Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

November 23, 2016 · 1:56 am

TALES OF THE THIRD DIMENSION (1984)

tales-of-the-3rd-dimensionTALES OF THE THIRD DIMENSION (1984) was yet another of the six 3D movies released in the 1980s by Balladeer’s Blog’s old friend Earl Owensby. Earl was known as “The Dixie DeMille” since he and his film company operated almost exclusively out of North Carolina. To me he’s always seemed more like Roger Corman, however, since Owensby’s flicks were mostly just unpretentious B Movies made with so little money they were guaranteed to turn a profit. 

Many of Earl’s film ventures are okay time-wasters but horror was definitely not his forte. Previously I reviewed three of Owensby’s other gems of Bad Movie Goodness: Wolfman, A Day of Judgment and Dogs of Hell. Recently I finally got a chance to watch his horror anthology Tales of the Third Dimension.  

Let’s start with the title. Since we live in a 3-dimensional universe there is nothing eerie or macabre about anything from “the third dimension.” Usually movies reference the fourth or fifth dimension. And that brings us to the film’s biggest problem: it seems to be an attempt at horror-comedy, like some of the elements in the Creepshow movies. That being said I guess it’s possible that the title was supposed to be a joke … kind of.  Continue reading →

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November 13, 2016 · 3:36 am

THE VISITOR (1979)

The Visitor

THE VISITOR (1979) – This Italian-made movie deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following so I’m surprised that it’s still com-paratively unknown. The film is directed by “Michael J Paradise” (Giulio Paradisi) and features appearances by such name stars as Franco Nero, Glenn Ford, Lance Henriksen, Shelley Winters, John Huston, Sam Peckinpah, Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Mel Ferrer.

Paradisi directs this film in such a way that the actual point of most scenes is lost because virtually every shot includes extraneous footage completely irrelevant to the storyline. The extra footage just distracts from what otherwise might have been a halfway passable sci-fi thriller.  

Never before has anyone used the words “This movie could have used more Kareem Abdul- Jabbar” but they apply to this flick.

All that being said I want to point out that I disagree with the general consensus that The Visitor makes no sense. Sure, it has plotholes, inconsistent behavior from the characters, poorly chosen reaction shots and villains who over-complicate things for themselves, but the basic story DOES make sense. In fact I bet X-Files fans would like it and would immediately understand what’s going on.

The Visitor 4Part of the confusion can be attributed to the edited version that omits so much footage that it’s difficult to understand what is going on. It’s not always easy to understand what’s going on in the complete 108 minute version, either, but at least it retains all the relevant footage. Since so many people seem lost when they first watch this movie I’ll provide a handy synopsis of the film. It’s not quite right to say there are spoilers ahead since most people apparently don’t understand what is going on when they watch the film anyway. Continue reading →

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October 27, 2016 · 9:28 pm

SPOOKIES (1986)

Spookies 1SPOOKIES (1986) – Halloween month continues here at Balladeer’s Blog with a look at a bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult. I mean who does this movie have to sleep with in order to be better known?

Spookies is loaded with laughable and outrageous monsters, acting that porn stars would dismiss as amateurish and gore effects that go from wincingly realistic to childishly weak and back again throughout the flick.

The reason for the uneven tone is that Spookies is yet another example of a bad film that was not completed and then was later combined with new footage to slap together a movie with a long enough running time for theatrical release. They Saved Hitler’s Brain, Monster A Go-Go, The Pink Angels plus Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny are four of the best-known examples of these hybrid monstrosities.  

For obvious reasons the characters in the original footage and the completion footage can never interact in the film and part of the fun for lovers of bad movies lies in the awkward lengths the filmmakers go to to try to hide the cut-and- paste nature of their movie. Continue reading →

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October 26, 2016 · 12:35 am

CROSS OF THE SEVEN JEWELS (1987)

Cross of the Seven Jewels 1Halloween month continues at Balladeer’s Blog!

CROSS OF THE SEVEN JEWELS (1987) – Cross of the Seven Jewels is easily the worst and weirdest werewolf movie I’ve ever seen. Forget The Werewolf of Woodstock, forget Face of the Screaming Werewolf, forget Werewolf vs the Yeti and all of Paul Naschy’s other lycanthropy flicks.

You can even forget the muddy-faced wolfman from Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein. Marco Antonio Andolfi starred in this film under the name Eddy Endolf plus wrote and directed it as well.

Andolfi was openly influenced by Paul Naschy’s werewolf films from Spain, but produced a cinematic mess that captured neither the eroticism of Naschy’s Waldemar Daninsky movies nor their goofy charm. Marco’s depiction of a werewolf is a bit … eccentric … and can only be described as “just a little something for the laaaadieeessss.”  

Personally, I would have titled this film

Personally, I would have titled this film “Ya Call THAT a Werewolf?” but I’m kind of weird.

When Andolfi transforms into a wolfman he somehow loses his clothes (which illogically reappear on his body when he reverts back to human form) and he sprouts long bushy hair in only a few places. The first place is around his face with his mouth left bare, making him look like he’s wearing a big hair-mask with eye-holes. The second place would be his hands and the third place is his crotch, which conveniently becomes bushy enough to block out the sight of his genitals. The rest of his well-built body is butt naked.  Continue reading →

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October 21, 2016 · 11:11 pm

THE BODY SHOP (1973)

 THE BODY SHOP (1973) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following

The horror film titled The Body Shop is one of my all-time favorite bad movie gems. It includes all the little extras that separate mere bombs from the truly legendary turkeys and, like another neglected classic, The Wizard of Mars (see my Bad Movie page for the review), just keeps getting worse and worse and weirder and weirder all the way to the end. Continue reading →

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October 11, 2016 · 10:34 pm

HORROR FILMS FROM “THE DEATH KING” HIMSELF!

jorg-buttgereitBalladeer’s Blog’s month-long celebration of Halloween continues with this look at some of the films from one of the most envelope-pushing horror directors of all time: Germany’s “auteur of the transgressive,” Jorg Buttgereit.  

