the rescue expedition who belatedly arrive to save the crew of the preceding mission to Mars.   

Continue reading →

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