 

** EXTREME HORROR AHEAD **

Buttgereit’s noteworthy movies include: Continue reading →

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October 8, 2016 · 10:08 pm

DR CALIGARI (1989): ERASERHEAD MEETS LIQUID SKY

doctor-caligari

doctor-caligari-2DR CALIGARI (1989) – “The Cabaret of Dr Caligari” might make a more fitting title for Stephen Sayadian’s genre-bending Dr Caligari. Long before Dandy Dust there was this fun movie which was sort of a hybrid of Eraserhead and The Rocky Horror Picture Show with sprinklings of Liquid Sky and Repo Man. Nightmarish visuals and deranged sexuality abound. 

Many IMDb reviewers trash this movie but their reviews read like they were penned by someone who has never seen an Alfred Hitchcock film knocking Mel Brooks’ High Anxiety as “not funny.” Just like with the Brooks movie if you’re not familiar with the cinematic styles and productions referenced in Dr Caligari then no, you won’t find it entertaining.

doctor-caligari-3This movie, which is full of absurdly horrific imagery and horrifically absurd imagery is simultaneously a celebration of AND a parody of art films and silent movies – especially of the German Expressionist variety. The Cabinet of Dr Caligari kicked off that cinematic style in 1919 and we’re told that the title character of this 1989 product is the great granddaughter of THAT Dr Caligari.  

Our thoroughly modern Dr Caligari is played by Madeleine Reynal, who camps it up as if she’s part robot, part dominatrix, and part corpse. The good doctor runs the Caligari Insane Asylum, or CIA (remember MK-Ultra?) She’s secretly using some of the asylum’s more hopeless patients as human guinea pigs for her horrifying experiments. Continue reading →

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October 6, 2016 · 11:33 pm

HALLOWEEN FILMS: ELEVEN MEXICAN MOVIE MONSTERS

brainiacWelcome back to Balladeer’s Blog’s month-long celebration of Halloween! 

Mexican horror films of the 1950s and 1960s deserve to be as well known as the Hollywood horror films from the 30s and 40s. Just as Universal Studios churned out a series of memorable movies featuring the likes of Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman and the Mummy, studios from south of the border went on to give the world equally outstanding creatures.

These horror films boasted Universal- style production values and beautiful black & white cinematography combined with uniquely Mexican twists on horror themes as well as more sensuality and lurid violence than Hollywood had dared to present. This list aims to introduce Mexi- Monsters to younger viewers who may not be familiar with them. I’m omitting generic monsters like the various vampires from Mexican horror films (including Fabian Forte, Cristina Ferrare and a descendant of Nostradamus) and the werewolf wrapped in mummy bandages from Face of the Screaming Werewolf.  

7. THE BRAINIAC (1962) – Mexican title El Baron Del Terror. Many may be outraged at Continue reading →

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September 17, 2016 · 4:30 pm

BATWOMAN (1968) MOVIE REVIEW

This time around the subject is the 1968 Mexican film Batwoman (La Mujer Murcielago).

Batwoman 1For starters this should NOT be confused with the Jerry Warren film The Wild, Wild World of Batwoman, but often is because Warren was the stateside distributor for plenty of Mexican films in the 50s and 60s. This movie is purely a Luchadora film with Batwoman being a wrestler as well as a seasoned crime fighter.   

It’s not quite fair to call this a “bad” film, but it is a bit of a weird one. In my view it’s much tighter and more entertaining than most of the El Santo movies from Mexico. And I’m not just saying that because of how incredibly sexy the star Maura Monti is. She has an arresting (see what I did there) figure that’s perfect for her version of the Batwoman outfit: a bikini, boots, mask and cape. 

Batwoman 2Like the Turkish movie Three Dev Adam, which features Spider-Man, Captain America and El Santo, this little honey did not pay for character rights but slipped under the radar long ago thanks to its south-of-the- border origins. Maura Monti has a certain screen presence that was lacking in other Luchadora flicks like Wrestling Women vs the Aztec Mummy. And this movie is nowhere near the embarrassment that Halle Berry’s Catwoman was. Continue reading →

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September 10, 2016 · 5:33 pm

ZUMA (1985) & DAUGHTER OF ZUMA (1987)

 Readers have requested that I review Zuma, but I already did long ago, along with its sequel so here it is again. To see if I’ve already reviewed a movie you are curious about click HERE

ZUMA (1985) – Category: Enjoyably bad movie elevated by its obscurity value      

There’s an old saying that goes “Once you have a big green bald guy with pythons growing out of his neck you never go back.” Or something to that effect. This monstrous figure is Zuma himself, the Freddy Krueger of the Philippines in the 1980s. Big, muscular and green like the Hulk, bald like Mr Clean and with pythons growing out of his neck like the late Michael Jackson. (Disclaimer: The preceding remark is probably not true)

Originally a comic book character in the Philippines, Zuma took the film industry of the islands by storm with his debut film in 1985 and a sequel in 1987. Copies of these films have been Continue reading →

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